Walking a puppy is a lot like walking a Kardashian. You can't go very fast, strangers stop you repeatedly and the conversation isn't very stimulating.

In the case of the puppy, this is how it goes down. From a short distance, approaching strangers will slow to a standstill and begin to ooh and aah.

There will be nudging and pointing followed by some debate about whether they're looking at a puppy or just a small uncoordinated dog. Perhaps they've been burned before.

By the time they've determined it is indeed a puppy, the initial spotter will have made sure all members of the party — spouses, children, dogs — are aware of the approaching visitor.

"See the baby? Do you see the baby? Look Riley, a baby!" one woman cooed to her disinterested Puggle.

Poor Riley wanted to continue his walk, but his owner didn't get it. It was like watching someone repeatedly say to a carrot, "Look, carrot, a baby carrot!" and expect to get a reaction.

This notion that dogs would be anywhere near as excited as we are by smaller, younger, less well-behaved versions of themselves is a curious one.

Children, on the other hand, do have a reaction: fear.

More than once I've felt like a guilty accomplice when parents invite the bouncy, adorable, uncontrolled ball of energy on the other end of the leash to terrorize their children. They mistakenly assume their kids are having the same OH. MY. GOD. SO. CUTE. SO. LITTLE. MUST. SNUGGLE. PUPPY. NOW. GIVE. ME. THAT. PUPPY!!!! reaction they're having, so they're always confused when their kids become distraught or pull away.

It's a matter of scale, of course, and what's silly, floppy and no bigger than a desert boot to us is much larger, scarier and unpredictable to a child.

Plus, what we find irresistible and fun doesn't always translate, which is why I'm still angry at my mom for surprising me with a clown at my 6th birthday party. Did she intend to consign me to a lifetime of bozophobia? Just thinking about JoJo's weird red yarn hair — the equivalent of clown cornrows — and oversized rubber shoes is enough to make me sweat.

But back to the streets.

Here's the thing about the way kids and dogs react: I think they might be right. We're the ones who are so distracted by cuteness that we're willing to forgive everything else. Kids and dogs look past the pleading eyes and wagging tail into the dark heart of the beast.

Do I think my puppy is out to get me? Of course not, but he'd gladly knife me for some string cheese if his paws could work a blade.

I'm not saying he's evil, he's just out for himself, like a reality show contestant or someone who loves "The Fountainhead."

But that thing where he walks through his food and then jumps in your lap and puts his messy paws on your face? I'm pretty sure that's the dog equivalent of waiting until you pass out at a party to write on your face with a Sharpie.

And then there are the times when he bites the ottoman while looking up at you when he wants attention or plays a version of fetch where you end up throwing and retrieving the toy or gets a sudden surge of energy when he manages to snag something that isn't his, as if he is Pac-man and a dirty sock is a power pellet?

Actually, maybe he really is evil. But not in an invade Poland kind of way, more in a "Jackass" kind of way. He's like a misbehaving drunk teenager. Or Lindsay Lohan. He gets away with his shenanigans because he's so cute and was in "Herbie Fully Loaded." Plus, it's always possible he just doesn't know any better.

These are the options: Either he's a good-natured simpleton or he's a manipulative genius who loves cheese. When he finds and pulls all the stuffed squirrels out of his puzzle toy I think he's a genius. When he shoves his head inside the toy and gets stuck and walks into furniture, I'm less sure.

I should give him a drug test just to be safe.

Hear more from Alison Rosen on her podcast, "Alison Rosen Is Your New Best Friend" or on the immensely popular "Adam Carolla Show" podcast. Follow her on Twitter @alisonrosen or visit her website at www.alisonrosen.com. To find out more about Alison Rosen and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.