DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and live with my mother and younger brother. My parents were divorced two years ago, and even though my father lives 100 miles away, my brother and I are very close to him and love him. He is a good father.

My mother is also a good mother; she cares for us the best she knows how. She and our father are friendly, which makes it easier on everybody when we spend time with him. I was hoping that someday our parents would get back together, but deep down I knew this probably would never happen. Now I'm sure of it.

Last night my mother informed my brother and me that she's going to start dating a guy from work. I've seen the guy before and he seems OK, but it's hard to accept that our mother is dating — it just doesn't seem right.

I also don't envision this guy being my stepfather. He could never replace my father. My dad is tall and handsome, while this guy is relatively short and average looking. It blows my mind that my mom would date this type of guy; if he were a teen, he'd be called a nerd.

I know our mother would like for us to accept this guy, but I don't think this will ever happen unless you can tell me what to do. — Nameless, Centralia, Wash.

NAMELESS: This is a deeply confusing situation for all children of divorce, but an unavoidable one. After a marriage falls apart, mom and dad have to pick up the pieces and move on with their lives; more often than not, it means dating and perhaps remarrying.

I realize how hard your mother's decision to start dating is for you and your brother to accept, but your thoughtful and articulate letter tells me you have many resources that will allow you to handle it. The key is to get your concerns out into the open. Don't bury them.

In other words, talk things over thoroughly with mom. A frank discussion can lead to a good way of handling this situation. Remaining silent about it will only direct to resentment and bitterness.

While the happiness of you and your brother is crucial, you have to be willing to look at the matter from your mother's point of view as well as your own. She loves the two of you with all her heart, I'm sure, but she needs and deserves a social life of her own. Accepting this basic fact will provide the groundwork for everyone's future happiness.

You should also be aware that simply going out with a co-worker means very little — this is a long way from establishing a relationship and remarrying. Nevertheless, I urge you not to manufacture hostility toward this guy simply because he seems like a "nerd." This is a mean-spirited judgment and hardly fair.

From your letter, I sense that there is a great deal of love in your family, despite the divorce. In an atmosphere of love, honest communication can lead to solutions that satisfy everyone. I'm pulling for you!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE TUESDAY, SEPTEMBER 2, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Don't Try to Contact Boy after Breakup

DR. WALLACE: Mitch and I had been dating for over seven months. We had a lot of fun together, but we did have times when we got on each other's nerves. One such time happened three weeks ago. After a movie, he stopped and talked to a girl while I was in the restroom.

When I asked him about her, he said it was a girl who attended his church. Then I asked him why he was talking to her. He got angry and said, "Why are you making a big deal about this?" I said something he didn't like — one thing led to another and he stopped talking and took me home.

After thinking things over the next day, I realized I had been a jerk and the argument was my fault. I tried to reach him by phone to tell him I was sorry, but his mother said he went fishing with a friend and would be gone for two days. When he returned, I called him but he wouldn't take my call. All his mother said was that Mitch was upset with me and would call me in a few days, and he didn't want me to call him.

Last night he called. In a clear and cold voice, he told me that our bad times together overpowered our good times and he would no longer be going out with me. He said he gave the issue a lot of thought — there would be no possible chance for us to get back together. Then he said goodbye, which followed with "Please don't contact me anymore."

I was totally shocked. Couples have spats and then kiss and make up; they don't break off a relationship after one little argument. I live in Dothan, Ala., and Mitch lives in Enterprise, Ala., about 25 miles from me; therefore, I won't be seeing him at school or around town.

I now realize that Mitch was my true love, and I really want him to return to me. Please tell me the best way to make this happen. I've thought of a dozen different ideas to get him back, but none of them will work. Help! - Tina, Dothan, Ala.

TINA: I can't tell you what to do, but I can tell you what to avoid. Do not contact him. Do not sit at home feeling sorry for yourself. Do not try to find out what he is doing in his spare time. Do not spy on him to see if he is seeing another girl, and do not say bad things about him to your friends.

