Q: I feel unhappy about the holidays this year. After my husband died, I chose to have a negative attitude toward life and turned away from most of my friends and neighbors. Two of my close childhood friends even try to avoid me because of my depression.

I know I need to change my attitude. How can I find a way?

A: First, invite your close friends to lunch. Communication with others is the most effective way to change your habits. Lay your thoughts out on the table for them. They may not know how unhappy you are, or that you need love and support. And they might have gone through a similar experience and be willing to help you move toward a more positive outlook.

Per Deepak Chopra, negative feelings are primarily a dependency issue. His theory is that "self-pity is the opposite of self-esteem." He also believes everyone can choose their life's path, whether it be positive or negative. Psychologists have learned that up to 80 percent of our happiness can be attributed to choosing positivity.

Set a timeline for a reset of your outlook. Procrastination is a crutch. Discuss your current outlook on life with not only your friends but also other positive people. Caring individuals are a great resource. And find a reason to have at least one belly laugh every day.

Focus on social interaction and try new things, like volunteering or daily writing in a journal. Changing your attitude can lead to being a new you! — Doug

COOKING WOES

Q: My wonderful wife passed away in the last year, and it's been very hard transitioning to living on my own. Although I've been doing my best to process my grief, I've also been struggling with the tasks of daily life. I need to get back to normalcy.

My wife always cooked, and now I'm at a loss to take care of myself. Where should I start?

A: Creating new routines is a very practical stride. Grief is a destabilizer, and routines help us reclaim emotional stability. Other great routines are paying bills, social activities and even dating. It's important to commit to daily responsibilities, which keep us involved in the world.

Since you are inexperienced with cooking, start with very basic recipes. Don't be too ambitious before you're familiar with fundamental techniques. Once you've mastered these, you can choose to move on.

Keep things simple, and find a trusted source for recipes. This could be a cooking blog or a recipe book. You'll become familiar with the instruction style and trust the quality of the recipe, which will eliminate confusion.

Focus on learning a few reliable meals. And know that not every meal requires cooking. For small meals, stock your kitchen with some basic ready-to-go items like yogurt, soup, etc.

Most of all, try to have fun in the kitchen! Best of luck. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.