Q: Our grandson "Tom" will be graduating from college in July. Because his mother and father divorced three years ago, he now looks to his grandfather and me as his guiding lights.

Tom has been dating a classmate from his college. He is a senior, and she is a junior. As a family, we all love her because of her loving nature, intelligence and positive attitude. But the big question is timing and control. She wants them to marry this summer.

Our grandson wants to marry her, too, but believes they should use common sense and wait until after her graduation. Hopefully, this would give him time to find a job and save some money for their wedding.

He has asked us to make the decision, but in thinking it over, we believe the decision is not ours to make. Tom and his girlfriend should assume this responsibility, as they are old enough to make the decision themselves. If they were to break up over the marriage date, because she finds another guy or for other reasons, we don't want to get saddled with the fact that it could have been our fault.

Do you agree with our thinking?

A: Absolutely. None of us has the answer as to how a marriage will work out. His parents' divorce, possibly their student loans, his inability to find a job, the fact that she only needs one more year to earn her degree, his in-laws to be and other issues complicate the marriage decision.

Some couples have learned the hard way that getting married was the wrong decision and now are trapped with the wrong partner. Ultimately, successful marriages are determined by each partner's willingness to commit to his or her vows, compromise and accept whatever the consequences might be.

Q: As we age, we learn that there is a price to be paid. We cannot anticipate exactly what that price will be. It can come as a surprise, accident or decision we make.

What may be some of our major concerns, and are their any ways to prepare for it?

A: Often, the price becomes physical, emotional, stress-related or a change in functionality when we care for an ill spouse or family members. Losses need to be dealt with, and family relations need to be maintained.

A kind ear and support should become priorities in not loosing hope. Above all, keeping ourselves healthy and maintaining our independence should be major goals. Sorting out problems from life changes to find useful solutions demands our attention as well.

A short course in understanding and interpreting our age relationships includes: "What do you think?" "Could you please ... ?" "You did a great job," "Thank you" and "we." Using these phrases eases our transitions.

Consider what Wilson Mizner said: "Always be nice to people on the way up because we meet the same people on the way down."

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California Retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.