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Molly Ivins
Molly Ivins
28 Jan 2009
What Would Molly Think?

JANUARY 31, 2009, IS THE TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MOLLY IVINS' DEATH. THE FOLLOWING COLUMN WAS WRITTEN BY … Read More.

31 Jan 2007
Molly Ivins Tribute

MOLLY IVINS BEGAN WRITING HER SYNDICATED COLUMN FOR CREATORS SYNDICATE IN 1992. ANTHONY ZURCHER IS A CREATORS … Read More.

11 Jan 2007
Stand Up Against the Surge

The purpose of this old-fashioned newspaper crusade to stop the war is not to make George W. Bush look like … Read More.

Molly Ivins Archive

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01/28/2009 What Would Molly Think?
JANUARY 31, 2009, IS THE TWO-YEAR ANNIVERSARY OF MOLLY IVINS' DEATH. THE FOLLOWING COLUMN WAS WRITTEN BY MOLLY IVINS' FORMER ASSISTANT AND "CHIEF OF STUFF" FROM 2001 TO 2007, BETSY MOON. -- CREATORS SYNDICATE AUSTIN, Texas -- The ...

01/31/2007 Molly Ivins Tribute
MOLLY IVINS BEGAN WRITING HER SYNDICATED COLUMN FOR CREATORS SYNDICATE IN 1992. ANTHONY ZURCHER IS A CREATORS SYNDICATE EDITOR BASED IN AUSTIN, TEXAS, AND HE HAS BEEN MOLLY'S EDITOR AND FRIEND FOR MANY YEARS. THANK YOU FOR YOUR ATTENTION. -- CREATORS ...

01/11/2007 Stand Up Against the Surge
The purpose of this old-fashioned newspaper crusade to stop the war is not to make George W. Bush look like the dumbest president ever. People have done dumber things. What were they thinking when they bought into the Bay of Pigs fiasco? How dumb was ...

01/08/2007 Iraq Exit is Up to Us
The president of the United States does not have the sense God gave a duck -- so it's up to us. You and me, Bubba. I don't know why Bush is just standing there like a frozen rabbit, but it's time we found out. The fact is WE have to do ...

11/23/2006 Thanks -- No, Seriously
AUSTIN, Texas -- It's time to give thanks, and I want to start off with a great, big thank you for the top American movement conservatives and all the fun we've had since Election Day. I know I promised not to gloat after this election was over, but I'm ...

11/16/2006 Farewell, Rummy
AUSTIN, Texas -- There's been so much in print about how Daddy 41's people are back in the saddle, I was terrified when I saw a photo of Dan Quayle among the pack. If they've called back Dan Quayle to lend intellectual heft, we're all dead ducks. ...

11/14/2006 Now They're all for Bipartisanship
AUSTIN, Texas -- Having watched election coverage nonstop all week, I sometimes wake screaming, "Bipartisanship!" and scare myself. Of all the viral members of the media who have been suggesting that the Dems cooperate with their ...

11/09/2006 Post-Election Etiquette
AUSTIN, Texas -- The sheer pleasure of getting lessons in etiquette from Karl Rove and the right-wing media passeth all understanding. Ever since 1994, the Republican Party has gone after Democrats with the frenzy of a foaming mad dog. There was the ...

11/09/2006 Post-Election Etiquette
AUSTIN, Texas -- The sheer pleasure of getting lessons in etiquette from Karl Rove and the right-wing media passeth all understanding. Ever since 1994, the Republican Party has gone after Democrats with the frenzy of a foaming mad dog. There was the ...

11/07/2006 Campaign '06 -- Goodbye and Good Riddance
AUSTIN, Texas -- Right to the end, this insane conversation between reality and Not Realty. The president of the United States STILL says we are reducing terrorism by fighting in Iraq; STILL says we are creating democracy; STILL says we're preventing the ...

11/07/2006 Campaign '06 -- Goodbye And Good Riddance
AUSTIN, Texas -- Right to the end, this insane conversation between reality and Not Realty. The president of the United States STILL says we are reducing terrorism by fighting in Iraq; STILL says we are creating democracy; STILL says we're preventing the ...

11/02/2006 Keeping Our Eyes On the Ball
AUSTIN, Texas -- I'm still worried sick. The R's have seized the news cycle! Which says more about how dim American politics are than anything I can think of. Apparently, the Michael J. Fox affair didn't have enough meat to it, and even Rep. Mark ...

10/31/2006 GOP Ineptitude and Some Advice For Dems
"There's no doubt in my mind, with your help, Dave Lamberti will be the next United States congressman." — President George Bush last week, endorsing Jeff Lamberti AUSTIN, Texas — Rep. Duncan Hunter, R-Calif., ...

10/26/2006 A Campaign of Sleaze
AUSTIN, Texas — It's a race to the bottom. For misinformation and cruelty, not to mention plain old dreadful manners, it is so hard to beat Rush Limbaugh. We can only measure the Great Blowhard against himself. Even by Limbaugh standards, ...

10/24/2006 The Good Economy Myth
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, goody. According to the White House press office, President Bush will spend much of the next two weeks discussing what a swell economy we have. Did you know that the Dow Jones Industrial Average is at its highest point EVER? ...

10/19/2006 Election Day Still a Long Way Off
Stunning coincidence. The verdict in the long-running trial of Saddam Hussein in Iraq is now due two days before our congressional elections in November. Astounding. How ineffable. Sometimes you know the Republicans have just lost the rag ...

10/17/2006 Iraq War Despair is Not an Option
AUSTIN, Texas — One reason despair is not an option is because things can always get worse, and then what'll we do? I was actually trying to figure that out when I came across a remarkable article written for the The Nation magazine (known for ...

10/12/2006 Dear Leaders
AUSTIN, Texas — Nobody else seems to be asking the obvious question about Susan B. Ralston, former administrative assistant to Jack Abramoff and, until last week, assistant to Karl Rove. She got hired by Rove at $64,700 after the 2004 election ...

10/10/2006 The Not-So-Great Texas Gubernatorial Debate
AUSTIN, Texas — I sacrificed an hour Friday evening to watch the Texas gubernatorial debate on your behalf, since I knew none of you would do it. Democrat Chris Bell looked and sounded like the only candidate who won't embarrass the state —...

10/06/2006 Where There's War, There's Kissinger
AUSTIN, Texas — The Old War Criminal is back. I try not to hold grudges, but I must admit I have never lost one ounce of rancor toward Henry Kissinger, that cynical, slithery, self-absorbed pathological liar. He has all the loyalty and principle ...

10/03/2006 Ring the Bell For a Texas Democrat
AUSTIN, Texas — Chris Bell for governor! I know, I know, it's stop the presses, Ivins favors Democrat! But the Kinky Friedman candidacy is worn thin and no fun. Besides, we actually have a good chance to get Rick Perry out of office. After six ...

09/28/2006 Beyond the Pale
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh dear. I'm sure he didn't mean it. In Illinois' 6th Congressional District, long represented by Henry Hyde, Republican candidate Peter Roskam accused his Democratic opponent Tammy Duckworth of planning to "cut and run"...

09/26/2006 New News is Bad News
AUSTIN, Texas — Noshing on the news ... — The National Intelligence Estimate, agreed upon by 16 Bush-controlled spy services within the U.S. government, says the war in Iraq is making the war on terrorism harder and worse. It gives ...

09/21/2006 A Tortured Debate
AUSTIN, Texas — Some country is about to have a Senate debate on a bill to legalize torture. How weird is that? I'd like to thank Sens. John McCain, Lindsay Graham — a former military lawyer — and John Warner of Virginia. I ...

09/20/2006 Bush at His Worst
AUSTIN, Texas — Is it just me, or was that the worst presidential press conference in history? So I went back and read it over. Of course, in print you don't get the testy tone: I heard it on radio and thought the man was about to blow up —...

09/15/2006 Remembering Ann Richards
AUSTIN, Texas — She was so generous with her responses to other people. If you told Ann Richards something really funny, she wouldn't just smile or laugh, she would stop and break up completely. She taught us all so much — she was a great ...

08/29/2006 Cow Whisperers Against the War
AUSTIN, Texas — I know it's bad form to brag, but I am now a graduate of Texas A&M University, and you can't stop Aggie pride. I became a diplomee of the great institution in College Station after successfully completing the three-...

08/24/2006 The New "Activist" Judges
AUSTIN, Texas — Another bee-you-ti-ful example of the right-wing media getting it all wrong. Here they are having the nerve to mutter in public about "activist judges" because Judge Anna Diggs Taylor has pointed out that spying without ...

08/22/2006 Molly Ivins August 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Royal Masset, a Texas Republican political consultant who has been accused of being less than brilliant, recently had this to say about Karl Rove: "I think we actually like Karl a lot more now than we did when he was more ...

08/17/2006 Molly Ivins August 17
AUSTIN, Texas — The most cunning refinement yet in the administration's plot to scare the liver, lights and onions out of us with Tales of Terror Plots is the Department of Homeland Security's brilliant move to declare Indiana the national ...

08/15/2006 No Shortage of Fear
AUSTIN, Texas — We have nothing to fear but fear itself, especially since fear is now being fomented and manipulated for political purposes by a bunch of shameless hacks. Who is trying to make you afraid and why? This Karl Rove tactic is getting ...

08/03/2006 No Guts, No Grace
SAN FRANCISCO — Do you think the Bush administration is going after the press? The San Francisco Chronicle says on the front page this morning, "Cameraman Jailed for Not Yielding Tape," whereas The New York Times is reporting, "U....

07/29/2006 Molly Ivins July 29
AUSTIN, Texas — The congressional report by the committees on intelligence about 9-11 partially made public last week reminds me of the recent investigation into the crash of the Columbia shuttle — months of effort to reconfirm the obvious....

07/27/2006 24/7 Coverage Doesn't Cover It
AUSTIN, Texas — State of play in the Middle East: Lebanon, extensively damaged plus a half-million refugees; Syria, tired of being dissed; Israel, disproportionate. Are you kidding? Did it work last time they occupied Lebanon? Condi Rice, ...

07/25/2006 Reality-Based Candidate
AUSTIN, Texas — Dear desperate Democrats, Here's what we do. We run Bill Moyers for president. I am serious as a stroke about this. It's simple, cheap and effective, and it will move the entire spectrum of political discussion in this ...

07/20/2006 Molly Ivins July 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Never let it never be said our president does not provide laughs, even as we wobble on the rim of war in the Middle East. Look what a good time Vladimir Putin had with him. Bush, responding to questions from the ...

07/18/2006 The Suicide of Capitalism
AUSTIN, Texas — In case you haven't got anything else to worry about — like war in the Middle East, nuclear showdowns, global warming or Apocalypse Now — how about the suicide of capitalism? Late last month, the U.S. Court of ...

07/11/2006 The Politics of Greed
AUSTIN, Texas — I don't get it. What's the percentage in keeping the minimum wage at $5.15 an hour? After nine years? This is such an unnecessary and nasty Republican move. Congress has voted seven times to raise its own wages since last the ...

07/06/2006 More Immigrant-Bashing on the Way
While the rest of you were celebrating life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness, I was keeping an eye on Karl Rove — because someone has to. A "Bush Signals Shift in Stance on Immigrants" headline is the early warning sign ...

06/29/2006 Maybe If We Tried a Slingshot
AUSTIN — — Y'all, this isn't gonna work. North Korea is threatening to launch a long-range missile against us, and we're threatening to reply with an anti-missile missile. Sorry to remind you, but our "missile defense ...

06/27/2006 Justice, Fairness and Flipping
AUSTIN, Texas — And then along comes Cut'n'Run Casey. We spend all last week listening to cut'n'run Democrats talking about their cut'n'run strategy for Iraq, and the only issue is whether they want to cut'n'run by the end of this year or to cut'...

06/22/2006 Molly Ivins June 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Yea, Bush! Way to go! I realize this is last week's news, but I'm a great believer in giving credit where credit is due. By designating the Northwestern Hawaiian Islands as a national monument, Bush has put one more level of ...

06/20/2006 Molly Ivins June 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Gee, the Republicans seem to have lost their moral compass since Tom DeLay quit. Who knew it could get worse without that pillar of rectitude from Texas? What a snakes' nest of corruption and nastiness. The latest involves ...

06/15/2006 Eye to Eye in Iraq
AUSTIN, Texas — I think we need to stop President Bush from looking people in the eye. On Tuesday, he told the new prime minister of Iraq that he had come to Iraq to "look you in the eye." Do we even know if the cultural ...

06/13/2006 Molly Ivins June 13
AUSTIN, Texas -- Iraq and the media, the media and Iraq -- over and over. Last week was supposed to be a good media week for Iraq -- Abu Musab al-Zarqawi was dead. Taken out, we said, by a combination of American and Iraqi troops with Jordanian ...

06/08/2006 Molly Ivins June 8
AUSTIN, Texas — It occasionally occurs to me that if I could understand the Bush administration's foreign policy, I might like it. After months of threatening Iran with everything up to and including nuclear war, we are now full of Sweet Reason ...

06/06/2006 Molly Ivins June 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Thank goodness the Republicans are around to tell me what to worry about. The flag-burning crisis — here in Austin, there's that pall of smoke rising from the West every morning (it's from an area called Tarrytown, where ...

06/01/2006 Molly Ivins June 1
AUSTIN, Texas — So, Haditha becomes another of the names at which we wince, along with Abu Ghraib, Guantanamo and My Lai. Tell you what: Let's not use the "stress of combat" excuse this time. According to neighbors, the girls in the ...

05/30/2006 Molly Ivins May 30
HOUSTON, Texas — A Houston jury convicted both Ken Lay and Jeff Skilling, despite the fact that Kenny Boy packed his Bible to the courtroom every day. Since it is a long and noble Texas tradition for the accused to fight all allegations ...

05/23/2006 Molly Ivins May 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Last week, Bush visited Yuma, Ariz., to tour a portion of the U.S.-Mexico Border by Border Patrol buggy. Maybe Jorge was doing a little measuring for the $3.2-million-a-mile fence the Senate recently approved, which I guarantee ...

05/18/2006 Molly Ivins May 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Looking at the wreckage of the Bush administration leaves one with the depressed query, "Now what?" The only help to the country that can come from this ugly and spectacular crack-up is, in theory, things can't get ...

05/16/2006 Molly Ivins May 16
AUSTIN, Texas — I hate to raise such an ugly possibility, but have you considered lunacy as an explanation? Craziness would make a certain amount of sense. I mean, you announce you are going to militarize the Mexican border, but you assure the ...

05/11/2006 Developments in Journalism's Internet Frontier
AUSTIN, Texas — As I occasionally survey the pack of sycophantic shih tzus* in the Washington press corps, wriggling on their bellies to kiss the feet of those in power, I feel plumb discouraged about the future of journalism. It's like a ...

05/09/2006 Molly Ivins May 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Of course I am above sex, drugs and rock 'n' roll. So serious a servant of the public interest am I, I can fogey with the best: On my better days, I make David Broder look like Page Six. I don't care what anyone smoked 20 ...

05/04/2006 Republicans Wake a Sleeping Giant
AUSTIN, Texas — Dec. 16, 2005, is a day that will live in infamy in the Hall of Fame of Unintended Republican Consequences. A bunch of the guys were just noodling around in the House of Representatives in Washington, see, kind of fooling ...

05/02/2006 Molly Ivins May 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Either the so-called "lobby reform bill" is the contemptible, cheesy, shoddy piece of hypocrisy it appears to be ... or the Republicans have a sense of humor. The "lobby reform" bill does show, one ...

04/27/2006 Molly Ivins April 27
AUSTIN, Texas — It's nice to know that the investigative reporter Jack Anderson is still under investigation, although seriously dead. Anderson died last year, and for 19 years before his death he suffered from Parkinson's disease and was ...

04/20/2006 Molly Ivins April 20
HOUSTON — "Compare and contrast," read the directions for essay exams in the old college blue books. Compare and contrast the trials of Zacarias Moussaoui and Jeffrey Skilling. Moussaoui appears to be headed for the death ...

04/13/2006 Molly Ivins April 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Personally, I think this is a really good time not to keep up. The more you try, the less sense it makes, although getting us used to having it all make no sense at all may be an extremely sneaky Karl Rove ploy to justify the war ...

04/11/2006 Molly Ivins April 11
AUSTIN, Texas — We need to keep up with the daily drip, that endless succession of special favors for special interests performed by Congress, or we'll never figure out how we got so far behind the eight ball. While the top Bushies lunge about ...

04/06/2006 Molly Ivins April 6
AUSTIN, Texas — In general, I'm against kicking 'em when they're down ... unless really awful people are involved. I figured Tom DeLay is so awful, plenty of people would gang up on him and I could pass. Imagine my surprise when the ...

04/04/2006 Molly Ivins April 4
AUSTIN, Texas — On the premise that spring is too beautiful for a depressing topic like Iraq, I thought I'd take up a fun subject — global warming. Time magazine warns us to "Be Worried. Be Very Worried." On the other hand,...

03/30/2006 Molly Ivins March 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Immigration 101 for beginners and non-Texans. In 1983, I was a judge at the Terlingua Chili Cookoff, and my memory of the events may not be perfect — for example, for years I've been claiming Jimmy Carter was ...

03/28/2006 Molly Ivins March 28
AUSTIN — The Pentagon has once again investigated itself! And — have a seat, get the smelling salts, hold all hats — the Pentagon has once again concluded the Pentagon did absolutely nothing wrong and will continue to do so. ...

03/23/2006 Molly Ivins March 23
AUSTIN, Texas — I don't so much mind that newspapers are dying — it's watching them commit suicide that pisses me off. Let's use this as a handy exercise in journalism. What is the unexamined assumption here? That the newspaper ...

03/16/2006 Molly Ivins March 16
AUSTIN, Texas — President Bush has once more undertaken to explain to us "Why We Fight," which is also the title of an excellent new documentary on Iraq. According to the president, "Our goal in Iraq is victory." I personally ...

03/14/2006 Molly Ivins March 14
AUSTIN, Texas — It's hard to keep up with George W. Bush's shuttles between internationalism and isolationism. You may recall he first ran for office declaring he was against nation-building and other such effete, peacekeeping efforts. None of ...

03/09/2006 Molly Ivins March 9
AUSTIN, Texas — It was such a relief to me to learn we are making "very, very good progress" in Iraq. As the third anniversary of our invasion approaches, I could not have been more thrilled by the news reported by Gen. Peter Pace, ...

03/07/2006 Molly Ivins March 7
AUSTIN, Texas — South Dakota is so rarely found on the leading edge of the far out, the wiggy, the California-esque. But it has now staked its claim. First to Outlaw Abortion This Century. The state legislature of South Dakota, in all its wisdom ...

03/07/2006 Molly Ivins March 7
AUSTIN — Awwww! Noooo. Don't tell me it's over already. Come on, Republicans — this has been the best show we've had in years. Would Democrats quit picking on each another this early? Of course not! Forming their famous circular firing ...

03/02/2006 Molly Ivins March 2
AUSTIN, Texas — The administration's competence problem is already at the yadda, yadda, yadda stage. They were supposed to protect us from terrorist attack, they said Iraq would be a cakewalk, that we only needed 50,000 troops. They failed to ...

02/28/2006 Molly Ivins February 28
AUSTIN, Texas — With the Bush administration, it's important to have in mind the old carnival con game: Keep your eye on the shell with the pea under it. Among the many curious aspects of the administration's approval of the Dubai Ports ...

02/23/2006 Molly Ivins February 23
AUSTIN, Texas — So, aside from the fact that it's politically idiotic and at least theoretically presents a national security risk, just what is wrong with the Dubai Ports deal? As President George W. Bush actually said, "I want ...

02/14/2006 Molly Ivins February 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Of course the jokes are flying all over Texas — what's the fine for shooting a lawyer? — and so forth. Dick-Cheney-shooting-Harry-Whittington is fraught, as they say, with irony. It's not as though the ground in Texas ...

02/09/2006 Molly Ivins February 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Once upon a time, in the middle of a nasty constitutional crisis in Washington, a most unlikely hero emerged — a Texas lawyer from one of our state's notoriously discriminated-against racial minorities. Think how lucky we ...

02/07/2006 Moly Ivins February 7
AUSTIN, Texas — I like to think that Republicans are having fun. They're such cards. What a wheeze, what a jape. Talking about energy independence in the State of the Union Address! President Bush said, "America is addicted to oil" and ...

02/02/2006 Molly Ivins February 2
AUSTIN, Texas — "We're on the offensive in Iraq, with a clear plan for victory. First, we are helping Iraqis build an inclusive government, so that old resentments will be eased and the insurgency will be marginalized. Second, we're ...

01/31/2006 Molly Ivins January 31
AUSTIN, Texas — In a happy harmonic convergence, Groundhog Day falls only two days after the State of the Union Address this year. Some days, I'd feel better with Punxsutawney Phil in the Oval Office — at least he doesn't lie about the ...

01/26/2006 Molly Ivins January 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Several great minds were asked to help think up interview questions for George W. Bush. I liked, "Are you the worst president since James Buchanan, or have you never heard of him?" Sorry about the snarkiness ...

01/24/2006 Molly Ivins January 24
AUSTIN, Texas — We live in interesting times, we do, we do. We can read in our daily newspapers that our government is about to launch a three-day propaganda blitz to convince us all that its secret program to spy on us is something we really ...

01/17/2006 Molly Ivins January 17
AUSTIN — It takes a Texas Republican to get that fine, hairline reading on the ethical sensitivity scale we all prize so highly. Thus, it comes as no surprise that a couple of six-packs of Texas Republican congressmen have signed up to endorse ...

01/12/2006 Molly Ivins January 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Boy, you really can't take your eyes off this bunch for a minute, can you? If they're not screwing up one thing, then they're screwing up another — busy little beavers. And then there are the administrative nightmares they ...

01/10/2006 Molly Ivins January 10
AUSTIN, Texas — The governor of Texas is despicable. Of all the crass pandering, of all the gross political kowtowing to ignorance, we haven't seen anything this rank from Gov. Goodhair since, gee, last fall. Then, he was trying to draw ...

01/05/2006 Molly Ivins January 5
AUSTIN — We live in a great nation. The police blotter of the Mill Valley Herald in California informs us that the constabulary there had to be called out on account of a citizen "dressed like a penguin" who was "standing on a ...

01/04/2006 Molly Ivins January 4
AUSTIN, Texas — My theory is that they don't tell him anything, that's why the president keeps sounding like he doesn't know what he's talking about. There he was at Brooke Army Medical Center over the weekend, once again getting it wrong:...

12/29/2005 Molly Ivins December 29
AUSTIN, Texas -- 2006 makes the ninth year in a row the federal minimum wage has been stuck at $5.15 an hour. It's bad economics, it's bad policy, it's stupid, it's unfair, and it's high damn time to do something about it. It is also, as Sen. Edward ...

12/28/2005 Molly Ivins December 28
AUSTIN, Texas -- The first time as tragedy, the second time as farce. Thirty-five years ago, Richard Milhous Nixon, who was crazy as a bullbat, and J. Edgar Hoover, who wore women's underwear, decided some Americans had unacceptable political opinions. ...

12/22/2005 Molly Ivins December 22
AUSTIN, Texas -- It is clear we will need to practice hard on our credulity in the future just to get a grasp on how dumbfounding the entire Iraq War is. We need credulity up to the Wonderland White Queen's standards, believing as many as six impossible ...

12/20/2005 Molly Ivins December 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Uh-oh. Excuse me. I'm so sorry, but we are having a constitutional crisis. I know the timing couldn't be worse. Right in the middle of the wrapping paper, the gingerbread and the whole shebang, a tiny honest-to-goodness ...

12/15/2005 Molly Ivins December 15
AUSTIN, Texas — As one on the liberal side of the chorus of moaners about the decline of civility in politics, I feel a certain responsibility when earnest, spaniel-eyed conservatives like David Brooks peer at us hopefully and say, "Well, ...

12/13/2005 Molly Ivins December 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Pre-procrastination Christmas booklist! Look at this, fellow procrastinators — almost two weeks before the actual day, and here I am to solve all your shopping problems with the annual one-stop, hit-the-bookstore with less ...

12/01/2005 Molly Ivins December 1
AUSTIN, Texas — The Lord Impersonator is back again. This fella reappears every couple of years and causes no end of trouble. The jokester goes around persuading feeble-minded persons he is the Lord Almighty and that they are to do or say some ...

11/24/2005 Molly Ivins November 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Since the political world ranges from poor to icky these days, you may think we are gratitudinally challenged this Thanksgiving. But a mere soupcon of sunny optimism goes a long way toward getting us to dwell on how lucky we are. ...

11/22/2005 Molly Ivins November 22
AUSTIN, Texas — We've had two nifty opportunities to study the Bush spin machine at work here lately, both offering such a neat schematic of how it's done one is tempted to applaud. Or something. The first was the counter-offensive ...

11/17/2005 Molly Ivins November 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Today's fun challenge is "Spot the Next Brownie." In this fab game for the whole family, review a list of Bush administration cronies in office and see if you can pick the next Michael "Heckuva Job" Brown, ...

11/15/2005 Molly Ivins November 15
AUSTIN, Texas — One of our better political commentators, Tom Tomorrow, has boiled down our entire current political debate to one question: "Are they stupid, or are they lying?" This seems to me pretty much how it goes, each side ...

11/10/2005 Molly Ivins November 10
AUSTIN, Texas — I can't get over this feeling of unreality, that I am actually sitting here writing about our country having a gulag of secret prisons in which it tortures people. I have loved America all my life, even though I have often ...

11/08/2005 Molly Ivins November 8
AUSTIN, Texas — As those silver-tongued poets at the Pentagon put it, we are in a target-rich environment. One cannot — honestly, one simply cannot — pass up the Brownie memos. The e-mails sent to and from "Heckuva Job&...

11/03/2005 Molly Ivins November 3
AUSTIN, Texas — While it's still an open contest for Worst Legacy of the Bush Years, the destruction of goodwill for America around the world is definitely a contender. In the days and weeks following Sept. 11, the United States enjoyed ...

11/01/2005 Molly Ivins November 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Leap I lightly, with the grace of a gazelle, over such mundane news items as indictments at the White House and Supreme Court nominations. All the better to continue my crusade to focus attention not on what's wrong, but on how ...

10/25/2005 Molly Ivins October 25
AUSTIN, Texas — I am writing about the most extraordinary book by the most extraordinary woman, and I would have interviewed her at length, except she's going to be arrested if she ever sets foot back in our home state. That's pretty much ...

10/18/2005 Molly Ivins October 18
AUSTIN, Texas — You can only sit around wringing your hands and moaning about what a mess the Bushies have made of America for so long. Sooner or later, even the gloomiest doom-meisters are bound to get beaned by an acorn on the noggin, leading ...

10/13/2005 Molly Ivins October 13
AUSTIN, Texas — The entire political world is agog: Tom DeLay indicted, Scooter Libby in danger, Karl Rove rumors abound, Miers' nomination in doo-doo. So I'm writing about ... pensions. They're just so sexy, I couldn't resist. Of course, ...

10/06/2005 Molly Ivins October 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes it helps to draw back from what's going on, to see if any patterns emerge from the chaos of daily events. In the news biz, attempts to see the Big Picture are known as thumbsuckers and regarded with appropriate contempt....

10/04/2005 Molly Ivins October 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Uh-oh. Now we are in trouble. Doesn't take much to read the tea leaves on the Harriet Miers nomination. First, it's Bunker Time at the White House. Miers' chief qualification for this job is loyalty to George W. Bush and the team....

09/29/2005 Molly Ivins September 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Jeez, that was quite a hissy fit Tom DeLay had, calling Ronnie Earle a rogue prosecutor, a partisan fanatic and an unabashed partisan zealot out for personal revenge. Ronnie Earle? Our very own mild-mannered — well, ...

09/27/2005 Molly Ivins September 27
AUSTIN, Texas — The Big Whew blew over Texas, leaving Port Arthur underwater and whole lot of stress across the state. It is highly stressful to be in a car with two adults, three children, the dog and the cat for a 12-to-20 hour trip from ...

09/22/2005 Molly Ivins September 22
AUSTIN, Texas — So here are all the liberals going into a giant snit just because George W. Bush appointed a veterinarian to head the women's health section of the Food and Drug Administration. For Pete's sake, you whiners, the only reason he ...

09/20/2005 Molly Ivins September 20
AUSTIN, Texas — What we need in this country — along with a disaster relief agency — is a Media Accountability Day. One precious day out of the entire year when everyone in the news media stops reporting on what's wrong with everyone ...

09/15/2005 Molly Ivins September 15
AUSTIN, Texas — (With apologies to Ring Lardner and the "You Know Me, Al" letters.) Dear Friend Dubya, You know me, pal — your ol' buddy, governor of Texas and the man with the reelly, reelly good hair. I am writing ...

09/13/2005 Molly Ivins September 13
AUSTIN, Texas -- Here's a good idea: Consumer groups and progressive congressfolks have joined in an effort to stop hundreds of thousands of victims of Hurricane Katrina from being further harmed by the new Bankruptcy Act, scheduled to take effect Oct. ...

09/08/2005 Molly Ivins September 8
AUSTIN, Texas — George W. Bush has come up with his worst idea since he decided to have the military investigate torture by the military at Abu Ghraib prison. He, George W. personally, plans to investigate to "find out what went right and ...

09/03/2005 Molly Ivins September 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy Labor Day, comrades. Hail to all who have yet to be outsourced, downsized, zero-budgeted, streamlined, cut back, laid off, globalized or otherwise pre-shrunk. Those of us who are lucky winners in the employment lottery can ...

09/01/2005 Molly Ivins September 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Like many of you who love New Orleans, I find myself taking short mental walks there today, turning a familiar corner, glimpsing a favorite scene, square or vista. And worrying about the beloved friends and the city, and how they ...

08/30/2005 Molly Ivins August 30
AUSTIN — Seems like every year at the end of summer there's this sense of coming back from somewhere, whether we've gone anywhere or not. Whatever the summer pattern is — a swim, the kids, a stroll —- it's as though we sort of blink ...

08/06/2005 Molly Ivins August 6, correction
It has come to my attention that there was an inaccuracy in a parenthetical statement I made in my column about John Roberts, dated July 28, 2005. In fact, while it has been uncommon in recent years for Supreme Court nominees to have had as little ...

07/28/2005 Molly Ivins July 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Sheesh, all I knew about John Roberts was that everyone says he has lovely manners — and already I was prepared to be against him. Knee-jerk liberal? No, congratulations to the White House, Sen. John Cornyn, Fred Thompson ...

07/26/2005 Molly Ivins July 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Solidarity Forev ... ooops, make that, Solidarity Later. Organized labor is weak, but unorganized labor is a hell of a lot weaker. That's what's splitting the AFL-CIO. You may think this is none of your beeswax, but if you ...

07/21/2005 Molly Ivins July 21
AUSTIN — If you had done a poll in November 2000, or in November 2004, I don't think you would have gotten out of single digits with this proposition: "George W. Bush wants to radically revise American law, including complete repeal of the ...

07/19/2005 Molly Ivins July 19
AUSTIN — Now it's getting funnier and funnier. There is an elephant in the living room and we're sitting around having a conversation about whether there's an elephant in the living room. "I think there's an elephant in the living ...

07/14/2005 Molly Ivins July 14
AUSTIN, Texas — As the judge in the Judith Miller-Matt Cooper case said, it just gets "curiouser and curiouser." For starters, Judy Miller of The New York Times, who never wrote a word about Valerie Plame, is in prison, while ...

07/12/2005 Molly Ivins July 12
AUSTIN, Texas — The trouble with deregulation is that it always takes some disaster like Enron before we realize there was a reason for the regulation to begin with. We are about to repeat one of the huge mistakes of the 1920s and '30s ...

07/07/2005 Molly Ivins July 7
AUSTIN, Texas — The stirring tale of Randy "Duke" Cunningham, congressman and bon vivant, becomes more entertaining by the day, and it is far more instructive than another case of a missing white female. True, Duke Cunningham is ...

07/04/2005 Molly Ivins July 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Once again, we celebrate America — despite absolutely everything, still a great nation after all these years. Happy birthday to us. Yet again, we rejoice not so much in what makes America great, as in what makes it ...

06/30/2005 Molly Ivins June 30
AUSTIN, Texas — As one who cares a whale of a lot more about personal rights than property rights, let me leap right into the fray over a Supreme Court decision on the side of the property rights advocates, many of whom I normally consider ...

06/28/2005 Molly Ivins June 28
AUSTIN, Texas — The first thing I ever learned about politics was never to let anyone else define what you believe, or what you are for or against. I think for myself. I am not "you liberals" or "you people on the left who ...

06/23/2005 Molly Ivins June 23
SAN DIEGO — As that great American, Deep Throat, never said, "Follow the money." (The line is by William Goldman, who wrote the movie, "All the President's Men"). Keeping your eye on the shell with the pea under it is not ...

06/21/2005 Molly Ivins June 21
AUSTIN, Texas — I hope this is not too Inside Baseball, but I am genuinely astonished by what the bloggers call "Mainstream Media." (In my youth, it was quaintly called "the Establishment press.") The New York Times, ...

06/16/2005 Molly Ivins June 16
AUSTIN — I was watching the PBS science program "Nova" the other night and spotted the liberal bias right away. I knew it would be there because Ken Tomlinson, the Bush-appointed chairman of the board of the Corporation for Public ...

06/14/2005 Molly Ivins June 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes you look at the people Bush appoints to high public office and the only possible response is, "What were they thinking?" Zalmay Khalilzad for U.S. ambassador to Iraq? Why not just send Richard Perle? ...

06/09/2005 Molly Ivins June 9
AUSTIN, Texas — David Cay Johnston, the invaluable New York Times reporter who specializes in our tax system, has come up with some staggering figures on what he calls "the hyper-rich," the wealthiest one-thousandth of the population, ...

06/07/2005 Molly Ivins June 7
AUSTIN, Texas — A jaw-dropping article in The Texas Observer (www.texasobserver.org) shows that two lobbying clients of Jack Abramoff paid $25,000 to Grover Norquist's group for a lunch date and meeting with President George W. Bush in May 2001. ...

06/02/2005 Molly Ivins June 2
AUSTIN, Texas — So, the Texas Legislature decided it's OK for gay couples to be foster parents, but only if they're not married. I would explain what message that sends, if only I understood it. Look at it this way: At least we can hunt ...

05/31/2005 Molly Ivins May 31
AUSTIN, Texas — As a longtime fan of both George Bushes' eccentric grasp of English, I naturally enjoyed this gem from W.: "See, in my line of work, you got to keep repeating things over and over and over again for the truth to sink in, to ...

05/26/2005 Molly Ivins May 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I often complain about the excess of irony in our national life, but this week, if you're not begoshed by the irony surplus, you haven't been paying attention. If we could just figure out a way to get energy out of the stuff, we'...

