Q: I went through a series of interviews to get hired, and it all seemed perfect. I was looking forward to starting and it was my first real job. The minimum wage jobs I had through college don't count. The boss seemed completely willing to let me run with assignments and come up with creative ways to solve the problems. Boy, was I wrong. He did encourage me to work on projects and come up with solutions. Then he'd meet with me and tell me how everything I did was wrong, and he wasn't nice about it. He'd ream me out like I should have seen it was a bad idea or plan and then tell me what I should have come up with.

I am not thin-skinned, and if it happened just once, it would not have bothered me so much, but he does this again and again. If I ask for guidance in the beginning, he won't give it to me. He goes back to acting like he's really open to me working it out on my own. Then he routinely does not like my ideas or suggestions. I don't know if I should quit and start looking again, if I should ask him what he wants (except he won't tell me), or if I should just wait until he fires me. I feel like I'm dealing with two people rolled into one, and no matter I do it, it doesn't matter, because his two modes are nice and then nasty. This is not what I expected in a job. Am I the problem, or is he? Please tell me what to do. I can't ask my parents, or should I say, I don't want to ask my parents.

A: Do not quit! It's impossible to say who's the problem without knowing the assignments and the information given you to complete them. He may be testing your creative ability and common sense, which could explain why he doesn't want to offer direction or possible solutions. On the other hand, he may simply have an abusive personality and sets up young employees to fail. Yes, it's detrimental to the business, but you're not experienced enough to show him his faulty ways. Even if you came up with a fantastic solution to the problem, he may find a way to criticize you.

Whichever it is, you can't change it. He has shown you his "training" method by refusing to help in the beginning of the assignment. It also seems you haven't picked up on clues to finding the solutions he wants, which may or may not be possible. You may get further insight into his management style based on whether he continues giving you assignments, criticizing you, then giving you more work to complete. If he slows down offering you work and gives it to other employees, he is likely planning on letting you go.

Start a discreet job search; if you end up working there for less than six months, you may want to leave it off your resume. That will depend on the size and importance of the company and whether it offers value on your resume. To boost your confidence while you continue to work for this boss, The Respectful Leader — Seven Ways to Influence Without Intimidation by Gregg Ward with Walter G. Meyer (Wiley 2016) is a brief read in showing all the benefits in maintaining a positive attitude.

The number one tip is to be the first one to show respect to all without waiting for others to display it. Number two is to practice friendliness as a way of life with acquaintances, friends and strangers alike, by smiling and openly greeting them. Another important tip is to not let technology or your emotions to distract you from being friendly and polite. As you incorporate Ward's behavioral tips into your personality, you'll stop taking others' rudeness to heart.

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