opinion web
Liberal Opinion Conservative Opinion
Andy Borowitz
Andy Borowitz
11 Mar 2011
Etch A Sketch 2 Takes Gadget World by Storm

LONG BEACH, CA (The Borowitz Report) — A new combatant entered the so-called tablet war today, and it's … Read More.

5 Mar 2011
Unemployment Rose Last Week by Two and a Half Men

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — The economic recovery received an unexpected jolt today as the Labor … Read More.

24 Feb 2011
State Department Offers Support 'to Whoever Winds Up Winning'

WASHINGTON (The Borowitz Report) — As pro-democracy protests spread around the world, the U.S. State … Read More.

Afraid To Watch the News, Millions Turn to Fox


Afraid To Watch the News, Millions Turn to Fox

NEW YORK (The Borowitz Report) — With unprecedented crises engulfing the world, millions of television viewers are finding the news too stressful to watch — and are turning to the Fox News Channel instead.

"Things are so bad in the world right now, many people are afraid to watch the news," says psychologist Davis Logsdon, who studies the relationship between news consumption and stress at the University of Minnesota. "For them, Fox News represents a welcome break from reality."

Tracy Klugian, 37, a systems analyst from Lansing, Michigan, said that he was flipping the channels to find "anything but news" and found himself watching Fox for the first time. "They had this guy on — something Beck I think his name was — and he was just going on and on, making stuff up," he said. "I was like, this is the kind of mindless junk I need right now."

Klugian says he now records the program and watches it every day when he gets home from work: "For one hour at least, I know that I can kick back and not hear anything that's going on in the world."

He said that watching Fox had also introduced him to "my favorite new comedian — this hysterical woman named Michele Bachmann."

"She was doing this bit about how the American Revolution started in New Hampshire, not Massachusetts, and then she started mixing up where Lexington and Concord were," he said.

"OK, I know it sounds really stupid, but I almost peed myself."

Elsewhere, Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker said he is not worried about how history will remember him "because if I have my way, there won't be any history teachers."

Award-winning humorist, television personality and film actor Andy Borowitz is author of the book "The Republican Playbook." To find out more about Andy Borowitz and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at



9 Comments | Post Comment
I can't even laugh anymore as I watch fascism roll over my beloved United States. It's over you know, the Republic HAS fallen, the democratic process of debate and compromise has been interrupted and it will never be restored.
Comment: #1
Posted by: GeorgeC
Sat Mar 19, 2011 11:24 AM
Fox news is controlled by the democrats anyway.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Chris McCoy
Wed Dec 14, 2011 9:32 AM
Fox News and MSNBC are both bias toward Ron Paul. Thats how you know big brother is really afraid.
Comment: #3
Posted by: SCOTT
Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:32 PM
Fox News and MSNBC are both bias toward Ron Paul. Thats how you know big brother is really afraid.
Comment: #4
Posted by: SCOTT
Wed Feb 29, 2012 7:32 PM
Yes and opinion pieces by Liberal pundits.
Comment: #5
Posted by: david
Tue Mar 20, 2012 11:30 AM
I have not had time to watch much tv. It seems based on their websites that CNN is the most balanced. Both Fox and especially MSNBC seem like propaganda. ALthough there is a little bias in all media unless it was written by a robot
Comment: #6
Posted by: SCOTT
Thu Apr 26, 2012 8:15 PM
If Fox News scares so many liberals then why isn't something done to stop it.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Liam Astlel
Sat Dec 15, 2012 2:17 AM
realll. At least fox tells the truth sometimes. The rest of the media is run by the government. A tool to tax you till your poor. Like the B.S. about climate change. Just another tool to tax you to death so we can save the planet. Really are we that stupid.the government has fallen into the hands of self serving money grubbing scum and the moronic media is one big propaganda tool. aqnd to boot we pay to get propaganda shuved up our butt. Because we pay the cable bill.
Comment: #8
Posted by: robert heim
Fri May 9, 2014 6:26 PM
Andy you are such a liar. People turn to FOX because they finally are waking up. They know the rest of the news media is not to be trusted. You can't be truthful because you know the real reason is Fox is more trustworthy news source and the liberal media is getting no viewership. There viewer ratings keep going down. Anybody that really follow whats going on knows that the tea party is the only people looking out for whats best for the middle class. Thats why they are so vilafied. Heaven forbid the power ever go back to the people of this country. The government elite are using the news to lie lie lie in order to stay in power. Thats why not ! liberal elite will ever appear on the mark levine or michael savage show. NOT !, NOT !. I challenge, harry reid, nancy pelosi, deddie shultz or any of them to appear on the show. But they never will because they will be exposed for the frauds they are
Comment: #9
Posted by: robert heim
Fri May 9, 2014 6:41 PM
Already have an account? Log in.
New Account  
Your Name:
Your E-mail:
Your Password:
Confirm Your Password:

Please allow a few minutes for your comment to be posted.

Enter the numbers to the right: comments policy
Andy Borowitz
Mar. `11
Su Mo Tu We Th Fr Sa
27 28 1 2 3 4 5
6 7 8 9 10 11 12
13 14 15 16 17 18 19
20 21 22 23 24 25 26
27 28 29 30 31 1 2
About the author About the author
Write the author Write the author
Printer friendly format Printer friendly format
Email to friend Email to friend
View by Month
Veronique de RugyUpdated 11 Feb 2016
Matt Towery
Matt ToweryUpdated 11 Feb 2016
Froma Harrop
Froma HarropUpdated 11 Feb 2016

17 May 2008 Bill Clinton Switches to Obama: Latest Super Delegate Defection for Hillary

9 Feb 2008 Facebook to Co-Sponsor War on Terror: Popular Networking Site Takes Aim at Jihad

23 Feb 2008 Roger Clemens Named New White House Spokesperson