05/24/2005 Molly Ivins May 24
AUSTIN — Here in the National Laboratory for Bad Government, it's Duck and Cover time — the Legislature is in session. The Can't-Shake-Your-Booty bill passed the House, saving us all from the scourge of sexy cheerleaders. But nothing else ...

05/17/2005 Molly Ivins May 17
AUSTIN, Texas — As Riley used to say on an ancient television sitcom, "This is a revoltin' development." There seems to be a bit of a campaign on the right to blame Newsweek for the anti-American riots in Afghanistan, Pakistan and ...

05/10/2005 Molly Ivins May 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Meanwhile, back in Iraq. I was going to leave out of this column everything about how we got into Iraq, or whether it was wise, and or whether the infamous "they" knowingly lied to us. (Although I did plan to point out ...

05/05/2005 Molly Ivins May 5
AUSTIN, Texas — When the history of this administration is written, I suspect the largest black mark against it will be wasting time. The energy bill just passed by the House is a classic example of frittering away precious time and resources by ...

05/03/2005 Molly Ivins May 3
AUSTIN, Texas -- Attention, all campers! "Progressive indexing" is just another word for "cutting Social Security benefits." Do not be fooled by this idiot locution. Just as sure as "extraordinary rendition" now means "...

04/28/2005 Molly Ivins April 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Being of the populist persuasion, I am a terminal fan of Thomas Frank, who has gone from "What's the Matter With Kansas?" to "What's the Matter With Liberals?" in the current issue of the New York Review of ...

04/26/2005 Molly Ivins April 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I was all set to write a column about the nuclear option — the proposal to change the rules of the Senate in order to get President Bush's most questionable judicial appointments through — when, lo, word came that ...

04/21/2005 Molly Ivins April 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Good news! If there is a distinct possibility a Bush nominee is a vile-tempered, lying, ineffective bully, the U.S. Senate is willing to hold off on the vote for two weeks. John Bolton was an amazingly bad choice for ...

04/19/2005 Molly Ivins April 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Spring fever is taking a weird form this year. Politicians say nice things for political reasons and then revert with a vengeance — a sort of political Tourette syndrome, they can't help what they say. Tom DeLay, of ...

04/14/2005 Molly Ivins April 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy tax day, fellow citizens! My favorite authority on taxes is David Cay Johnston of The New York Times, who won a Pulitzer for reporting on the terminally unsexy topic of taxes. His book "Perfectly Legal — ...

04/12/2005 Molly Ivins April 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Freshly returned from a week of intellectual sparring at the Conference on World Affairs, the annual gabfest in Boulder, Colo. (the late jazz critic Leonard Feather called it "the leisure of the theory class"), I find ...

03/31/2005 Molly Ivins March 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Some days, it's hard to pick the outrage du jour, but hypocrisy is always an inviting target, and the United Nations oil-for-food scandal provides a two-fer. We have been hearing much right-wing huffing over the dreadful, ...

03/29/2005 Molly Ivins March 29
AUSTIN, Texas — As a general rule about Bush & Co., the more closely a policy is associated with Dick Cheney, the worse it is. Which brings us to energy policy — remember his secret task force? In the long history of monumentally bad ...

03/24/2005 Molly Ivins April 24
AUSTIN, Texas — This is one of those stories that I'd really like to start with a loud scream to give people some idea of how terrible it is. As a newspaper story, it has no soundtrack and comes without pictures. It appears to involve some ...

03/17/2005 Molly Ivins March 17
AUSTIN, Texas — I write about the Terry Schiavo case both as one who has personally confronted the "pull the plug" question on several levels in recent years and as a staggered observer of this festival of political hypocrisy, ...

03/15/2005 Molly Ivins March 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Calling all conservatives. Yo, libertarians. Also, wing-nuts, believers in black-helicopter conspiracies and mouth-foaming denouncers of government and all its works — yoo-hoo. Where are these people when you need them? ...

03/10/2005 Molly Ivins March 10
AUSTIN, Texas — I must confess, I have sadly underestimated the Bush administration's sense of humor. Appointing John Bolton ambassador to the United Nations: boffo! What a laff riot! Hilarious comedy, a delicious romp, great setup for a sit-com....

03/08/2005 Molly Ivins March 8
AUSTIN, Texas — In the magical upside-down world of right-wing blogs, it is now an accepted article of faith that Sen. Robert Byrd compared George W. Bush to Hitler last week. Republicans are demanding an apology, many have taken to high dudgeon,...

03/03/2005 Molly Ivins March 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Gross! How to take a horrible bill and make it genuinely loathsome. Look at this — look at what they are doing with this bankruptcy bill. The bankruptcy bill was a gift to big bankers and credit card companies to ...

03/01/2005 Molly Ivins March 1
AUSTIN, Texas — I'm sorry, but every now and again a girl just finds it necessary to lay her head down on the table and howl with laughter. I wrote a column warning that USA Next, a Republican Astroturf (meaning "fake grass-roots") ...

02/24/2005 Molly Ivins February 24
AUSTIN, Texas — I have been observing the flappette over the sexist remarks of Harvard's president, Larry Summers, with some amusement. Initially, it was hard to sort out whether we had a case of an educator trying to provoke an interesting ...

02/22/2005 Molly Ivins February 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Among those still interested in fiscal sanity, and that includes quite a few Republicans, I bring your attention to two tax cuts that should be repealed right now for the sound reason that they are perfectly nuts. A ...

02/17/2005 Molly Ivins February 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Budgets are the guts of government. That's where you find the answer to the first of the three important questions about who runs a society: Who's getting screwed? Who's doing the screwing? And what the hell will they do to us ...

02/15/2005 Molly Ivins February 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes the ironic timing of events in our public life is so striking as to cause one to wonder if the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky isn't trying to make a point. Thus, the word that the U.S. Senate voted for tort deform last ...

02/10/2005 Molly Ivins February 10
AUSTIN, Texas — I feel snakebite about praising any proposal by George W. Bush. Every time I write a column saying, "Look, he's done something good!" he does something else that makes it either not so good or just plain bad. He welched ...

02/08/2005 Molly Ivins February 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Last week, The New York Times quoted a Harvard Law student who favors the privatization of Social Security as saying the accounts-formerly-known-as-private are "a no-brainer." Funny, I'd say that pretty well ...

02/03/2005 Molly Ivins February 3
AUSTIN, Texas — I don't get it. The divide between the rhetoric and the reality in this administration is larger than I can span. The dissonance between the noble ideals expressed and the nasty actions is too raw for me. For example, Bush ...

02/01/2005 Molly Ivins February 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's hoping. The trouble with being a congenital optimist is that gloom-mongering feels so uncomfortable. The election in Iraq Sunday, like the one in Afghanistan last year, was moving, inspiring and hopeful. When there'...

01/27/2005 Molly Ivins January 27
AUSTIN, Texas — I wouldn't say it's the most earth-shaking issue around, but I'm fascinated by this fight the administration is picking with the media over "private accounts" versus "personal accounts." Here's the ...

01/25/2005 Molly Ivins January 25
AUSTIN, Texas — A substantial nit to pick with President Bush's second Inaugural Address and some questions about his theme. "From the day of our founding, we have proclaimed that every man and woman on this earth has rights, and ...

01/20/2005 Molly Ivins January 20
AUSTIN — Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice helpfully explained it all for us. The problem is that we are living in an alternative reality. What we think we know is not true. We have always had enough troops in Iraq. There are 120,000 trained ...

01/18/2005 Molly Ivins January 18
KEY WEST, Fla. — Tough gig here. A weekend in Key West holding forth on the subject of humor with a lot of funny people. A pundit's work is never done. Actually, being earnest about humor is deadly — if you have to explain a joke, ...

01/13/2005 Molly Ivins January 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Cheez, I go to all this trouble not to call the president of the United States a liar — perhaps misinformed, did not seem to know about, no one has told him, etc. — and then he just comes flat out with a ...

01/11/2005 Molly Ivins January 11
AUSTIN, Texas —- Excuse me, but is that smoke in your ear? I wouldn't go calling anyone a liar, but as we say in our quaint Texas fashion, this administration is stuffed with people who are on a first-name basis with the bottom of the ...

01/06/2005 Molly Ivins January 6
AUSTIN, Texas — In the Texas legislature, they are called "prior-roarities," such a happy coinage. What should come prior? When the pitter-patter of falling year-end columns comes again, not necessarily next year, but certainly ...

01/04/2005 Molly Ivins January 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh boy! Starting the year off briskly, lending it such tone already, such cachet, such je ne sais quoi — those Republicans are so special, aren't they? Their first move, first rat out of the trap, top priority: ...

12/30/2004 Molly Ivins December 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh 2004, 2004, bird thou never wert. Was it really that horrible a year, or does it only seem that way? Abu Ghraib, the endless trials anent Kobe Bryant and Scott Peterson, war in Iraq looking worse every day, Howard Dean ...

12/23/2004 Molly Ivins December 23
AUSTIN, Texas — And a Merry Christmas to all, including people who have white Christmas trees decorated entirely with purple balls. Merry Christmas to the Red states and the Blue states, to the R's and D's, and to all the troops stationed in ...

12/21/2004 Molly Ivins December 21
AUSTIN, Texas — It's hard to make Iraq into a suitable Christmas topic, unless one bears news of Our Boys getting home-knit socks and home-baked cookies from Lard Lake or Fluterville. Mere mention is enough to drive full-grown adults to doctored ...

12/16/2004 Molly Ivins December 16
AUSTIN, Texas -- "The aide (a senior adviser to President Bush) said that guys like me were 'in what we call the reality-based community,' which he defined as people who 'believe that solutions emerge from your judicious study of discernible ...

12/14/2004 Molly Ivins December 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Relatively recent writings on Social Security, both to reform and not reform, convince me of two things. One is that we should be looking for maximum skepticism in our sources on this subject. And the second is that anybody who ...

12/02/2004 Molly ivins December 2
AUSTIN — It is both peculiar and chilling to find oneself discussing the problem of American torture. I have considered support of basic human rights and dignity so much a part of our national identity that this feels as strange as though I'd ...

11/30/2004 Molly Ivins November 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Goody, goody, gumdrop. We could get Phil Gramm back again, this time as secretary of the treasury. Oh how I've missed that little ray of sunshine, the bleeding heart from Bryan, the man who thinks poor people are all fat. As ...

11/25/2004 Molly Ivins November 25
AUSTIN, Texas — As we take this long weekend to digest our Thanksgiving dinners and the ensuing leftovers, let us also devote some time to digesting a few political developments that have flown in under the wider media radar recently. &...

11/23/2004 Molly Ivins November 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Dan Green of New York City says of the election results, "You can't be depressed now, the worst is yet to come." Following that good advice, I intended to keep my indignation dry and save the outrage for when it is ...

11/18/2004 Molly Ivins November 18
AUSTIN, Texas — My, my, gonna be a long four years. House Republicans have rewritten the ethics rules so Tom DeLay won't have to resign if indicted after all. Let's hear it for moral values. DeLay is one of the leading forces ...

11/16/2004 Molly Ivins November 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Whilst the punditry wanders weak and weary in the deep fogs of the "moral values debate," what say we pay some attention to what is going on, eh? According to Newsday, "The White House has ordered the new ...

11/11/2004 Molly Ivins November 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Awwww, Ashcroft! My man. The one I liked best of the whole Cabinet, the most consistently entertaining, the most the most deliciously inept, the most amazingly wrong-headed. Ashcroft, my personal Bush administration icon. And ...

11/09/2004 Molly Ivins November 9
AUSTIN, Texas —- Here's my two cents worth on "What Is to Be Done?" First of all, let me rush to join the Bill-Clinton-for-Party-Chair bandwagon (which I believe started with a Los Angeles Times editorial). Granted, that means Hillary ...

11/04/2004 Molly Ivins November 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Do you know how to cure a chicken-killin' dog? Now, you know you cannot keep a dog that kills chickens, no matter how fine a dog it is otherwise. Some people think you cannot break a dog that has got in the habit of killin'...

11/02/2004 Molly Ivins November 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Look at it this way. Voting whitens your teeth, sweetens your breath and perks up your sex life. Voting is new and improved, stops the heartbreak of psoriasis and improves your gas mileage. Voting makes you feel virtuous, is your ...

10/28/2004 Molly Ivins October 28
AUSTIN, Texas — I finally put my money down on Tuesday, a whole week out. Kerry over Bush by two to three points in every state that matters except Florida. For those who find this an appalling, Bill Bennett-like display of disrespect for both ...

10/26/2004 Molly Ivins October 26
ST. LOUIS — Oh, you sweet, innocent, carefree citizens in non-swing states. You have no idea how much fun and slime you are missing. In the swingers, wolves stalk us mercilessly (as the pro-wolf lobby points out indignantly, no one has ...

10/19/2004 Molly Ivins October 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Four more years? Seems like every group and its hamster has put out some kind of dossier on the last four years. Top Bush Lies. One Hundred Mistakes Bush could admit to. Best scandals. Biggest Bush flip-flops. Iraq. The ...

10/14/2004 Molly Ivins October 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Now is the time for all good men — and women — to race to the aid of their country. Liberals and libertarians unite! The Sinclair Broadcasting Group has moved this election into the realm of creeping fascism, state ...

10/12/2004 Molly Ivins October 12
AUSTIN, Texas — President Bush may not be dumb, but he sure does think the rest of us are. You have to assume your audience is a bunch of borderline morons to tell as many whoppers as he does. True, short-term memory loss is creeping up ...

10/05/2004 Molly Ivins October 5
PHILADELPHIA — We all had our debate moments, but the one that stunned me was, "It's (Iraq is) hard work. I see it on the TV screens." Watching it on TV, boy that is tough work all right. And what was the "hard work" ...

09/30/2004 Molly Ivins September 30
AUSTIN, Texas — This column is not about the presidential debate. It's about Other Stuff. Particularly eye-catching are the updates on the price of gasoline, your overtime pay, why the company most likely to hold the mortgage on your house could ...

09/28/2004 Molly Ivins September 28
AUSTIN —- Alice, we're in the Twilight Zone of Wonderland. Whee! John Kerry is disrespectful of our allies! Donald Rumsfeld thinks an election in three-fourths of Iraq is good enough. The No. 1 best seller in our nation is an untrue, vicious and ...

09/23/2004 Molly Ivins September 23
AUSTIN — Thomas Frank, author of "What's the Matter With Kansas?" is a subscriber to the theory that so-called "values politics" and lifestyle issues are just sophisticated versions of that old carnival con the shell game, in ...

09/21/2004 Molly Ivins September 21
MASON, Texas —- Letter from a non-swing state. Every political reporter and his hamster is covering the swing states. Here's the news from the rest of the country. This column is dedicated to all the Democrats in the red states and all the ...

09/16/2004 Molly Ivins September 16
AUSTIN, Texas — You open the paper and read the news from Iraq these days, and all you can say is, "Damn, damn, damn." I'm flat out of ideas about how we can fix this, but I maybe see a couple of wrong roads we should give a ...

09/14/2004 Molly Ivins September 14
SARASOTA, Fla. — Media watch alert: a curious double distortion in the media mirror, as the situation in Iraq unravels before our eyes. Iraq gets less media play for two reasons — one an old media fault, and the other political. As ...

09/11/2004 Molly Ivins September 11
AUSTIN, Texas —- Oh for heaven's sake, doesn't anyone know how to research a story anymore? I have never seen anything as silly as this ridiculous Republican chorus that, aha!, Ben Barnes is a Democrat and so we know he's lying! The ...

09/09/2004 Molly Ivins September 9
AUSTIN, Texas — This is the Tommy Corcoran column. Tommy the Cork, so dubbed by FDR, was a Washington wise man. His various biographers called him the ultimate insider, the super lawyer and the master fixer. He came to Washington in 1926 to ...

09/07/2004 Molly Ivins September 7
AUSTIN, Texas — The wire services are reporting that we just lost seven Marines in Fallujah. To use Linda Ellerbee's line, "And so it goes ..." The way it does not, NOT go is as claimed last week at the Republican convention. I ...

09/02/2004 Molly Ivins September 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Stephen Colbert, correspondent for ³The Daily Show,² the only news program to watch during the Republican convention, found the theme of this convention like a homing pigeon: ³Unmitigated gall.² This convention alone would ...

08/31/2004 Molly Ivins August 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Another record. We have already lost more American soldiers (488) in Iraq in 239 days of this year than we did in 287 days last year (482), when there was a war on and before our mission was accomplished. The grind of the ...

08/26/2004 Molly Ivins August 26
AUSTIN, Texas — We were bound to get at least one good laugh out of Swift Boat Veterans for Humongous Lies, and what a pip it is. Upon being identified as the lawyer both for the Bush-Cheney campaign and the Swift Boat Liars, Benjamin Ginsberg ...

08/24/2004 Molly Ivins August 24
AUSTIN, Texas - It's an early Labor Day SURPRISE! Congratulations, if you make between $23,660 and $100,000, you have just very likely lost your right to overtime pay, courtesy of the Bush administration. If this comes as news to you,...

08/19/2004 Molly Ivins August 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Remember what it was like just before the war? Saddam Hussein had weapons of mass destruction — Colin Powell told us to the pound how many tons of this, that and the other — Saddam had a reconstituted nuclear program, ...

08/12/2004 Molly Ivins August 12
AUSTIN, Texas — In the national ³Crossfire² that passes for political debate these days, we observe much arm-waving over whether the latest ³terrorist threat² warnings are on the level or merely designed to take voters¹ minds off bad job news, ...

08/10/2004 Molly Ivins August 10
KANANASKIS, Alberta — Make that a big Canadian, "Oh dear." These nice Canadians, whom George W. Bush once managed to triumphantly identify as "our most important neighbors to the north" are famous for their reticence. Canada, ...

07/29/2004 Molly Ivins July 29
BOSTON — For some reason, the guys in the media pack seem to be having a much harder time getting Teresa Kerry than us news hens. Many of them are stuck on the "loose cannon" view-with-alarm interpretation, not having noticed that the ...

07/27/2004 Molly Ivins July 27
BOSTON — OK, here's my brilliant Insider Insight du jour: The D's aren't going to get much of a bounce out of this convention because this race is already so tight there just ain't enough swing votes to bounce anywhere. The popular ...

07/22/2004 Molly Ivins July 22
AUSTIN, Texas — We cannot let pass without salute Martha Stewart¹s remarks after being sentenced to five months in prison. In the long history of amazing things said by people in peculiar circumstances, you must admit, this ranks right up there. ...

07/13/2004 Molly Ivins July 13
AUSTIN, Texas — I like Bill Clinton's book. I feel as though I should immediately apologize for saying that. I mean, it's gotten a bunch of bad reviews — all sorts of superior people have peed all over it and pointed out he shouldn't have ...

07/08/2004 Molly Ivins July 8
AUSTIN — Last week on PBS's "NOW With Bill Moyers," there was a long interview with Frank Luntz, the Republican pollster and message-meister. Luntz recently advised Republicans to explain "the policy of pre-emption and the war in ...

07/01/2004 Molly Ivins July 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy birthday, America! Ye Olde Fourth of July rolls around again and finds the Great Nation in, frankly, a somewhat pissy mood. Lots of blame game, name-slinging and general unpleasantness. But there's always an upside. The ...

06/29/2004 Molly Ivins June 29
AUSTIN, Texas — When it comes to religion, I've always believed it's more important to walk the walk than to talk the talk. I come from a tradition (Episcopal) that considers it rather in bad taste to wear your religion on your sleeve, ...

06/24/2004 Molly Ivins June 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Heads up, team, the voting machine situation requires sustained attention, but not panic or paranoia. There is time to act, but act we must. Yes, it is high time to "view with alarm" (an editorial page cliche ...

06/22/2004 Molly Ivins June 22
AUSTIN, Texas — As I.F. Stone used to say, "All governments lie," so that's no shockeroo. What's peculiar is the reaction in the media. — You may recall that when even the administration finally admitted Saddam Hussein had ...

06/17/2004 Molly Ivins June 17
AUSTIN, Texas — No sooner do we win a long struggle to clean up politics and restore democracy in this country than we find the whole thing under attack, and we have to go out and re-fight the same battle all over again. Good thing we're not ...

06/15/2004 Molly Ivins June 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Such comfort. At the close of the G-8 summit, described by President Bush as "very successful" (except we didn't get anything we wanted), the president offered us comfort on the uncomfortable topic of torture: "...

06/10/2004 Molly Ivins June 10
AUSTIN, Texas — When, in future, you find yourself wondering, "Whatever happened to the Constitution?" you will want to go back and look at June 8, 2004. That was the day the attorney general of the United States — a.k.a. "...

06/08/2004 Molly Ivins June 8
AUSTIN, Texas — As Lily Tomlin observed, "No matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep up." But as Con Ed used to say, dig we must. Courtesy of David Sirota at the americanprogress.org website, we find the following matches ...

06/03/2004 Molly Ivins June 3
AUSTIN, Texas — CBS News has acquired tapes of Enron employees boasting about how they were "f——-g over" California during the late, great "energy crisis" there. My favorite segment in these charming ...

06/01/2004 Molly Ivins June 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's a special story about a big payday. Richard Strong, formerly of Strong Capital Management Co., will receive 85 percent of a sum estimated to be between $400 million and $700 million dollars. That's a lot of lettuce. ...

05/27/2004 Molly Ivins May 27
AUSTIN, Texas — Too bad for anyone who tuned in to President Bush's speech Monday night hoping to hear something that would cheer us up — like a plan. That was as depressing as divorce. There he was, still peddling the phony idea that ...

05/20/2004 Molly Ivins May 20
AUSTIN, Texas — It's pretty easy to get to the point where you don't want to hear any more about Abu Ghraib prison and what went on there. But there are some really good reasons why Americans should take a look at why this happened.
05/18/2004 Molly Ivins May 18
AUSTIN, Texas — It's quite difficult to convince people you are killing them for their own good. That's our basic problem in Iraq. You can try explaining that you are killing them in order to bring freedom and democracy to their nation &...

05/06/2004 Molly Ivins May 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Let's get real. On Fox So-Called News, former Army Sgt. Tony Robinson was allowed to claim without contradiction that what happened at the prison at Abu-Ghraib was no worse than "fraternity hazing." Rush Limbaugh ...

05/04/2004 Molly Ivins May 4
AUSTIN, Texas — For all I know, we may have just done something smart in Fallujah by hiring ex-Iraqi troops to take it over, but it's sure not what we said we were going to do when we started to go in. Then, the photos from the Abu Ghraib prison ...

04/29/2004 Molly Ivins April 29
AUSTIN — Sinners of Texas, unite! We have nothing to lose but our vices! In case you hadn't noticed, our only governor, Goodhair Perry, is fixing to tax the bejeezus out of us. It's not as though the state's topers, gamblers and smokers aren't ...

04/27/2004 Molly Ivins April 27
WASHINGTON, D.C. — And a grand time was had by feminists from all over the nation Sunday, out exercising our right to peaceably assemble and to petition our government for redress of grievances. While we still can. The women who organized ...

04/22/2004 Molly Ivins April 22
AUSTIN — There was the president at his press conference looking just like a turtle on a fence post. "They (weapons of mass destruction) could still be there. They could be hidden." Saddam Hussein is still an "ally" of the 9-...

04/20/2004 Molly Ivins April 20
AUSTIN — Women of America. This Sunday, April 25. Washington, D.C. The March for Women's Lives. Be there. This is it. It's all on the line now. Everyone who thinks she's too old, too tired and has done this too many times before, be there....

04/15/2004 Molly Ivins April 15
AUSTIN, Texas — My, what a full plate we have here as a result of President Bush's primetime press conference. Most importantly, the president believes in freedom. Also, we are trying to change the world (did we sign up for that? did the rest of ...

04/13/2004 Molly Ivins April 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Say, that was some "historical memo" there, containing, as the president said, no "intelligence that said there was going to be an attack on America." Except for the title and contents, of course. It's ...

04/08/2004 Molly Ivins April 8
AUSTIN, Texas — You may be wondering why House Majority Leader Tom DeLay is raising money for a legal defense fund and telling his fellow Republicans in Washington to be prepared to name his replacement in the event he is indicted. DeLay and ...

04/06/2004 Molly Ivins April 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Iraq. What. A. Mess. As Cousin Eddie Faulk used to say during Vietnam, "If those folks don't like what we're doin' for Œem, why don't they just go back where they come from?" Eric Alterman sums up the ...

04/01/2004 Molly Ivins April 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Strange peaches. All of us out here in the boonies should be aware this is a truly weird political year. For one thing, nobody has ever seen this much money involved. What can $200 million do in a political race, answered, we ...

03/30/2004 Molly Ivins March 30
AUSTIN, Texas — O Karl Rove, Karl Rove, birder thou never wert. If George W. Bush loses the election narrowly in November, put it down to the birders. You read it here first. What was Rove thinking when he allowed William Haynes II to be ...

03/25/2004 Molly Ivins March 25
AUSTIN, Texas — I'd like to thank Richard Clarke for doing the most obvious, decent and necessary thing this country needed from its government after 9-11, and that is to apologize to the families of those who died in those attacks and to admit: ...

03/23/2004 Molly Ivins March 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Naturally, when I heard President Bush is now claiming to be in the forefront of the fight against corporate crime, I thought it was an April Fools' joke. But no, there it is in print — he made a big speech about it in ...

03/18/2004 Molly Ivins March 18
AUSTIN, Texas — My, we are off to an elegant start here, aren't we? First, we have John Kerry in a classic open-mike gaffe referring to his Republican opponents as "crooked" and "lying." While this was not a high point ...

03/16/2004 Molly Ivins March 16
AUSTIN, Texas — How much fun can one administration have? More dead GIs. New record trade deficit. Stock market plunges. Ally in Spain goes down to defeat. The new Spanish prime minister says the occupation in Iraq is a "continuing disaster&...

03/11/2004 Molly Ivins March 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Gosh, we are having such a swell time here in Texas. For starters, once again the speaker of the Texas House is under investigation by a grand jury. We're so proud. We have nothing against this guy personally, we're just rooting ...

03/09/2004 Molly Ivins March 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Living proof that the Democrats haven't gotten any smarter since the last time they ran a candidate for president. Much huffing (and a huffy Democrat is a terrifying sight) over the fact that George W. Bush used images of 9-11 ...

03/04/2004 Molly Ivins March 4
AUSTIN, Texas — So the Democrats have a candidate at last, and he is about bent over double with gravitas. I think that means he doesn't a have humorous bone in his body. It's a good thing there's at least one serious person in this race — ...

03/02/2004 Molly Ivins March 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Anyone see any reason to think Haiti will be better off without Jean-Bertrand Aristide? Just another little gift from the Bush foreign policy team, straight out of the whacko-right playbook. Jesse Helms always did think ...

02/26/2004 Molly Ivins February 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Freddie Mac and Fannie Mae have gone and gotten themselves in big trouble. For those of you who do not follow the business pages, I only wish we were talking about pregnant teen-agers. Fannie and Freddie are the two government-...

02/24/2004 Molly Ivins February 24
AUSTIN, Texas — With so many delights on our political plate, it's hard to know where to begin. Take that knee-slapping joke by Education Secretary Rod Paige: He called our largest teachers' union "a terrorist organization." In fun, of ...

02/19/2004 Molly Ivins February 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh boy, a close race in Wisconsin. This is swell! Go, Democrats. A few days ago, a Respected Party Elder advised me to stop dissing John Kerry on account of, "He will be our nominee." He may be "our nominee," ...

02/17/2004 Molly Ivins February 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Anyone who is not enjoying American politics at this point is missing an important gene and a sense of humor. Whee, we're off! Like a dirty shirt, like a herd of turtles, it's the 2004 presidential campaign. My ...

02/12/2004 Molly Ivins February 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Friends of liberty, raise hell! To the barricades, or at least to the post office and the emails. A British citizen named Katharine Gun faces two years in prison for revealing that the U.S. National Security Agency tried — ...

02/10/2004 Molly Ivins February 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Just for the record, since the record is in considerable peril. These are Orwellian days, my friends, as the Bush administration attempts to either shove the history of the second Gulf War down the memory hole or to rewrite it ...

02/01/2004 Molly Ivins February 1
LONDON — In a way, it was heartbreaking to watch the Mother of Parliaments deal with half of a particularly nasty problem in an impressive way. It was sad and depressing for an American because the United States seems so unable even to begin to ...

01/22/2004 Molly Ivins January 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Love those Iowa results. Nothing better than a huge political scrum where the front-runner stumbles, the guy everyone wrote off for dead six weeks ago comes roaring back, an unknown emerges, an old war-horse drops out — a ...

01/20/2004 Molly Ivins January 20
AUSTIN, Texas — My fellow Americans, the state of the union's finances is enough to make an Enron accountant gag. When George W. Bush took office, he was handed a going concern. Projected annual surpluses from 2002 to 2011 were $5.6 trillion. In ...

01/15/2004 Molly Ivins January 15
AUSTIN, Texas — My long-reigning favorite Bushism has now been edged out by a fresh contender I cannot resist. The old fave goes back to Oct. 4, 2001, when Bush, still trying to reassure a shaky nation, said, "We need to counter the ...

01/13/2004 Molly Ivins January 13
AUSTIN, Texas — In Texas, where the border is a constant presence in our lives, no one is mistaking President Bush's immigration proposal for a brilliant new departure in immigration policy, or even for a ploy to get Hispanic political support. ...

01/08/2004 Molly Ivins January 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Mr. Bumble observed that the law is an ass, and he'd never even seen the congressional redistricting plan drawn by Texas Republicans. Sigh. I just hate when Tom DeLay and Karl Rove get away with a dirty deal like this. The ...

01/06/2004 Molly Ivins January 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Good grief, the tree's not down yet, the bills aren't due and the diet doesn't start until the bowl games are over, so what's with the unseemly haste? Not even time to take a deep breath here in 2004, and already we're like the ...

12/25/2003 Molly Ivins December 25
AUSTIN — Vice President Cheney's Christmas card this year not only offers best wishes in this holiday season but also bears the following quotation from Benjamin Franklin at the Constitutional Convention: "And if a sparrow cannot fall to ...

12/23/2003 Molly Ivins December 23
AUSTIN, Texas — My fellow procrastinators, never let it be said that we do not think about Christmas shopping. Actually doing anything about it is such a radical step we can safely put it off for a few more days. But I feel contemplation counts ...

12/18/2003 Molly Ivins December 18
LOS ANGELES — Well! I am certainly glad to see that we are telling off the French, Germans and Russians. I couldn't agree more with the Bush administration that those treacherous, undependable countries should be punished for their past ...

12/16/2003 Molly Ivins December 16
LOS ANGELES, Calif. — For those of us who are in a bit of lather about the state of the union these days — and who hate to shop anyway — the holidays offer a swell opportunity to help save the country and the earth, while getting rid ...

12/11/2003 Molly Ivins December 11
AUSTIN, Texas — I can't tell whether this administration is flaunting its cynicism, its contempt for science or its conviction that when in power you help your contributors and fry your enemies. Although how millions of small children and unborn ...

12/09/2003 Molly Ivins December 9
AUSTIN, Texas — I do not think it premature to conclude that the entire financial industry of this country is riddled with fraud. As Allan Sloan of Newsweek observed, this is not a case of "a few bad apples," it's the Cockroach Theory &...

12/04/2003 Molly Ivins December 4
AUSTIN, Texas — No one has been waiting with bated breath for me to make up my mind about the Democratic presidential candidates, but I have, and you might be interested in how I got there. I'm for Howard Dean — because he's going to win.
12/02/2003 Molly Ivins December 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Call them — irresponsible ... Call them — unreliable ... Throw in — undependable, too ... Yes, it's undeniably true — the Congress of the United States makes Bart Simpson look like Averell Harriman. ...

11/27/2003 Molly Ivins November 27
AUSTIN, Texas — This being the season, let us give thanks for freedom. As President Bush said in London: "Freedom is beautiful. It is a fantastic thing to come to a country where people are able to express their views." Indeed, freedom ...

11/25/2003 Molly Ivins November 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Wow! Not one, but two huge, horrible, last-minute life-changing bills, and the second is even worse than the first! Record-shattering bad legislation immediately eclipsed by record-shattering bad legislation. These Republicans ...

11/20/2003 Molly Ivins November 20
AUSTIN, Texas — I suggest the epitaph for this entire era should be, "The fish rots from the head down." The latest round of corporate scandals — Hollinger, the growing mutual fund mess and the foreign exchange dealers who ripped ...

11/18/2003 Molly Ivins November 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Sins of omission, sins of omission, so often so much more grave than our sins of commission. And we rarely pay for them in a timely fashion — it is usually further on down the road that the gravity of whatever it was we ...

11/13/2003 Molly Ivins November 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Sheesh, it's hard to keep up with this administration. Just a few days ago, we were going to stick it out, no matter what. Like Horton the Elephant, we would be faithful, 100 percent — never give up, never surrender. ...

11/11/2003 Molly Ivins November 11
AUSTIN, Texas — As Lily Tomlin observed, no matter how cynical you get, it's impossible to keep it up. But the Congress of the United States is doing its best to keep us up to snuff in this department, and we would particularly like to thank all ...

11/06/2003 Molly Ivins November 6
AUSTIN, Texas — What a great country. We've just had a fierce public debate over a docudrama no one has seen, culminating in a form of censorship. Not having seen the bio-pic about the Reagans was no bar to the punditry, which held forth ...

11/04/2003 Molly Ivins November 4
AUSTIN, Texas — I'd really like to know: What were they thinking? What did the traders, directors and managers of mutual funds think they were doing? Did they think, "Everybody does it?" Did they figure, "It's not really stealing; ...

10/28/2003 Molly Ivins October 28
AUSTIN, Texas — There is something faintly risible about the American habit of thinking we can fix problems through better public relations. We seem to think a positive mental attitude and high approval ratings can solve anything from shingles ...

10/23/2003 Molly Ivins October 23
AUSTIN, Texas — What I like about the new radical, right-wing Republican takeover of this country is how easily they blow past all our defenses against deja-vu, they-all-do-it cynicism. There you are — thinking you're way too old ...

10/21/2003 Molly Ivins October 21
AUSTIN, Texas — What I like about the new radical, right-wing Republican takeover of this country is how easily they blow past all our defenses against deja-vu, they-all-do-it cynicism. There you are — thinking you're way too old ...

10/16/2003 Molly Ivins October 16
AUSTIN, Texas — I'm a card-carrying member of The Great Liberal Backlash of 2003, one of the half-dozen or so writers now schlepping around the country promoting books that do not speak kindly of Our Leader's record. As a group, we are making ...

10/14/2003 Molly Ivins October 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Holy smoke! I know hellzapoppin' with the news here lately, but let's try keeping our eye on the shell with the pea under it. Fascinating as all this inside-D.C. stuff is about Rummy and Cheney, and who leaked the CIA agent's ...

