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Marc Dion
Marc Dion
23 Feb 2015
Would ISIS Like Some Heroin?

Ever since a State Department spokeswoman stupidly suggested that people are happier with jobs and money than … Read More.

17 Feb 2015
Beheading the Prisoners

In 1565, a Turkish army laid siege to Malta, then an outpost of Christianity in the Mediterranean. Muslims … Read More.

9 Feb 2015
What's for Breakfast?

Because I'm on vacation from my newspaper reporter job this week, I've been eating breakfast at my favorite … Read More.

Bill (O'Reilly) I Will


Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is among those friends of mine I never got to meet. A truthteller with a gift for rhyme and whimsy, Seuss gave the world "Green Eggs and Ham," and, with all respect due to the good doctor, I offer a re-write for FOX news sneering head Bill O'Reilly, who spun a pretty good story of his own heroics while covering the Falklands War.

I will, Bill.

Bill, I will.

You know I will.

You know it, Bill.

Believe I will,

The tales of Bill.

Were you in

A zone of war?

I was in a zone of war,

With bombs and bullets,

And much more.

I will believe you.

Bill, I will.

A zone of war?

Please tell me where?

Was it here or was it there?

In the land of rice and beans,

Somewhere in the Argentine,

I face bravely faced both shot and shell.

And yes, oh yes, I've lived to tell.

I will believe you.

Bill, I will.

You wouldn't spin it, would you Bill?

The tale of you and San Juan Hill?

I wouldn't lie, I'll tell you soon

About my first walk on the moon.

I will believe you,

Bill, I will.

You would not lie,

Oh, not on Fox.

You would not lie

To a plate of lox.

Your followers believe you, Bill.

And you know they always will.

Did you defend the Alamo?

Say it Bill, we know it's so.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Would you tell untruths to a mouse?

Or to a member of the House?

Would you tell lies to all the ones

Who love their Bibles and their guns?

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Did bullets whistle round your head?

Did you nearly end up dead?

Your answers I don't have to coax;

You wouldn't lie to simple folks.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Behind a desk you nightly sit,

And bend the news until it fits.

And tell us things you say are true

About the glory that was you.

Would you lie in a car?

Tell us! Tell us!

Here we are.

Would you embellish

In a tree?

Would you embellish on TV?

You would not, could not in a tree.

Not in a car! We'll let you be.

You don't lie when you're in a box

Or nightly, when we all watch FOX.

Never, ever to a mouse

Or to a member of the House.

Embellishment is not a sin!

It's just the truth

With a little spin.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will!

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit

Dion's book of Pulitzer Prize-nominated columns, "Between Wealth and Welfare: A Liberal Curmudgeon in America," is available for $9.95 for Nook and Kindle.



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