Q: After a messy divorce, my daughter has moved to an apartment with our 2-year-old granddaughter. As we expected, we've got her calling us for support. She lives about 800 miles from us, but our daughter needs help dealing with a young child alone. She's employed full-time and has few close friends in the area.

Our daughter needs us to help her find a long-term solution. She wants to draw on our experience with young children, but we don't know what to tell her. What do you recommend looking for in a nanny?

A: I have been told the best nanny you can hire is one who obviously loves and enjoys children. What you should look for is a nanny who is highly energetic, patient, even-tempered, dependable, responsible, punctual, friendly, in good health, safety-conscious, reliable and capable of handling emergencies.

Tell your daughter to be honest and keep you posted about changes so that you can offer more detailed advice and a helping hand. Sometimes you get lucky and find a substitute mother who will fit the bill, but keep an eye on the situation for your granddaughter.

Things change. Your daughter may find another partner, move closer to you or find some other circumstance that lessens the burden. In the meantime, be a part of their lives, even if you're not physically there for them. — Doug

PATIENCE IS KEY

Q: I'm getting to the point in my life where many of my oldest friends and loved ones are dying off, which is pretty grim. However, I'm extremely lucky to have my older brother still in my life. Not everyone my age can say the same.

But sometimes I feel like I just can't stand him! I love him dearly, but our temperaments have always clashed. Sometimes we're very close, but sometimes we feel the need for some space. I don't want to miss out and find myself regretting any bad blood.

How can I cope with the tension between our personalities?

A: Having a sibling can be one of the best things for lifelong development. Sometimes you feel like you hate each other, but you can rely on them to be always a part of your life. Siblings get to have insight into your life for a very long time, and often that means they remember things you'd rather be forgotten.

This also means that we can get into ruts, especially where conflict is concerned. We learn one way of reacting to a stimulus and it becomes habit, and we fall into relationship patterns with each other.

The most important thing to do is something you've already accomplished: keeping your goal in mind. You love your brother and want to have a good relationship, so take that into account when you feel you're clashing.

The best thing to do is always try to be patient. Instead of reacting instinctively, pay attention to how you interact. Your best bet is to break the cycle of escalating tension between the two of you by slowing down. Good luck! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.