10/09/2003 Molly Ivins October 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Not that any of us is in a position to criticize the Great Scriptwriter in the Sky, but don't you think She's been going a little heavy on the irony lately? All those folks who had conniption fits over Bill Clinton's ...

10/07/2003 Molly Ivins October 7
NEW YORK, N.Y. — Much as I hate to interrupt what is apparently a deeply felt triumphalism on the American right, now that it's over, does anyone see any reason for our having invaded Iraq? I realize that's what we all kept trying to ...

10/02/2003 Molly Ivins October 2
NEW YORK CITY — Are you confused yet? Two weeks ago, President Bush said, "There's no question that Saddam Hussein had Al Qaeda ties." In September 2002, he said, "You can't distinguish between Al Qaeda and Saddam." But Bush ...

09/30/2003 Molly Ivins September 30
NEW YORK, N.Y. — For Democrats only: I think our field is shaping up quite nicely. Several of our candidates are starting to look promising indeed. Of course, only a political junkie would have sat through the entire two-hour debate, and the ...

09/25/2003 Molly Ivins September 25
SEATTLE — Life rolls on in George W. Bush's America, forcing us to invent a new word — greeed, with three E's in the middle — to cover cases like that of Richard A. Grasso, who recently resigned as chairman and CEO of the New York ...

09/23/2003 Molly Ivins September 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Among the more amusing cluckings from the right lately is their appalled discovery that quite a few Americans actually think George W. Bush is a terrible president. Robert Novak is quoted as saying in all his 44 years of ...

09/18/2003 Molly Ivins September 18
AUSTIN, Texas — The administration is now in The Full Ostrich on Iraq: Dick Cheney put on a fabulous performance last Sunday on "Meet the Press," in which he insisted everything in Iraq is trickety-boo, right as rain and cheery bye. I ...

09/16/2003 Molly Ivins September 16
WASHINGTON, D.C. — Always interesting to come into The City Where Everybody Says Exactly What Everybody Else Says just to run my own reality check. If I'm out of step with the conventional wisdom, I'm doing fine. The minute I find myself saying ...

09/11/2003 Molly Ivins September 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, fellow Texans, they can stick a fork in us, Œcause we're done. Not only has Governor Goodhair called yet another special session (cost now at over $5 million) to implement Tom DeLay's dirty redistricting deal, but we're ...

09/09/2003 Molly Ivins September 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Sigh. You write an article advocating what you think would be useful, constructive suggestions about Iraq, and you get an avalanche of right-wing reaction about "failuremongers" and "nattering nabobs of negativism.&...

09/04/2003 Molly Ivins September 4
AUSTIN, Texas — It is insufficient to stand around saying, "I told you Iraq would be a disaster." Believe me, saying, "I told you so" is a satisfaction so sour it will gag you when people, including Americans, are dying every ...

09/02/2003 Molly Ivins September 2
AUSTIN, Texas — At the beginning of the summer, several of us who are not exactly upbeat about our prospects in Iraq urged the administration to Do Something before it was too late — like, by the end of the summer. Now what? Our ...

08/28/2003 Molly Ivins August 28
AUSTIN — This poignant Labor Day, when the numbers are bad, the policies are worse and the jobs are disappearing, it's not so much the economy that riles me as the disrespect and the gratuitous contempt with which this administration treats ...

08/26/2003 Molly Ivins August 26
AUSTIN — One problem I have with Arnold Schwarzenegger is that he looks like a condom stuffed with walnuts. I realize that is superficial, shallow and unbecoming to a semi-serious-minded liberal like myself, but there it is. The other is that he ...

08/21/2003 Molly Ivins August 21
AUSTIN, Texas — When in the midst of a Blame Typhoon, with charges and counter-charges being hurled in all directions, I find it most useful to consult those two polar stars of utter wrongheadedness, Tom DeLay and The Wall Street Journal's ...

08/19/2003 Molly Ivins August 19
AUSTIN, Texas — It's the All-American Blame Game! A Finger-Pointing festival. A perfectly circular firing squad of, "Told you so." Bureaucrats perfecting their CYA moves. Politicians jumping on the opportunity to make points against ...

08/14/2003 Molly Ivins August 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Hang in there, Texas Eleven. You are not forgotten. Gov. Goodhair Perry says the AWOL senators are holding up "issues of great importance to the people of Texas." That's funny. There has been one and only one ...

08/12/2003 Molly Ivins August 12
DUBLIN, N.H. — What a summer for national credulity fitness. My credulity gets a lot of exercise, since I cover Texas politics. Like Alice in Wonderland's White Queen, years of practice have enabled me to believe as many as six impossible things ...

08/07/2003 Molly Ivins August 7
CAMDEN, Maine — Let us stop to observe a few mileposts on the downward path to the utter degradation of political discourse in this country. A recent newspaper advertising campaign by "independent" groups supporting President ...

08/05/2003 Molly Ivins August 5
AUSTIN, Texas — There are messy-desk people and there are clean-desk people. I'm a major messy. About every six months, I am seized by a desire to Get Organized, so I start doing archaeological excavations into the midden heap on my desk. The ...

07/31/2003 Molly Ivins July 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh great, now we have a bunch of Texas Democrats hiding out in Albuquerque (which is very difficult to spell), and I'm here holding the bag, trying to explain what this particular spate of lunacy in our state is all about. Spare ...

07/24/2003 Molly Ivins July 24
ANCHORAGE — Many and varied are the wonders, the splendors and the peculiarities of the Other Great State. The funniest thing said by Alaskans is, "Gonna be another scorcher" (means "could get into the 70s"). In Alaska,...

07/08/2003 Molly Ivins July 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, cut off my legs and call me Shorty. I'll be go to hell. Danged if Charlie Wilson didn't win the Cold War singlehandedly. That would be the same Charlie Wilson we've known all these years as a rascal, reprobate and ...

07/03/2003 Molly Ivins July 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy birthday, America! Two-hundred twenty-seven years old and still ready to boogie Œtil we puke. What a great country. Another glorious year in the land of the free and the home of the brave, with only the usual idiocy ...

07/01/2003 Molly Ivins July 1
AUSTIN — Congratulations to the Supreme Court on its 6-3 decision in the Texas sodomy law case and to all those, including the gay rights groups and the American Civil Liberties Union, who have fought so long and hard to rid the legal system of ...

06/26/2003 Molly Ivins June 26
AUSTIN, Texas — You've got to hand it to those clever little problem-solvers at the White House. What a bunch of brainiacs. They have resolved the entire problem of global warming: They cut it out of the report! This is genius. Everybody ...

06/19/2003 Molly Ivins June 19
AUSTIN, Texas — My, my, my, the great Iraqi Gold Rush is on, and who should be there at the front of the line, right along with Halliburton and Bechtel, but our old friends at WorldCom, perpetrator of the largest accounting fraud in American ...

06/17/2003 Molly Ivins June 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Watching some dipstick the other day on Fox News carry on with great certainty about Hillary Clinton and her evil motives — and I don't think this guy actually spends a lot of time tete a tete with Mrs. Clinton ...

06/12/2003 Molly Ivins June 12
AUSTIN, Texas — In the "physician, heal thyself" department, please note the response of White House press spokesman Ari Fleischer to a bulletin from North Korea that said: "The intention to build up a nuclear deterrent is not ...

06/10/2003 Molly Ivins June 10
AUSTIN — Remember the guy in "The Graduate" who tells Dustin Hoffman, with heavy emphasis, "Plastics"? This column is sort of in the same vein. Psst, kids, there's money in wind . If I were a fresh graduate looking ...

06/05/2003 Molly Ivins June 5
AUSTIN, Texas — "I said you were a man of peace. I want you to know I took immense crap for that." George W. Bush, diplomat extraordinaire, to Ariel Sharon, The Washington Post, June 3, 2003. The effort to find peace ...

06/03/2003 Molly Ivins June 3
AUSTIN, Texas — I rarely find fault with Washington journalist Josh Marshall and his thoughtful Blog "Talking Points Memo," but I beg to differ on this occasion. "My God," writes Marshall, "when they say down the ...

05/29/2003 Molly Ivins May 29
AUSTIN, Texas — This is a gross scandal. The Center for Public Integrity has a stunning study out on the concentration of ownership in telecommunications. The even more stunning news is that the Federal Communications Commission, which ...

05/27/2003 Molly Ivins May 27
AUSTIN, Texas — It was horrible and sickening, but I could not stop watching the final days of the Texas Legislature. Fellow Texans, the ripple effects of this disaster will come to haunt us all. Just for starters, this budget is going to ...

05/22/2003 Molly Ivins May 22
NEW YORK CITY — Much as I hate to interrupt what is apparently a deeply felt triumphalism on the American right, now that it's over, does anyone see any reason for our having invaded Iraq? I realize that's what we all kept trying to ...

05/16/2003 Molly Ivins May 16
BOISE, Idaho — When last we left the saga of Texas' few living elected Democrats, they had fled the state pursued by minions of the law — legislators on the lam. These courageous citizens, fleeing vile Republican oppression in their state ...

05/13/2003 Molly Ivins May 13
AUSTIN, Texas — They just went too far, that's all. This session of the legislature has been as brutal, callous and indifferent to the welfare of the weakest, the most frail, youngest and oldest Texans as it is possible to get. The level of pure ...

05/08/2003 Molly Ivins May 8
AUSTIN, Texas — "We ought to be beating our chests every day. We ought to look in a mirror and be proud, and stick out our chests and suck in our bellies, and say, ŒDamn, we're Americans!'" — Jay Garner, retired general and the ...

05/01/2003 Molly Ivins May 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Don't worry about a thing! The Texas Legislature is riding to the rescue. Oh, sure, we still have a $10 billion deficit, but the House just outlawed gay marriage. At last, we're safe from the hideous threat of gay marriage, which ...

04/29/2003 Molly Ivins April 29
AUSTIN, Texas — The sour joke is: "Of course we know the Iraqis have weapons of mass destruction. We have the receipts." At this point, the administration would probably be delighted if it could find the WMDs the Reagan administration ...

04/24/2003 Molly Ivins April 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Boy, there is no shortage of creatively terrible ideas from the Republican Party these days. Those folks are just full of notions about how to make people's lives worse — one horrible idea after another bursting out like ...

04/22/2003 Molly Ivins April 22
AUSTIN, Texas — New nominations for the hotly contested "What Were They Thinking?" title, also known as, "Is There Anybody Here With a Lick of Sense? — American Airlines' executive team wins Boneheads of the Month. ...

04/08/2003 Molly Ivins April 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh good. It looks as though we're going to have as big a fight over postwar plans for Iraq as we did over the war itself. Just what we need, more of everybody being at everybody else's throat. Defense Secretary Donald ...

04/03/2003 Molly Ivins April 3
Former Texas Gov. Ann Richards observed the other day that the price of gasoline has gone so high in Texas that women who want to run over their husbands have to carpool. Thought we needed a laugh before plunging back into the war. Here's a ...

03/27/2003 Molly Ivins March 27
AUSTIN, Texas — See if this doesn't make you wince. The Washington Post reported last Saturday on how the Bush administration's attempts to bully Turkey had backfired. Courtesy of John Marshall's website, TalkingPointsMemo.com, I found this ...

03/25/2003 Molly Ivins March 25
AUSTIN, Texas — There was Donald Rumsfeld on Sunday morning repeatedly warning the Iraqis that prisoners of war are protected by the Geneva Convention and showing pictures of POWs is wrong. That would be the same Donald Rumsfeld who refused to ...

03/20/2003 Molly Ivins March 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Don't you hate when war starts in springtime? We are now united in desperately hoping that the war will be both easy and short. The most depressing thing about this war is that we are going into it with the support of the ...

03/18/2003 Molly Ivins March 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Q: What is the country most likely to supply weapons of mass destruction to terrorists? A: Russia. Just thought we ought to keep a grip on reality here. It gets harder when one finds a headline like this on the ...

03/13/2003 Molly Ivins March 13
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, sign me up for the Bush program. I'm aboard. Who else can we insult, offend, bribe, blackmail, threaten, intimidate, wiretap or otherwise infuriate? Getting the Canadians, who are famous for their phlegm, seriously mad ...

03/11/2003 Molly Ivins March 11
AUSTIN, Texas — After every military engagement, the Pentagon conducts a review to discover what they did right, what they did wrong, what worked and what didn't. It is an admirable tradition and one that needs to be copied by the profession of ...

03/06/2003 Molly Ivins March 6
AUSTIN — Texas, Our Texas, all hail the mighty state! Gov. Goodhair Perry has promised to use $10 million of state money to help map the bovine genome, the genetic code of a cow, a project to be carried out at Baylor and Texas A&M. Through a ...

03/04/2003 Molly Ivins March 4
AUSTIN, Texas — As we wend our weary way toward war, dragging the Turks — whose price will be our betrayal of the Kurds (fourth time we've double-crossed Kurds, counting Henry Kissinger's triple-cross only once) — it reminds me of ...

02/27/2003 Molly Ivins February 27
AUSTIN, Texas — When we need a laugh in grim times, we count on our Attorney General John Ashcroft, the Whoopi Goldberg of the Bush administration. This week, Ashcroft took time off from tracking down terrorists in order to bust 55 people for ...

02/25/2003 Molly Ivins February 25
AUSTIN, Texas — You ain't no John Snow when it comes to pensions. Snow, our new treasury secretary, was CEO of the railroad company CSX Corp. and got a platinum parachute when he bailed. He gets $2.47 million a year for life in retirement ...

02/20/2003 Molly Ivins February 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Before we all work ourselves into such righteous snits we can't even talk to one another anymore, let's see what we can agree on. Wanting to get rid of Saddam Hussein does not make anyone a bloodthirsty monster or a tool of the ...

02/18/2003 Molly Ivins February 18
AUSTIN, Texas — As our coaches used to say, "OK, people, settle down and listen up." We have been enjoying a lovely little spate of French-bashing here lately. Jonah Goldberg of The National Review, who admits that French-bashing is &...

02/13/2003 Molly Ivins February 13
AUSTIN, Texas — "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired signifies, in the final sense, a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." — Dwight David ...

02/11/2003 Molly Ivins February 11
AUSTIN, Texas — And another thing CEOs should probably avoid ... Sprint Corp. has just fired its two top executives for (I love this part) a conflict of interest. It seems these worthy gentlemen felt perfectly entitled to pay zero taxes on more ...

02/06/2003 Molly Ivins February 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Normally, I don't bother to follow the doings of the far right. Having lived in Texas all these years, I figure I don't have much to learn on that score. But I was much struck by a report in Salon, the online magazine, on the ...

02/04/2003 Molly Ivins February 4
AUSTIN, Texas -- "We will not pass along our problems to other Congresses, to other presidents, and other generations." -- George W. Bush, State of the Union address, Jan. 28, 2003. "Even though hundreds of other ...

01/30/2003 Molly Ivins January 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Now here's a dandy example of the kind of thing that never makes it to the front page or the top of the news broadcast, but that affects absolutely everyone. The Federal Communications Commission, led by Michael ("my ...

01/28/2003 Molly Ivins January 28
AUSTIN, Texas — The state of the union is that money talks and public policy is sold to the highest bidder. Those who give money in political contributions — less than one-tenth of one percent of the U.S. population gave 83 percent of all ...

01/23/2003 Molly Ivins January 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Did you hear the Bush administration finally found a connection between Iraq and Al Qaeda? They both have the letter Q. The evil, evil Q. (Not original with me, making the rounds.) Some days, I'd just as soon whack myself ...

01/21/2003 Molly Ivins January 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Bet you if I had a nickel for every time someone has started an article or a speech in past five years by saying, "The nation's health care system is facing a crisis," or, "Our health care system is falling apart,&...

01/16/2003 Molly Ivins January 16
AUSTIN, Texas -- "Peace is not merely a distant goal that we seek, but a means by which we arrive at that goal."  -- Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. Normally, making the case for peace over war requires the brain of a gnat. "Jaw, jaw,&...

01/14/2003 Molly Ivins January 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Whee, here we go, the Ledge is back in session! And many a village is missing its idiot. The 78th biennial disaster is upon us, and what glorious fodder to feast upon. Our peerless leaders are faced with a $9.9 billion ...

01/09/2003 Molly Ivins January 9
AUSTIN, Texas — I just love the fine print in the president's tax-cut plan. I grant you, the overall effect is pretty spectacular, too — a plan that has almost no stimulative effect but still opens a future of zillion-dollar deficits to ...

01/07/2003 Molly Ivins January 7
AUSTIN, Texas — One interesting aspect of the Seriously Dumb Tax Cut we are watching develop in Washington is that we are simultaneously witnessing the effects of Seriously Dumb Tax Cuts at the state level. The states are plotzing right and left,...

12/26/2002 Molly Ivins December 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I got out the quote-box for today's column, on the theory that we could all use a little more insight and humor at this season than one measly journalist can provide. I suppose you could call this a cheap column, but I prefer to ...

12/24/2002 Molly Ivins December 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Cheap irony and Christmas don't go well together. Christmas and war is another bad combination. But there it is. The only president we've got went down to the Capitol Area Food Bank in Washington, D.C., the other day for a photo ...

12/19/2002 Molly Ivins December 19
AUSTIN, Texas — All right, fellow procrastinators. Of course, we have days to go before Christmas — no point in precipitously plunging into purchasing yet. On the other hand, it is not too soon to begin thinking about just how long we can ...

12/17/2002 Molly Ivins December 17
AUSTIN — Damn, it is hard to kill a bad idea. And this one is so rank that if Osama bin Laden had come up with it, we'd be forced to admit it was a stroke of genius: how to infuriate our allies, cause an explosion of anti-American paranoia and ...

12/12/2002 Molly Ivins December 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Gosh, I'm feeling ever so much better about the economy with the new Bush team on the job. William H. Donaldson to head the Securities and Exchange Commission: just the man to take on the Establishment! Founder of the Wall Street ...

12/10/2002 Molly Ivins December 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Good grief. I turn my back for 10 minutes, and they bring back the old War Criminal. Two generations of Americans have come to adulthood since Henry Kissinger last held political power, so I need to explain that War ...

11/21/2002 Molly Ivins November 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Readin' the newspapers anymore is eerily reminiscent of all those bad novels warning of the advent of fascism in America. "It Can't Happen Here" by Sinclair Lewis was a bad book, and the genre shades off into right-wing ...

11/19/2002 Molly Ivins November 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Osama bin Laden is back, and no one gives a damn? What is this??!! The White House spokesman announced, "This is about more than one man." The president now says it "really doesn't matter much" if bin Laden is ...

11/12/2002 Molly Ivins November 12
AUSTIN — Under the radar. Wheee, it is coming down fast and hard out here. The Wall Street Journal devoted some coverage to the interesting case of Janet Rehnquist, inspector general at the Department of Health and Human Services (HHS). ...

11/07/2002 Molly Ivins November 7
AUSTIN — Never say this is not a great nation. A campaign in which Jesse Ventura took offense at someone else's behavior: Mr. Etiquette, the sensitive male. Poor Charlton Heston, suffering from Alzheimer's disease, no shame to him, shipped about ...

11/05/2002 Molly Ivins November 5
AUSTIN, Texas — So the new guy in charge of reforming the accounting industry himself sat on the board of a company now being investigated for fraud, and when that company's outside auditors complained about accounting irregularities, he voted ...

10/31/2002 Molly Ivins October 31
PORTLAND, Ore. — My, what fun we are having this festive fall campaign season. Ads running coast to coast informing us that if the other guy wins the election, pestilence will fall upon the land, weevils will eat the corn, our children will be ...

10/29/2002 Molly Ivins October 29
SAN FRANCISCO — He was the rarest of all rare breeds — a mensch from Minnesota. But this is not a column about Paul Wellstone. No one has to wonder for a minute what he would have wanted, "What would Wellstone do?" The answer all ...

10/24/2002 Molly Ivins October 24
AUSTIN, Texas — The famous Texas two-step is getting a heavy workout in Washington. You glance away for just a moment to watch the World Series and — oops — we're no longer for regime change in Iraq. We've spent the last two ...

10/22/2002 Molly Ivins October 22
AUSTIN, Texas — As all the Miss Witherspoons of our lives used to call in those clear, fluty tones, "Attention, girls!" Heads up, women, we've got problems. The latest in a long line of anti-woman decisions by the Bush ...

10/17/2002 Molly Ivins October 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Have you had a terrible stomach illness lately? It's quite likely you should blame the Bush administration. I know, that sounds like some demented spoof of left-wing paranoia, but it's actually an especially visceral example of ...

10/15/2002 Molly Ivins October 15
AUSTIN, Texas — For those interested in high points in the history of Bad Manners, there was rather a breathtaking moment last week when columnist and television pundit Bob Novak chose to use the occasion of Jimmy Carter's winning the Nobel ...

10/10/2002 Molly Ivins October 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Have you lost your homeowner's insurance lately? Seven hundred thousand of us here in Texas have, after Farmers Insurance decided to pull out of the Texas market — despite the fact that we pay the highest insurance rates in ...

10/08/2002 Molly Ivins October 8
AUSTIN, Texas — We just lost the whole ballgame on corporate reform without the news even making it to the front page. The sick, sad tidings were tucked away discreetly on the business pages: "SEC Chief Hedges on Accounting Regulator." ...

10/03/2002 Molly Ivins October 3
AUSTIN, Texas — One thing I have always admired about the U.S. military services is their ability to learn from their mistakes. They have institutionalized this ability in the form of remarkable After Action Reviews, which include rigorous ...

10/01/2002 Molly Ivins October 1
AUSTIN, Texas — I realize it's early days for this sort of thing, but I already have a nomination for dumbest sentence of the decade. You have a mere eight years to top this one, so you'd better get cracking. I found it in the midst of ...

09/26/2002 Molly Ivins September 26
AUSTIN, Texas — The economy is a mess. We are now in the second dip of a double-dip recession. ("Looks like a W," say the economists, another reason why economists are not famous for their humor.) Six and a quarter trillion dollars has ...

09/24/2002 Molly Ivins September 24
AUSTIN, Texas — No. This is not acceptable. This is not the country we want to be. This is not the world we want to make. The United States of America is still run by its citizens. The government works for us. Rank imperialism and ...

09/19/2002 Molly Ivins September 19
AUSTIN, Texas — "What's so interesting is that he's given in at the ideal moment: really early, when it messes us up." — Kenneth Pollack, an Iraq expert at the Brookings Institute, on Saddam Hussein's agreeing to weapons ...

09/17/2002 Molly Ivins September 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Billie Carr, the godmother of Texas liberals, passed last week at 74. Sue Lovell of Harris County Democrats said she knew Billie was gone when she leaned over the bed and said, "Billie, should I get you a mail ballot?" ...

09/12/2002 Molly Ivins September 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes you have to connect the dots, and sometimes the connections just hit you over the head. Congress is on the verge of taking a final vote on the bankruptcy bill, the product of a five-year effort by credit-card ...

09/10/2002 Molly Ivins September 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's another to add to our growing list of needed corporate reforms. When some poor company — caught in endless coils of red tape, strangled by mean government bureaucrats, its last gasp of entrepreneurial energy driven ...

09/05/2002 Molly Ivins September 5
AUSTIN, Texas — Nothing like a lot of distracting saber-rattling to get you to take your eyes off the shell with the pea under it. Kind of like the prospect of being hanged in the morning, impending war does tend to concentrate the mind ...

09/03/2002 Molly Ivins September 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Excuse me: I don't want to be tacky or anything, but hasn't it occurred to anyone in Washington that sending Vice President Dick Cheney out to champion an invasion of Iraq on the grounds that Saddam Hussein is a "murderous ...

08/29/2002 Molly Ivins August 29
AUSTIN — A new wrinkle in the annals of corporate scandal — Salomon Smith Barney, the stock brokerage/investment banking firm, allocated almost a million shares of hot IPO (initial public offerings) shares in 21 different companies to ...

08/27/2002 Molly Ivins August 27
AUSTIN — "It's the little things, the itty-bitty things. It's the little things that really piss me off." —- song by Robert Earl Keen. Gosh, silly us, getting in a swivet over war and peace. The president is on ...

08/22/2002 Molly Ivins August 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Here we are playing hawks and doves again on the matter on Iraq — war or no war? — with particularly peppy exchanges from our more excitable brethren on the right concerning "appeasement" and lack of ...

08/20/2002 Molly Ivins August 20
AUSTIN, Texas -- Vinson & Elkins, the attorneys for Enron, are now touting their expertise on "offshore special purpose entities" on firm's website. They are "well versed," says their advertisement, in "off-balance sheet ...

08/15/2002 Molly Ivins August 15
WACO, Texas — The President's Economic Forum held here Tuesday raises the question, "By how much don't they get it?" The range of opinion at this shindig went from A to B. This wasn't a forum, it was a pep rally. Sis-Boom-Bah ...

08/13/2002 Mollly Ivins August 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Some days, you have to believe right-wing ideologues have lost touch with reality completely. Their latest proposal to prevent future Enrons is —ta-da! — cut the capital gains tax. And exactly what does that do ...

08/08/2002 Molly Ivins August 8
AUSTIN, Texas — "We were initially told in the early '90s, when they began to apply the military law heavily, that it would be used only against drug dealers and terrorists." — Hisham Kassem, head of the Egyptian ...

08/06/2002 Molly Ivins August 6
AUSTIN, Texas — You can already tell it's going to be a perfectly glorious political year in Texas. Four months out, and we've already got one gubernatorial candidate accusing the other of being a drug dealer, naturally causing the maligned ...

08/01/2002 Molly Ivins August 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Let's review what we got with the Sarbanes bill, so proudly declared by President Bush (who opposed the entire package until two weeks ago) to be "the most far-reaching reform of American business practices since the time of ...

07/30/2002 Molly Ivins July 30
AUSTIN, Texas — The New Yorker magazine published an amusing parody on recent business scandals last week, including this gem: "Mr. Cheney called for an end to innuendo about his activities in a now bankrupt Pitcairn Island firm that sold ...

07/25/2002 Molly Ivins July 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Now some fools want to fire Treasury Secretary Paul O'Neill, the only straight-shooter in the Cabinet. Tell you what I like about O'Neill: He's from Widget World. This Cabinet is wall-to-wall corporate America, but most of them &...

07/23/2002 Molly Ivins July 23
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, it's now hundreds of thousands of words past the WorldCom bankruptcy, with the media might of this great nation devoted to explaining it all to you, and there are still six words I cannot find anywhere — the ...

07/18/2002 Molly Ivins July 18
AUSTIN, Texas — There' some stiff competition in the Stupidest Thing Said Yet department about the swoon in the financial markets. But among the heavy contenders we must surely count those who are now saying they know who's responsible, and it ...

07/16/2002 Molly Ivins July 16
AUSTIN, Texas — If the American public is not by now completely confused about what George W. Bush did or did not do at Harken Energy Corp., it's sure not because us media folks got the story straight. I haven't seen us get this tangled up in ...

07/11/2002 Molly Ivins July 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, President Bush made his big speech on corporate reform Tuesday, and the stock market went down by 178 points. As predicted, Bush proposed stiffer penalties for bad apples, evildoers and perpetrators of "malfee-...

07/09/2002 Molly Ivins July 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Pardon my rant, but I have had it with the Blame Bill Clinton First crowd. Since the day George W. Bush took office, the Clinton-haters, whose monomaniacal nastiness wasted untold amounts of everybody's time and money in the ...

07/04/2002 Molly Ivins July 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy National Birthday to Everybody! Here we still are, by gum, after 226 years (and the last one was a real stinker), still struggling to get it right on liberty and justice for all. And ain't give up yet. I think this ...

07/02/2002 Molly Ivins July 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Our personal trainer the president, up and running after his colonoscopy (I did not need to know about that), is trying out a new role — Scourge of Corporate Misbehavior. This has approximately the same effect as opening ...

06/27/2002 Molly Ivins June 27
AUSTIN, Texas — How nice, President Bush has found his nickey at last (nickey is the East Texas pronunciation of niche), The Presidential Pepster, the First Gym Rat, the P.E. Teacher in Chief has turned his talents to getting us to shape up. ...

06/25/2002 Molly Ivins June 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Damn, we're having an insurance crisis again!! This means the industry's profits are down from obscene to excessive and, as we usually find upon close examination, the reason their profits are down is because of their ...

06/20/2002 Molly Ivins June 20
AUSTIN, Texas — "Jaw, jaw," said Winston Churchill, "is better than war, war." I bring up the not-often-contested notion that peace is better than war only because it seems the Bush administration is incapable of ...

06/18/2002 Molly Ivins June 18
EL PASO, Texas — - Tony Sanchez, Democratic candidate for governor of Texas, made an effective speech at the state convention here. Some of you may not recognize this as a "STOP THE PRESSES!" moment, but that's because life has not ...

06/13/2002 Molly Ivins June 13
AUSTIN, Texas — In the Most Chilling Quote category, consider this gem from Mitchell Daniels, director of the office of Management and Budget, concerning the administration's ongoing campaign to deregulate everything in sight: "We must ...

06/11/2002 Molly Ivins June 11
DALLAS — The world will little note nor long remember what was said at the Republican state convention last weekend. Nevertheless, the shindig had its moments. (I first saw the Lincoln quote applied to some political event in the Boston Globe a ...

06/06/2002 Molly Ivins June 6
AUSTIN, Texas — The Securities and Exchange Commission is now investigating Halliburton — the company formerly run by Vice President Dick Cheney — for accounting irregularities. What took so long? Dick Cheney's record at ...

06/04/2002 Molly Ivins June 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Throwing around words like "fantastic" and "stupefying" is considered bad form outside the tabloid press. But I'm damned if I know what else to say about the news that the Bush administration has decided that ...

05/30/2002 Molly Ivins May 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Those of the populist persuasion are struggling against what is perhaps the most irresistible of all temptations — the urge to say, "I told you so." It is raining evidence these days. The newspaper business ...

05/28/2002 Molly Ivins May 28
AUSTIN, Texas — It's time to connect the dots. If you think the government is having a connection problem on the national security side, you should take a look at the starburst of dots on the economic side for a really stunning scandal. When you ...

05/23/2002 Molly Ivins May 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Is this a great food fight, or what? Now all the cynics — or maybe it's just all the realists — in Washington claim the government is running around issuing warnings about terrorist attacks in order to take everybody'...

05/21/2002 Molly Ivins May 21
AUSTIN, Texas — The financial industry has always been anathema to populists. "Bankers all have hearts like caraway seeds," is one of the mildest populist pronouncements on the breed, and the pugnacious populist William Brann used to ...

05/16/2002 Molly Ivins May 16
AUSTIN, Texas — President George Bush's foreign policy is starting to look like a running gag on "Saturday Night Live." How inept can he get? On Tuesday, Bush teed off on Castro of Cuba, saying he "ought to have free ...

05/14/2002 Molly Ivins May 14
EL PASO, Texas — This is one of those stories, like drought, that happens quietly over a long period, so no one quite notices how horrible it is ... except those directly affected. Those who pay attention to the Texas-Mexican border have known ...

05/09/2002 Molly Ivins May 9
AUSTIN, Texas — We seem to be having a hail of news that fails to amaze. Israel has been attacked by another suicide bomber. Ariel Sharon, so memorably described by President Bush as "a man of peace," had to rush home to ...

05/07/2002 Molly ivins May 7
AUSTIN, Texas — In 1901, a Henry T. Finch, writing in The Independent, reported: "Women's participation in political life would involve the domestic calamity of a deserted home and the loss of the womanly qualities for which refined men ...

04/30/2002 Molly Ivins April 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes I forget how truly simpleminded the Bushies can be. The front-page of The New York Times reports, "The Bush administration seems to accept and even relish (Attorney General) Ashcroft's role as lightning rod on ...

04/25/2002 Molly Ivins April 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Great, now everyone who thinks Ariel Sharon is a screaming disaster for Israel has been read out of the pro-Israeli camp. This excommunication comes not from Israel — where quite a few people think exactly that — but ...

04/23/2002 Molly Ivins April 23
MARATHON — In the annals of West Texas law enforcement, few episodes rival the recent (well, relatively recent) unfortunate occurrence involving the mayor of Lajitas. As visitors to that border metropolis in the Big Bend are aware, the mayor of ...

04/18/2002 Molly Ivins April 18
AUSTIN, Texas — When in the course of the usual reasoned, civil debate on public affairs — conducted always with courtesy and good cheer — one finds one's self snarling, "Oh, shut up!" one has, I fear, been reading too much ...

04/16/2002 Molly Ivins April 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Did anybody vote for this stuff? I mean, aside from Congress. Just to make Tax Day even more exciting than it usually is, we have been treated to a series of recent reports that the Internal Revenue Service is busy ...

04/11/2002 Molly Ivins April 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Across the length and breadth of this great land of ours, from the mountain to the prairie, from every hill and dale comes the question, "Where are the Democrats?" They're among the missing, along with Judge ...

04/09/2002 Molly Ivins April 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, things do seem to be going to hell, don't they? The beauty of having fled to Mexico for a week to escape the endless blat of television news is that it leaves you with enough energy to tackle the subject of the Middle East &...

03/28/2002 Molly Ivins March 28
AUSTIN, Texas — The evidence just keeps stacking up that this administration intends to turn the entire country into a giant Texas. The hallmarks of Bush's governorship are everywhere, being reenacted on a grander scale in Washington, D.C. The ...

03/26/2002 Molly Ivins March 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Have you noticed that the health-care system is not working? In fact, it's falling apart. And the most curious thing about that is how few of the people for whom the system still works — and they're the ones who make the ...

03/21/2002 Molly Ivins March 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Boy, we are marching backwards on the environment at a truly impressive pace. Between the Senate and the Bush administration, we are advancing to the rear, double time. The Clean Air Act, the Clean Water Act, fuel efficiency ...

03/19/2002 Molly Ivins March 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Gee, what a shame about Arthur Andersen. And it's going to make such a big mess, too. But wouldn't you like to hear the arguments being made in defense of Andersen put forward in a Texas courtroom, just to see what would happen?
03/14/2002 Molly Ivins March 14
AUSTIN, Texas — The Tonya Harding/Paula Jones match on "Celebrity Boxing" ... I have no idea how to finish that sentence. OK, it's a concept. Maybe it's camp. Or haute tacky. Sure, we could shoot whoever thought of it, but don't you ...

03/12/2002 Molly Ivins March 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Thinking about nuclear weapons is sort of like looking directly at the sun: If you do it for more than a split second, you go blind. Or insane. Our government is now contemplating such a ne plus ultra of idiocy ...

03/07/2002 Molly Ivins March 7
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes there is no new in the news: violence in the Middle East, United States may have Osama bin Laden cornered yet again (that could become chronic) and the Senate once again debates energy policy. And even when you think ...