You made a mistake — you were jealous and possessive, turning a molehill into a mountain. Congratulations, realizing you made a mistake is called maturing. We've all gone through it.

If Mitch changes his mind about you, it will only be on his own initiative; he'll know where to find you. But don't wait for a call that might never come. Stay active, do things with family and friends and, when you're ready, start dating again. And don't forget the lesson you've learned.

BROTHER WILL START DATING WHEN READY

DR. WALLACE: I'm 19 and my little brother is 15. I'm really worried about him because he has never dated and seems to have no interest in girls. All he ever thinks about is athletics and hanging around with his buddies. When I was his age, I had a steady boyfriend and had been dating for over four months.

Is there anything wrong with my brother? And if there is, what can I do to help him? — Rose, Clinton, Iowa.

ROSE: There is nothing wrong with your brother. Therefore, there is nothing you need to do to help him, except to leave him alone and stop worrying about him. Believe me, when he's ready, he'll do his thing.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE WEDNESDAY, SEPTEMBER 3, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teenage Girls Tend to Smoke More Often than Boys

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and work as a part-time custodian at two high schools. From 6 p.m. to 10 p.m. on weeknights, I help clean the boys' and girls' restrooms. I am surprised at the number of cigarette butts I find in the girls' restrooms - there are a lot more than in the boys' restrooms.

Is it possible that more girls are smoking cigarettes these days than guys? — Ian, Halifax, Nova Scotia.

IAN: Your findings correspond with statistics from the Canadian Cancer Society, which indicate that smoking among teenage girls has been on the rise for years. Right now, 25 percent of Canadian girls between the ages of 13 through 19 smoke, as compared to 21 percent of the boys in the same age group.

The same is true in the United States. A 2007 American Cancer Society survey found that the percentage of teen girls who smoke was greater than the boys for the first time in 2005, and the percentage has been rising slowly every year since.

GIVE EX-BOYFRIEND A SECOND CHANCE

DR. WALLACE: Paul and I had been dating for over a year. Before he met me, he was going steady with Karla, but she dumped him for another guy. About a month ago, Karla decided she wanted Paul back and she got her wish; Paul broke up with me and returned to her. I was very hurt because Paul had told me he was glad to be rid of her.

Well, fate stepped in and changed things drastically. Karla and her family moved to California so they decided to end their relationship for good.

Last night, Paul called and said he was sorry he broke up with me; he wanted us to get back together. I care for him very much. He's a great guy and treated me like a lady every time we were together. I'd like to say yes, but my sister is telling me to "punish" him and refuse to go back with him.

Even my parents are split. My mom likes Paul - she thinks I should go back with him, and says if I don't I'll be making a huge mistake. My dad, who's a major in the U.S. Army, thinks that Paul is a "snake" and I'd be foolish to "slither" around with him again.

Please give me your advice. Paul and I are both 16. — Sandy, Indianapolis.

SANDY: Great guys who treat their dates like a lady are in short supply. Since you care for him and want to go out with him again, then go ahead. Playing the "punishment game," as your sister suggests, will get you nowhere. But go out with him with your eyes wide open, since he was fickle once. If it happens again, dump him for good.

GROWING DOESN'T STOP AT A SPECIFIC AGE

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and short for my age. When do people stop growing? My science teacher says that people can grow until they're 20, but my grandmother thinks he is crazy. She says that people stop growing at age 18, and that the teacher is just trying to make me feel good. — Vincent, Toledo, Ohio.

VINCENT: Most people reach their maximum height by age 18, but some keep growing until age 25. People stop growing when their bones do.

Grandmas are very bright people and are correct most of the time, but not this time.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE THURSDAY, SEPTEMBER 4, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Genetic Makeup is a Major Factor in Alcohol Addiction

DR. WALLACE: I've been told that genetics play a huge role in a person becoming an alcoholic. My father was an alcoholic, his brothers are alcoholics and his parents (my grandparents) are alcoholics. My mom, who is a nondrinker, has warned my brother and me never to start drinking — we may have inherited the trait to become easily addicted.

