Q: Some researchers believe that nearly 50 percent of marriages have either already ended in divorce or made both parties unhappy with their current relationship. We've recently been feeling this strain. We've been married for seven years and have two wonderful children, but neither of us is happy. Do you have any helpful suggestions?

A: Historically, doctors and medicine weren't nearly as available as today, and we didn't live as long. Life offered fewer choices, and in most cases wives took care of the children and men worked. Today, balancing work and home is much less simple, and many couples find it difficult. Children complicate things even more.

Today's parents need determination. You need to stay energetic, committed and contented.

You'll want to think about your young children first, as they are in a critical developmental period and changes impact them more. Consider whether you're having temporary struggles, and whether you can get through these rough spots. A marriage can last a very long time, and you should recognize that you'll have both ups and downs.

If you think that your relationship is salvageable, think about whether you'd be able to participate in therapy. Also, if you're part of a religious community, see if there are affiliated groups that offer free counseling. Before you make a decision as drastic as divorce, explore all of your options!

LOOKING FORWARD

Q: It's that time of year again! Easter is coming up, and I've been trying to start planning our family get-together well in advance.

Usually my daughter is my right-hand when we make all our holiday plans, but this year she hasn't been as engaged in the process. This was the case during Thanksgiving and Christmas, too. What can I do to get her back on board and have a successful holiday season?

A: The most important thing to consider is why your daughter isn't feeling it this year. It may well be that she's preoccupied with children, finances or health issues. When these kinds of priorities change, it's important to reevaluate your roles. Perhaps the two of you aren't communicating well and she'd actually love to plan with you. However, if there is a problem, it's important to identify it.

The goal of the holidays is to enjoy them with each other, and you should talk about how best to do that for both of you. Every situation is different, and it's important to accommodate for change.

If your daughter needs to shift her focus this year, it's time to change it up!

Try to reach out to family members who haven't been included in past planning sessions. They may love the opportunity and offer different ideas and perspectives for your holidays. Many traditions are immutable, but there's always room for new ones, too.

In the midst of all the stress that holidays can bring, don't forget why you're celebrating. Make sure to enjoy your time with your loved ones! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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