03/05/2002 Molly Ivins March 5
AUSTIN, Texas — We're having a splendid political primary season here in Texas, featuring several loopier-than-usual players and one total gooney bird named John Worldpeace. On the Democratic side for U.S. Senate, the two heavy-hitting, ...

02/28/2002 Molly Ivins February 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Another bad idea. What are they, cheaper by the dozen? The Bush administration has decided to dump all the high-level nuclear waste in America into some yet-to-be excavated tunnels at Yucca Mountain, Nev. Insomuch as you ...

02/26/2002 Molly Ivins February 26
AUSTIN, Texas — "Behind the ostensible government sits enthroned an invisible government owing no allegiance and acknowledging no responsibility to the people. To destroy this invisible government, to befoul the unholy alliance between ...

02/21/2002 Molly Ivins February 21
AUSTIN, Texas — One rarely sees a thoroughly bad idea advanced by government. Lots of stuff from silly to smelly gets done, but somebody usually benefits, even if it's not the American people. But can anyone see an upside to having an office of ...

02/19/2002 Molly Ivins February 19
AUSTIN, Texas — In response to President George W. Bush's call to all Americans to give service to our country, some are enlisting in the Peace Corps, AmeriCorps, Senior Corps or the armed services. Others have begun putting in their suggested 4,...

02/14/2002 Molly Ivins February 14
AUSTIN, Texas — As I write, the most riveting television drama imaginable is being played out on C-Span, of all places. The U.S. House of Representatives is debating campaign finance reform, and it's one of those days when all citizens ...

02/12/2002 Molly Ivins February 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Enron, the biggest financial failure in U.S. history, is bigger than Enron. It's also bigger than Global Crossing and all the earnings restatements headed our way, too. "Systemic," "structural" and &...

02/07/2002 Molly Ivins February 7
LANSING, Mich — Here in the home of the Lansing Lugnuts, the local baseball team named after the town's premier product, is also to be found a unique work of art — a statue of a lugnut on a tall column. Just further evidence of America's ...

02/05/2002 Molly Ivins February 5
AUSTIN, Texas — Excuse me, but the Bush administration's "internal contradictions," as the communists used to say, are showing like a dirty slip. On Jan. 25, the administration ordered federal agencies to review their contracts with ...

01/31/2002 Molly Ivins January 31
AUSTIN — The State of the Union was fairly surreal Tuesday night. We won the war against Afghanistan, but we're still at war with Al Qaeda, so we have to go attack North Korea. The big paper-shredders at Enron are finally coming to a halt,...

01/29/2002 Molly Ivins January 29
AUSTIN — The seminal historic event always affects the language. Already we can see that Enron is of this shattering magnitude. A stick-up artist goes into the Jiffy Mart to pull a heist. He whips his heater and says to the clerk, "Put Œem ...

01/24/2002 Molly ivins January 24
AUSTIN — Why do they hate us? Well, scope out the deal at Guantanamo, and see what you think. We go along for months having a war — the war in Afghanistan, the war on terrorism, the war to get Osama bin Laden dead or alive, troops ...

01/15/2002 Molly Ivins January 15
There's something happening here What it is ain't exactly clear ... It's time we stop, children, what's that sound Everybody look what's goin' down. — Buffalo Springfield AUSTIN, ...

01/10/2002 Molly Ivins January 10
AUSTIN — And a happy New Year to all the friendly folks at the Henry Cisneros' special prosecutor's office, now coming up on its seventh year. Cisneros, who left office five ago as Clinton's housing secretary, is back in San Antonio doing good ...

01/03/2002 Molly Ivins January 3
AUSTIN — Here comes everyone's favorite season: The tree is down, the bills are due, January, February, Ry-Krisp and cottage cheese. T'is the festive season for one of our nation's leading industries — dispensers of diet advice. ...

12/27/2001 Molly Ivins December 27
AUSTIN, Texas —- Until a few days ago, it seemed there were only two ways we could possibly lose the war in Afghanistan at this late date. The first was if great numbers of Afghans starve to death this winter, thus canceling out the good we have ...

12/20/2001 Molly Ivins December 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Fellow procrastinators of the world, unite! Now is the time to begin thinking about Christmas shopping. We still have a few days left, so there's no rush for those who have been known to do it all on Christmas morning at the ...

12/18/2001 Molly Ivins December 18
AUSTIN — Since we have declared war on a noun, we are now by definition in the definition business. The shortest version of our definitional problem, as we see in attacks from India to Israel, is that one man's terrorist is another man's freedom ...

12/13/2001 Molly Ivins December 13
AUSTIN — When George W. Bush was governor of Texas, many political observers had a theory that whenever he started holding photo ops with adorable little children, it was time to grab your wallet because it meant some unconscionable giveaway to ...

12/11/2001 Molly Ivins December 11
AUSTIN, Texas — By George, we need honest, reasoned debate around here and not fear-mongering, so anyone out there who suspects Attorney General John Ashcroft of being a nincompoop is clearly aiding terrorists and giving ammunition to America¹s ...

12/06/2001 Molly Ivins December 6
AUSTIN — Hail and farewell, o Enron! What a flameout. The Establishment media, sucking its collective thumb with unwonted solemnity, is treating us to meditations on two themes: "How the mighty have fallen," and, "Who would have ...

12/04/2001 Molly Ivins December 4
AUSTIN — With all due respect, of course, and God Bless America too, has anyone considered the possibility that the attorney general is becoming unhinged? Poor John Ashcroft is under a lot of strain here. Is it possible his mind has ...

11/27/2001 Molly Ivins November 27
AUSTIN — Now is no time to quit worrying. Keep up that nail-biting, team. Foreign policy is like chess: It's necessary to think at least three or four moves ahead. According to The New York Times, the Pakistanis are deeply unhappy with us. They ...

11/22/2001 Molly Ivins November 22
AUSTIN —- This being the season of thanksgiving, I am come to toast Bob Eckhardt, the great Texas congressman, who died last week at 88. We owe him thanks and are so lucky to have had him with us. What a rare one. And a lot of fun, too. ...

11/20/2001 Molly Ivins November 20
AUSTIN — WHOA! The problem is the premise. We are having one of those circular arguments about how many civil liberties we can trade away in order to make ourselves safe from terrorism, without even looking at the assumption — can
11/15/2001 Molly Ivins November 15
CHICAGO — Good news, bad news; bad news, good news. Plane crash: bad news. "Just" a plane crash: good news. Our side takes Kabul. Ooops, our side could be a problem. My favorite guy on our side is Gen. Abdul Rashid Dostum, the ...

11/13/2001 Molly Ivins November 13
AUSTIN, Texas — The fate of Flight 587 is not just a free-standing tragedy, but almost the last thing we needed. Even if the cause remains a mystery, the edginess quotient just shot back up again. It has seemed to me the media have been ...

11/08/2001 Molly Ivins November 8
AUSTIN — Say, here's an item: A group of right-wing journalists famed for their impartiality has set themselves up as the Patriotism Police. No less distinguished a crowd than Rush Limbaugh, Matt Drudge, The New York Post editorial page and the ...

11/06/2001 Molly Ivins November 6
AUSTIN, Texas — We Texans are sleeping more soundly at night now that Land Commissioner David Dewhurst is on the job as state director of Homeland Security, preventing attacks on important cultural monuments, such as the statue of the roadrunner ...

11/01/2001 Molly Ivins November 1
AUSTIN, Texas — I don't see how we can call the House "economic stimulus" package anything but war-profiteering. The bill is a disgrace, and the usual suspects from Texas — Tom Delay and Dick Armey — hold large ...

10/30/2001 Molly Ivins October 30
NEW YORK, N.Y. — It now looks, with 20-20 hindsight, as though he should have taken a few more deep breaths before smacking that tar-baby that is Afghanistan. We're running out of time for three reasons — winter, Ramadan and the prospect ...

10/25/2001 Molly Ivins October 25
AUSTIN — Excuse me if my professionocentrism is showing, but I believe the American media deserve a good chunk of all the blame that is going around for Sept. 11 and its aftermath. Here we are trying to figure out, "Why Do They Hate Us?&...

10/23/2001 Molly Ivins October 23
AUSTIN — We had one of those "What was he thinking?" moments with Gov. Rick (Goodhair) Perry the other day. The only governor we've got decided to bring back that old bone of contention prayer in the schools. Nice timing, guv. ...

10/20/2001 Molly Ivins October 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Back from a month in Europe, I meant to begin by suggesting it's time to start thinking outside the box. Then I got back to Texas. The sign outside our neighborhood strip joint says, "Hot Babes, Cold Beer, Nuke ŒEm, GW."...

10/18/2001 Molly Ivins October 18
AUSTIN — On war, and rumors of war. In 1950, the United States got involved in a war and called it a police action. We are now involved a police action we're calling a war. The semantic confusion is having unfortunate effects on everyone. ...

10/16/2001 Molly Ivins October 16
AUSTIN — Afghanistan is to nation-building what Afghanistan is to war — pretty much the last place on earth you'd choose, if you had any choice at all. I point this out not to oppose the idea, about which I think we have no choice, but to ...

10/11/2001 Molly Ivins October 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Actually, this is pathetic. And I say this as one who supported military action in the wake of the attacks. I still think we're dealing with a crime, not a war, but it wasn't a crime Interpol could solve. Who could we send ...

10/09/2001 Molly Ivins October 9
AUSTIN — So far, so good. Way to go, military. It has turned out, in previous campaigns of oxymoronic "surgical bombing," that initial reports exaggerated both the effectiveness and the accuracy of our efforts. But as of the ...

10/04/2001 Molly Ivins October 4
AUSTIN — Operating on the theory that what we owe our country in time of crisis is, among other things, our best thinking, let's continue to think about what America can usefully do now. We have a bad national habit of playing the blame ...

08/30/2001 Molly Ivins August 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Most of us assume the fatal weakness of libertarian thinking, which is so dominant in this administration of recycled Reaganism, is its eternal tendency to apply simple solutions to complex problems — which is, of course, ...

08/28/2001 Molly Ivins August 28
AUSTIN, Texas — I am indebted to Jon Stewart of the Comedy Channel and to "The Daily Show," the last real news program on cable television, for the idea of a collection of quotes from Sen. Jesse Helms: — On the subject of ...

08/23/2001 Molly Ivins August 23
AUSTIN, Texas — More bizarre appointments by the Bush administration. This problem is reaching tidal wave proportions. It's not so much a matter of setting the fox to guard the chicken coop as it is letting the raccoons loose in the henhouse....

08/21/2001 Molly Ivins August 21
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, let's try this again, Texans. We now have one of the highest execution rates in the entire world. Here are the numbers according to Amnesty International and some math: In 2000, four countries around the world ...

08/16/2001 Molly Ivins August 16
AUSTIN, Texas — The Mexican truck debate is a pip because it reveals so much about globalization and its attendant problems. I have a dog in this fight: I live nestled on the shores of I-35, the main route north from Mexico, and spend a ...

08/14/2001 Molly Ivins August 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Several mostly overlooked news stories of late can be added to the collection under "Defining the Zeitgeist," our perpetual quest to understand our times — also known as "getting a grip." In the ...

08/09/2001 Molly Ivins August 9
CHICAGO — Big Brother was at the American Bar Association convention this week, selling his wares. Lawyers, look out: Your firm does not want you in the bathroom when you could be posting billable hours. And Big Brother is at every other ...

08/07/2001 Molly ivins August 7
AUSTIN, Texas — You would think the First Amendment's directions on freedom of speech and of the press ("Congress shall make no law") would be pretty clear to everyone by now. But here we are in the middle of 2001 with a journalist in ...

08/02/2001 Molly Ivins August 2
AUSTIN — Gee, how nice. The Republicans are mounting a big campaign to win women over to their cause. The campaign is called "Winning Women," and The New York Times says they're going to spend millions on us. Take off your aprons, ...

07/31/2001 Molly Ivins July 31
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, it's a great country, but you've got to admit, it is a little strange. One of its strangest aspects is the relative attention paid to fluff compared to the stuff that actually makes a difference in people's lives. Take the-...

07/26/2001 Molly Ivins July 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I'm afraid Karl Rove's timing is off: You can't pass a huge tax cut tilted heavily toward the rich and then announce Social Security is about to go belly-up. People make the connection. If only he'd waited 'til next year &...

07/24/2001 Molly Ivins July 24
AUSTIN — Normally when a politician flip-flops on some issue, we all boo and hiss. The pleasant thing about President George W. Bush is that his original positions are so frequently buffleheaded, it's quite encouraging when he changes his mind.
07/19/2001 Molly Ivins July 19
AUSTIN — Immigration policy is one of those subjects, like taxes, that really is complicated, and it's a disservice to simplify it, no matter which side you're on. President Bush's new plan to offer amnesty to 3 million illegal Mexican workers ...

07/17/2001 Molly Ivins July 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh goody, we're cracking down on Cuba again. President Bush wants to punish unauthorized travel to Cuba and plans to increase financing for groups on the island opposed to Castro. We have cracked down on Cuba under ...

07/12/2001 Molly Ivins July 12
AUSTIN, Texas — The project to rename North Dakota just Dakota is a splendid addition to the national political agenda. Let me put in my two-cents worth now: I think it should be called the State Formerly Known as North Dakota. ...

07/10/2001 Molly Ivins July 10
AUSTIN, Texas — The Bush administration may be fixing to fish or cut bait on the stem cell research issue, except it appears it will actually try to straddle the issue. Good luck to them. Those who believe life begins the instant an egg ...

07/05/2001 Molly Ivins July 5
AUSTIN, Texas — The trial of Slobodan Milosevic is a rather noble effort to hold rulers accountable for genocide. At great pain and cost, the man has been extradited and is on trial for crimes against humanity, on the theory that his having to ...

07/03/2001 Molly Ivins July 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy birthday, U.S.A.! Our national natal day rolls around again, giving us the opportunity to dwell once more on the charms and glories of our great — although slightly peculiar — country. We were all along ...

06/28/2001 Molly Ivins June 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Now here's an interesting development: The Boise Cascade Corp. is targeting Rainforest Action Network (RAN), the environmental group that has gotten Home Depot, Lowe's and other major companies to stop buying wood from the ...

06/26/2001 Molly Ivins June 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Look at it this way: The good news is there's at least one thing about which George W. Bush is consistent. George W. Bush does not believe in doing anything to hurt big business. He especially doesn't believe in letting ...

06/21/2001 Molly Ivins June 21
AUSTIN —— First, we Texans would like to salute the only governor we've got, Rick ("Goodhair") Perry, the Ken Doll, for vetoing the bill to outlaw executing the mentally retarded. We are Texas Proud. Such a brilliant decision &...

06/19/2001 Molly Ivins June 19
AUSTIN — Damn, now we do have a bad situation, and it's mostly because the media have consistently misreported the tax-rebate story. Word has now filtered through lower-income communities that "everyone is going to get $300 back from ...

06/14/2001 Molly Ivins June 14
AUSTIN — Look at it this way: The president hasn't barfed on anyone yet, and he's only mispronounced one world leader's name so far. The bad news is it was the only guy over there who likes us, and he has only two syllables in his name. I ...

06/12/2001 Molly Ivins June 12
AUSTIN — "Invictus"?! Lord save us, what a sick man. Talk about delusional. That Timothy McVeigh, mass murderer of children, saw himself as the master of his ship and the captain of his soul is beyond irony. Now he's going to ...

06/07/2001 Molly ivins June 7
AUSTIN, Texas — Boy, does this have a familiar ring. George W. Bush comes up with a terrible idea, and by the time it becomes law it's such a hopeless hash you can't even tell what it was supposed to do in the first place. That's the governor I ...

06/05/2001 Molly Ivins June 5
AUSTIN — What a glorious year for the summer reading list! Enough gems to stock any list —- fiction and non-, funny and tragic, sometimes both simultaneously; plus a perfect plethora of peppy public policy books. But there are two ...

05/31/2001 Molly Ivins May 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Gray Davis, the Al Gore of California (are we sure this man has a bellybutton?), has suffered a conversion to populism. Funny how populism always comes back again when people notice they are getting gouged by corporations. ...

05/29/2001 Molly Ivins May 29
AUSTIN, Texas — The National Laboratory for Bad Government has just finished the most interesting experiment, with, as usual, sharp lessons for the rest of the nation. This one is called, "What Can You Do When the Cupboard Is Bare?" ...

05/24/2001 Molly ivins May 24
AUSTIN, Texas — I got lost in the suburbs last week. It was horrible; mile after mile of ticky-tacky on steroids. I've lived here so long, the only map I own still shows no settlement out there. I couldn't find my way out of those loops ...

05/22/2001 Molly Ivins May 22
AUSTIN, Texas — It's kind of interesting to watch large enterprises veering off course. More embarrassing is to watch two Texas oilmen produce an energy plan that's just silly. To recap the energy "crisis," our first problem is ...

05/17/2001 Molly Ivins May 17
AUSTIN, Texas — A bizarre example of "fair and balanced" media coverage was the Summit of the Americas trade meeting in Quebec, Canada, in April. The first night of the trade summit, ABC spent four minutes covering the minimal violence ...

05/15/2001 Molly Ivins May 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Just to point out the obvious, the people now defending the FBI for its "innocent mistake" in not having turned over all its files on the Oklahoma bombing case are the same people who used to go berserker ballistic ...

05/10/2001 Molly Ivins May 10
AUSTIN — We're all used to eco-porn by now; those beautiful television ads featuring some natural jewel, during which an announcer with a four-balls voice tells us how much Exxon or some other gross polluter is doing to keep our precious earth ...

05/08/2001 Molly Ivins May 8
AUSTIN —- If you're one of those right-wing Goldwaterites who still worries about the government eroding our fundamental freedoms, you're absolutely right. And the latest example is a colossal stinker of a decision by the U.S. Supreme Court. ...

05/03/2001 Molly Ivins May 3
AUSTIN —- Back-to-back speeches by the Veeper and the only president we've got beggar the imagination. Let's have a new rule: If you pronounce the word "nukular," you shouldn't go around nullifying nuclear treaties. Or building nuclear ...

05/01/2001 Molly Ivins May 1
AUSTIN, Texas — What a great idea: Let's write about George W.'s first 101 days in office. Are we media people creative and original, or what? This isn't blackbird journalism because blackbirds are bright-eyed and alert. Nor can we call ...

04/13/2001 Molly Ivins April 13
BOULDER, Colo. — Here at the annual World Affairs Conference at the University of Colorado, the assorted experts from around the globe may sometimes be wrong, but they are rarely in doubt. This lends a happy, "But the emperor isn't ...

04/10/2001 Handling China in True Texas Fashion
During these international pickles, when stuff happens and no one has any idea what to do about it, we shouldn't criticize the people in charge unless we can come up with a suggestion about what they should do instead. So in that spirit, let me ...

04/08/2001 Molly Ivins April 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Texas politics: still more entertaining than any other kindergarten. Last week offered the following festive events: A.R. "Tony" Sanchez, Democratic nominee-presumptive for governor next year, receives a ...

04/03/2001 Molly Ivins April 3
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, here's what I think the problem is with George W. Bush and Karl Rove. After the 36-day post-election war, the R's kept saying to the D's, "Get over it." Although not kindly intended, this happened to be very ...

04/01/2001 Molly Ivins April 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Whew! Wow! Whee! Holy cow! We won, we won, we won! What a battle, what a war, what a triumph! OK, everybody, sober up, straighten out. The first thing we have to do is prevent rising expectations. McCain-Feingold is not ...

03/29/2001 Molly Ivins March 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, great. The most important thing to happen in politics in years and it has a sexy name like "the non-severability clause" of the equally sexy-sounding campaign finance reform bill. Try selling the passionate ...

03/27/2001 Molly Ivins March 27
AUSTIN, Texas — A couple of new reports on Gen X women provide many munchies for thought. The news, reported by The New York Times, that women are expected to be a majority of those entering law school this fall is significant for several ...

03/25/2001 Molly Ivins March 25
AUSTIN — What a strange session the Texas Legislature is having. Other states are in budget freefall, with revenues dropping so sharply services have to be cut. In Texas, we publicly admit to being in a budget crunch, but not a crisis. We'...

03/22/2001 Molly Ivins March 22
ROANOKE, Va. — Virginians are proud of their state's history, of which there is a lot. Still, it's a little startling to find Gov. Jim Gilmore's decision to honor "All Virginians Who Served in the Civil War'' — for both the blue and ...

03/20/2001 Put Up Or Shut Up Time For Democrats
AUSTIN, Texas — The Democrats in the U.S. Senate have an unusual opportunity coming up in the next few weeks. One could even call it unique, if unique were not a forbidden word in newspapers. The Democrats can prove that everybody who voted for ...

03/16/2001 Molly Ivins March 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Not, all in all, a good week for government or business. As the stock market continued to tank, we got three primo examples out of Washington of how not to govern. The indefensible Git Tuff on Bankruptcy bill slid through ...

03/15/2001 The Crash Of '29 For Those Under 40
AUSTIN, Texas — For years, I have aspired to become a curmudgeon. H.L. Mencken, Murray Kempton, Maury Maverick Jr., Bob Sherrill — with role models like these, what else would I ever want to be when I grow up? Unfortunately, I ...

03/13/2001 Molly Ivins March 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Heads up! Now is the time for all good political junkies to come to the aid of their country. O come, all ye small-d democrats and small-r republicans; come, ye reformers, C-SPAN junkies, vegetarians, Unitarians, Rotarians, ...

03/11/2001 Molly Ivins March 11
DALLAS — Our new president has just committed foreign policy. Run for your lives! He's going to Git Tuff on North Korea. North Korea consists of several million people who are the verge of starvation. Our ally, President Kim Dae Jung of ...

03/08/2001 Molly Ivins March 8
AUSTIN, Texas — I got repetitive stress syndrome from over-knitting. I prefer to think of it as Extreme Knitting. It was during one of my periodic attempts to quit smoking. (Now amid another one, I'm six months out and doing well, thank you.) ...

03/06/2001 Molly Ivins March 6
AUSTIN, Texas — If you aren't confused about George W. Bush's tax-cut package by now, you haven't been paying attention. The beloved Mark Twain's line about "lies, damned lies and statistics" has been working overtime as our happy ...

03/04/2001 Molly Ivins March 4
NEW YORK — Gosh, already the Shrub administration is letting the good times roll. The funsters at the Census Bureau have decided not to count several million citizens. Not only does every vote not count, but some people don't count. Since ...

03/01/2001 Molly Ivins March 1
AUSTIN, Texas — President Bush's maiden address to the nation was classic Dubya: He talks moderate and governs right. And this is never more true than on economic issues. Again, with Bush, what you see is not what you get. What you hear ...

02/27/2001 Molly Ivins February 27
AUSTIN, Texas — A character in the "The Red Fox" observed that all government comes down to three questions: — "Who benefits, who profits?" — "Who rules the rulers?" — "...

02/25/2001 Molly Ivins February 25
AUSTIN, Texas — That was quite a remarkable moment that George W. Bush had in Mexico. You may have missed it or even assumed he was just pointing out the obvious again, but consider the implications of the president of the United States saying ...

02/22/2001 Molly Ivins February 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Darn it. Last week was National Security Week — Karl Rove said so — and I was so busy pointing out the numerous idiocies of George W. Bush's tax cut that I missed the whole thing. However, it is painfully clear ...

02/20/2001 Molly Ivins February 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Let's talk Texas politics. At this point, the Democratic Party's Great Brown Hope is Tony Sanchez Jr., of whom you may never have heard. No reason why you should have. He hasn't done much and doesn't stand for much. So why ...

02/18/2001 Molly Ivins February 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Admit it. You've been dying to find out, haven't you? What are they up to in the Texas Lege this year? House Bill 727 by Rep. Bob Turner, D-Voss, establishes the bison by amending the Agriculture Code as follows: "...

02/15/2001 Molly Ivins February 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Don't you just love it when they put out the "For Sale" signs at the Capitol and the White House? Just two weeks before new federal rules to protect the privacy of medical records are due to go into effect, the ...

02/13/2001 Molly Ivins February 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Let me apologize. It's not as though I didn't know that this is Defense Spending Week and that all of us in the media are supposed to follow the new Bush administration's lead and speak of nothing but defense. But here I ...

02/08/2001 Molly Ivins February 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Jim Hightower, an invaluable public citizen, once suggested that politicians be forced to wear the corporate logos of their biggest donors in the fashion of NASCAR race drivers so we'd know who they'd sold out to. ...

02/06/2001 Molly Ivins February 6
AUSTIN, Texas — For terrific entertainment, watch the Washington press corps swoon over George W. Bush. The famous charm offensive (he's calling congressmen by cute nicknames, like "Big George") has the chatting classes producing the ...

02/04/2001 Molly Ivins February 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Christmas! Tax cuts ahead! Look out — whatever you do, don't get between the hogs and the trough. The K Street lobbyists are ginning up a campaign to get big business a bigger slice of the tax-cut pie. In fact, the ...

02/01/2001 Molly Ivins February 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Welcome to George W. Bush's world of fuzzy policy thinking. If you find yourself confused, befuddled or confounded by his recent proposals, don't worry about a thing. You understand them perfectly. They just don't make much sense....

01/30/2001 Molly Ivins January 30
AUSTIN, Texas — Now that Texas and George W. Bush have parted company, things are looking up deep in the heart. In fact, a positively astonishing number of good bills actually have a chance of passing this session, and I think we owe it in part ...

01/28/2001 Molly Ivins January 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Haven't had so much fun reading a book since I was 12 and found "The Three Musketeers." Thomas Frank's "One Market, Under God" is a populist romp over the most delicious idiocies of the past decade. The ...

01/25/2001 Molly Ivins January 25
LUBBOCK, Texas — I'm back where most of the world is sky, the people are wonderful, and the water tastes funny. We are on Day Five of the Restoration and, ooops, not looking good. Of special concern out here is the confirmation of Ann ...

01/23/2001 Molly Ivins January 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Day Three of the Bush Restoration, and the lights are going out in California. Naturally, the Blame Game is afoot, and many and varied are those who are getting the blame dumped on them for this lollapalooza of a mess. &...

01/21/2001 Molly Ivins January 21
AUSTIN, Texas — The president is a Texan, the governor is an Aggie, God's in His heaven, all's right with the world. And I want it noted for the record that I am doing my dead-level best to be cheerful about this revolting development. ...

01/14/2001 Molly Ivins January 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, dear. The Borking of Linda Chavez is leading to another round of sulking, hurt feelings and general acrimony, making the upcoming fight over the confirmation of Attorney General-designate John Ashcroft even more festive. <...

01/09/2001 Molly Ivins January 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Worst idea of 2001 so far: naming a newspaper columnist to the U.S. Cabinet. You really don't want columnists running the government. As any newspaper reporter can tell you, all newspaper columnists work maybe two hours a day and ...

01/07/2001 Molly Ivins January 7
AUSTIN, Texas — George W. Bush is threatening to give us an energy policy that marches militantly in exactly the wrong direction. Bush's views on energy are still those of a West Texas oilman. He once ran for Congress from Midland because ...

01/04/2001 Molly Ivins January 4
MARATHON, Texas — So far out in West Texas, there's only God and country on the radio. Along with endless sky and no cellphones. Drive across the Rio Grande in your pickup for lunch and say, "Oh, good, the War on Drugs is bound to work ...

12/31/2000 Credit Where It's Due: Clinton Managed to Accomplish a Few Things, Despite Others and Himself
AUSTIN, Texas — The time has come to bid farewell to President William Jefferson Clinton. Been a lot of wasted time and wasted talent these eight years. The politics of personal destruction. A level of vituperation so intense and so stupid that ...

12/28/2000 Molly Ivins December 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Traditionally, when one bids adieu to the year just past, a tone of cynical good-riddance to 12 sorry months is da rigor, as they say in Lubbock. Well, forget tradition. I say 2000 was a glorious political year from start ...

12/24/2000 Molly Ivins December 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Goodness, someone has left some nasty little lumps of coal in our stockings. Fortunately, someone else put in a few nice, shiny toys. Look at this lousy lump. Just before it left town last week, Congress passed a little ...

12/21/2000 Molly Ivins December 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Procrastinators of the world, unite! Be it resolved that we will be found from now until quite late on Christmas Eve solving all our Christmas shopping problems at the best one-stop shop in town, the bookstore — preferably ...

12/19/2000 Molly Ivins December 19
AUSTIN — All right, we've got W. off to Washington at long last, and here we are, stuck with Gov. Rick Perry. I realize President-elect Bush is pushing the unlikely notion that what the nation needs is for Congress to become more like the ...

12/17/2000 Forgive But Don't Forget
TALLAHASSEE, FLA. — Memo To Democrats Only: Nikolaevich Tolstoy once wrote a short story titled God Sees the Truth, But Waits. I suggest we nurse this grudge, very carefully. It is clear to me, as an admittedly partisan ...

12/14/2000 Welcome to Local Control, Election-Style
TALLAHASSEE, Fla. — It would have been nice to know who got the most votes in Florida. But you can't have it all, and this election certainly had everything else. U.S. Supreme Court Justice Antonin Scalia — that cute little scamp, ...

12/03/2000 Molly Ivins December 3
AUSTIN, Texas — For those in favor of having this argument like grown-ups, some history may be helpful. The punch-card voting system has been a consistent election problem for the last 30 years. About 37 percent of Americans still vote on ...

11/30/2000 Molly Ivins November 30
AUSTIN, Texas — In May 1957, one of the ugliest times in Texas history, the Legislature was debating a long series of bills designed to reinforce the legal structure of segregation. Henry B. Gonzalez opposed the bills for 22 hours ...

11/28/2000 Molly Ivins November 28
AUSTIN, Texas — In our continuing study of PBBUPs (People Behaving Badly Under Pressure), we are witnessing some outstanding performances — and names are being written down. Many prominent citizens are about to lose their certification as ...

11/23/2000 Molly Ivins November 23
AUSTIN, Texas — I'd say Jebbie Bush has a problem. Not that he didn't have one before, but now he is in a dill pickle. The R's best strategy at this point is to make the hand recount process into the zoo that they have been claiming it is ...

11/21/2000 Molly Ivins November 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Now they're eating the chad! For all I know, they're eating pregnant chad! Call the right-to-life folks! Call the cruelty-to-animals people! I heard it on talk radio, so it must be true. Those people will stop at nothing! ...

11/19/2000 Molly Ivins November 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's the challenge: Let's everybody with a dog in this fight — meaning either pro-Gore or pro-Bush — be obliged to make the case for the other side for at least 15 minutes. Because I think we're watching ...

11/16/2000 Molly Ivins November 16
AUSTIN, Texas — In an effort to be helpful while many around us are losing their heads, let us ponder the great question of this election. As it turns out, the question is not, "Is our children learning?" It is, "Did you know that ...

11/14/2000 Molly Ivins November 14
AUSTIN, Texas — My favorite moment, so far, was when George W. Bush won New Mexico by four votes. That's not a result — it's a fabulous freak that should be clapped under glass immediately and shipped off to the Your-Vote-Counts Museum....

11/12/2000 Molly Ivins November 12
AUSTIN — Bliss it was in that very dawn to be alive. Of course, we all need to behave like grown-ups — the fate of democracy, great principles and all the money that these people have spent are at stake here. But this episode also has the ...

11/09/2000 Molly Ivins November 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Good grief. Holy cow. Wow. And Lord help us. I don't know who wrote the script for this election, but it was so far over the top that the perp should be chucked out of the screenwriters' guild. Naturally, we can ...

11/07/2000 Molly Ivins November 7
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, everybody, you know the law. If you don't vote, you can't complain. So get out and do it. Voting whitens your teeth and sweetens your breath, and people who vote have better sex lives. This has been extensively studied,...

11/05/2000 Molly Ivins November 5
AUSTIN, Texas — In the long view of history — always a consoling perspective at a time like this — the 2000 presidential campaign most likely will rank as a giant waste of time. Our future depends on The Stuff They Wouldn't ...

11/02/2000 Molly Ivins November 2
AUSTIN, Texas — In Texas, the state where you have a right to a lawyer who sleeps through your murder trial, we are familiar with life under George W. Bush's concept of justice for all. The recent "Hey, a sleeping lawyer is still a ...

10/31/2000 Molly Ivins October 31
AUSTIN, Texas — A dramatic new political ad reminding viewers of the dragging death of James Byrd Jr. in Jasper two years ago has the Bush campaign in a royal snit, denouncing the ad as utterly disgusting and below the belt. You may want ...

10/29/2000 Molly Ivins October 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Ooo, it's getting nasty out there. Do you love the idea that a group from McAllen, that doesn't have to report who gave it money or how much or where it came from or what its purpose is, is running a TV ad accusing Clinton-Gore ...

10/26/2000 Molly Ivins October 26
AUSTIN, Texas — As Gen. George Patton said of war, "God help me, but I love it so." I realize that the only people in America having a good time right now are political reporters, but we haven't had this much fun since Grandpa fell in ...

10/24/2000 Molly Ivins October 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Great. George W. Bush sounds like English is his second language, and Al Gore sounds like he thinks it's yours. It's like having Ted Baxter of the old "Mary Tyler Moore" show running for president: Gore has Ted's manner,...

10/22/2000 Molly Ivins October 22
BOSTON — The news media missed the third debate because they were so focused on Al Gore. Gore was again aggressive, Gore was arguably over the line a couple of times — anyone see any sign of a new stretcher? They missed George W. Bush's ...

10/19/2000 Molly Ivins October 19
WASHINGTON — As they used to say, long ago and far away, there it is. Tuesday night's debate gave us the real Al Gore and the real George W. Bush. Gore won — he may even have killed — but he's still annoying. One can only ...

10/17/2000 Molly Ivins October 17
NEW YORK — Faint, but at this late date we abstain from the new mandatory media pose of being clever and snide about the only two major presidential candidates we've got, and pause here to consider An Issue. (I know — so quaint of us.) ...

10/15/2000 Molly Ivins October 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Hard to know what to do about the Middle East, although indicting Ariel Sharon for treason might be useful. And listening to presidential debates just makes one want to sigh. Al Gore: There are 1.4 million children in Texas ...

10/12/2000 Molly Ivins October 12
AUSTIN, Texas — We are a nation divided, cleft, twain for the duration. For those of us in states like Texas, where George W. Bush will sweep, or California, where Al Gore is up by 13, this presidential election is being phoned in. You have to ...

10/10/2000 Molly Ivins October 10
SAN RAFAEL, Calif. — Watching George W. Bush's post-debate strategy emerge was interesting. Watching it flower into perfection within days was fascinating. To go back a mere week, Veep Al Gore won the debate on points, but the immediate ...

10/05/2000 Molly Ivins October 5
"I've named four Supreme Court judges in the state of Texas, and I would ask the people to check out their qualifications, their deliberations. ... I've had a record of appointing judges in the state of Texas. That's what a governor gets to do. A ...