Could this be true? I'm 17 and my brother is 16, but we have never touched alcohol. Just living in the house with an alcoholic is enough to turn me off to drinking. — Bertha, Jackson, Miss.

BERTHA: Your mom's advice is right on. You and your brother are, indeed, at higher risk of alcohol addiction. Here are some "sobering" statistics:

Studies show that genetic makeup is by far the most significant factor in determining whether someone will become addicted to alcohol, according to Bob Cummings of the Commission on Alcohol and Drug Abuse in Beaufort County, S.C. A child with one alcoholic parent has a 40 percent chance of contracting this disease. Those with two alcoholic parents have a 90 percent chance.

TEENS SHOULDN'T BE COMPARED BY GRADES

DR. WALLACE: Since I'm not going to college, I am taking courses that interest me, such as auto mechanics, wood shop and mechanical drawing. I also take required courses in math, science, English and history. I'll admit that these courses are not college-prep caliber, but I do my homework and receive good grades. I'm in the 11th grade and maintain a 3.25 grade point average. My parents are proud of me for getting good grades.

My cousin, Lilly, also an 11th-grader at my school, is in college prep. She takes such courses as calculus, chemistry, English literature and world geography. Every time her mother comes over to our house, she brags that Lilly has a 3.75 grade point average.

If my mom says, "Bill has a 3.25 average," my aunt says that my grade point average is inflated because I'm taking easy classes. This makes my mother upset because she knows I do my best. I'm in regular classes, but I'm identified as educationally handicapped. I think my aunt should be proud of me. — Billy, Portland, Ore.

BILLY: Your aunt's petty competitiveness is the height of insensitivity. Your mom should insist that she stop playing this destructive game — in other words, shut up about grades and quit making pointless comparisons. Both you and your cousin deserve applause. Your aunt does nothing but reveal her own ignorance by making grades into a contest with a single "winner."

You are an excellent student, and I'm sure your parents are extremely proud of what you have accomplished. I know I am.

EXERCISE WITH A FRIEND FOR MORE INSPIRATION AND FUN

DR. WALLACE: I've been trying to get in tiptop shape for the past year. I've done pretty well, but I find myself getting bored when I work out. Lately I've been trying to find ways not to exercise, which isn't good.

Do you have any ideas on what I can do to get a little zip back into my workout? I really want to continue exercising, but if you can't inspire me I'll probably quit. It's just too boring! — Judy, McComb, Miss.

JUDY: Find a partner and exercise together. Tennis, racquetball, handball and badminton will give two people excellent workouts. Even jogging or riding a bicycle can be a lot more fun when you're with a buddy.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE FRIDAY, SEPTEMBER 5, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Teen Needs to Tell Parents about New Religious Faith

DR. WALLACE: I'm 18 and graduated from high school; I will be starting at the University of Wisconsin in a few days. I have been raised in the Catholic faith. In fact, my mom's brother is a priest.

This summer, a friend introduced me to the Mormon (Latter Day Saints) religion. I attended a few services and have decided to become a member. I like the fact that Mormons are family-oriented and forbid smoking and drinking. These are elements I have always believed in and practiced.

In three weeks, I will be a member of my new church. I know my parents will not be happy when they find out I've turned my back on the religion of my birth, but I'm 18 and need to live my life how I want.

Should I tell my parents now about my newfound religion, or wait until I know more about Mormon beliefs so I can give them all the reasons for leaving my old church? — Nameless, Milwaukee.

NAMELESS: Changing religious faiths is a huge decision. You are old enough to decide on your religious preference, but you owe it to your parents to discuss it with them before you make the final decision. Tell them immediately.

I'm positive the leaders of the LDS church would want you to inform your family before making your commitment to become a Mormon. It might be wise to have a member of the church with you when you talk to your parents. That way many of their questions could be answered.

TEENS SHOULD SET ATTAINABLE GOALS

DR. WALLACE: You said that teens should set goals and work diligently to reach them. Did you set goals before you attended college? And if so, did you reach them?

Also, if you were not a columnist for teens, what would you like to be doing to earn a living? — Cindy, Hobart, Ind.

