Dear Margo: My husband's elderly mother died fairly recently. Her second husband, even older than she, was terribly distraught. He arranged the funeral and made no mention of her many decades-long marriage to my father-in-law. He also refused to give her children her jewelry or even a keepsake.

He moved away to be near his children from his first marriage. He's only been there a few months and now is planning to marry a lady he just met! We are sad he is rushing into this, and wonder what to do. He is executor of Mom's estate, and their home has not sold. And now he wants us to welcome this new lady into our homes when he comes to visit.

We are concerned that he has shown some dementia and that the woman may be a gold digger. How should we deal with our step-grandpa's new wife? Our concern is that something will happen to this one and he will marry again and again. — Surprised

Dear Sur: As for the old gent marrying again and again at his advanced age, there is only so much time, my dear. I think the real concern here is that your husband's mother's jewelry and her things are not going to the family.

As for the house, if they lived in it together, my guess is that it passed to him. You need to check to see if there's anything in the will about her wishes for her possessions.

Since this man is not related to you, did not handle the funeral as you would have liked, did not pass on keepsakes and is probably demented, I think you need not entertain him or his wife when he visits, or worry about how many women he can marry before he dies. — Margo, practically

HOW TO TIE UP LOOSE ENDS AS "THE OTHER WOMAN"

Dear Margo: I have been "the other woman" for one of my closest guy friends whom I've known for years. He's been involved with his girlfriend in a serious relationship for six years and is heavily entrenched, or so he says. (Her father is his financial planner, she is his insurance agent, and he's been "part of the family" for years.)

The girlfriend, however, is a career-oriented alcoholic who gives him very little attention, leading up to last year when we became lovers. This hurts me because I have fallen in love with him and want to see him happy, which clearly he is not. It hurts me because I hate feeling like his dirty little secret, having to pretend we're just friends when we meet in public.

It hurts me to know that he's deceiving the girlfriend and I'm enabling him. All this has been building up in me for the last year, and I have finally gathered the courage to end the situation. My question is: How?

We are close friends as well. Is there a chance the friendship can be saved? Whom should I confide in? Should I inform his girlfriend? I am lost. — Fed Up Other Woman

Dear Fed: Don't inform the girlfriend; you have nothing to gain. And try not to confide in mutual friends. (Chances are they know.) If you need to discuss the ins and outs of the situation (forgive the infelicitous phrase), by all means see a therapist.

You might tell Romeo, though, who might try to get you back — at least in the sack — that you'd like him to call you only if and when he starts living an honest life. He would not be, however, a good bet in the fidelity department. Chances are that he will find another woman to live in the shadows.

I suspect you know this in your heart, but I don't think it's possible to go back to being "just friends." — Margo, emancipatedly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.