10/03/2000 Molly Ivins October 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Excuse me, but something seems to be slipping into obscurity with no media comment whatever, and as Arthur Miller wrote in "Death of a Salesman," "Attention must be paid." The event was a modest ...

09/17/2000 Molly Ivins September 17
AUSTIN, Texas — A hearty round of congratulations to all concerned in this year's presidential race for three weeks of politics at their finest. First, we had the great debate over whether the vice president smooched his wife for too long ...

09/14/2000 Molly Ivins September 14
AUSTIN, Texas — When I was in my 20s, the subject of insurance was so vastly boring that it was a way to describe a bad date: "like talking to an insurance salesman." It's still sort of like your teeth — something you'd rather ...

09/12/2000 Molly Ivins September 12
AUSTIN, Texas — The "case" against Wen Ho Lee of the Los Alamos Laboratory is disgraceful. The man was held for nine months over a "case" that never even rose to the level of contempt. And by and large, the media have been ...

09/10/2000 Molly Ivins September 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Let's all take a long step back and then look at this again: Is the human race just another species in the long history of Earth that's too dumb to adapt and survive? We clever upright primates have so far outstripped ...

09/07/2000 Molly Ivins September 7
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, let's try this again verrrrry slowly, class — like Al Gore in his Mr. Rogers mode. George W. Bush on education, supposedly his strong point, is making no sense. He is getting it all wrong and is dumbing down what ...

09/03/2000 A Mostly Forgotten Labor Tale of 19th-Century Texas
AUSTIN, Texas — When I took Texas history in public school, we weren't taught one single thing about the labor movement in this state — but we did learn the name of the horse that Sam Houston rode at the Battle of San Jacinto, which ...

08/31/2000 Before Texas Spends More on Prisons, Let's Think
AUSTIN, Texas — The people of Texas should be gearing up to pitch a fit come January. They want us to pay for more prisons. MORE prisons. We just finished the biggest prison-spending spree in history. Starting in 1991, we spent billions ...

08/29/2000 Molly Ivins August 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Texas Health Commissioner Reyn Archer. Ooops. Maybe we should just make that a standing headline. As you know, Archer, Gov. W. Bush's pick for the job, has this tendency to put his foot in it. He's often disastrously frank,...

08/24/2000 Molly Ivins August 24
AUSTIN, Texas — In one week and two days, I will be finished with nine months of treatment for cancer. First they poison you; then they mutilate you; then they burn you. I've had more fun. And when it's almost over, you're so glad that you're ...

08/22/2000 Molly Ivins August 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Humanizing Al Gore is the topic du jour, so let me contribute my mite. In the summer of '92, the Clintons and Gores were on a bus trip in East Texas having a whale of time. As they rolled through the small towns, when ...

08/20/2000 Democratic Steak and Republican Pink Clouds
AUSTIN, Texas — Yup, Al Gore wrote his own speech, all right. Don't you love the instant cliches? "He did what he had to do." The conventional wisdom decided not to be knocked out of the park by it (mandatory cliche) but agreed ...

08/17/2000 Molly Ivins August 17
AUSTIN, Texas — On July Fourth 1997, I was sailing up Interstate 35 at night, doing about 70, when — BAM! — the Firestone tire on my truck came apart. Suddenly, the right front was riding on screaming metal, sending up a fountain of ...

08/15/2000 Molly Ivins August 15
AUSTIN, Texas — I'm not a weapons expert, and you're not a weapons expert, so how are we supposed to know whether the National Missile Defense system is a good idea? Even if you've read enough about it to be skeptical, there are real, ...

08/13/2000 Taking a Surreality Check in the Great State
AUSTIN, Texas — Seems like half of Texas is busy manning the pumps on both sides of the state's reputation. The Bushies keep trying to prevent the foreign press from portraying us as a place where retarded people are promiscuously offed ...

08/10/2000 Molly Ivins August 10
AUSTIN, Texas — What with George W. Bush moralizing all over us from Philadelphia and Al Gore back in his Dudley Do-Right mode choosing the seriously righteous Joe Lieberman, looks like we're in for a season of moral one-upmanship and ...

08/08/2000 Molly Ivins August 8
AUSTIN, Texas — An interesting semi-historical footnote concerning Dick Cheney's oft-reiterated references to President Clinton's weaseling under oath. "He knows what the meaning of 'is' is," says Cheney in his campaign stump speech to ...

08/06/2000 A Few Suggestions For the Republican Operatives
AUSTIN, Texas — Gosh, the most balloons EVER! I bet all you slackers out there who weren't watching are sorry now. Just a few hints to Gov. George W. Bush's speechwriter: When you go into the riff about "I want to change the tone of ...

08/03/2000 Molly Ivins August 3
AUSTIN, Texas — My favorite factoid gathered by the 15,000 underutilized reporters in Philadelphia is that the opening gavel of the Republican National Convention was "acoustically enhanced" by a sound engineer to sound "better ...

07/30/2000 Molly Ivins July 30
AUSTIN, Texas — For those of us trying to get our slacker fellow citizens to pay attention to this absorbing presidential race, life is looking up a little. Gov. George W. Bush was complaining last week about attacks by Democrats — ...

07/27/2000 Who Deserves Credit For Texas' Education Improvements?
AUSTIN, Texas — Aside from the fact that they look like Howdy-Doody and Mr. Bluster, Dick Cheney appears to be an excellent choice for George W. Bush. Sounds moderate, governs right. Very W. Bush. Cheney's voting record is slightly to the ...

07/23/2000 Is "Republican Tax Break For the Rich" Simply Redundant?
AUSTIN, Texas — "He should be ashamed." So said Gov. George W. Bush after Vice President Al Gore pointed out that there are 1.4 million uninsured children in Texas. Somebody should be ashamed. And now on to the ...

07/20/2000 Molly Ivins July 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Thank goodness! Just in the nick of time, up shows the Proud of Texas Committee to "act as a resource on Texas facts for members of the media between now and the November election." And look at the variety of ...

07/18/2000 Molly Ivins July 18
AUSTIN, Texas — We need to have a discussion about our culture. It's about the Pizza Hut ad on the space rocket. Does the word "tacky" occur to you? The commercialization of absolutely everything has gone too far. I realize the ...

07/16/2000 Molly Ivins July 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Ooops. A $610 million deficit in Texas' famously balanced budget just happened to G.W. Bush on his way to the White House. Of all the things you know you shouldn't say in this world, is there any sweeter satisfaction than, ...

07/13/2000 Molly Ivins July 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Lots of Democrats all over the country are a-twitter over Ralph Nader. "Nader, Nader, what do we do about Nader? Of course, I agree with him; of course, he's right. But what about the court, what about Roe, what about ...

07/11/2000 Molly Ivins July 11
AUSTIN, Texas — As Sherlock Holmes once explained to Watson, the dog that did NOT bark in the night is the key to the case. Our current presidential campaign is the sound of no dogs barking. Here we sit, complacently listening to the ...

07/09/2000 Molly Ivins July 9
AUSTIN, Texas — We're at an interesting point in our discussions of globalization, since we are just starting to think about how to think about it. And we're also at one of those rare points when you can see the conventional wisdom start to ...

06/27/2000 Molly Ivins June 27
AUSTIN , Texas — Some who read Sunday's New York Times magazine on "The Education of a Holy Warrior'' — about a Muslim religious seminary in Pakistan that is deeply influenced by the Taliban of Afghanistan — found it profoundly ...

06/24/2000 Molly Ivins June 24
AUSTIN, Texas — So you're going along thinking it's the year 2000, Information Age, digital revolution, high-tech economy, all that jazz, and then you look at the headlines. American General, one of the biggest insurance companies in the ...

06/22/2000 Molly Ivins June 22
AUSTIN, Texas — The Supremes are probably right about prayer at football games in the Santa Fe School District case, but you must admit that there's a slight cultural gap here. The court's decision noted that the Fifth Circuit had ruled that ...

06/15/2000 Molly Ivins June 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's an idea. Since the House of Representatives thinks it's so important to give a $30-billion-a-year tax break to the richest 2 percent of Americans, why doesn't it do the same thing for the poorest 2 percent, as well? For ...

06/13/2000 Molly Ivins June 13
"The people who own the country ought to govern it." — John Jay AUSTIN, Texas — Heads up! Your First Amendment right to free speech is being trumped by the rights of corporations. Some of you may not be aware that ...

06/11/2000 Molly Ivins June 11
AUSTIN, Texas — First there was good news. Let's hear it for the U.S. Senate, a profile in courage. A 57-42 vote on requiring "527s" — the tax-exempt organizations that secretly raise and spend millions to influence elections &...

06/08/2000 Molly Ivins June 8
AUSTIN, Texas — At the mythical Fearmonger's Shoppe ("Serving all your phobia needs") in Lake Wobegon last week, there was a special on ways to prevent your early death from the frightful menace of bad handwriting by doctors. A puzzled ...

06/06/2000 Molly Ivins June 6
AUSTIN, Texas — My friend Linda Aaker recently visited Europe and came back talking, as Americans so often do, about the great public transportation in this country, the terrific child-care system in that country and the wonderful public housing ...

06/03/2000 Molly Ivins June 3
AUSTIN — Well, isn't that special? The governor has granted a 30-day stay to a man on death row so we can figure out from DNA evidence whether the guy should be on Death Row. He may well be, but it'll be nice to be certain for a change. ...

06/02/2000 Molly Ivins June 2
HOUSTON — My favorite thing at the Texas Republican Convention was the advertising in the back of the hall that constituted an almost perfect record of the major scandals, conflicts of interest and bad public policy that have occurred during the ...

06/01/2000 Molly Ivins June 1
Personal note to George W. Bush: Wasn't that a great graduation ceremony last Thursday night? I know you are terribly proud of your daughters, Barbara and Jenna. You probably remember Kristy Reyna — she was the only one of the 400 Austin ...

05/28/2000 Why is Bush So Starry-Eyed?
AUSTIN, Texas — We are having one of those brief but glorious moments when our attention is focused on foreign affairs, so let's hare right after the sucker. Much in the news is the charmingly misleading headline that says, "Bush ...

05/23/2000 Molly Ivins May 23
AUSTIN, Texas — Remember the saying, "Don't shoot 'til you see the whites of their eyes"? In the matter of privatizing Social Security, this translates to, "Don't sign on until you've seen the details in ink." Of ...

05/21/2000 Molly Ivins May 21
AUSTIN, Texas — This is a story about the Federal Medical Center Carswell, a women's prison hospital on the outskirts of Fort Worth. It should not be read with breakfast. Kathleen Rumpf of Syracuse, N.Y., is part of the Catholic Workers ...

05/18/2000 Molly Ivins May 18
AUSTIN, Texas — The corporations might as well write the names of state governments up on the bathroom walls: "For a good time, call Bush and the Texas Lege. They're easy! They're cheap!" The Washington Post broke a fascinating ...

05/16/2000 Molly Ivins May 16
"I come to you today, two days after what would have been her seventh birthday." — Veronica McQueen, mother of the girl who was shot to death by a 6-year-old classmate in Michigan this February, addressing Million Mom Marchers. ...

05/11/2000 Molly Ivins May 11
AUSTIN — Government's not so bad when it's just deciding on those special-interest fights — some titanic clash for turf between doctors and chiropractors or AT&T vs. Southwestern Bell. True, the side that makes the biggest political ...

05/09/2000 Molly Ivins May 9
AUSTIN — Now that we've recovered from Janet Reno's assault on the Branch Floridians, let's see if we can't get just a bit of attention for some outrageous cases of robbery. As usual, our friends with the white collars and the quick calculators ...

05/04/2000 Molly Ivins May 4
AUSTIN — To say that my knowledge of Chinese trade issues is inadequate is a wild understatement — it's not a hot topic in Nacogdoches. But at least I approach the subject with appropriate humbleness, instead of the damn-fool certainty ...

05/02/2000 Molly Ivins May 2
Several of Galveston's municipal races this season are weird enough to make us all proud. God bless Texas politics. In the mayoral race, the traditional developer-vs.-preservationist stand-off is given an added cultural je ne sais quoi by fresh ...

04/30/2000 Prison Riots Wait For No Presidential Candidate
AUSTIN, Texas — May I suggest that the governor of Texas get his rear back in this state long enough to call a special session to fix the mess in the prison system before the mother of all prison riots occurs? How many times does he need ...

04/25/2000 Molly Ivins April 25
Your friendly media have distinguished themselves once again by providing a fountain of misinformation during two days of almost nonstop coverage of the raid on the Miami home of Lazaro Gonzalez and the transfer of Elian Gonzalez to the custody of his ...

04/23/2000 Molly Ivins April 23
"And now abideth faith, hope, charity, these three; but the greatest of these is charity." Easter, it seems to me, is a good time to consider the gospel, and Silicon Valley seems like a good place to start. Think "Silicon ...

04/20/2000 Molly Ivins April 20
Sometimes bad things do get fixed. As part of a quick round-up at the old optimism corral, let's look at the current state of immigration law, which was plunged into disastrous cruelty by the Gingrich Congress in 1996. It was a classic example ...

04/18/2000 Molly Ivins April 18
Remember when Bob Dole used to go around saying: "Where is the outrage? Where is the outrage?" We were all, like, "Huh?" — a sort of national version of that totally blank stare of incomprehension that teen-agers lay on us ...

04/13/2000 Molly Ivins April 13
AUSTIN, Texas — It's got to stop! This continual flood of apologies plaguing our national political life has become a menace. Two, three times a day, they're out there apologizing for this, that or the other — showing contrition, flaunting ...

04/11/2000 Molly Ivins April 11
Capitalism, as we all know, is a dandy system for creating wealth, but it doesn't do squat for social justice. No reason to expect it to — that's not its job. Its moral imperative is: "Buy low, sell high." Of course, there are ...

04/09/2000 Molly Ivins April 9
I know — one more opinion on Elian Gonzalez and you're going to urp. This case has been sliced and diced from points of view legal, psychological, political and international. It involves family values, family law, the Cold War, the presidential ...

03/28/2000 Molly Ivins March 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Those of you old enough to remember the Vietnam War will recall the early years, when the majority of Americans couldn't find the place on a map and practically nobody could tell the difference between the Viet Cong and the North ...

03/21/2000 Molly Ivins March 21
AUSTIN — Watching our homeboy George Dubya as he wends his way — somewhat unsteadily — toward the presidency is a nerve-racking procedure. Face it, our reputation is on the line along with the governor's. All of us know that 20 ...

03/16/2000 Molly Ivins March 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Man bites dog! Or, how special interests accidentally steered us toward good public policy. In a pleasant change from the norm, we have a reversal of the usual dreary political story in which big donors and special interests ...

03/14/2000 Molly Ivins March 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Walter Hall, that wonderful citizen, died Sunday at 92. Hall was, of all things, a liberal banker active in the public life of Texas for many decades. He has so many credentials on his resume that it could give you an inferiority ...

03/12/2000 Molly Ivins March 12
AUSTIN, Texas — We've already seen how disgusting the results can be when politicians drag religion into politics, so perhaps we should be depressed at the news that education is going to be the major issue in this year's presidential campaign. ...

03/09/2000 Molly Ivins March 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, pooh, the fun's over. At least for a while (said she, always optimistic to the point of idiocy). But it was sure swell while it lasted. Who can forget those glorious moments: George W. Bush railing against "...

03/05/2000 Molly Ivins March 5
AUSTIN, Texas — Republicans for Clean Air, a group previously unknown to the Federal Elections Commission or anyone else in politics, is now running an ad in Tuesday's primary states claiming that Gov. George W. Bush passed laws that will reduce ...

03/02/2000 Molly Ivins March 2
AUSTIN, Texas — The trouble with Granny D, the 90-year-old crusader who walked across the entire country to support campaign finance reform, is that she makes the rest of us look like such schlumps. Whew, what a record for citizen action: 3,200 ...

02/29/2000 Molly Ivins February 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, come now, Gov. Bush. None of us minds a little exaggeration; a little polishing of the positive when it comes to your record here in Texas. But now it's "liar, liar, pants on fire." Your nose is growing, Governor.
02/24/2000 Molly Ivins February 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Like all the other political junkies, I am just loving this — wow, a white-hot primary; pollsters confounded; pundits wrong; he's up, no, he's down; the people calling the shots; experts looking like fools. What fun. ...

02/13/2000 Molly Ivins February 13
AUSTIN, Texas — The singular genius that political cartoonists have for capturing the-way-it-is in just a few words has always moved me to the shameful state of envy. Last week, Ben Sargent of the Austin American-Statesman perfectly ...

02/08/2000 Molly Ivins February 8
AUSTIN, Texas — I laughed until tears ran down my cheeks Sunday morning. There was Karl Rove (a.k.a. "Bush's Brain") on television, chatting with the Sabbath gasbags about how the real champion of campaign finance reform is ....

02/06/2000 Molly Ivins February 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Listening to our presidential candidates is a splendid example of the dog-that-did-not-bark-in-the-night. (The dog-that-did-not-bark was the crucial clue to the solution of a Sherlock Holmes mystery. Elementary, my dear Watson.)
02/03/2000 Molly Ivins February 3
AUSTIN, Texas — There may yet be some instructive points to be mined from the New Hampshire primary. Perhaps the most important of these is that George W. Bush is not the front-runner because he is the most able or effective candidate. He is the ...

02/01/2000 Molly Ivins February 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Best lead paragraph of the New Hampshire primary: "I expect to live long enough to hear a woman running for president asked what she would do if she found herself pregnant" — Ellen Goodman. This is the year ...

01/27/2000 Iowa Was Lots of Fun, But There's More to Come
AUSTIN, Texas — You must admit, the Iowa caucuses gave us a trove of delights. First there is the incomprehensible second-place finish of Steve Forbes, a man with the charisma of former guv Dolph Briscoe. Now your cynics would argue that ...

01/25/2000 Sticking to Bush's Message of the Day
AUSTIN, Texas — You know how refreshing it is when someone in politics just up and tells the flat truth? I hope she doesn't get fired for it, but Mindy Tucker, a spokeswoman for the Bush campaign, did so after George W. got "off-message&...

01/23/2000 What Do You Do When the Money Leaves?
AUSTIN, Texas — Ecuador recently moved to the dollar standard for its economy in an effort to bail itself out of one of those credit-flight crises that seems to afflict countries like a case of flu going around the globe. The dollarization of ...

01/20/2000 Molly Ivins January 20
AUSTIN, Texas — You may think a person would bring up the subject of political rhetoric in our day only to dis it, to mourn the decline of the once-noble art, to compare the puny babble of our modern pipsqueaks to the magnificent cadences of ...

01/18/2000 Molly Ivins January 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Eternal vigilance is the price of ... um, well, guess we can't say that anymore. We might get sued. Mostly when we think of threats to free speech, it's government actions or laws we have in mind — the usual bizarre ...

01/13/2000 Molly Ivins January 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Have you noticed that the system of justice in this country is shutting down, piece by piece by piece? We have long noted the deleterious effects of "tort reform" here in Texas, where insurance companies are ever bolder,...

01/11/2000 Molly Ivins January 11
AUSTIN, Texas — So here we are in the Year Aught, the millennium's over, the Christmas tree is down, we're in debt, and here comes January, February, Ry-Krisp and cottage cheese. Now is the winter of our discontent, so I think we ought to ...

01/06/2000 Molly Ivins January 6
AUSTIN, Texas — It's taken me quite a while to make up my mind about the Democratic presidential contest. I find Al Gore as discouraging as everybody else does. Even if you agree with him, imagine trying to work up enthusiasm for Gore. I ...

01/04/2000 Molly Ivins January 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Happy new millennium, everybody! And wasn't that an instructive little episode? All those nutters and even normal citizens conned by doom-mongers into laying in supplies and weapons. And didn't the media have a lovely time ...

12/23/1999 Showing Presents of Mind: My Christmas Book List
AUSTIN, Texas — All right, Christmas procrastinators! You know who you are — caught again at the Jiffy Mart on Christmas Eve trying to decide if your Aunt Ethel would prefer the Pepto-Bismol or the Cheetos. I've been putting it off, but ...

12/21/1999 Dragging Jesus Into the Political Arena
AUSTIN, Texas — On the matter of Gov. George W. Bush's favorite political philosopher: To some extent, one's reaction is a matter of taste and tradition. Many people prefer not to wear their religion on their sleeves; they consider it an ...

12/14/1999 Molly Ivins December 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Uh-oh, now we are in the suds. I started out wondering why no one would point out the obvious about W. Bush's dreadful performance in the Republican presidential candidate debates. Then someone did, and then everyone else did, ...

12/07/1999 Molly Ivins December 7
AUSTIN, Texas — You, too, can feel like a presidential candidate this morning by taking this simple pop quiz — not from your friendly news media but about your friendly news media. Here's the situation: 35,000 ...

12/05/1999 Molly Ivins December 5
Don't know how many of you heard President Clinton's speech at the World Trade Organization. Except for C-SPAN junkies, I doubt anyone was watching. But it is high time somebody said the obvious out loud: The son of a gun is good. How long has ...

12/02/1999 Molly Ivins December 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Comrade Trump's dandy idea — "Soak the rich!" saith the Donald, that l'il lefty — has raised The Issue That Dare Not Speak Its Name. To wit, the obscene maldistribution of wealth in this country, also known ...

11/30/1999 Molly Ivins November 30
AUSTIN, Texas — The poor are still with us. Just thought I'd point that out, in case you were under the impression that all was tickety-boo here in the land of milk and honey. In fact, there are more of them than ever as a consequence of an ...

11/28/1999 Molly Ivins November 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Sorry to interrupt the weekend with a thumb-sucker on a serious topic, but this is important. The World Trade Organization meets in Seattle this week, and the results will affect your life. If you don't want to be in the position ...

11/23/1999 Molly Ivins November 23
"I know there's no evidence that shows the death penalty has a deterrent effect, but I just feel in my gut it must be true." -- A very, very high-ranking Texas public official AUSTIN, Texas — Well, good buddy, let's go ...

11/21/1999 Molly Ivins November 21
AUSTIN, Texas — For a couple of months, I've been carrying around a newspaper clipping headlined: "Study Finds Shortcomings in Care for Chronically Ill." What I've been looking for is a way to make the story "sexy," as ...

11/18/1999 Molly Ivins November 18
COLUMBIA, S.C. — Well, look at it this way: What a boon to the English teachers of South Carolina is all this hoo-ha about flying the Confederate flag over the statehouse. From now on, whenever a teacher announces the dread topic "Five ...

11/16/1999 Molly Ivins November 16
"Thus doth time makes fools of us all.'' -- Shakespeare ORLANDO, Fla. — Except it doesn't happen the very next day. Anyone watching the Senate leadership's refusal to approve the Comprehensive Test Ban Treaty would have ...

11/14/1999 Molly Ivins November 14
AUSTIN, Texas — One of the great heroes is gone. Jacobo Timerman, the Argentine journalist and great warrior for human rights, has died. With awe and reverence, I report that Timerman at one time or another ticked off practically ...

11/11/1999 Molly Ivins November 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Sheesh, what a performance by the Congress of the United States. These people are so bad that taking shots at them sort of feels like picking on a 90-pound weakling. When was the last time you heard anyone say anything ...

11/09/1999 Molly Ivins November 9
AUSTIN, Texas — You may have noticed a certain ... ah ... frothiness in the coverage of the 2000 presidential race to date. I don't know about you, but The Unbearable Lightness of the Political Beat is really starting to chap me. Last ...

11/07/1999 Molly Ivins November 7
AUSTIN, Texas — Can we talk? About football and prayer. This is not an opinion column because there's something here I can't make up my mind about, and I'd really like to have a discussion. I'd appreciate some input on this, especially from ...

11/04/1999 Molly Ivins November 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Watching the United States slog deeper and deeper into the Big Muddy in Colombia is so painfully familiar, so eerily reminiscent of earlier foreign-policy disasters, that it should be enough to make us all wake up screaming in ...

11/02/1999 Molly Ivins November 2
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's a mell of a hess. The State Board of Education has gotten itself into such a fubar — "fouled up beyond all recognition'' (bowdlerized version) — that it has been rejected as a client by the respected ...

10/31/1999 Molly Ivins October 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Oh, goody! A media-bashing day. One of everybody's favorite pastimes. The only trouble with media bashing, which we all so enjoy, is that it's gotten to be like complaining about the weather: Everyone gripes about the ...

10/28/1999 Molly Ivins October 28
AUSTIN, Texas — This is the perfect political story and also true, but the names have been changed to protect the players. Many years ago in the Texas Lege lurked two senators who loathed one another with a livid passion. One was ...

10/26/1999 Molly Ivins October 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I feel vaguely like Henry Higgins in "My Fair Lady," announcing with gleefully inhumane relish: "She'll regret it, she'll regret it! Ha!" "I can see her now, Mrs. Freddy Eynsford-Hill, in a ...

10/24/1999 Molly Ivins October 24
How about a peppy column on health care? You say there's no pep left in that pup: such a muddle we all hate to think about it? I reckon different. Robert H. Frank, a professor at Cornell University and big-time expert in all this, says, "In short,...

10/21/1999 Molly Ivins October 21
Way to go, college students! Reebok, the sports shoe manufacturer, admitted this week that conditions at two of its factories in Indonesia were distinctly sub-par and says its subcontractors have spent $500,000 to improve them. Reebok's action ...

10/19/1999 Molly Ivins October 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Report from the Cultural Diversity front: In Waco, the Vatican City of the Baptists, in a 30-day span we find a gay-pride march, Bishop Desmond Tutu speaking at Baylor University, Edward James Olmos speaking to the Hispanic ...

10/17/1999 Molly Ivins October 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Ha-ha-ha! The Republicans beat President Clinton — the Republicans beat President Clinton! And everyone said they couldn't outfox him. Everyone said he'd got them into a box on the budget again and their leaders were ...

10/12/1999 Molly Ivins October 12
AUSTIN — Having a secret fondness for the giant "Oooops!" story, I was naturally delighted by the case of the Mars Orbiter. This debacle, in which we lost a $125 million climate satellite, occurred because the contractor, Lockheed ...

10/09/1999 Molly Ivins October 9
WASHINGTON — Here at the great national Vanity Fair, debate rages — well, actually, it doesn't rage, it's pretty desultory — over momentous stuff like W. Bush's "triangulation" away from congressional Republicans; over ...

10/05/1999 Molly Ivins October 5
AUSTIN, Texas — So here's Texas yet again at the bottom of the barrel, worst in the nation, No. 50 in health insurance. This is not a consequence of accident or socioeconomic conditions in the state — it's the result of deliberate policy ...

10/03/1999 Molly Ivins October 3
MINNEAPOLIS AND DENVER — So there you sit, a perfectly normal Minnesotan, having a little oatmeal and lutefisk for breakfast while contemplating something exciting like an oil change, when your eyes fall on the front page headline: "...

09/30/1999 Molly Ivins September 30
Fans of professional wrestling (now there's a concept) should glue their eyes on Congress for the next three weeks for some world-class professional wrestling, as our boys and girls on the Hill engage in biting, kicking, gouging and body slams in an ...

09/28/1999 Molly Ivins September 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Here's a story for all you nonvoters who won't have anything to do with politics because it doesn't make any difference to you who wins. A few weeks ago, I lost my prescription sunglasses. Can't do without 'em in Texas. I ...

09/19/1999 Molly Ivins September 19
AUSTIN — Gov. George W. Bush blames "a wave of evil" in the country for the recent mass killings and says the antidote is "more love in society." Until we get more love in society, here are some other actions we might ...

09/16/1999 Molly Ivins September 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Back when the Republicans were the party of fiscal responsibility — before Ronald Reagan, supply-side economics, the Laffer curve and the $2 trillion debt — they used to preach to us about the dangers of playing ...

09/14/1999 Molly Ivins September 14
AUSTIN, Texas — What ho, political junkies! Time for inside baseball. Forget campaign finance, trade with China, health care, child poverty, family values, moral elevation, education and all that jazz — let's talk politics. Now this ...

09/12/1999 Let's All Play Hunt the Hypocrites
AUSTIN, Texas — There's a beaut of a media story happening right in front of our eyes, and if you want to have a good time, you can start tracking this one yourself. The game is called "Hunt the Hypocrites," or "What's Wrong with ...

09/09/1999 Molly Ivins September 9
AUSTIN, Texas — As Mr. Bumble so astutely observed, "The law is a ass." And never more so than in the squalid, pathetic bit of human folly involved in the Henry Cisneros case. After four years and $9 million-plus, the case ...

09/05/1999 Molly Ivins September 5
AUSTIN, Texas — Under the unwritten rules of corporate media, we spend 364 days a year focusing on the booming stock market, high tech, which CEO gets the highest pay, mergers, acquisitions, the retro fad for martinis and cigars, real-estate ...

08/26/1999 Molly Ivins August 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Watching the political press corps try to figure out what to do about George W. Bush's supposed cocaine use is a walking test case in media ethics that will be used in journalism schools for the next 50 years. You probably didn't ...

08/24/1999 Molly Ivins August 24
AUSTIN, Texas — One must admit, the tobacco settlement mess does have its amusing aspects. Finding a populist like moi defending a bunch of killer lawyers who got a $2.3 billion settlement is fairly funny. On the other hand, the forces of evil ...

08/19/1999 Molly Ivins August 19
AUSTIN, Texas — Thanks to the Court of Criminal Appeals and a new law passed by the Legislature, Texas has, for the first time, a legal procedure to give meaning to the constitutional guarantee that the state will not execute someone who is ...

08/17/1999 Molly Ivins August 17
AUSTIN, Texas — "My friends in the gun-nut lobby tell me they are sick and tired of people like me using this rash of multiple killings to make points in favor of gun control — and I can sure see how they'd be getting upset about ...

08/12/1999 Molly Ivins August 12
AUSTIN, Texas — There's a story that has been in the Texas press but is only now starting to get national attention because, of course, it involves Gov. Shrub. Michael Isikoff, the Newsweek reporter of Monicagate fame, has an article on ...

08/10/1999 Molly Ivins August 10
AUSTIN, Texas — One million dollar donors. A club of million-dollar political contributors. The Republican Party expects to find at least 100 supporters who will give $250,000 a year over four years in soft money — that is, directly to the ...

08/05/1999 Molly Ivins August 5
AUSTIN, Texas — On Aug. 17, the state of Texas is scheduled to kill Larry Robison, a paranoid schizophrenic whose insanity was diagnosed long before he committed a terrible crime. This is like putting someone to death for having cancer or being ...

08/03/1999 Molly Ivins August 3
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, now for two fabulous books about ... water! I promise, no matter what your politics, your stand on the environment or even your lack of interest in the subject (that's for all you folks devoting your lives to avant-...

07/27/1999 Molly Ivins July 27
AUSTIN — Now we're in mid-battle over a tax cut, and all we can do is keep track of who are losing their heads. Gov. Tommy Thompson of Wisconsin, normally an estimable fellow, got carried away by the excitement of it all and announced in ...

07/20/1999 Molly Ivins July 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Here it is, that rare opportunity to be helpful, positive, uplifting and part of the solution in our public life. Follow this sentence closely: "Even before the Clinton administration issued new rules that would bar ...

07/15/1999 Molly Ivins July 15
AUSTIN, Texas — A story finally getting some attention is the hideous case of the U.S. trade representative trying to force African countries NOT to manufacture cheap generic substitutes for the drugs used to treat AIDS. Our government's ...

07/13/1999 Molly Ivins July 13
AUSTIN, Texas — The Congressional Follies offer another merry skit this week, a tug-o'-war over something called the Patients' Bill of Rights. In this era of corporatized medicine — with the insurance companies making the decisions ...

07/08/1999 Molly Ivins July 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Health care in this country is such a mess that the doctors have decided to unionize. It's enough to make a cat laugh. Solidarity forever, Doc. Hit the bricks, bring the company to its knees. I feel some sympathy for the ...

07/01/1999 Molly Ivins July 1
AUSTIN, Texas — As we once again approach our national natal day, there is much cause for celebration. Here in the home of the free and the land of the brave, the country where the president has survived the transformation of 10 oral encounters ...

06/29/1999 Molly Ivins June 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Now is no time to be calm and keep a level head. In fact, I recommend panic right away. Don't listen to these consoling voices telling us that the recent Supreme Court decisions transferring more power to the states are not all <...

06/24/1999 Molly Ivins June 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Sex has the most unfortunate effect on people's ability to think clearly, as you have doubtless noticed. When this problem gets to the level of public policy, it is, of course, written rather large. Here we are once more trying ...

06/22/1999 Molly Ivins June 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Aw, I'm so sorry they didn't pass that gun-control bill. We could have been the only country on Earth with a gun-control law that weakened gun control but allowed the Ten Commandments to be put on the schoolhouse wall. ...

06/17/1999 Molly Ivins June 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Summer Reading List! O, what a treasure-trove of fun and joy and wisdom and knowledge and compassion. I wasn't going to mention Annie Proulx's "Close Range: Wyoming Stories," published by Scribner, since it's ...

06/15/1999 Molly Ivins June 15
"They say guns don't kill people. Oh, I think they have something to do with it. I mean, if a kid just points his finger and says 'BANG,' not much happens." -- Eddie Izzard, British comedian, during an attempt to understand American culture <...

06/10/1999 Molly Ivins June 10
AUSTIN, Texas — A weird thing happened recently. I wrote a column in favor of gun control, and I didn't get any hate mail. None. Not a single death threat. I've been writing in favor of gun control for years, and people always threaten to ...

06/08/1999 Molly Ivins June 8
AUSTIN — Oh, what an unlovely little war. The bombing campaign over Kosovo has definitively proved two things: that "surgical strike" is the most ludicrous oxymoron in the language and that "collateral damage" is the most ...

06/03/1999 Molly Ivins June 3
AUSTIN, Texas — They are outta here! The 76th session of the Texas Lege has disbanded, allowing many a village to reclaim its idiot. Among the festive results: You citizens will now be eating $9 billion worth of bad debt on the two nuclear ...

05/30/1999 Molly Ivins May 30
AUSTIN, Texas — How bad is this legislative session? Look at it this way: They haven't even repealed the Veggie Libel law. Here at the end, it's all come down to this: Do we get the $2-billion property-tax break that Gov. George W. Bush ...

05/27/1999 Molly Ivins May 27
AUSTIN, TEXAS — I see that the Republicans are calling for Janet Reno's resignation again. Someone once defined professional basketball as watching 10 guys jumping in the air every two seconds. It seems to me Washington is a place where ...

05/25/1999 Molly Ivins May 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Philanthropy may not be high on your list of Stuff to Think About — except maybe to hope that some might be headed your way. But political philanthropy is in fact playing a large role in your life — indeed, it is ...

05/25/1999 Molly Ivins May 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Philanthropy may not be high on your list of Stuff to Think About — except maybe to hope that some might be headed your way. But political philanthropy is in fact playing a large role in your life — indeed, it is ...

