Q: About six months ago, our granddaughter, who is 19, met a man at a dance in a nearby city. They hit it off and are now going on dates quite frequently. However, we don't know much about him. We haven't had the opportunity to talk with him, which is setting off some alarm bells. Our gut feeling is that he is not trustworthy. Perhaps we are forming a judgment too quickly in the absence of facts.

Our son and daughter-in-law like him, and we have not discussed our concerns with them. We don't know if we should get involved or keep quiet about our negative feelings. We fear bringing up our issues, as this is an emotional impulse rather than a logical one. We want to avoid making our family relationship uncomfortable.

What should we do?

A: Choose to become involved now. Tell your son and daughter-in-law about your concern regarding his honesty. Should your doubts later prove to be unfounded, you're still acting in your granddaughter's best interests.

Try to initiate a meeting so that you can have a more informed opinion. Get to know her boyfriend and find out if he's a possible marriage candidate. See him a few times to get a better grasp on his character.

If the relationship is serious, you should quietly look into his background. Getting to know his family will give you a broader perspective on him and on his potential trustworthiness.

Take note of whether he is nervous and uncomfortable, as this may be a bad sign. Does he smile? Many experts believe that it's difficult to fake a smile. However, remember that meeting the family of one's girlfriend is almost always stressful.

Allow him the chance to prove himself, and continue supporting your granddaughter's best interests. — Doug

TWO DIFFERENT PATHS

Q: We have two grandchildren about to enter college in the upcoming year, and they're pursuing very different paths in life. Although they are cousins who grew up together and are close in age, they are completely different. Our grandson has always excelled at sports but neglected school, and our granddaughter wants to become a veterinarian.

How should we support and encourage both of them when they're so different?

A: Everybody matures differently and no one knows what the future holds. Your grandchildren are not yet fully developed and will continue to make important developmental changes in the next few years. Additionally, men and women mature at different ages, which may account for some of the differences.

Although your granddaughter may have a concrete plan, remind her to be flexible with herself. She may have her life planned out; however, many people change their ideologies and life plans at this age. Encourage her to be open-minded and choose a path that leads to happiness.

If your grandson feels discouraged by education, remind him of his talents and encourage him to expand his boundaries. There are many fields that suit kinesthetically oriented people, including physical therapy, nutrition and teaching. He may even find a new interest!

Each of us has our own talents, so teach them to maximize their potential. — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Emma, Doug's granddaughter, helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.