A Faithful Wife Weathers a Tough Transition

When her husband told her he was a "cross-dresser," Joanne Nemecek recalls feeling shocked, horrified, even sick.

A lifelong Christian and daily Scripture reader, Joanne immediately thought of Deuteronomy 22:5: "A woman shall not wear anything that pertains to a man, nor shall a man put on a woman's garment; for whoever does these things is an abomination to the Lord your God."

The conflict that day in 2003 between her love for John, her husband of 32 years and an ordained Baptist minister, and her religious beliefs started Joanne on a life-changing faith journey.

That journey that continues today: Even more committed to a faith that survived a great test, she stands by her husband, who came to feel his true hardwired nature wasn't merely to wear women's clothes, but to physically conform to the woman that he believes he has always been inside.

The Michigan couple's struggle has much to teach the rest of us about love, commitment, bravery and willingness to use one's mind and heart when life throws a curveball that initially seems irreconcilable with our spiritual beliefs.

"I have grown in my understanding of what being a transsexual is. That hasn't changed my marriage vows," Joanne says.

"God has given me strength and love to go through what we have gone through already. Nothing will change my love for my husband."

John began transitioning into "Julie" through hormone treatment and, as a result, is losing his academic job at Spring Arbor University, a Christian school in Michigan.

Backed by many students, Julie is suing. The university, arguing it's exempt from discrimination laws, says a sex change is "inconsistent with the Christian faith."

Joanne, a registered nurse, hopes to become a social worker who helps families embrace a loved one coming to terms with being transgender.

"The biggest fear right now is we will lose our home," she says, adding she understands Spring Arbor's mindset because "that is where I came from.

... (But) it just hurts to be rejected."

Joanne came to believe Deuteronomy's prohibition is taken out of cultural context, that it was about "temple prostitutes."

At first, Joanne gave her husband permission only to dress as a woman at home. "I wanted home to be a safe haven for him," she says. She believed his gender struggle was a secret they could keep.

Through reading and meeting other Michigan families in a similar situation, her understanding grew. Joanne agreed to allow John to become Julie, which will be her husband's legal name.

"He bared his heart with me and said how hard it was to live in between. He described the incredible pain.

"I was having discomfort with how other people might react. My discomfort was small in comparison. So I wrote him a letter and said I was ready. 'Go and be Julie.' I really sense that God gave me the strength. It put a peace in my heart once I gave up the fight."

Their sons were supportive. But the couple was no longer welcome at the church where John had served as a substitute preacher. So they found a welcoming church — and from the start have attended as Joanne and Julie.

Her beliefs and marriage have been severely tested. But thanks to her loving heart, Joanne remains the faithful wife.

Deb Price of The Detroit News writes the first nationally syndicated column on gay issues. To find out more about Deb Price and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate web page at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2007 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.