05/23/1999 Molly Ivins May 23
AUSTIN — Parliamentary ruling of the week: "The mendment to the mendment has been mended, and the mendment is passed — somehow." —House Speaker Pete Laney at about 8:45 p.m. Thursday. You won't hear a ruling like ...

05/20/1999 Molly Ivins May 20
AUSTIN, Texas — During the late, great fracas over the hate-crimes bill, the state Senate Committee on Economic Development was meeting quietly at 11:30 p.m. on the Fatal Friday when House Bill 537 by Rep. Debra Danburg was called. Eight ...

05/18/1999 Molly Ivins May 18
AUSTIN, Texas — It's that time of the legislative session when we haul out the old adjectives "bizarre," "surreal" and "unbe-LEEV-able." We all know that the Texas Lege is given to odd starts, but finding Sen. John ...

05/16/1999 Gun-sellers and lawmakers on the loose
AUSTIN — A profile in courage is hard to find these days, in D.C. or in Austin, so most of us would settle for a modicum of common sense from our elected representatives — except we can't even get that. I especially enjoyed the ...

05/11/1999 Molly Ivins May 11
AUSTIN, Texas — The banks had a great week in Congress last week; it's just the rest of you who got shortchanged. If you had the combined political clout of the banks, the insurance companies and Wall Street, you wouldn't have gotten it in the ...

05/09/1999 Molly Ivins May 9
AUSTIN, Texas — If the unofficial motto of the 76th session is Let's Not Embarrass the Governor, we're not doing real well here. The Gang That Couldn't Legislate Straight fell to and fouled up the governor's tax plan Thursday — and that ...

05/06/1999 Molly Ivins May 6
AUSTIN, Texas — It is ever so Out these days to raise a peep about discrimination against women. If you are so unfashionable as to complain, you are promptly labeled a whiner. Hip young post-feminists will advise you to get over your "...

05/04/1999 Molly Ivins May 4
SAN FRANCISCO — A conference titled "New Horizons in Acid Suppression" took place here over the weekend. Just thought all you indigestion sufferers would like to know that the conferees seemed to be a peppy bunch, bonded well and ...

04/29/1999 Molly Ivins April 29
AUSTIN, Texas — My, we do have moments in our national debates, and how grateful we are to have Dan Quayle back in the fray, lending his own je ne sais quoi to the festivities. Quayle's prompt response to the spree of violence in ...

04/25/1999 Molly Ivins May 25
SAN ANTONIO — The national surplus of gloom-mongers is near critical mass. Such a mighty performance by the boo-hoo chorus deserves attention in its own right. Not that there's a shred of cheer in the events at Littleton, Colo., or Kosovo....

04/22/1999 Molly Ivins April 22
SEATTLE — Having abominated, since my long-ago days as a police reporter, the vulture-like nature of the media as we swoop in on someone else's tragedy, I watched with a sense of double horror accounts of Tuesday's tragedy in Littleton, Colo....

04/20/1999 Molly Ivins April 20
AUSTIN, Texas — Good times! Protests, arrests, people raising Cain in the halls of power. Well, actually, it was the sidewalk in front of the Governor's Mansion. As one who admires a succinctly made political case, I can do no better than ...

04/15/1999 Molly Ivins April 15
WASHINGTON — When in Washington, one should do as the Washingtonians do and enter the capital's favorite sport, the Blame Game. Everyone here plays, constantly, so the official symbol is the pointed finger. A few years ago, there was a ...

04/13/1999 Molly Ivins April 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes, a breathtakingly bad idea bursts upon us full blown, such as advertisements on baseball uniforms. But more often, we seem to keep spinning our wheels as we debate the same-old, same-old. And the topics we are most ...

04/11/1999 Molly Ivins April 11
Helena, Mont. — Some outstanding work by the Montana Legislature this year. On the knotty question of allowing concealed weapons in bars — which would strike the more pedestrian intelligence as only a fairish idea — even the ...

04/08/1999 Molly Ivins April 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Right after the Easter advertisements, with their bunnies and bonnets and nice purple eggs, comes an odd seasonal ad campaign urging you to feel sorry for yourself. A fine leather-goods firm displays a handsome wallet, ...

04/06/1999 Molly Ivins April 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Our friends at INFACT, the corporate accountability folks up in Boston who do such good work, have just sent out their 1998 updates on the worst corporations in America. They had a number of repeats from their Hall of ...

04/04/1999 Molly Ivins April 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Strange peaches in the media world. As one who rarely identifies with Gov. George W. Bush, I find myself in odd sympathy with the Shrub these days just because media people keep turning up in Austin to ask me about him. I seem to ...

04/01/1999 Molly Ivins April 1
AUSTIN, Texas — The Texas prison system is not the kind of thing you should read about at the breakfast table. Whenever I hear people get huffy about something they've read in the paper or seen on TV that strikes them as offensive, I ...

03/30/1999 Molly Ivins March 30
AUSTIN — Paging John le Carre; come in, Mr. le Carre; we still need you on the spy beat. In fact, we need you more than ever because the latest spy scandal is an unholy example of what happens when the national security apparatus, stuck with ...

03/28/1999 Molly Ivins March 28
AUSTIN, Texas — It may be that Texans are the only Americans who can understand how the Serbs feel about Kosovo. I bring up this unlikely proposition to shed light on at least one corner of this Rubik's-Cube-with-no-solution of a foreign-...

03/25/1999 Molly Ivins March 25
AUSTIN, Texas — A minor theological controversy has arisen this session, since not one but two visiting chaplains have implied that the members were sent to the state capitol by God. Most visiting chaplains just implore the Lord for mercy, so ...

03/21/1999 Molly Ivins March 21
AUSTIN, Texas — In the news biz, there is a running argument about "process stories" — those not-terribly-new items informing you that such-and-such a proposal has now reached another point in the process. We start with a ...

03/18/1999 Molly Ivins March 18
AUSTIN, Texas — What newspapers around the nation need is a standing headline that starts "In Reversal, Clinton Now ..." and then, they can just stick in the news o' the day. In his most spectacular and stupid reversal in years, ...

03/16/1999 Molly Ivins March 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Attention, karma fans; oh, come all ye connoisseurs of what-goes-around-comes-around. Consider the plight of the poor oil- dependent school district. Yea, verily, 300 Texas school districts whose incomes are slumping along with ...

03/14/1999 Molly Ivins April 14
AUSTIN, Texas — You may recall that when the Telecom Act of 1996 was passed, we were all promised that it would lead to a great flowering of competition that would give consumers greater choice and in turn cause cable prices to drop dramatically ...

03/11/1999 Molly Ivins March 11
ASPEN, Colo. — Those who missed the announcement the other day will be pleased to learn that the co-chairmen of Citigroup Inc. got a substantial raise last year, for total pay packages of more than $26 million, including bonuses of $8 million ...

03/09/1999 Molly Ivins March 9
PENSACOLA, Fla. — Women's History Month is upon us, which calls for a smart salute to the founding mothers and a little stock-taking by the rest of us. Personally, I still think the single most amazing thing about the women's movement in ...

03/04/1999 Molly Ivins March 4
COOKEVILLE, Tenn. — In Pensacola, Fla., a crowd of pink, plastic flamingos on the lawn means someone is having a birthday. The flamingos are usually for a major, zero-ending birthday, so on the day you turn, say, 50, you walk out of the house, ...

03/02/1999 Molly Ivins March 2
AUSTIN, Texas — It's an odd country, really. Our largest growth industries are gambling and prisons. But as you may have heard, crimes rates are dropping. We're not putting people into prison for hurting other people. We're putting them into ...

02/28/1999 Molly Ivins February 28
AUSTIN, TEXAS — I gave up television for Lent, and I gather from reading the papers that I was just in time. Some perfectly horrid items concerning the airwaves — or at least that segment of them oxymoronically known as "broadcast ...

02/25/1999 Molly Ivins February 25
AUSTIN, TEXAS — In an effort to toughen up my bleeding heart and get more in tune with the Age of Bill Gates, I've been trying to think of loan sharks as part of the evolutionary process. In the old days when I was an unrepentant ...

02/23/1999 Molly Ivins February 23
AUSTIN, Texas — I love these episodes where the Republicans suddenly leap up and accuse Democrats of conducting "class warfare." This occurs whenever Democrats, in some rare lapse into their ancestral ethos, point out that Republicans ...

02/21/1999 Molly Ivins February 21
TUCSON, Ariz. — The thing I like about Arizona is that you can count on politics here having real bite — like a habanero pepper. Any state could have a debate on whether the government should provide insurance benefits to the ...

02/18/1999 Molly Ivins February 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Since we're right here in the heart of compassionate conservatism, it seems like a good idea to check and see how it's going so far. First rat out of the trap, as it were, our new Republican Texas Senate, led by our new ...

02/16/1999 Molly Ivins February 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Thank heavens, now that impeachment is out of the way, we can begin discussing truly important matters. I personally think Tinky-Winky, the purple Teletubby, probably is gay, and I'd like to thank the Rev. Jerry ...

02/14/1999 Molly Ivins February 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Aw. Gee. It's over. Back to real life. What an anticlimax. But before we leave our beloved scandal, let us note a few of the daffier moments that have made it such a joy to live through — those golden minutes when we ...

02/11/1999 Molly Ivins February 11
SAN DIEGO, Calif. — Never have so many made so much of so little. Bottom line: There is no impeachment case against President Clinton — never was and never will be. According to Monica Lewinsky, testifying for the 25th time, lying ...

01/31/1999 Molly Ivins January 31
AUSTIN, Texas — Want to watch a great fight? You've already paid the admission fee for the heavyweight bout between the drug industry, which spends more on lobbying than any other industry, and the senior citizens of America, said to be the ...

01/28/1999 Molly Ivins January 28
AUSTIN, Texas — You must admit, this is the most curious political phenomenon of our lifetimes: After five years of investigation by Kenneth Starr, one solid year of media frenzy and three months of impeachment proceedings, President Clinton's ...

01/26/1999 Molly Ivins January 26
AUSTIN, Texas — As our long national nightmare continues (it seems to be getting more and more like the movie "Groundhog Day"), I thought you might be interested in a few items that may well have slipped right by you — sort of ...

01/24/1999 Molly Ivins January 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, see, you live long enough, and sooner or later, you end up agreeing with Alan Greenspan. How right he is, that clever Mr. Greenspan — investing Social Security funds in the stock market is a truly bad idea. ...

01/21/1999 Molly Ivins January 21
AUSTIN, Texas — President Clinton has a thoroughly bad idea. This is surprising not because it's a bad idea — he advocates bad ideas for political reasons all the time — but because this one is the consequence of a failure of ...

01/17/1999 Molly Ivins January 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Not to contribute to millennial paranoia, but we do live in strange times. The president of the United States is being tried over an extramarital affair. I know, I know. I have heard Republican after Republican solemnly ...

01/14/1999 Molly Ivins January 14
Arguing against the death penalty in Texas is such a bootless enterprise that over the years, I have worn down to merely advocating that we not kill (a) the innocent; (b) the mentally retarded; and (c) people who are so mentally ill that they think ...

01/12/1999 Molly Ivins January 12
AUSTIN, Texas — The nicest thing about Congress these days is that one doesn't have to bone up on a lot of new issues — the old ones are still alive, well and completely unresolved. Merrill Lynch issued a press release the other day:...

01/10/1999 Molly Ivins January 10
AUSTIN, TEXAS — We didn't ask for it, we don't want it, we're not ready, and we haven't done anything to deserve it; nevertheless, the Texas Legislature is about to start again. Veteran Texans know that the only solution is to hunker down ...

01/07/1999 Molly Ivins January 7
AUSTIN, TEXAS — When Congress held hearings last year on the premise that the Internal Revenue Service is our most abusive and out-of-control federal agency and urgently needs to be reined in, the true connoisseurs of government abuse quietly ...

01/03/1999 Molly Ivins January 3
AUSTIN, Texas — I know I say this every year, but in all honesty, how could 1999 be worse? Of course, if we keep going in this direction, by the end of the year, a person will have to get approval from Larry Flynt before he or she can hold ...

12/29/1998 Molly Ivins December 29
AUSTIN, Texas — If a tree falls in the forest and no one hears it, does it make any noise? If something happens and it has nothing to do with Monica Lewinsky, will the media pay any attention? You needed to be a news junkie with a good ...

12/24/1998 Molly Ivins December 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Peace on Earth. Good will toward men. It's always easy to use Christmas as an ironic premise to examine just how bestial man's inhumanity to man is at this particular yuletide — an exercise that one can sum up by concluding ...

12/22/1998 Molly Ivins December 22
AUSTIN, Texas — We live in a great nation — among the Christmas catalogs is one especially for dog owners, full of dandy things you can get for Bowser and Fido. I was perusing the item about the "Gourmet Bone Basket" — &...

12/20/1998 Molly Ivins December 20
AUSTIN, Texas — In the words of the old Chinese curse, we live in interesting times. This affords us an opportunity to see who might be keeping his head while all about him are losing theirs, so let us take special note of those who have lost it ...

12/17/1998 Molly Ivins December 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Much as I hate to talk about impeachment when we could be discussing something that matters, this entire brouhaha has reached such a brennschluss of idiocy that there is no ignoring it. In the hope of salvaging something useful ...

12/15/1998 Molly Ivins December 15
ABOARD THE SS VEENDAM, Caribbean — The mere thought, much less the fact, of 400 leftists on a Caribbean cruise is both hilarious and absurd. Naturally, we all vied to come up with the best line about it: "This floatin' palace of populism&...

12/06/1998 Molly Ivins December 6
AUSTIN, Texas — Dr. James Leininger is known as the Daddy Warbucks of Texas social conservatism — or, as the San Antonio Current recently called him, "God's Sugar Daddy." The 54-year-old San Antonio physician, who made a ...

12/03/1998 Molly Ivins December 3
AUSTIN, Texas — So six prisoners break out of Huntsville, one gets away, and the Texas Department of Corrections responds by suspending a work program for prisoners. Not that the work program had anything to do with the escape — the ...

12/01/1998 Molly Ivins December 1
MARATHON, MARFA, ALPINE, FORT DAVIS, ETC., Texas — All those who love true West Texas naturally find the quaintification of the area somewhat painful. Not as painful as watching it dry up and blow away, however. My hunch is that West ...

11/24/1998 Molly Ivins November 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Now here's a wonderful example of a common political problem tied up with the barmy oddity in which the British specialize. Seems they're having an awful time in England right now because the House of Lords is in rebellion. <...

11/22/1998 Molly Ivins November 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Excuse me? Uh, either I missed something, or everyone else did. I listened to Kenneth Starr testify before the House Judiciary Committee, and I thought the news — as in, what was new — was that Starr announced, ...

11/19/1998 Molly Ivins November 19
AUSTIN — Sometimes valuable little news nuggets get lost in the shuffle of big events. What with the recent plebiscite, the departure of Newt Gingrich and the ritual blink-off with Saddam Hussein, I find I have overlooked several worthy tidbits.<...

11/17/1998 Molly Ivins November 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Heads up, team: I think we're starting to see a major change in the old Zeitgeist on the issue of drugs. This is one of those seismic shifts when the unsayable suddenly becomes sayable, when we notice that the emperor is wearing ...

11/12/1998 Molly Ivins November 12
AUSTIN, Texas — As fallout from the recent plebiscite continues to flower, what was up is down, down up, up down, all around. Which leads me to my first twinge of Newt Nostalgia. Oh no, not already! Yep. It was brought on by Rep. Bob ...

11/10/1998 Molly Ivins November 10
AUSTIN, Texas — When I think of Newt Gingrich, the words that come to mind are sick, pathetic, traitor, ideological, cheat, steal, insecure, bizarre and radical. The reason those particular words come to mind is ...

11/08/1998 Look Beyond the Blather to the Political Buyouts
AUSTIN, TEXAS — From here in the have-no-mercy-liberals camp, the political weather continues delightful. What could be more fun than watching Republicans turn on one another, snapping and snarling, throwing left hooks, right jabs and mud pies? ...

11/05/1998 Molly Ivins November 5
AUSTIN, Texas — What an excellent election. Surprised the pants off all the They-Sayers. Got rid of some perfectly dreadful people. Rewarded a couple of heroes. Made George Dubya the Republican-nominee designate. And then there was that unwonted ...

11/03/1998 Molly Ivins November 3
AUSTIN, Texas — I'm really excited about this election. I was trying to imagine making a geekier admission, say, confessing that I have developed a late-life passion for the Boy Scout Pledge or the 4-H motto. No, really, honestly, this is a ...

11/01/1998 Molly Ivins November 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, this is discouraging: Every time you turn on the TV, you see more reasons not to vote. All those brains, all that energy, all that savvy poured into making campaign ads — and this is what we get. It does raise the ...

10/25/1998 Molly Ivins October 25
AUSTIN — What a commercially disgusting political year it is. Both sides lobbing stink bombs on the airwaves with unparalleled disregard for truth, probity or the mental health of the citizenry. Leading off, in the totally vacuous, non-...

10/18/1998 Molly Ivins October 18
You have to draw the line somewhere, and personally, I think House Majority Whip Tom DeLay, R-Texas, and the House Republican leadership stepped way over it when they used their political offices to try to get a private citizen fired by a private ...

10/15/1998 Molly Ivins October 15
AUSTIN, Texas — Still futzing around in D.C., getting nothing done. Hung up on education, the census and contraception. Let's see if we can help these folks out here — a little citizen-legislature exercise. Here's the state of play: ...

10/13/1998 Molly Ivins October 13
AUSTIN, Texas — Are you an unlikely voter? Then your country needs YOU. All the pundits and pollsters are telling us that only "likely voters" count this year. You unlikely voters are as dirt beneath the feet of the consultants, ...

10/11/1998 Molly Ivins October 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Have you heard the one about the young lefty who was distributing pamphlets on the streets of London? His literature denounced the latest depredation by some international corporation, of course, and after he handed some leaflets ...

10/08/1998 Molly Ivins October 8
AUSTIN — Arizona politics has such "je ne sais quoi." They keep having to get rid of these unusual governors whom they have a tendency to elect there. And now, they have a chance to vote for a real pip: The Libertarian candidate for ...

10/06/1998 Molly Ivins October 6
AUSTIN — I had heard of it, this essay by a female writer from India. If you read a lot, if you follow current affairs, if you have progressive politics, you would find mention of it here and there. The woman who won the Booker Prize last year, ...

10/04/1998 Molly Ivins October 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Suppose, just suppose, that you have decided to run for county commissioner because you have a deep interest in sludge. You could be interested in sludge for many reasons — say, it had showed up in your backyard, for ...

10/01/1998 Molly Ivins October 1
AUSTIN, Texas — Election alert! Heads up, voters. There are some down-ballot races that could cause us major embarrassment, not to mention putting the public schools at risk. The State Board of Education — one of those obscure ...

09/29/1998 Molly Ivins September 29
AUSTIN, Texas — A useful parable for our times: Once upon a time (the late 1990s) in the city of New York lived something called a hedge fund, Long Term Capital Management L.P. (Limited Partnership) by name. Now, a hedge fund is an ...

09/27/1998 Molly Ivins September 27
AUSTIN, Texas — Some smart-aleck aide in the White House said to Newsday the other day, "If we got Netanyahu and Arafat coming here and shaking hands on a deal for an Israeli pullout, the question is, will we get a 'Wag the Dog' ...

09/24/1998 Molly Ivins September 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Let's talk peanut butter and jelly. According to an account in The New York Times, more and more schools are banning peanut butter, that childhood staple, because peanut allergies are apparently on the rise. In rare cases, the ...

09/22/1998 Molly Ivins September 22
AUSTIN, Texas — Amid the mountains of evidence of increasing economic inequality in this country, it might be useful to focus on the solutions rather than the problem. Here's the bottom line: Low-wage workers in this country — ...

09/20/1998 Molly Ivins September 20
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Watch the House pass a bad bill. Watch the Senate make it worse. Watch the banking industry dig its own grave. Watch supposedly smart people set up a financial disaster. Can we see President Clinton veto this mess? Veto, Clinton, ...

09/17/1998 Molly Ivins September 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Sorry, Congress can't be bothered to do anything about abuses by HMOs and other managed health-care plans — too busy reading the Starr report. The House did pass a bill concerning health maintenance organizations, but it's ...

09/15/1998 Molly Ivins September 15
AUSTIN, Texas — As politics increasingly becomes a game of "gotcha" — almost the only reason anyone watches political debates anymore is to see if one of the candidates will say something spectacularly stupid — we ...

09/13/1998 Molly Ivins September 13
AUSTIN, Texas — As our grotesque national soap opera continues, the most important issue to be debated during this session of Congress appears to be dead on the Senate floor in a blizzard of indifference. Campaign-finance reform, the one shot we ...

09/10/1998 Molly Ivins September 10
AUSTIN, Texas — What a jumbled holiday weekend that was, marked by brilliant sports and miserable politics. There was Mark McGwire, so classy, so terrific — the lovely gestures to the Maris family, his joy in his son, his delight in the ...

09/06/1998 Molly Ivins September 6
AUSTIN, Texas — It just gets stranger and stranger in our nation's capital. The chairman of the House Resources Committee — Rep. Don Young, Republican of Alaska — wants the names of all employees of the Southwest region of the U.S. ...

09/03/1998 Molly Ivins September 3
AUSTIN, Texas — Say, here's a dandy idea: Let's privatize Social Security and have everybody put their retirement money in the stock market, where it will be so safe and profitable, eh? Just seems like a good moment to remind people why ...

08/30/1998 Molly Ivins August 30
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Some things to think about as we watch the global economy wobble: According to The Associated Press, federal bankruptcy filings reached 1.42 million in the 12-month period ending this June 30, a record for any one year. ...

08/27/1998 Molly Ivins August 27
AUSTIN, Texas — What the people of this country really need is a truth-in-legislative-packaging law. Take the National Motor Vehicle Safety, Anti-Theft, Title Reform and Consumer Protection Act. Please take it. Away. This is such a total ...

08/25/1998 Molly Ivins August 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Strange peaches. There we were, trying to decide whether to can the president for having a frisky sex life and lying about it, when we were rudely interrupted by some clear thinkers who felt that their grievances entitled them to ...

08/23/1998 Molly Ivins August 23
AUSTIN, Texas — For a fascinating look at public relations then and now, I recommend comparison of two apparently disparate but superb pieces of work. The first is an astonishing book about a long-past and almost-forgotten agony, "...

08/20/1998 Molly Ivins August 20
AUSTIN, Texas — And in other news ... the War on Drugs is ripping up the Constitution, endangering American liberty and encouraging law enforcement officers to act like bandits. The unpleasant ramifications of the War on Drugs are too numerous ...

08/18/1998 Molly Ivins August 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Helpful hint for newsies suicidal at the thought of Life Without Monica: Consider the phone company. No, you say, not the phone company! The phone company has no sex, no dress with DNA, no ... Hush, poor dears. The phone ...

08/16/1998 Molly Ivins August 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Fresh news from the front line of the Drug War! No, not that drug war — the other drug war, the drug war between the brand-name pharmaceutical companies and the generic-drug manufacturers. And then, there's additional news ...

08/13/1998 Molly Ivins August 13
AUSTIN, Texas — As Texas endures the slow, agonizing death of our entire agricultural sector by drought, a check of our media and political leaders shows we are also suffering from a bizarre silence on a topic that could be described as "...

08/11/1998 Molly Ivins August 11
AUSTIN — There's something about Carole Keeton Rylander. ... After some thought, I conclude it is that she's ... just ... so ... annoying. It's annoying even to have to think about her. Her latest exercise in hypocrisy, brought to our ...

08/09/1998 Molly Ivins August 9
AUSTIN — The ineffable Dan Burton, chair of yet another committee out to get President Clinton, has issued a citation of contempt against Attorney General Janet Reno for failing to provide confidential documents concerning her investigation of ...

07/30/1998 Molly Ivins July 30
AUSTIN, TEXAS — When last I wrote an entire column about the Monica Lewinsky affair, which I am proud to say was more than six months ago, Washington had reached such an advanced state of tizz that one yearned for trite old Rudyard Kipling's ...

07/28/1998 Molly Ivins July 28
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Keeping your eye on the shell with the pea under it seems to get harder and harder. While the media are focused on the thrilling antics of Monica, Ken Starr and Co., there are just a few other itty-bitty items that you ...

07/26/1998 Molly Ivins July 26
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Some nice people who produce cartoons for children based on classic fairy stories and Mother Goose rhymes have asked me to do "a treatment," as they say in the film world, of Henny Penny — she who (along with her ...

07/23/1998 Molly Ivins July 23
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Some short Stories About Texas Today: Twenty years ago, a 27-year-old man named Robert Hudspeth committed murder in the course of a burglary in Austin. He came from a good family, had attended St. Ed's and UT-Austin and ...

07/21/1998 Molly Ivins July 21
AUSTIN, TEXAS — One of the strangest legislative endgames in history is now being fought out late at night, night after night, to determine whether representative democracy will continue to exist or we just give up and admit that this country is ...

07/20/1998 Molly Ivins July 20
YOUNGSTOWN, OHIO — "Youngstown," people here will tell you genially, "is always on the list of the 10 Most Politically Corrupt Places in America." Well, we all have to brag about something. (Personally, I ...

07/16/1998 Molly Ivins July 16
"One of the first duties of government is protect the weak against the strong, to prevent men from injuring one another. "We know that many, but not all, of our most powerful and influential citizens are very greedy. That fact has ...

07/14/1998 Molly Ivins July 14
AUSTIN, Texas — The State Board of Education has achieved a somewhat impressive feat by being both silly and nasty at the same time. The board's 8-4 decision last week to dump $43 million of lucrative Walt Disney Co. stock means, as the Houston ...

07/12/1998 Molly Ivins July 12
AUSTIN, Texas — They fooled you once on the tobacco bill with a $40 million public relations campaign — all those TV ads claiming the tobacco bill was about "new taxes" and would create "40 new government bureaucracies."...

07/09/1998 Molly Ivins July 9
AUSTIN, Texas — Since I wrote an extremely indignant column a few weeks ago based on bad information — the alleged use of nerve gas by American troops during the Vietnam War — it seems to me I owe readers a sort of second-degree ...

07/04/1998 Molly Ivins July 4
AUSTIN, Texas — It's our birthday! And we'll laugh if we want to. Why not? How grand and glorious to be a citizen of a nation where Newt Gingrich can rise to a position of national leadership (giving hope to certified nincompoops everywhere), ...

06/30/1998 Molly Ivins June 30
ORLAND, Maine — Coolness in the summertime — it's such a concept. Whoever thought of it should be congratulated. We know who thought of another stunning concept here in the cool north country — an economic ...

06/28/1998 Molly Ivins June 28
AUSTIN, Texas — So, fellow Texans, how are we feeling about global warming now? Keep in mind, summer only started June 21. Let's see how we feel by the end of it. New Texans keep asking in horror, "Is this normal?" No, it is not ...

06/25/1998 Molly Ivins June 25
AUSTIN, Texas — Well, as they used to say in 'Nam, there it is. Congress just took part of our budget surplus and gave it to the rich folks as yet another tax cut just for them. They did the same thing last year, only this time, they've added ...

06/21/1998 Molly Ivins June 21
AUSTIN, TEXAS — Heads up, special interests everywhere: Would you like to know how to buy a law tailored especially for you, to fatten up your bottom line? Then you can't do better than to study the bankruptcy "reform" law just passed ...

06/18/1998 Molly Ivins June 18
AUSTIN — As we watched the tobacco bill die an unnatural death Wednesday, it left only sour satisfaction to those of us who believe that money runs American politics. We now have the clearest, most definitive proof any long-suffering campaign-...

06/16/1998 Molly Ivins June 16
AUSTIN — Perhaps the most curious thing about the Republican Party of Texas at this point is that it is not really a political organization. I suppose we could quibble over definitions, but if you compare the Republican State Convention to the ...

06/14/1998 Molly Ivins June 14
AUSTIN, Texas — Bad governance is, in its own way, an interesting study — not unlike those monsters in sci-fi films that start as small blobs and then turn into something that eats Chicago. You start with just a li'l ol' bill to deregulate ...

06/11/1998 Molly Ivins June 11
AUSTIN, Texas — As though determined to prove that the film "Bulworth" has not an ounce of exaggeration in it, the powerful telecom lobby is now putting pressure on members of Congress who owe it a lot to get the industry out of the ...

06/09/1998 Molly Ivins June 9
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, you can take away my cynic-in-good-standing card, and I'll throw in the cheap irony, too: I'm horrified. I'm shocked and appalled, as they say in letters to the editor, to learn we used nerve gas in Laos during the Vietnam ...

06/07/1998 Molly Ivins June 7
AUSTIN, Texas — For bigotry, and un-American and un-Christian behavior, it's pretty hard to top some of the lobbying on behalf of the Istook amendment, which failed in the U.S. House on a vote of 224-203 because it was 61 votes short of the two-...

06/04/1998 Molly Ivins June 4
AUSTIN, Texas — As we all know, when you squeeze the toothpaste tube hard enough, if it doesn't come out one end, it will come out the other. The Texas Department of Human Services has been squeezing mightily on the welfare system — and ...

06/02/1998 Molly Ivins June 2
AUSTIN — This year's Editorial Writer's Award goes to Gov. George W. Bush, in honor of Murray Kempton's famous observation that editorial writers are those who ride down onto the field after the battle is over and shoot the wounded. We ...

05/31/1998 Molly Ivins May 31
AUSTIN, Texas — The porcine effluent problem inspires my fellow scribes to great heights of creativity: "Manure happens. Two trillion, 730 million pounds of it every year." — John Lang, Scripps Howard News Service &...

05/28/1998 Molly Ivins May 28
LOS ANGELES — There's a certain kind of anti-California prejudice that has always chapped my rear: "home of the fruits and nuts," "Berserkeley," "San Francisco Democrats." As though Alabama weren't a trifle strange ...

05/21/1998 This Anti-Union Bill Takes the Cake
AUSTIN — California, whew: Sometimes I think we ought to hang a cowbell around that sumbitch to let the future know to shut the gate. Its latest lunacy is the "campaign reform initiative," Proposition 226, also called "the ...

05/17/1998 Molly Ivins May 17
AMARILLO, Texas — "You can't get Americans to pay attention to what is happening in other countries," said one of the smartest people in North Texas recently. But in the perverse way that life has of making even the obvious untrue, lo, ...

05/14/1998 Molly Ivins May 14
AUSTIN, Texas — The most remarkable thing! You'll be amazed — I certainly am. Of course, I've always been pro-union — always thought workers had to organize and fight to get basic rights and a living wage. But who knew the ...

05/12/1998 Molly Ivins May 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Judge William Wayne Justice, the man who brought the U.S. Constitution to Texas for 30 years, will retire on July 1. That'll make a lot of stupid clods happy, including most in the Legislature, since they have never forgiven ...

05/10/1998 Molly Ivins May 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Well now, Sen. Hutchison, someone has some facts wrong in this sorry tale of how an amendment benefiting the oil companies to the tune of hundreds of millions of dollars wound up in a bill providing emergency funds for tornado ...

05/07/1998 Molly Ivins May 7
AUSTIN, Texas — There is so much bad governance coming down so fast (and I mean stuff that people really need to know about) that it's hard to keep up with it all. Meanwhile, the watchdogs of the press are all busy barking over at the Ken Starr ...

05/03/1998 Molly Ivins May 3
AUSTIN, Texas — I love politics, but some weeks, I can see why so many people would rather do something else — like get a root canal. This past week, we had the edifying sight of members of the Congress of the United States following the ...

04/30/1998 Molly Ivins April 30
Expansion of Western alliance just makes arms folks happy. And for a really, really bad idea, try expanding NATO to include Poland, Hungary and the Czech Republic. In fact, this one is such a stinker that now is the time for all good citizens ...

04/28/1998 Molly Ivins April 28
AUSTIN, Texas — First, a salute to Sen. Phil Gramm, who's been trying hard for the title of Meanest Man in the United States and now just may have earned it. Gramm is blocking legislation that would restore food stamps for elderly legal ...

04/26/1998 Molly Ivins April 26
AUSTIN, Texas — My old man is one of the toughest sons of bitches God ever made. I say that after second thought, and I say it again after third thought. My father is a throwback. He would have made a great 18th century sea captain. He ...

04/19/1998 Molly Ivins April 19
SAN FRANCISCO — Cultural update from the Bay Area: When last I stopped on these shores, many natives were still searching for their Inner Child, a complex and laborious process. Good news! A new course of therapy now helps the hopeful get in ...

04/16/1998 Molly Ivins April 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Anyone with any remaining doubts about how the world wags nowadays need only have read last week's headlines, in which two giant corporations, Citibank and the Travelers Group, calmly announced that they were running roughshod ...

04/12/1998 A Little Rocky Mountain Soiree For Intellectuals
BOULDER, Colo. — The 50th anniversary of the Conference on World Affairs, which movie critic Roger Ebert once dubbed "the leisure of the theory class," was chugging along last week with an impressive display of pyrotechnically ...

04/07/1998 Molly Ivins April 7
AUSTIN, Texas — It is incumbent upon the devout liberal's heart to bleed at any and all provocation, so imagine how disconcerted I was to find that not a single drop of sympathy could be squeezed out for a group of our fellow citizens in a ...

04/05/1998 Molly Ivins April 5
AUSTIN — As scholars of presidential scandal will recall, Deep Throat told Woodward and Bernstein to "follow the money." It's still good advice. (By the way, research for this column had already begun before I discovered that ...

04/02/1998 Molly Ivins April 2
TORONTO — Oh, no, how embarrassing. Here I am, visiting the neighbors, who inquire — in their calm, polite, rational, Canadian way — if I could possibly explain for them ... Being Canadian is like living next door to the ...

03/29/1998 Molly Ivins March 29
AUSTIN, Texas — If there were an Oscar for Hypocrisy in Campaign Financing, we would all have to stand back in awe at the quality of the performances. What breathtaking stinkers. Difficult though it is to pick out one player even more ...

03/26/1998 Molly Ivins March 26
AUSTIN — In the Batty Ideas Department, one of my favorites is the repeal of the progressive income tax and the substitution of a flat tax. This charming notion — currently being pushed by the Republican chairman of the House Ways and ...

03/19/1998 Molly Ivins March 19
NEW YORK — Adventures in Medialand during a feeding frenzy. When, in the course of human events, fate throws you into a book tour while the media are going bonkers about the president's sex life, you realize what it must feel like to be a ...

03/15/1998 Molly Ivins March 15
NEW YORK — New and more horrible corporate rip-offs lurking in near future! Banks win big, and guess who pays? Thanks to the pinheads on the Supreme Court, big banks are in a better position than ever to continue to rip us all off. A ...