CINDY: My prime goal when entering Knox College was to earn a Bachelor of Arts degree in four years. After reaching that goal, my next ambition was to teach and be a varsity basketball coach at the high school level. Earning a master's degree in education at Northern Illinois University helped me reach my second goal. My educational experience gave me the background to attain my third goal — to write a syndicated column for teens.

I thoroughly enjoyed my years as teacher and coach, and feel fortunate and privileged to be able to write a syndicated column for teens. I don't plan to change careers, but still, since you ask, there are some options that would be fun to explore.

For instance, I'd consider giving up this column to become manager of the Chicago Cubs or, perhaps, conductor of the Boston Pops Orchestra. And I wouldn't mind starring in a movie with Robert De Niro and Julia Roberts. Being president of Harvard University doesn't sound too bad, either.

But my chances of being a major league manager, an orchestra conductor, a screen actor or the president of Harvard are fantasies.

Teens must set goals that might be reached within the limits of their talents. I'm also aware that one person's fantasy could be another's talent. If a person thinks he can accomplish great things, then he or she should go for it!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.

TWEEN 12 & 20

BY DR. ROBERT WALLACE

RELEASE SATURDAY, SEPTEMBER 6, 2008, AND THEREAFTER

Adopted Children are Loved just as Much as Natural Born Children

DR. WALLACE: I'm 14 and live with my parents and brother. Sometimes I get the feeling that my parents love my brother more than me. I've talked to my parents, but they assure me that they love both of us equally; their main goals in life include making sure we both become good citizens who are happy and who enjoy life.

I'm not quite sure why I feel this way. It could be that boys are treated a little differently than girls, or that my brother is their natural child while I am their adopted daughter. My parents are wonderful and since I am adopted, I couldn't have landed with a better family. Still, I have moments where I feel like an outsider.

Is there any way I can overcome this occasional inferior feeling? — Nameless, Vicksburg, Miss.

NAMELESS: It's completely normal for adopted children to wonder if their parents love them as much as they love their natural born children. I can tell you that I have never found parents who give less love to an adopted son or daughter.

Please read the following letter written by a mom who is blessed with having both adoptive and biological children. I'm positive your mom and dad have the same feelings.

DR. WALLACE: We are the parents of two adopted children (a boy and a girl) and one biological child (a boy).

One day, the son who was adopted asked me if my husband and I loved him and his adopted sister as much as our biological son. I put my arms around him and told him that I couldn't love a human being more than I love him. Both of us wound up crying tears of joy.

I can honestly say that my husband and I love our three children equally. In fact, it is rare when we even think of them as "adoptive" or "biological" children. Together, we are a loving family and intend to keep it that way forever. I thank the Good Lord that He blessed my husband and me with both biological and adopted children as well. Our three children are the loves of our lives. - Mom, Rock Island, Ill.

MOM: No one can say it better than a loving mom. Your message will make many adopted kids feel good about their parents.

DAD OVERREACTS WHEN TEEN COMES HOME LATE

DR. WALLACE: Last week my boyfriend and I went to a movie; we arrived home an hour later than my 11 p.m. curfew because the movie was long. I realize I should have called from the theater to let my parents know that I was going to be home late, but the movie was so good that I became engrossed and just forgot.

When I got home, my dad was furious. He pulled me by the hair and shoved me into my bedroom. Now I'm on restriction for six months and not allowed to see or talk with my boyfriend for one year. My boyfriend and I are good kids. We are both on the honor roll and not involved in alcohol, tobacco or drugs.

I think my punishment is much too severe for coming home one hour late. I'd like your opinion, please. — Nameless, Benton Harbor, Mich.

NAMELESS: You were wrong in not calling your parents and asking for an hour's extension, but your father was doubly wrong! First, he should not have pulled your hair and shoved you into your bedroom. Next, he overreacted on your punishment.

Let's hope he calms down. He should not only decrease your restrictions, but also needs to apologize for his unacceptable behavior.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. E-mail him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

COPYRIGHT 2008 CREATORS SYNDICATE INC.