A wise person once said we teach people what we know but we reproduce what we are. The prophet of long ago taught the student is not above the teacher, and the teacher has not taught until the student becomes as the teacher. Yet another individual said, "People will not always believe what you say but they will always believe what you do." Thus, here are three people from different eras saying the same thing.

Dr. Ray Guarendi once said: "Children will not tolerate us getting away with less than we ask of them. If we curse, smoke, lose our temper, put down others, avoid worship services, leave our half-filled glass on the television and walk through the house with muddy shoes, and these are things we won't let them do, we're going to hear about it — even if it is under their breaths with their backs to us on the other side of their locked bedroom door."

Experts say the best way to help kids avoid drugs is not to use them oneself. They say you can reason, rationalize, explain and complain all you wish about the son or daughter using drugs, but he or she won't buy the idea that it's all right for you to have a beer, but all wrong for him or her to smoke dope.

It's true. When we talk about obeying the law and then install "fuzz busters," which over 15 million Americans have done, we are literally saying, "If you're going to break the law, be smart like your parents and use scientific methods to avoid the penalty." If we instruct our children to be truthful but, when the phone rings, say, "Tell him I'm not home," we've taught them to lie for us, which gives them permission to lie to us.

The message is clear: Set a good example and the kids are far more likely to follow it, which means I'll see all of you at the top!

Affection, Acceptance and Approval

Deborah Saathoff wrote an article in the Dallas Morning News that was particularly fascinating about Vitamin A — for Affection. Inez Bloomingdale — who is the owner and director of Miss Bloomingdale's Academy, a child care center in Irving, Texas — advocates Vitamin A. Bloomingdale pointed out she doesn't merely operate a business; she wants to make sure children have all they need to help them grow. She has received the Paul Harris Award from the Dallas Rotary Club, which is given to recognize a lifetime commitment to education.

Bloomingdale is "right on." Research indicates all of us have a need for affection, and everybody wants to be accepted and to gain approval. We also want to be right and to be understood. Unfortunately, we all cannot always be right. But, all of us can listen attentively to others, whether they are children or adults. If we cannot agree with others' positions, we can give them personal approval for the originality of their ideas.

Affection is important for everyone, regardless of age. We all have a "skin-deep hunger" that can only be satisfied with genuine affection from an unselfishly caring person. Any kind of parent or teacher who demands certain performances before he or she gives acceptance causes the recipient to wonder if he or she has performed well enough to "deserve" that acceptance.

Approval comes in many forms. A simple "Good job!" or "Congratulations" or "My, I like the way you shined your shoes this morning" is sometimes all a struggling child needs to hear to feel he or she is worthwhile.

Combine what Bloomingdale teaches with the facts — that over 60 percent of a child's working vocabulary is acquired by age 3, 80 percent of a child's character is formed by age 5 and 90 percent of personality is established by age 7 — and you can understand why she receives such high accolades.

Follow her approach to dealing with your children, and I'll see you — and the kids — at the top!

To find out more about Zig Ziglar and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com. Subscribe to Zig Ziglar's free e-mail newsletter through [email protected].