03/12/1998 Molly Ivins March 12
AUSTIN — Scratching for something encouraging to say about the Texas primary: To the surprise of many, more D's than R's voted in the thing, but since the turnout was so pathetic (13 percent of eligible voters — ouch), not much joy there. ...

03/10/1998 Molly Ivins March 10
AUSTIN, Texas — It can be argued that nonconformity is a good thing in and of itself. If we all marched in lock step, what a dull world it would be. Nevertheless, not conforming requires some judgment about when and why, and the United States of ...

03/08/1998 Molly Ivins March 8
AUSTIN — When in the course of human events life calls upon one to span a civilization or two, I personally side with Lewis Carroll's White Queen, who observed to Alice: "When I was your age, I always did it for half-an-hour a day. Why, ...

03/05/1998 Molly Ivins March 5
AUSTIN — Eeee-yew, gross! Watch 5 million students get backhanded so bank profits can rise from excessive to obscene. Watch Congress sell out both the students and the nation, which needs all the educated citizens it can produce, in exchange for ...

03/01/1998 Molly Ivins March 1
AUSTIN — Some you win, some you lose, and some are too weird to call ... The First Amendment got a nice little boost from the Amarillo jury in the Oprah Winfrey/veggie libel case. True, the test of the constitutionality of veggie libel ...

02/26/1998 Molly Ivins February 26
AUSTIN, Texas — And some people have the nerve to claim that colorful politics in Texas are a thing of the past. Pish. Piffle. Poppycock. Consider, just for fun, the case of state Rep. Gilbert Serna, Democrat of El Paso, who is slightly ...

02/24/1998 Molly Ivins February 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Thanks to U.N. Secretary-General Kofi Annan and all the peacemakers around the globe, including those who ruined the administration's television show in Ohio. If we put just half as much money into working for peace as we do into ...

02/22/1998 Molly Ivins February 22
SAN FRANCISCO — Say now, here's a bad idea: President Clinton has proposed that we increase our spending on cleaning up the nation's water by $568 million, a chunk of which he plans to pay farmers for not letting their pesticide-laden runoff go ...

02/19/1998 Molly Ivins February 19
PORTLAND, Ore. — Bad nooz in the developing economic crisis. In the papers that have stopped obsessing about the Lewinsky affair, President Suharto of Indonesia made Page 1 by firing his top central banker, thus setting up a confrontation with ...

02/17/1998 Molly Ivins February 17
AUSTIN, Texas — As we were saying when we were so rudely interrupted ... B.L.L. (Before L'Affaire Lewinsky), we were trying to have this national dialogue on race. It was one of the president's woollier ideas, since he failed to mention who, ...

02/08/1998 Molly Ivins February 8
AUSTIN, Texas — I don't know about y'all, but I'm starting to think maybe the country would be better off if we put all the politicians into Bedlam and let them carry on from there. Here's the state of Texas, 15 billion bucks to the good, ...

02/05/1998 Molly Ivins February 5
WASHINGTON — OK, the feminist thing. Into which I did not want to get, mostly because the discussion so far is just a silly sideshow. What we have here, in large part, is a stupid game of "Gotcha." Assorted right-wingers point ...

02/03/1998 Molly Ivins February 3
AUSTIN — Patrick Wiseman, lawyer, teacher, freedom-fighter, dead of cancer at 49. Wiseman argued the 2106 case — 2106 is the criminal statute that makes it illegal to be gay in Texas — first in federal court, where he won, and ...

02/01/1998 Molly Ivins February 1
AUSTIN — For those of you keeping track of the steady drip of new lows by the media, here's a lovely item. A right-wing guest on CNN's "Inside Politics" on Jan. 29 twice referred to the presumed relationship between Monica Lewinsky and ...

01/27/1998 Molly Ivins January 27
AUSTIN — Informed citizenship in our great nation requires a certain flexibility. My favorite moment, so far, was hearing a scholar on CNN present a biblical exegesis of the theory that oral sex does not constitute adultery. By that time, ...

01/25/1998 Molly Ivins January 25
AUSTIN — Well, the poor ol' pope was certainly out of luck, wasn't he? Our beloved media dropped him like a hot rock. Great green gobs of greasy grimy gopher guts. What. A. Horror. Show. As all about us are losing their heads, this is a ...

01/22/1998 Molly Ivins January 22
Carole Kneeland, the finest television journalist in Texas and easily one of the best of her generation, is dying — a matter of days at most. Although this is heartbreaking for all who know and love her, to the wider world, she leaves a legacy ...

01/15/1998 Molly Ivins January 15
AUSTIN — I realize that "told you so" is an annoying and unproductive contribution to any discussion, but really ... In the January issue of Telecommunications magazine, Sen. John McCain, who at least has the class to ...

01/13/1998 Molly Ivins January 13
AUSTIN — I am normally a great fan of Bob Herbert's column in The New York Times, but I think we will have to agree that he was a little ... over the top the other day. He wrote of "Texas' bloodthirsty criminal justice officials ... ...

01/11/1998 Molly Ivins January 11
AUSTIN -- Our Man Gramm was out giving good sound bite the other day anent the president's plan to expand Medicare (at no cost to us, he claims) by letting 62-year-olds buy into the program: "When your mother is on the Titanic and it's sinking, your ...

01/08/1998 Molly ivins January 8
AUSTIN — My campaign to point out the ridiculousness of honoring Rupert Murdoch for anything except being a ruthless media baron has been so effective that the pope has now named Murdoch to a papal knighthood. Yep. According to the Vatican, ...

01/06/1998 Molly Ivins January 6
AUSTIN — New Texans and old Texans. Naturally all good Texans spent part of New Year's Day rooting for the Aggies, who played quite a game. You could hardly fail to notice No. 9, Dat Nguyen from Rockport, who set a Cotton Bowl record for tackles ...

01/01/1998 Maybe We'll Learn, But I'm Not Holding My Breath
AUSTIN — The annual year-end review of the weirdness of the 365 days we have just survived has, in theory, redeeming social value. This sobering look at our follies and excesses is supposed to cause us to pull up our collective socks and vow ...

12/21/1997 Molly Ivins December 21
AUSTIN — Your government at work. Living proof that your government is capable of recognizing error and correcting same: The Social Security Administration has announced it is reviewing the benefits of 60,000 poor, disabled children who were ...

12/18/1997 Molly Ivins December 18
AUSTIN — Since I subscribe to the cheerful theory that the stock market is a cross between a giant casino and a pyramid scheme, little that happens there seems to me of much social import. Between 75 and 80 percent of the people in this ...

12/16/1997 Molly Ivins December 16
AUSTIN — How pathetic. How ridiculous. How mean, sorry and sad. After a three-year investigation that cost taxpayers more than $4 million, Henry Cisneros has been indicted on 18 counts for failing to confide the details of his private life to ...

12/14/1997 Molly Ivins December 14
AUSTIN — Since it's snowing in South Texas, it's obviously the perfect time to consider global warming. What we want to consider first is not so much whether the globe is warming but the way in which that topic is being debated: How do we know ...

12/11/1997 Molly Ivins December 11
AUSTIN — The longer I live, the less it surprises me that some people behave like worms, but I continue to be amazed by the simple and compound stupidity of people in positions that one would assume require a minimal intelligence. The ...

12/09/1997 Molly Ivins December 9
AUSTIN — More good books! The publishing industry may be going to hell in a hand basket (see spate of recent hand-wringing about same in many journals), but there's nothing wrong with American writers. Voices from our many racial and ethnic ...

12/07/1997 Molly Ivins December 7
AUSTIN, Texas — All right, Christmas procrastinators! The Christmas book list is here! Not that I'm suggesting you do anything alarming, like go out and shop in a timely fashion. But you can clip-and-save for that exciting moment when you ...

12/04/1997 Molly Ivins December 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Never could find anyone who understood Dan Morales while he was in office, and I still can't now that he's on his way out. Being Texas' attorney general can't have been much fun for him — his own people don't much ...

12/02/1997 Molly Ivins December 2
AUSTIN — Numbers, numbers. Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison now has $4 million stockpiled in her war chest for the election of 2000. According to published reports, she raised more than $1.9 million in the first six months of this year for a race that ...

11/27/1997 Molly Ivins November 27
AUSTIN — In this national time of thanksgiving, your whiny pessimist ("But this glass is half empty") might think there are few grounds for gratitude in our political life. Even I, a notorious optimist, find it so embarrassing to ...

11/25/1997 Molly Ivins November 25
AUSTIN — The stupidity of bankers is one of the seven wonders of the world. Such shining, luminous stupidity: a beacon in the tides of history — fixed, permanent, stable, forever. Just as France's Georges Clemenceau thought war was too ...

11/23/1997 Molly Ivins November 23
AUSTIN — The first thing you have to admit about Microsoft is that it is a monopoly. Large as life and twice as natural. There it stands, with more than 90 percent of the market in PC operating systems. In addition to what it already controls, ...

11/20/1997 Molly Ivins November 20
SARASOTA, Fla. — Whilst perusing The New York Times of the Southwest ... I'm sorry. I have tried to say that with a straight face a thousand times, and I still fall out snickering and snorting in the most undignified fashion. ...

11/18/1997 Molly Ivins November 18
AUSTIN — Texas Land Commissioner Garry Mauro's announcement for governor against the popular George Dubya Bush is meeting with widespread skepticism but no disrespect. Only a fool would write off Mauro, even with the odds against him. He's one ...

11/16/1997 Molly Ivins November 16
AUSTIN — Just a passing thought: When you have to go to the United Nations for help — say that Saddam Hussein is once more behaving like the creep he is and you need assistance from the Security Council — it helps if you have paid ...

11/13/1997 Molly Ivins November 13
IOWA CITY, Iowa — Where the land is not all that flat, the people are lovely and drinking the water is not a good idea. Being back in the Land of Sensible People — to wit, the Midwest — encourages me to do something that any nickel-...

11/11/1997 Molly Ivins November 11
AUSTIN — There seem to be an awful lot of Republicans in Washington who think their sole mission in life is to mess with President Clinton. A global gag rule — what a concept. You tell me: Does this make any sense at all? Here's the ...

11/09/1997 Molly Ivins November 9
AUSTIN — Because of the wonders of welfare reform, almost 140,000 poor, disabled children have now had their Supplemental Security Income benefits cut off for failure to meet strict new standards of what constitutes a disability. And who are ...

11/06/1997 Molly Ivins November 6
AUSTIN — Three years ago, when President Clinton proposed that we do something about medical care in this country — specifically, provide universal health insurance — the forces of reaction raised a great alarm: "Socialized ...

11/02/1997 Molly Ivins November 2
AUSTIN — In Texas, we say of a lucky man, "They tried to hang him, but the rope broke." One of the greatest running gags in American politics for five years now has been the sight of the Republicans gathered in a lynch mob trying to ...

10/30/1997 Molly Ivins October 30
AUSTIN — Well, we're in the endgame now on the nuclear dump in Sierra Blanca. Our next-to-last possible move is up to Sens. Phil Gramm and Kay Bailey Hutchison, which could mean we're doomed. But let's not be pessimistic about it — they ...

10/26/1997 Molly Ivins October 26
NEW YORK — It's always interesting to see the consequences of bad policy decisions. This is also known as watchin' the chickens come home to roost. Gov. Christine Todd Whitman of New Jersey was the toast of Republican circles a few years ...

10/21/1997 Molly Ivins October 21
AUSTIN — Oh boy, now we are getting to the silly season. Rep. Dan Burton, the fool from Indiana, now commences his investigation of President Clinton's 1996 fund-raising practices. This is the funniest concept since the Republicans ...

10/19/1997 Molly Ivins October 19
AUSTIN, Texas — How silly can this get? Republicans are now threatening to impeach Attorney General Janet Reno because she has so far not named a special prosecutor to look into whether President Clinton broke a law written in 1883 — which ...

10/16/1997 Molly Ivins October 16
AUSTIN — This year's Forbes 400 list of the wealthiest people in America includes 170 billionaires, and you had to be worth $475 million to get on the list at all. There are 36 million people in this country living below the poverty level, and ...

10/14/1997 Molly Ivins October 14
AUSTIN — Six weeks after 28,000 elderly, feeble legal immigrants in Texas lost their food stamps, Gov. George W. Bush changed his mind and set aside $18 million to pay for food for the utterly helpless group. Food banks in the Rio Grande Valley ...

10/12/1997 Molly Ivins October 12
AUSTIN — And now for something completely different on Breast Cancer Awareness Month. I use the word "completely" with some confidence, as I know of very few other sources for what I'm about to tell you. The mainstream media ...

10/09/1997 Molly Ivins October 9
AUSTIN — My, my, my, what a disgusting spectacle. Just as the Republicans had tied themselves into a perfect snit of outrage over the gross excesses and corruption of our campaign financing system — two Republican senators called for ...

10/07/1997 Molly Ivins October 7
AUSTIN — Lungs have been on my mind lately, partly because I'm in the midst of my 2,917th attempt to quit smoking. I just spent a week in the crystalline air of the high desert of Northern Mexico — well, crystalline except for the ...

09/28/1997 Molly Ivins September 28
AUSTIN, Texas — Update from the cosmetic counter: I went to get some skin cream the other day, and the saleslady solemnly informed me that the cream I had selected contained "a mnemonic component" that would cause my skin cells to ...

09/25/1997 Molly Ivins September 25
WASHINGTON — A friend of mine once wrote a book called "Strange Peaches," which is kind of an obscure concept, but I'm always reminded of it when I come to Washington. Right now, the whole town is obsessed by the fact that Bill Clinton ...

09/23/1997 Molly Ivins September 23
AUSTIN — Perhaps the most discouraging thing about the skunk-off over national education testing is that you can only conclude that it never would have become an issue at all if President Clinton hadn't proposed it. Truly, don't you think ...

09/21/1997 Molly Ivins September 21
AUSTIN — A delightful week at the campaign finance reform shop. The boys have all been horrified to learn that there's gambling in the back room at Rick's Cafe. The magic words were "buying access." Yes, by George, thanks to the ...

09/16/1997 Molly Ivins September 16
AUSTIN — We have some liberals behaving badly here, and we all need to straighten up, get a grip, take a deep breath and remember what the First Amendment is for. You will have noticed a slight shortage of those willing to defend to the death ...

09/14/1997 Molly Ivins September 14
AUSTIN — While Republicans on the Thompson committee search desperately for a quid for the pro quo in last year's sleazy money scramble (Al Gore will never be able to vote in favor National Buddhist Nuns Day again), there is this (ahem) rather ...

09/11/1997 Molly Ivins September 11
AUSTIN — New nomination in the category of most fatuous, pointless and profoundly dumb debate in what we laughingly call the world of public policy: Concerning teenage pregnancy, should we be teaching abstinence to young people or should we be ...

09/09/1997 Molly Ivins September 9
AUSTIN — We hope Henry B. is enjoying all the bouquets being tossed his way. Hard to think of anyone who deserves them more. Notice how often the word "honorable" occurs in the political obits? Of how many people now serving in the ...

09/07/1997 Molly Ivins September 7
AUSTIN — I am indebted to the wonderful Will Durst for this delicious piece of news. The House cut $174,000 from the budget of the National Science Foundation as a punishment for its having underwritten a study on why civic leaders choose not to ...

09/04/1997 Molly Ivins September 4
AUSTIN — Whee, here we go again. Sen. Fred Thompson and the boys (plus one girl) return, and we get to see if they have made any progress toward grasping The Big Picture. When last we checked in on our friendly committee on campaign ...

08/28/1997 Molly Ivins August 28
"The federal government has agreed to pay hospitals around the country hundreds of millions of dollars not to train doctors to alleviate a growing glut of physicians." -- The Washington Post, Aug. 24, 1997 AUSTIN — There is ...

08/27/1997 Molly Ivins August 27
AUSTIN — Here we are again with some seriously inadequate reporting on the Teamsters, spreading misunderstanding nationwide. The long-expected decision by federal election overseer Barbara Zack Quindel that last year's Teamster election has to ...

08/24/1997 Molly Ivins August 24
AUSTIN — Well, looking on the bright side, Texas' reputation as the National Laboratory of Bad Government can only be burnished by this charming new training-film footage of guards abusing prisoners. You must admit, it's unique in the annals of ...

08/21/1997 Molly Ivins August 21
AUSTIN — Way to go, Teamsters! Good strike, good win. It takes a lot of courage to walk out when you're trying to support a family on $9 an hour part time. I honor you. And it takes a lot of solidarity to walk when you're making $20 an hour full ...

08/19/1997 Molly Ivins August 19
AUSTIN — Rip-off update: You doubtlessly recall that when the Telecommunications Act of 1996 was passed, both our pols and our telecom execs swore to us it would increase competition, drive down prices and touch off "an Oklahoma land rush&...

08/17/1997 Molly Ivins August 17
AUSTIN — Several items of recent note reinforce my notion that the country is suffering from a wretched excess of irony. The irony surplus in this nation is simply disgraceful, and we've got to do something about it. I would recommend a national ...

08/14/1997 Molly Ivins August 14
AUSTIN — And another reason to change this obscene system of campaign financing: There's no way to tell whether people in public office are doing what they think is right or if they've been bought off. A tax loophole for some rich ...

08/12/1997 Molly Ivins August 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Always nice to see our Texas pols demonstrating their profound understanding of the Constitution. U.S. House Majority Whip Tom DeLay, the old bug killer from Sugar Land, has lately been on a tear about impeaching federal ...

08/10/1997 Molly Ivins August 10
AUSTIN, Texas — Around the 20th time I caught myself wondering why the media are doing such a terrible job covering the UPS strike, the obvious answer finally occurred to me: No one knows how to do it anymore. In the entire press corps, not more ...

08/07/1997 Molly Ivins August 7
AUSTIN — My favorite tax break in the new budget package is worth $283 million to one corporation: Amway. The company and its top leaders have contributed at least $4 million to the Republican Party during the past four years, so that's a $4 ...

08/05/1997 Molly Ivins August 5
AUSTIN — Having a hard time getting a grip on what's happening with the economy? We all know something's not quite right here, but it's hard to put a finger on just what it might be. The Dow Jones goes up almost daily — big boom there, no ...

08/03/1997 Molly Ivins August 3
AUSTIN — Now that the orgy of back-slapping is over in Washington, D.C. — what an epidemic of carpal tunnel syndrome that caused — we are at leisure to examine what wonders our bought-and-paid-for Congress has saddled us with this ...

07/31/1997 Molly Ivins July 31
AUSTIN — Contemplate, if you would, the cover of the August issue of Texas Monthly, our largest statewide publication. Gracing the cover is the stunning Houstonian Carolyn Farb, laden with jewels and holding a dog. The headline is: "Neiman'...

07/29/1997 Molly Ivins July 29
AUSTIN — Reader participation event! Help needed from all readers! Any and all suggestions welcome, so put your thinking caps on. Here's the deal. Back in ancient Rome, at the time of the Punic Wars, a Roman senator named Cato the Elder ...

07/27/1997 Molly Ivins July 27
AUSTIN — One day in Washington took us from the sublime to the ridiculous, from the death of the great Justice William Brennan to the weasel-worded posturing of Haley Barbour. O tempora! O mores! — which is what the ancient Romans used to ...

07/24/1997 Molly Ivins July 24
AUSTIN — Congress nowadays ineluctably brings to mind the old country-western song "Everythang Yew Touch Turns to Dirt." Remember when the R's came to Washington full of beans in 1994 and promised to "change the way Washington ...

07/22/1997 Molly Ivins July 22
AUSTIN — "When you strike at a king, you must kill him." So said Oliver Wendell Holmes. The Shiite Republican plot against House Speaker Newt Gingrich has come to naught, alas. But it does give us fodder for meditation. For one ...

07/21/1997 Molly Ivins July 21
AUSTIN — In a world in which about 18 guys own every media outlet in the country, and in which about half the outlets are doing stories about the Ten Best Places for Barbecued Sushi, my journalistic alma mater has been a breath of fresh air. Not ...

07/20/1997 Molly Ivins July 20
AUSTIN — The feisty little magazine The Texas Observer is known to almost everyone inside Texas politics and journalism and known to practically no one outside. The Observer, now 43 years old, recently had a near-death experience, and although ...

07/17/1997 Molly Ivins July 17
AUSTIN — What this country needs is another investigation into the alleged suicide of Vincent Foster. Independent counsel Kenneth Starr has just come out with another whitewash saying that Foster offed himself. We know this can't be true ...

07/15/1997 Molly Ivins July 15
AUSTIN — Aw, gee. The Washington press corps thinks the campaign finance hearings are a bore. No bombshells. No sex. Bad story line. Chairman Fred Thompson may be an actor by profession, but he can't write dialogue worth squat. Call a script ...

07/13/1997 Molly Ivins July 13
AUSTIN — Poor Reyn Archer, Texas' new commissioner of health, is already stuck with "controversial." Well, yes, it is his fault — or, more precisely, his record — but much of that was long ago and far away. People do change ...

07/10/1997 Molly Ivins July 10
AUSTIN — Jim Hightower once observed that the beauty of gavel-to-gavel coverage of public events is that it empowers the average citizen to conclude, "Holy smokes, my senator has the IQ of a dust bunny." As those who have been ...

07/08/1997 Molly Ivins July 8
AUSTIN — Ole! Bravo! Andale! Viva Mexico! Which is sort of Spanish for, "You go, girl!" The neighbors have just given the boot to PRI, the longtime ruling party of Mexico, and what a righteous, satisfying outcome it was. ...

07/03/1997 Molly Ivins July 3
AUSTIN — Happy birthday to us! No shortage of material for a Fourth of July column celebrating the nuttiness, diversity and rampageous, outsized je ne sais quoi (as we always say in Lubbock) that makes these shores such a treat to ...

07/01/1997 Molly Ivins July 1
AUSTIN — More reasons not to write fiction: In late May at the annual banquet of United Jewish Appeal, one of the world's largest charities, the Humanitarian of the Year Award was presented by Henry Kissinger to Rupert Murdoch. (This ...

06/29/1997 Molly Ivins June 29
AUSTIN — A couple of items in the "I can't believe this" category. I can't believe Congress is actually doing this flag-burning nonsense again. This has to be the most shameless political demagoguery since the last time they honored ...

06/26/1997 Molly Ivins June 26
AUSTIN — You may have noticed the creepy, Orwellian language being used in the debate about the tax-cut proposals now in Congress. Republicans keep talking about "tax cuts for working families" while their whole bill is being written ...

06/24/1997 Molly Ivins June 24
AUSTIN — Whenever I hear particularly dippy public policy proposals or pronouncements on welform deform or school vouchers, I make the same mistake. I keep wondering: "Don't these people know anyone on welfare? Don't they ever ...

06/12/1997 Molly Ivins June 12
AUSTIN, Texas — The stupidity of Republicans is a constant source of wonder to me. But not since they shut down the federal government on the grounds that it would be a nifty thing to do have I seen them pull a stunt this boneheaded. To ...

06/10/1997 Molly Ivins June 10
AUSTIN — The case of Timothy McVeigh is a pretty good argument against the death penalty as currently practiced. Please hear me out on this because it's a sound argument. In my state of Texas, the death penalty is now an assembly-line ...

06/08/1997 Molly Ivins June 8
AUSTIN — For years now, whenever Bullockians — those who study Texas' most amazing living politician — have gathered, the scholars have always ended by asking the same question: "Who's gonna write the book?" Someone ...

06/05/1997 Molly Ivins June 5
AUSTIN — Anent the late Legislature: It is said that some are so intellectually gifted they could foul up a two-car funeral, but it takes the Texas Legislature to foul up a tax break. The Guv has been getting some heat for the failure ...

06/03/1997 Molly Ivins June 3
AUSTIN — As one of the leading rooters in the Feminists for Paula Jones camp, let me say how pleased we are by the Supremes' decision in our case last week. Simple principle: No one's above the law. OK, if in the future this turns out to ...

06/01/1997 Molly Ivins June 1
AUSTIN — Our gang. The Tarrant County delegation to the Texas Legislature in all its glory. Eleven strong, 14 if you count the three senators who represent chunks of Tarrant along with other counties. If the lines had been drawn a little ...

05/29/1997 Molly Ivins May 29
AUSTIN — Our text for the day is the Matter of Ms. Wohlgemuth. Texas state Rep. Arlene Wohlgemuth of Burleson (Bosque, Johnson and Somervell counties) distinguished herself Monday night by single-handedly killing off 52 pieces of legislation ...

05/26/1997 Molly Ivins May 26
AUSTIN — It's not that anybody expects much of Congress these days; we're just grateful when they don't shut down the government. But is it too much to expect that they might have passed disaster relief for the Dakotas and Minnesota before they ...

05/22/1997 Molly Ivins May 22
AUSTIN — Froggy alert! Kermit concern! As Aristophanes, the Neil Simon of his day, put it in his play "The Frogs," "Brekekekex, koax, koax." The freak frogs of Le Sueur County, Minn., discovered by a group of school ...

05/20/1997 Molly Ivins May 20
AUSTIN — Diversion is the political fashion of the day. Coming up in Congress, we find that all-important flag-burning amendment on the agenda. That one's always good for politicians who want to promote their patriotism. Gay marriages — ...

05/15/1997 Molly Ivins May 15
 AUSTIN -- At a gala fund-raising dinner in Washington on Monday night, the Republican Party piled up $11.3 million for next year's elections. The only thing different about the black-tie shindig is that the R's have a new bar for their biggest ...

05/13/1997 Molly Ivins May 13
AUSTIN — Have you noticed that under the influence of free-market theology, government is becoming both less useful and more onerous? That splendid libertarian strand of less government that always stoutly defended the right of motorcyclists to ...

05/11/1997 Molly Ivins May 11
AUSTIN — Bill Clinton, as Lyndon was fond of reminding us in his day, is the only president we've got. And Clinton is the Rodney Dangerfield of presidents. He is so constantly and so casually abused, vilified, dismissed, mocked and ...

05/08/1997 Molly Ivins May 8
AUSTIN — Look out! Heads up, here it comes. Uts deregulation is upon us. Gov. Shrub Bush has endorsed a plan that ingeniously combines the worst elements of the several choices available on this issue, and it's starting to move in the ...

05/06/1997 Molly Ivins May 6
Perhaps what we need around here are lessons in how to get angry. I grant you, the appeal of this notion is not immediately apparent. It would seem to the superficial observer that there is already a sufficiency of anger floating about in our ...

05/04/1997 Molly Ivins May 4
AUSTIN, Texas — Of all the stunning moments reported in Bob Reich's new book, "Locked in the Cabinet," perhaps the saddest is an observation made in 1993 by Rep. Marty Sabo of Minnesota, then chairman of the House Budget Committee. ...

05/01/1997 Molly Ivins May 1
AUSTIN — Bad bills, dumb bills, silly bills: It's rainin' bad ol' bills at the Legislature. House Speaker Pete Laney, who belongs to the "do no harm" school of political philosophy, once challenged reporters to drive all over the state ...

04/29/1997 Molly Ivins April 29
AUSTIN, Texas — First time as tragedy, second time as farce. A splinter faction of nut cases, a subset of the group of loons who call themselves the Republic of Texas, was holding two hostages this weekend near Fort Davis. The so-called ...

04/27/1997 Molly Ivins April 27
PORTLAND, Ore. — Bizarre ideologies are loose in the land, popping up hither and yon, and perhaps the strangest thing about them is that their proponents all claim the Constitution of the United States as their mandate. Easily, the most ...

04/24/1997 Molly Ivins April 24
AUSTIN, Texas — Former state Rep. "Jumbo" Ben Atwell of Dallas has a marker in the Texas State Cemetery. It's made of pink granite, carved in the shape of Texas and says on the back, "He passed a tax bill." If you ...

04/22/1997 Molly Ivins April 22
AUSTIN — My favorite running story these days is the Year 2000 Problem. This is the wonderful news that come midnight Dec. 31, 1999, all computers will tick over a notch and announce that it is Jan. 1, 1900. If you believe the most dire ...

04/20/1997 Molly Ivins April 20
AUSTIN — Now they're on to something about President Clinton. Now they're talkin' about a real story. Now they're cookin' with gas. But before we go into the details of what could be real malfeasance, let me say again: It's taken long ...

04/17/1997 Molly Ivins April 17
MINNEAPOLIS and AUSTIN, Texas — What a mess. Famous people, divorce, suicide, scandalous allegations of sexual misconduct. Got your attention, didn't I? And it gets better. After we get through wallowing in the gory details, then we get ...

04/15/1997 Molly Ivins April 15
AUSTIN — It has almost become a truism of our trade that the net effect of new technologies of communication is not that a new one replaces an old one (TV, for example, didn't cause radio to vanish) but that we all take one step back along the ...

04/13/1997 Molly Ivins April 13
AUSTIN — My, my, my, our Texas boys in Washington are certainly distinguishing themselves these days, aren't they? Our boy Tom DeLay, the House minority whip and former exterminator from Sugar Land, added luster to our reputation for gentle ...

04/10/1997 Molly Ivins April 10
AUSTIN — Long-term thinking is not the forte of the Texas Legislature. Thus, like Dictionary Johnson's comment about the dog walking on his hind legs, the surprise is not to find that it is not done well but that it is done at all. We have a ...

04/08/1997 Molly Ivins April 8
AUSTIN — Here in Alan Greenspan's America, tearing down the protections put in place after the Great Stock Market Crash of 1929 is all in a day's work. Ignoring the wisdom acquired at enormous cost and pain, we're just walking right over what's ...

04/06/1997 Molly Ivins April 6
AUSTIN — Continuing consideration of TexasTaxesTexasTaxesTexasTaxes: When the Legislature manages to do Something Big, there is a happy tradition at the Capitol of dishing out credit generously to all hands. (Blame is not so generously ...

04/03/1997 Molly Ivins April 3
AUSTIN — OK, team, we're just past half-time in the 75th session of the Texas Legislature, and it seems like a good point to review the basics. Because 1) this is a very basic session indeed and 2) the usual number of letters to the editor by ...

04/01/1997 Molly Ivins April 1
AUSTIN — No cause has so united the women of America since suffrage. Across race, class and political lines, we have joined together to right this long-standing affront to our gender. The movement is sweeping the country — the National ...

03/30/1997 Molly Ivins March 30
AUSTIN — Proof once more that great minds think alike: The current issue of The Nation magazine features an article on "Crime in the Suites" by Bob Sherrill. Sherrill's review of a year's worth of "civil and criminal corruption, ...

03/27/1997 Molly Ivins March 27
CHARLOTTE, N.C. — Another bad idea whose time has come in the Texas Legislature is upon us. It's time to revive my old proposal that Texas be made into a national laboratory for bad government. Having a bad idea in your state? Come to Texas and ...

03/23/1997 Molly Ivins March 23
BERKELEY, Calif. — "Ah," said my wise friend Deirdre, "you are going to write one of those articles about 'Berserkeley.'" Nah — at least, I hope not. On the other hand, you cannot expect me to resist the lunatic ...

03/20/1997 Molly Ivins March 20
SAN FRANCISCO — A complete stranger stopped me on the street the other day. He said he used to work on Capitol Hill, and he thinks what is happening there is that the Republicans are making this big stink about some kind of Chinese-Democratic ...

03/16/1997 Molly Ivins March 16
BERKELEY, Calif. — The proverbial visitor from Mars landing in Washington last week would have had no trouble concluding that the fruitcakes have taken over the loony bin. The Senate confirmation hearings on Anthony Lake's nomination as ...

03/09/1997 Molly Ivins March 9
BERKELEY, Calif. — Left-wing political correctness may have some aberrant moments, but right-wing political correctness is becoming a genuine menace. Calling a dwarf "vertically impaired" instead of "real short" is silly; ...

03/06/1997 Molly Ivins March 6
BERKELEY, Calif. — Put your money on Sen. Kay Bailey Hutchison of Texas. I am naming the one member of Congress who we can be perfectly certain has never made a fund-raising call from her office in the U.S. Capitol. We can be sure because Kay ...

03/02/1997 Molly Ivins March 2
BERKELEY, Calif. — A perfect political Rorschach test for our time: "Military loses Gulf War records: 75 percent of chemical weapons logs are missing; ill vets suspect cover-up." "Pentagon reveals it lost most logs ...

02/27/1997 Molly Ivins February 27
BERKELEY, Calif. — Lest we forget: Nowhere in the massive coverage of the death of Deng Xiaoping did anyone see fit to record the semi-immortal remark of the governor of Texas on the occasion of Deng's visit to our state in 1979. What Gov. Bill ...

02/23/1997 Welfare For Politicians -- Let's Have Reform On That
BERKELEY, Calif. — OK, so it wasn't the Bob Bullock Memorial Award (given each session to the first member of the Texas Lege charged with drunken driving, in honor of our lite gov's long-gone drinking days), but there was an interesting ...

02/20/1997 Molly Ivins February 20
BERKELEY, Calif. — In case you missed it, a wonderful Tom Toles cartoon gives us A Tragedy For the '90s. A TV announcer in front of a car smash reports: "A right-to-die supporter who had used a little too much medical marijuana has collided ...

02/16/1997 Molly Ivins February 16
BERKELEY, Calif. — Gosh, wow, the Dow Jones industrial average soared above 7,000 points last week. Golly, that's really something, isn't it? Even to the 80 percent of Americans who don't own any stock. Even to Americans affected by the fact ...

02/13/1997 Molly Ivins February 13
BERKELEY, Calif. — When in the course of human events things get seriously fouled up, it's sometimes useful to go back and figure out why the unhappy eventuation has occurred. It's even more useful to perform the exercise at the other end, ...

02/07/1997 Molly Ivins February 7
BERKELEY, Calif. — I believe it to be one of life's great truths that there is no group of people quite so wonderful as those who were seniors when you were a freshman. This applies to both high school and college. Didn't you notice that the ...

02/05/1997 Molly Ivins February 5
BERKELEY, Calif. — Watching the networks have nervous breakdowns Tuesday night over whether to go with the State of the Union address or the O.J. Simpson verdict was a lot of fun. Nerve-wracking suspense, high drama, stuck between ...

02/02/1997 Molly Ivins February 2
BERKELEY, Calif. — I have always been fond of international conspiracy theories — the Bilderburgers, the Bavarian Illuminati, the New World Order — because they carry with them the comforting notion that at least someone is in charge ...

01/29/1997 Molly Ivins January 29
BERKELEY, Calif. — I'm apparently up for sale this morning, along with my newspaper, the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. Our corporate masters have put us on the bidding block, and here we stand, waiting for prospective buyers to come along and ...

01/27/1997 Molly Ivins January 27
BERKELEY, Calif. — Texas Rural Legal Aid has the starring role in a perpetual performance of "The Perils of Pauline." ("And he tied her to the railroad tracks again!") The villain in this perennial saga is always the same and ...

