Q: My wonderful and loving cat, Andy, and I shared companionship and love for nearly 15 years. Since he passed I have been grieving for him. My family knows how much I miss him and they feel I would be happier if I adopted a new cat. I hesitate to do so, because I feel I cannot replace Andy. What would be your recommendation?

A: Grief is painful; it takes time to recover your balance. But the fact that adoption is under consideration would indicate you are ready to adopt.

Pets are valuable friends. They help enrich our lives, reduce our stress, provide someone to love and love us. Pets do not criticize, and they need us for attention, food, protection, shelter and to avoid being lonesome. They are also important to get us out of bed.

You might consider choosing an older cat to adopt from a shelter. In most cases they have been given health check-ups and shots; plus, they have already developed their personalities. It takes about a month for a new cat to adjust, take charge of your life and become a beloved member of his new home.

As Mark Twain believed: "If a man could be crossed with the cat it would improve the man, but it would deteriorate the cat."

DEFINED RELATIONSHIPS ARE MORE SUCCESSFUL

Q: Our son and his wife are divorcing. They have our 5-year-old grandson. Our daughter-in-law does not harbor any anger. She simply says she wants her freedom and does not want to be burdened by raising her son. Her opinion is what it is.

She is employed but makes no financial contribution to support their son. That leaves our son struggling to support their son. He has asked if he can move back home so we can help take care of our grandson. Should we say yes?

A: In most cases, grandparents have few options. You know if you accept your son's plea your life will change dramatically.

Before making your decision, analyze the specific ways your life will change.

To help alleviate some of the stress I recommend you and your son enter a written and doable agreement in which you all agree to certain conditions.

Who makes the final decisions over your grandson's life? Is there a time limit on how long they will remain in your home? Will your son pay some rent? Who pays for food and toys? Do you get a vacation? What school will he attend? Who prepares weekend meals?

If these and other decisions are made before you accept your son and grandson, it will make your lives easier. You can always alter the agreement, but changes should not be based on emotional factors. Instead, make choices from an adult point of view. This will reinforce the attitude for what lies ahead, and even if adjustments need to be made, your love and commitment will be clearer when the rules are in writing.

It's impossible to overstate the extra joy you will derive from having your son and grandson living with you. Living as a loving household is what families do best!

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Jennifer C.