A priest walks into a bar. An imam walks into a bar. A rabbi sees the bar and ducks under it.

Oh, dear. Was that offensive? How did it slip past the editors? Who let this guy write a column?

It probably wasn't the same person who invited Jerry Seinfeld to give last year's commencement address at Duke University. But it might have been.

A few Duke students were offended by that choice as well. About 30 of them protested by walking out on the ceremony. And that was before Jerry even opened his mouth.

Which is too bad, since they would surely have benefited from his concluding remarks about the importance of humor in our lives. Here's the money quote:

"The slightly uncomfortable feeling of awkward humor is OK. It's not something you need to fix. I totally admire the ambitions of your generation to create a more just and inclusive society. I think it is also wonderful that you care so much about not hurting other people's feelings and the million and one ways we all do that every second of every day.

"It's lovely to want to fix those things. ... BUT, what I need to tell you as a comedian: do not lose your sense of humor. You can have no idea at this point in your life how much you are going to need it to get through. Not enough of life makes sense for you to be able to survive it without humor."

Indeed, what is humor? Simply stated, it's the juxtaposition of opposites. We laugh at incongruity: A chimpanzee in a tuxedo. An elephant in a hot-air balloon. Three clergymen walking into a bar. We find release in contradictions that expose the absurdity of our own existence. Laughter serves as a defense mechanism against the inevitable moments of painful incomprehensibility.

But it only works when we challenge boundaries. Which means, occasionally, we will overstep. That's the awkwardness Jerry referenced in his commencement speech. And, as he said, that's OK, as long as we're willing to differentiate those who are indisputably motivated by willful ignorance or malicious intent from those whose humor just slightly misses the mark. In the face of mild social discomfort, we need to offer a bit of grace and recognize their efforts as this week's addition to the Ethical Lexicon:

Benign violation noun.

The proposal that humor occurs when and only when three conditions are satisfied: (1) a situation challenges accepted boundaries (violation); (2) the situation is essentially harmless and without ill-intent (benign); and (3) both perceptions occur simultaneously.

The principle of benign violation extends beyond comedy. In sales, in strategy meetings, in job interviews, we need to be assertive without being pushy, firm without being disagreeable, and honest without being insulting. We need to flirt with the acceptable boundaries of social convention without either retreating too far behind them or abandoning them entirely.

The same applies socially. After all, what is social flirting but an exploration of how comfortably we can interact with those around us? We all want to form meaningful connections. But that only happens when we lower our defenses and make ourselves vulnerable. Before we can bond with others, we need to grapple with ambiguity while investigating the lay of the land.

A touch of humor goes a long way toward defusing conflict, easing tension, and promoting collaboration. The late Sonny Bono, one of the most unlikely congressional representatives in American history, made a name for himself easing tensions and tempers on Capitol Hill by telling self-deprecating stories about the implosion of his entertainment career.

And if, sometimes, we take humor a little too far — that's just part of the messiness of human interaction. How much better for all of us to respond to social clumsiness with grace than to escalate by leveling accusations of misogyny and misanthropy.

When confronted with or witnessing aggression from outright racists or bullies, we need to protect others and defend ourselves by standing up and speaking out. But the majority of offenses are genuinely benign, in which case laughter is definitely the best medicine.

To find out more about Yonason Goldson and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

Photo credit: Surface at Unsplash