01/12/1997 Is It Timge For Us Not To Have This Conversation?
"I did not mean to deceive you. I never intended to push or shove. I just wish that you was someone that I love." — Larry Gatlin and the Gatlin Brothers, in a recent interpretation by House Majority Leader Dick Armey (R-Texas)
01/09/1997 Molly Ivins January 9
AUSTIN, Texas — My mother died the other day. Margaret Milne Ivins was a gay and gracious lady, and also one of the kindest people I've ever known. In 84 years of living, she never mastered the more practical aspects of life — I believe ...

12/29/1996 Molly Ivins December 29
AUSTIN, Texas — I seem to be the only person in America who thinks it's just peachy keen that President Clinton sort of auctions off a night in the Lincoln Bedroom at the White House in exchange for campaign donations. Apparently, if you give ...

12/26/1996 Molly Ivins December 26
AUSTIN, Texas — Most liberals are in an impossible box when it comes to the sins of House Speaker Newt Gingrich. We are notorious for forgiving penitent sinners. Further, liberal orthodoxy requires us to empathize with all who are in pain and ...

12/19/1996 Molly Ivins December 19
AUSTIN, Texas — After 36 years of one of the ugliest civil wars ever recorded, Guatemala has decided to end it all with an amnesty. Allie-allie-in-free. Assassins, torturers, slaughterers and those who did their best to commit genocide against ...

12/17/1996 Molly Ivins December 17
AUSTIN, Texas — Why, Santy Claus, you sly old thing, you shouldn't have! No really, Boeing and McDonnell Douglas don't need that nice Christmas present you're about to lay on them. What's that you say? You haven't done ...

12/15/1996 Molly Ivins December 15
ROCHESTER, N.Y. — Aunt Susan B. Anthony is buried in the town cemetery here, not far from her friend Frederick Douglass. What a hotbed of reformers this place was 150 years ago. Today, it's a corporate city. Rochester used to be known as Kodak's ...

12/12/1996 Molly Ivins December 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Congratulations to the voters of Texas' Golden Triangle for having rid themselves of Congressman Clueless. If ever a public official deserved to lose, Steve Stockman was that man. Good work there, team. This leaves us only with ...

12/10/1996 Molly Ivins December 10
AUSTIN — The Texas Legislature, God forbid, will be with us again in just a few weeks, thus depriving many a village of its idiot. Due to some of the more unfortunate tenets of the Republican faith, the Lege will have considerably more power and ...

12/08/1996 Molly Ivins December 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Attention, Christmas shoppers! The annual Book List is here already. An unprecedented event — I usually manage to get this done by Christmas Eve, when my fellow procrastinators are down at the drugstore desperately trying ...

12/05/1996 Molly Ivins December 5
AUSTIN, Texas — What's wrong with this picture? The lead story every night on national network news is O.J. Simpson revisited, a case that wore out its welcome the first time around. Somewhere down the 28-minute quick read, we get maybe 30 ...

12/03/1996 Molly Ivins December 3
AUSTIN, Texas — The late H.L. Hunt was one of the battiest billionaires this state ever produced. The old trigamist (one better than a bigamist) used to crawl around his Dallas mansion, a replica of Mount Vernon, spouting John Birch drivel. He ...

12/01/1996 Molly Ivins December 1
HUNT, Texas — On the theory that Something Is Happening Out Here, politically speaking, that doesn't even have a name yet, let's take a look at some of the more amazing stats from the recent plebiscite. Latino vote, up 30 percent. Gender gap, 20 ...

11/26/1996 Molly Ivins November 26
AUSTIN, Texas — I was considering a portentous lead, along the lines of "A new dawning" or "Hope reborn in the limestone hills of Texas." Danged if I know what to call it, but there was more energy, enthusiasm and plain old ...

11/24/1996 Molly Ivins November 24
AUSTIN, Texas — House Speaker Newt Gingrich continues to astonish. Last week, he lectured House Republicans on duty, honor and country, saying: "We're more than just politicians. We're more than just the cynical, venal, narrow, corrupt ...

11/21/1996 Molly Ivins November 21
AUSTIN — Don't you think Kato Kaelin should marry Michael Jackson and raise the child with him? Just a passing romantic thought on some of the stranger manifestations of our culture. Speaking of offbeat ideas, what to our wondering eyes ...

11/19/1996 Hiss, Chambers and the Perils of Certainty
AUSTIN, Texas — The Alger Hiss case was before my time. Never had a dog in that fight. You know how we all grow up with this floating 15-year gap in our understanding of modern history? In my cohort, the history books stopped after World War II, ...

11/17/1996 Molly Ivins November 17
AUSTIN — It's always fascinating, in a horrible way, to watch our government do something that is both profoundly stupid and utterly useless. It's like watching a train wreck about to happen — you can't take your eyes off it. Like the time ...

11/13/1996 Molly Ivins November 13
PITTSBURGH — First annual sighting of the creche controversy! Hooray, hoorah — the festive, seasonal creche controversy is back, with the first specimen of the year showing up in beautiful downtown Pittsburgh. How we all enjoy the annual ...

11/12/1996 Molly Ivins November 12
AUSTIN — Note to Jeff Foxworthy for his "You might be a redneck if ... " series of jokes: You might be a redneck if you've got a moonshine jug of illegal CFCs stashed around your place. Chlorofluorocarbons, the chemicals that ...

11/10/1996 If Only We Had More John Bryants
AUSTIN — Trent Lott: Portrait Of A Man Who Just Doesn't Get It. At a post-election news conference, the Senate majority leader was asked about campaign finance reform and was ... well, tepid. The best he could manage was a pledge to "take a ...

11/07/1996 Molly Ivins November 7
AUSTIN — Ooooouuuu, Texas! Are we ever going to get a chance to wake up after Election Day without a horrible headache and a sense of mortification? Ron Paul? Congressman Clueless? Good grief, even in Louisiana, our longtime rival for the nation'...

11/05/1996 Molly Ivins November 5
AUSTIN — Unfortunate developments are unfolding here in the Final Days. You will notice one odd effect of the fact that President Clinton took the high road (a strategy dictated by the fact that he was ahead in the polls) and that BobDole took ...

11/03/1996 Molly Ivins November 3
AUSTIN, Texas — OK, team, what are we going to do on Tuesday? VOTE! Yessss, friends, it's time once more to list the compelling reasons that send us scurrying to the polls no matter how we feel about the candidates or the campaign. ...

10/31/1996 Molly Ivins October 31
AUSTIN — Those who are profoundly grateful for this presidential election would like to thank all concerned: from Steve Forbes to BobDole, from Dick Morris to President Clinton, from the Riady family of Indonesia to Archer Daniels Midland. Thank ...

10/29/1996 Molly Ivins October 29
AUSTIN, Texas — Still hoping that something useful will come out of this dreadful campaign, let's focus again on the money. As the Clinton/Indonesian money connection continues to develop nicely, like a photograph coming up in a chemical bath, ...

10/27/1996 Molly Ivins October 27
AUSTIN — Some cultural notes on our time: — Best Headline of the Week: "Pope Acknowledges Theory of Evolution." — The new book on birth order, "Born to Rebel" by Frank J. Sulloway, is creating such a ...

10/23/1996 Molly Ivins October 23
AUSTIN — In case you missed it (and you probably did because the media considered this a non-story), this country's social well-being has fallen to its lowest point in almost 25 years, and those who are suffering most are children and young ...

10/22/1996 Molly Ivins October 22
LINCOLN, Neb. — Here we are, toward the end of a long, uninspiring campaign. In fact, it's so uninspiring that great minds are now addressing the particular component qualities of its uninspiredness. Meg Greenfield, writing in Newsweek, ...

10/17/1996 Molly Ivins October 17
NEW YORK — Woe betide those who use our dandy new twin-set scandals for partisan political purposes. Thou shalt not use them to dumpeth upon President Clinton, and neither shalt thou speaketh evil of BobDole (although you could wish a plague on ...

10/15/1996 Molly Ivins October 15
AUSTIN — Here's a theory. I have been puzzling over why so many people insist on not just disagreeing with President Clinton but actively hating him. As you know, political discussions about Clinton seldom run along the lines of, "Boy, is ...

10/13/1996 Molly Ivins October 13
AUSTIN — Citizens in five states will get a chance to address the root of the rot in American politics this fall: They've put campaign finance reform on the ballot. Maine has a proposal to publicly finance all state elections, and four other ...

10/10/1996 Molly Ivins October 10
AUSTIN — Have you heard the one about how it all comes down to Texas? In this chilling horror scenario, it's Nov. 6 and the R's and the D's have come out in a near-tie for control of the House of Representatives. Just two or three votes' ...

10/08/1996 Molly Ivins October 8
AUSTIN — I think Bob Dole won the first debate on the BTE scale. Better Than Expected. Assuming that any number of innocent citizens have been running around taking the media's word for it that Dole is conducting a pathetic campaign, they must ...

10/06/1996 Molly Ivins October 6
AUSTIN — The frantic, down-to-the-wire haggling in the U.S. Senate over the parks and public lands bill proves one thing — there's gotta be a better way. One senator, Alaska's Mr. Special Interest Himself, Frank Murkowski, the man who ...

10/03/1996 Molly Ivins October 3
AUSTIN — Well, I'll be dipped in snuff, I said. I slapped my forehead in amazement and further opined, Shoot me for a billy goat. Slap me naked, and sell my clothes. I felt like a near-sighted porcupine trying to make time with a cactus. You can ...

10/01/1996 Molly Ivins October 1
AUSTIN — All over Texas, Democrats are saying to one another, "Do you think that ... ? Nah, forget it." "What?" "Do you really think ... well ... that Clinton might carry Texas?" "Nah, ...

09/29/1996 Molly Ivins September 29
LOUISVILLE, Ky. — Travel is so broadening. I have frankly been less than whelmed by President Clinton's courageous stand against teen smoking, on the general principle that it's slightly to the left of apple pie. After all, the pro-teen smoking ...

09/26/1996 Molly Ivins September 26
AUSTIN — Good news! Not earth-shaking, revolutionary good news, but some nice, solid stuff of the sort that makes you perk up and think we might save the republic, after all. The first comes with an admittedly cynical twist — since ...

09/24/1996 Molly Ivins September 24
SAN ANTONIO — A whole bunch of people you never heard of — unless you're terribly familiar with the Federal Reserve Board's Open Market Committee — are reaching out and touching you today. The markets are atwitter. (This is an ...

09/22/1996 Molly Ivins September 22
TAMPA, Fla. — Gee, just six weeks to go until Election Day, and you can feel the excitement sweeping the nation. BobDole — whose wife calls him BobDole, whose friends call him BobDole and who calls himself BobDole — created a thrill ...

09/19/1996 Molly Ivins September 19
AUSTIN — What's wrong with this picture? "Statistics implying lower living standards are contradicted by what people buy or own. Home ownership is at a near record — 65 percent. In 1980, 11 percent of households owned a ...

09/17/1996 Molly Ivins September 17
AUSTIN — I tuned in to CBS' premier public affairs program Sunday morning to find 100 years of accumulated experience in American political journalism discussing whether or not the president of the United States has distinguishing genital ...

09/15/1996 Molly Ivins September 15
AUSTIN — As all alert citizens know by now, politically, this is the Year of the Soccer Mom. Soccer moms — those harried, frazzled, overburdened (but still game and cheerful) women — are this year's critical group of swing voters. ...

09/12/1996 Molly Ivins September 12
"Money, money, money, money, money, money, money, money, MONEY makes the world go round, world go round." -- Cabaret "Presidential Race to Set a Record." "Let's Break a Deal." "The Most ...

09/10/1996 Molly Ivins September 10
AUSTIN — Two extraordinary books make brilliant companion pieces about one of the most disturbing and politically and morally troubling crises in our country. Inner-city poverty is one of those subjects about which too many of us think we ...

09/08/1996 Molly Ivins September 8
SAN DIEGO — One of the more deliciously absurd factors in the great debate over school vouchers — otherwise known as spending public money to send kids to private schools and thus, rather obviously, leaving less money for the public ...

09/05/1996 Molly Ivins September 5
AUSTIN — As you may have noticed, our political life has degenerated into an exercise in advertising and marketing in which the level of sophistication compares unfavorably to that used in selling a new brand of toothpaste or breakfast cereal. ...

09/01/1996 Molly Ivins September 1
CHICAGO — Reason No. 73,456,787,291 why people hate the media: The Dick Morris flap is about to get 1,000 times more coverage than the rather significant little item about last quarter's economic growth rate: 4.8 percent. I realize that ...

08/29/1996 Molly Ivins August 29
CHICAGO — As someone who is seriously considering, for the first time in my life, simply not voting for president (I don't need a line that says, "None of the above" — I need a line that says, "It makes me vomit"), I am ...

08/27/1996 Molly Ivins August 277
CHICAGO — So far, this is shaping up as another snorer. Sen. John Breaux of Louisiana says that all the Democrats are obeying the commandment "Thou shalt not make news." Even the Texas delegation is disgustingly full of harmony ...

08/27/1996 Molly Ivins August 27
CHICAGO — So far, this is shaping up as another snorer. Sen. John Breaux of Louisiana says that all the Democrats are obeying the commandment "Thou shalt not make news." Even the Texas delegation is disgustingly full of harmony ...

08/25/1996 Molly Ivins August 25
AUSTIN — Excuse me, but ... when did teachers become the enemy of education? Did I, like, have a stroke-ette and lose my short-term memory or something? Is it early onset Alzheimer's? Last time I checked, your basic teachers were still ...

08/22/1996 Molly Ivins August 22
AUSTIN — If liberals could be organized — which is a singularly silly way to begin a sentence — they'd be outta here. Out of the Democratic Party. The degree of disaffection and disgust about President Clinton's signing the ...

08/20/1996 Molly Ivins August 20
SAN DIEGO — In the aftermath of the Republican Rally in San Diego, a nasty case of mutual exasperation between the party and the press has developed. The press is grumpy because there was no news at the rally, and the Republicans are delighted ...

08/18/1996 Molly Ivins August 18
SAN DIEGO — When I took Theories of Communication in journalism school, they made us learn about cognitive dissonance and narcotizing dysfunction. There was a lot of that going around at the Republican convention. As a rather frazzled press ...

08/15/1996 Molly Ivins August 15
SAN DIEGO — Be still, my heart: The single most transcendent moment of a lifetime covering politics occurred Tuesday night, and you poor schnerks in Televisionland missed it because the R's didn't have the guts to put House Speaker Newt Gingrich ...

08/13/1996 Didn't We Get Sick the First Time We Rode on This Thing?
If you say ... "I think our platform stinks," well, why be in the party? — Jack Kemp, Christmas 1988   SAN DIEGO — I think I feel like a Republican at a Democratic convention. I'm a hard-headed liberal; I can't ...

08/11/1996 Molly Ivins August 11
AUSTIN, Texas — The GOP, we are told, will use its convention to address the gender gap — the 20-point difference between men and women in their preference for President Clinton over Bob Dole, for Democrats over Republicans. To this end, ...

08/08/1996 Molly Ivins August 8
AUSTIN, Texas — Ee-yeww boy, what a mess. We had three unconstitutional congressional districts, and now we've got 13 cases of allie-allie-in-free. How many Republican federal judges does it take to screw up an election? Just three. The ...

08/06/1996 Molly Ivins August 6
AUSTIN — Well, here we are again, Charlie Brown, being offered that delicious tax-cut football by Ol' Bob "Lucy" Dole. Mmmmmm-hmmm, 15 percent across-the-board income tax cut over three years, not even counting the extra goodies for ...

08/04/1996 Molly Ivins August 4
AUSTIN — Another dandy 100-degree day is just what we need to inspire the pause that reflects. Do you ever go along all involved in your daily business and then something big happens to you or someone you love, and you realize you've been ...

08/01/1996 Molly Ivins August 1
AUSTIN — In one of those hopeful signs that makes you perk up and think the human race might make it after all, the world's diplomats are meeting in Geneva to see if they can figure out how to ban or at least slow the spread of land mines. Not ...

07/28/1996 Molly Ivins July 28
AUSTIN — Today's sermon is for the brethren and sistren in the media. Those who like to gripe about them might take pen in hand to write an editor about this one. The reporting on the welfare deform bill has been awful — story after ...

07/25/1996 Molly Ivins July 25
AUSTIN, Texas — The Truly Loved One, Jessica Mitford, died Tuesday morning. A wit, a rebel, a charmer, a hell-raiser and a great muckraking journalist, she had — as she put it herself a few days before she died — "a good run.&...

07/23/1996 Molly Ivins July 23
AUSTIN — What an amazing country this is — somewhere between nuts and glorious. The sight of Muhammad Ali lighting the Olympic flame did it for me: When I was a child reporter in Houston, I covered his trial — Cassius Clay, he was ...

07/21/1996 Molly Ivins July 21
AUSTIN, Texas — The stock market went through a little downsizing last week. Faced with the horrible news that unemployment is down and wages are up just a scintilla, the market lost 161 points on Monday. I have the most unbecoming urge to say, &...

07/18/1996 Molly Ivins July 18
AUSTIN, Texas — Sometimes keeping your eye on the shell with the pea under it up in Washington is enough to wear out your eye muscles. This week, for example, the Senate is tied into a knot (stop the presses!) over what to do about nuclear waste....

07/16/1996 Molly Ivins July 16
AUSTIN, Texas — Victor Morales, the guy in the little white pickup truck. What can you say? He's for real, he's as advertised, there he is. Senor Smith goes to Washington, the Hispanic Boy Scout, Don Quixote in a pickup — just the nicest, ...

07/14/1996 Molly Ivins July 14
DALLAS — Oh Dallas, Dallas, dear me, Dallas. The sound of no one laughing. Yet, as usual, comedy abounds on all sides. As a former Dallasite, I have long believed that this is one of the most wondrously funny places in the world — it's ...

07/11/1996 Molly Ivins July 11
AUSTIN — As devout subscribers to the never-miss-an-opportunity-to-rejoice theory of government (we don't get that many chances, so we can't afford to pass them up), we now give thanks and hallelujah to the 52 members of the United States Senate ...

07/09/1996 Molly Ivins July 9
AUSTIN, Texas — The advent of the Olympics offers the opportunity to revive a dandy idea: Real People's Olympics. I first heard this splendid scheme proposed about eight years ago on National Public Radio. The object is to have great ...

07/07/1996 Molly Ivins July 7
AUSTIN — On the matter of the FBI files A-through-G that wound up in the White House Personnel Security Office, the most apposite comment is from the late Queen Victoria: "We are not amused." However, we are not quite as ...

07/04/1996 Molly Ivins July 4
AUSTIN — My, my, my. What. A. Mess. The Supreme Court's non-decision (it decided not to decide) in the Hopwood case leaves our ox in the ditch. Texas, along with Louisiana and Mississippi, is now stuck under the 5th Circuit's decision, which was ...

06/27/1996 Molly Ivins June 27
ANCHORAGE — Boy, these Alaskans — what a sense of humor! Regard, for example, their congressional delegation. Boffo! I guess my favorite is Rep. Don Young, who describes environmentalists as "a waffle-stomping, Harvard-...

06/25/1996 Molly Ivins June 25
ANCHORAGE — Alaska is fabulous! People have been telling me that for years, and I always said: Yeah, sure, I'll get there someday. And now that I have, like any convert, I want to proselytize madly. Alaska is so beautiful, so big, so ...

06/06/1996 Molly Ivins June 6
AUSTIN — One of the cliches of the savings and loan scandal is that it is so big, there's enough blame to go around for everyone who ever touched it: Congress, Presidents Reagan and Bush, the regulators. But I've always considered it a media ...

06/04/1996 Molly Ivins June 4
AUSTIN — Saturday in Washington was a heaven-sent day, warm with cool breezes, the bright sun dappling through the arching trees along the reflecting pool in front of the Lincoln Memorial. And there we were in all our glorious, shlumpy ...

06/02/1996 Molly Ivins June 2
HARTFORD, Conn. — It just never does come easy for Bill Clinton, does it? He lost money in a bad real estate deal in 1978, and they're going to hang that around his neck 'til kingdom come. I have to add that Clinton has brought much of ...

05/30/1996 Molly Ivins May 30
AUSTIN — Everyone with the time and money to get to Washington on Saturday is supposed be there to Stand for Children. If all of us who care had the time and money, it would be quite a gathering — probably sink the city back into the tidal ...

05/26/1996 Molly Ivins May 26
AUSTIN — Yewts dereg! The dark horse in the backfield of horrible ideas is moving up slowly. Be the first on your block to bandy the phrase "utilities deregulation" about darkly, as though it were the equivalent of "nuclear winter....

05/23/1996 Molly Ivins May 23
AUSTIN — It's been three months since the telecommunications bill was passed into law with the promise that deregulation would bring us all the glories of increased competition: lower prices, more services, no end of marketplace magic. So it ...

05/21/1996 Molly Ivins May 21
AUSTIN — Here in Newt's America, we all know that government regulation is bad, bad, bad. If I had a nickel for every speech I've listened to by every public official talking about the evils of government regulation, I'd be richer than H. Ross. ...

05/19/1996 Molly Ivins May 19
AUSTIN — My theory is that Republican strategists have been dropping acid lately and it's causing them to have '50s flashbacks. How else to account for their latest brainstorm, which is to tie President Clinton to Big Labor to the Mob? ...

05/16/1996 Molly Ivins May 16
AUSTIN — While all political eyes were on Sen. Bob Dole, who's resigning after 27 years in the Senate to concentrate on his run for the presidency, mine were fixed in horror on House Speaker Newt Gingrich's plan to get Dole elected. After ...

05/14/1996 Molly Ivins May 14
AUSTIN — Although the questions being raised about Kenneth Starr, the "independent" counsel on Whitewater, are deeply troubling, the defense of Starr being mounted by assorted Republican flacks is just rollicking good fun. As ...

05/12/1996 Molly Ivins May 12
AUSTIN — Happy Mom's Day! In addition to making the old dear breakfast or taking her out for lunch, there are some other useful and important things you can do to make Mom's life easier — not just today but all year long. — ...

05/09/1996 Molly Ivins May 9
AUSTIN — How can you not love an election year? OK, so it's the pits for public policy. But in addition to all the entertainment, we get goodies — we get lots and lots of goodies. This year, we may get a repeal on the 4.3-cent gas ...

05/07/1996 Molly Ivins May 7
AUSTIN — Bashing Washington is sort of a national sport, so fairness demands that we stop and give thanks when Our Gang manages to do something right. And the Senate did last month when it unanimously passed legislation requiring mental illness ...

05/05/1996 Molly Ivins May 5
NEW YORK — Hello ... Earth to Republicans ... anyone home? Thanks for another brilliant stroke of policy-making — in this case, cutting family-planning aid to developing countries. Rep. Chris Smith of New Jersey, an anti-abortion ...

05/02/1996 Molly Ivins May 2
AUSTIN — How do they do it? Those clever congressional Republicans just keep coming up with the kickiest ideas. Open the national wildlife refuges to hunting and fishing — now there's a plan. How come no one else thought of that? ...

04/30/1996 Molly Ivins April 30
AUSTIN — A 50-year-old friend of mine who is an award-winning reporter for a major daily newspaper is now tending bar on weekends to make ends meet. He mostly works private parties given at big hotels and reports that his fellow waiters and ...

04/28/1996 Molly Ivins April 28
AUSTIN — You know how come it takes millions of sperm to fertilize one egg? Because men will never stop and ask for directions. Ba-da-ba! Brace yourselves: Millions of bad jokes are about to descend on your head, and all because of ...

04/25/1996 Molly Ivins April 25
SAN DIEGO — The United States currently allows around 775,000 legal immigrants annually into our country. That's 0.3 percent of our population. But the number who actually come every year has been dropping. According to published reports, legal ...

04/21/1996 Molly Ivins April 21
AUSTIN — April 19 was such an odd sort of national day. While Oklahoma City mourned its dead, the rest of the country sort of waited around to see if we'd produced any more nuts capable of blowing up some significant segment of the government.
04/18/1996 Molly Ivins April 18
PHILADELPHIA — Do you remember reading the story last year about the elderly black cleaning woman in Mississippi who had worked and saved all her life and then donated $150,000 to scholarships for black students in her state? A New York Times ...

04/16/1996 Molly Ivins April 16
AUSTIN — The Telecommunications Act hasn't even taken effect yet, but its consequences are already showing for all to see. For one thing, your cable bill has already gone up, or soon will. Congratulations. For another, the concentration ...

04/14/1996 Molly Ivins April 14
NORFOLK, Va. — Oh, you Texas voters, you are so sly. My, my, my, my, my. What fun. Ron Paul and Victor Morales in one swell foop. Establishments confounded! Rank outsiders upset favorites! Money irrelevant! Ugly ads don't work! You wily ...

04/09/1996 Molly Ivins April 9
BOULDER, Colo. — The academic world is a perennial target for both brilliant satirists and know-nothings. Jane Smiley's book "Moo" and David Lodge's "Small World" are splendid recent additions to the satirical canon. The know-...

04/07/1996 Molly Ivins April 7
AUSTIN, Texas — Everyone with any sense agreed some time ago that the job training bill, also known as the CAREERs Act, passed last year by the House and the Senate and currently in conference committee, is a particularly fine example of ...

04/04/1996 Molly Ivins April 4
SARASOTA, Fla. — Generational differences have never seemed particularly interesting to me. A lot of trees have been sacrificed in analyzing generations or extolling the virtues of one set of folks over another based on their chronological ...

04/02/1996 Molly Ivins April 2
AUSTIN — Extreme dumbness is becoming the hallmark of the House of Representatives. On March 20, the House adopted part of California's infamously stupid Proposition 187 by voting to let states deny public education to the illegal immigrant ...

03/31/1996 Molly Ivins March 31
AUSTIN — And now, let's have a round of applause for that fun-loving, slap-happy gang in the U.S. House of Representatives: Newt Gingrich and the Newtzis! What impresses me most about the Newtzis is their imagination. Time after time, ...

03/28/1996 Molly Ivins March 28
AUSTIN — Since the 5th Circuit has just thrown out affirmative action lock, stock and non-quotas, the University of Texas Law School, the suee in this case (there's harmonic convergence in there somewhere) now has a skunk in the well the size of ...

03/26/1996 Molly Ivins March 26
"Any idiot can face a crisis: It is this day-to-day living that wears you out." -- Anton Chekhov AUSTIN — Ever get the feeling that you're being nibbled to death by ducks, economically speaking? Aside from those who have been ...

03/24/1996 Molly Ivins March 24
SANTA FE, N.M. — The pluperfectly daffy charm of New Mexico's politics is in full and glorious display here in the early spring, bursting forth in such zany abundance that the New Mexico political fan can scarcely count all the blessings. ...

03/21/1996 Molly Ivins March 21
AUSTIN, Texas — Just a few days ago, I swore I had lit my last candle for President Clinton. The occasion was his dizguzting reappointment of Alan Greenspan as chairman of the Federal Reserve Board. What have any of us ever done to ...

03/19/1996 Molly Ivins March 19
AUSTIN, Texas — And now for something completely different. Sort of. You know how you always feel that these huge, horrible mistakes they make in Washington get sprung on you only when they announce the bad nooz that you have to pay the bill for ...

03/17/1996 Molly Ivins March 17
BALTIMORE — How words enter the language is normally a joyous study. A few years ago, I heard a baseball announcer say, "And he nonchalants the ball to second." Some errors of legislative speech are so common, I've adopted them myself, ...

03/14/1996 Molly Ivins March 14
AUSTIN — Sigh. So much for My Boy Buchanan. Republicans simply have no sense of fun. But it may be just as well, since MBB, in addition to his usual problems, is starting to sound distinctly potty on the subject of the new world order. It ...

03/12/1996 Molly Ivins March 12
AUSTIN, Texas — Careless legislation will get git you if you don't watch out. And now we are relearning this sad lesson on several fronts. The environment seems particularly prone to little legislative jiggers that just get slipped into ...

03/10/1996 Molly Ivins March 10
AUSTIN — All right, sports fans. Be sure to set aside some time Tuesday to toddle on down to the polls, keeping in mind our official Election Day slogan: If You Don't Vote, You Can't Bitch. There are any number of interesting races on the ...

03/05/1996 Molly Ivins March 5
AUSTIN — Ah, good. The New York Times has started a seven-part series on layoffs and downsizing. Among the factoids in the first article is: "Nearly three quarters of all households have had a close encounter with layoffs since 1980 ... in ...

03/03/1996 Molly Ivins March 3
WASHINGTON — Don't you feel sorry for people who aren't interested in politics? They're missing the greatest show on Earth! What a gong show in South Carolina. Love that format. Making those guys look at their own negative ads and respond to ...

02/29/1996 Molly Ivins February 29
AUSTIN — More fun! The big news from Tuesday's round in the Republican decathlon is that no one's leaving the race! Bob Dole picks up the Dakotas, Steve Forbes sweeps Arizona — the only dropout so far is Our Man Phil Gramm, who had the ...

02/27/1996 Molly Ivins February 27
PORTLAND, Ore. — The Buchanan presidency now being quite as advanced as the Forbes presidency was just a few weeks ago, I have naturally been savoring the observations made about My Boy Buchanan. My favorite was by television pundit Morton ...

02/25/1996 Molly Ivins February 25
AUSTIN — Ah, My Boy Buchanan has got them chasing their tails now. Goodness, what an uproar. Senate Majority Leader Bob Dole has stepped forward to save the GOP from the ravaging hordes of class warriors, the Great Unwashed, the peasants ...

02/22/1996 Molly Ivins February 22
AUSTIN — Setting aside that Pat Buchanan is a racist, sexist, xenophobic, homophobic anti-Semite, what wonderful news from New Hampshire! It's the nuts! It's the berries! Yes, well, that is rather a large mound of manure there connected ...

02/20/1996 Molly Ivins February 20
AUSTIN — My files are full of folders with titles like "Right-Wing Nincompoops" and "This Is a Great Nation." I'm strong on organizational principle. Among my favorites is "Interesting Mishmash," and from it comes ...

02/18/1996 Molly Ivins February 18
MINNEAPOLIS — Minnesota Nice is one of the most endearing of all regional peculiarities in our nation. Not that I would dabble in stereotypes or even generalizations, but let's face it: Minnesotans are Nice. The state name stands for "May I ...

02/15/1996 Molly Ivins February 15
AUSTIN — Would a bleeding-heart liberal kick a guy while he's down? Should a girl like me, in whom the milk of human kindness flows copiously for everyone, from protein-shy Hottentots to the glandular obese, actually aim a few swift boots at the ...

02/13/1996 Molly Ivins February 13
AUSTIN — Iowa, normally a nice, flat place covered with rich dirt out of which corn and soybeans sprout every spring, is today a mucky, sour swamp of the residue of endless negative campaign ads, rotten supply-side economics and a noxious crop ...

02/11/1996 Molly Ivins February 11
AUSTIN — I'm not a campaign consultant, but the lack of ept in the Republican Party is so dire that it's a patriotic challenge for us all. We can't have potential presidents running around in a campaign this ridiculous. It's making the whole ...

02/08/1996 Molly Ivins February 8
AUSTIN — We usually think of the effects of downsizing on those who get laid off. The blizzard of pink slips hits not because the company is in trouble or even because its profits are down but because downsizing is the corporate vogue. The ...

02/06/1996 Molly Ivins February 6
AUSTIN — The quadrennial assault by the media on the meaning of a noble, useful and important American political tradition is once more under way. This year, we find Steve Forbes, Pat Buchanan, Ross Perot (again) and even Phil Gramm (Lord save ...

02/04/1996 Molly Ivins February 4
ICEBOUND IN TEXAS — I am reminded of an old Guindon cartoon. The host is by the slide-show screen saying to a group of dejected guests: "My first words to Eunice when I heard the storm was on its way were 'Quick! The camera!' The ...

02/01/1996 Molly Ivins February 1
AUSTIN — We live in a nation that has just sentenced a 12-year-old boy, less than 5 feet tall with an IQ of less than 60, to a maximum-security juvenile facility. It is not a proud day. No matter what your view on either the necessity or the ...

01/30/1996 Molly Ivins January 30
AUSTIN — The irony of Ralph Yarborough's death coming so quickly after Barbara Jordan's escaped no one. There went 60 percent of the courage, 50 percent of the compassion and 50 percent of the intellect in Texas politics in just a few days. My ...

01/28/1996 Molly Ivins January 28
AUSTIN — Isn't this fun? Oh, come on, admit it: American politics is so wonderfully, comically weird that it completely eliminates the need for magical realist fiction. Steve Forbes, the Flavor of the Month, who has surged to the fore on the ...

01/25/1996 Molly Ivins January 25
AUSTIN — As a re-election campaign speech, President Clinton's State of the Union was a pip, but it didn't tell us much about the state of the union. I liked increasing the minimum wage, keeping lobbyists from writing the environmental ...

01/23/1996 Molly Ivins January 23
NEW YORK — I was walkin' along, mindin' my own bidness the other day, when Our Man Phil Gramm popped up and announced to the world that he's a "blue-collar Republican." So now I know how Jessica-who-fell-in-the-well felt. I went ...

01/21/1996 Fun-House Admittance? Just Your Sanity, Mrs. Clinton
AUSTIN, Texas — A well-informed woman, interested in politics, inquired a few days ago: "I keep trying to follow this, but I still don't understand: Just what is it Hillary Clinton is accused of?" Beats me. I keep listening to ...

01/18/1996 Molly Ivins January 18
AUSTIN — Barbara Jordan, whose name was so often preceded by the words "the first black woman to ... " that they seemed like a permanent title, died Wednesday in Austin. A great spirit is gone. The first black woman to serve in ...

01/14/1996 Molly Ivins January 14
AUSTIN — And now for a Really Bad Idea! Brought to you by Malcolm "Steve" Forbes Jr., heir to a fortune worth between $90 million and $400 million. This Champion of the Little People wants to make your life easier by allowing you to ...

01/11/1996 Molly Ivins January 11
AUSTIN, Texas — Gold Rush! Yee-haw! Look at them settlers, lashin' their teams and bouncin' their wagons in an all-out scramble to stake a claim in Electronville. The telecommunications bill is the Gold Rush of 1996, an industry free-for-all, a ...

01/09/1996 Molly Ivins January 9
AUSTIN, Texas — What a shame that the Washington budget battles now seem like an endless episode of the Battling Bickersons. Did not. Did so. So's your old man. The pity of it is that the battle lines are finally becoming clear. Up to now,...

01/07/1996 Molly Ivins January 7
AUSTIN — Budget deal, shmudget deal, the media are missing the story again. AT&T announced last week that it is laying off 40,000 workers, with profits at an all-time high. Wall Street loved it: AT&T's stock jumped by $2.50 to $67.25. It'...

01/04/1996 Molly Ivins January 4
AUSTIN — The tree is down, the bills are due, we're all on Ry Krisp and cottage cheese, and it's time to face the new year. In an effort to roust out of the old rut, I am considering a tempting offer from presidential candidate Jack ...



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