creators.com opinion web
Liberal Opinion Conservative Opinion
Marc Dion
Marc Dion
23 Feb 2015
Would ISIS Like Some Heroin?

Ever since a State Department spokeswoman stupidly suggested that people are happier with jobs and money than … Read More.

17 Feb 2015
Beheading the Prisoners

In 1565, a Turkish army laid siege to Malta, then an outpost of Christianity in the Mediterranean. Muslims … Read More.

9 Feb 2015
What's for Breakfast?

Because I'm on vacation from my newspaper reporter job this week, I've been eating breakfast at my favorite … Read More.

Bill (O'Reilly) I Will

Comment

Theodor Seuss Geisel, better known as Dr. Seuss, is among those friends of mine I never got to meet. A truthteller with a gift for rhyme and whimsy, Seuss gave the world "Green Eggs and Ham," and, with all respect due to the good doctor, I offer a re-write for FOX news sneering head Bill O'Reilly, who spun a pretty good story of his own heroics while covering the Falklands War.

I will, Bill.

Bill, I will.

You know I will.

You know it, Bill.

Believe I will,

The tales of Bill.

Were you in

A zone of war?

I was in a zone of war,

With bombs and bullets,

And much more.

I will believe you.

Bill, I will.

A zone of war?

Please tell me where?

Was it here or was it there?

In the land of rice and beans,

Somewhere in the Argentine,

I face bravely faced both shot and shell.

And yes, oh yes, I've lived to tell.

I will believe you.

Bill, I will.

You wouldn't spin it, would you Bill?

The tale of you and San Juan Hill?

I wouldn't lie, I'll tell you soon

About my first walk on the moon.

I will believe you,

Bill, I will.

You would not lie,

Oh, not on Fox.

You would not lie

To a plate of lox.

Your followers believe you, Bill.

And you know they always will.

Did you defend the Alamo?

Say it Bill, we know it's so.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Would you tell untruths to a mouse?

Or to a member of the House?

Would you tell lies to all the ones

Who love their Bibles and their guns?

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Did bullets whistle round your head?

Did you nearly end up dead?

Your answers I don't have to coax;

You wouldn't lie to simple folks.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will.

Behind a desk you nightly sit,

And bend the news until it fits.

And tell us things you say are true

About the glory that was you.

Would you lie in a car?

Tell us! Tell us!

Here we are.

Would you embellish

In a tree?

Would you embellish on TV?

You would not, could not in a tree.

Not in a car! We'll let you be.

You don't lie when you're in a box

Or nightly, when we all watch FOX.

Never, ever to a mouse

Or to a member of the House.

Embellishment is not a sin!

It's just the truth

With a little spin.

Will I believe you?

Bill, I will!

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.

Dion's book of Pulitzer Prize-nominated columns, "Between Wealth and Welfare: A Liberal Curmudgeon in America," is available for $9.95 for Nook and Kindle.

COPYRIGHT 2015 CREATORS.COM



Comments

0 Comments | Post Comment
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right:  
Creators.com comments policy
More
Marc Dion
Mar. `15
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
1 2 3 4 5 6 7
8 9 10 11 12 13 14
15 16 17 18 19 20 21
22 23 24 25 26 27 28
29 30 31 1 2 3 4
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month
Ray Hanania
Ray HananiaUpdated 5 Mar 2015
Froma Harrop
Froma HarropUpdated 5 Mar 2015
Matt Towery
Matt ToweryUpdated 5 Mar 2015

7 Apr 2014 Strippin' for the Donors

2 Sep 2013 Are You Dying for McDonald's?

29 Aug 2011 Are You Upside Down in Your Home?