Q: My husband and I will both retire in six months. In discussing our plans, we have run into a major roadblock. He wants to move to California or Florida because of the weather. I want to remain in Michigan, where our sons, daughters-in-law and grandchildren live. He believes that now that we have raised and educated our family it is our turn to travel, have fun and enjoy our time while our health and finances allow us to do so. He feels very strongly about our moving. What are my options?

A: Upon retiring most couples soon learn lifestyles change. Being together 24 hours a day changes the dynamic and daily routines of a husband/wife relationship. Wives continue to run the household, plan the family's social activities and organize the family holidays and birthday parties. Couples also tend to lose a great deal of privacy and freedom.

Husbands find that not having to go to work leaves those former working hours available without much to do. They tend to watch more TV, especially sports. Engaging more in their hobbies and even volunteering are good ways to stay active.

As you now disagree on where you want to live, why not give both of your wishes a try? Why not stay home for your first six months in retirement, and then try the next six in a rented apartment in a warmer state?

This would give you the opportunity to see how it goes and to consider a compromise. Meeting new friends, having the kids come and visit and discovering a new lifestyle might just prove the right ticket to help resolve your differences.

Explore your travel opportunities, consider retirement communities and take a class and find a hobby you can share.

Take the time to reevaluate yourselves and each other, and, above all, enjoy it! — Doug

BOTH CAN WIN

Q: I am shy. My husband is an extrovert and enjoys meeting strangers. I don't, and I don't like going to parties or mingling, but I want to keep my husband happy. How can I change my attitude?

A: Ask yourself why you don't like parties or meeting strangers. Is it your upbringing? Are you afraid of others? Or do you not know why?

As individuals, our primary interests are always ourselves. Strangers love to hear their names spoken, prefer talking over listening and enjoy being asked questions.

Often we learn we have more in common than we realize. You can begin conversations by simply asking them about themselves: Where were they born? What is their favorite vacation spot? Discuss common interests. Let them fill the conversation with their answers.

Focusing on the moment can ease your anxiety and awaken you to the fact you've become more comfortable.

Just listening carefully to others' responses will encourage them to want to know you better.

Relieving yourself of your shyness and assuming a more positive attitude take time and patience, but it will allow you to engage more with your husband, who will definitely appreciate it! — Emma, Doug's granddaughter

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. Betty is a friend of Doug Mayberry, whom she helps write this column. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Michael Coghlan