DEAR SUSAN: There's a feeling among many men (myself included) that we cannot do anything that won't be criticized by the women in our lives. Ergo, there is some anger in the "if you don't like the way I do it, you do it" stance. It's a part of me I must look out for at all times.

I'm not looking for a woman who is aggressive and will "do it all" in a relationship, just someone who wants this as much as I do and isn't doing me a favor. Someone who isn't trying to make a difficult thing (dating, sex) even more difficult. You recently asked for comments on the different coupling arrangements out there. Live together? Marry? I'm in my 60s, so all I'm hoping for is some horny woman to bring me tuna casserole with potato chips. — Gabe B., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR GABE: If love has a passkey, it's sharing. Doing whatever it is that must be done — together. Sharing has so much wrapped up inside it's almost a one-word motto. Let's see what's hidden in its simplicity: caring, friendship, consideration for the Other. Might as well make it the code word for a cooperative partnership. When you think of it, nothing more need be said because a single word — partnership — encompasses the essence of love. Of course, delicious kisses and hand-holding add to the mix. But at the very heart (pun intended) of togetherness is the one-word philosophy: sharing.

DEAR SUSAN: I recently started a new job where I have a key position. There's one woman there I'm really attracted to. And I have a feeling it's mutual. At staff meetings, she always supports me when I give technical advice. That intensifies my attraction. I'd like to ask her out, but she lives with her "boyfriend's sister." Should I pursue the relationship or go to the club for a cold shower? — Danny F., Peoria, Ill.

DEAR DANNY: Oh, Danny boy. You've landed a top job, you're the hot new man in the office, and already you're hearing the siren call. Best to tune her out for all time. She's a serious threat to all you've worked for. I kid you not. Maybe, in a year or two, if she dumps her boyfriend (and his sister) and takes her own place, you can think about taking her for coffee far from office gossip. Not until then, buddy boy. Get thee to a shower (cold) and an early night that keeps you fresh and focused for work. And totally deaf to the siren call. Wise men know to avoid its false lure. Lather up at the club. …

SINGLE FILE TIP: Ever get the greens? Of course you do. We all feel the pangs of jealousy once in a while. A thinner waist, a newly brushed head of hair, a dazzling smile full of perfect white teeth. Envy is part of being aware of the world around us — a useless bit of competition that's extra-strong in the female. But it's what we do with it, the aftershocks, that make or break jealousy. My advice? Figure out what it is you envy, and then work on making it your own. Better teeth? Nicer disposition? Sparkling eyes? Better posture? Smaller waist? Whatever it is, you can have it too — if you work at it. Ask for help: from your dentist, your fitness club, your friends. Make this your self-improvement project for the next six months. (Yes, it takes time.) Learn from those stabs of jealousy.

FROM KAHLIL GIBRAN, ON CHILDREN:

Your children are not your children.

They are the sons and daughters of Life's longing for itself,

They come through you but not from you,

And though they are with you yet they belong not to you.

You may give them your love but not your thoughts,

For they have their own thoughts.

You may house their bodies but not their souls,

For their souls dwell in the house of tomorrow, which you cannot visit, not even in your dreams.

You may strive to be like them, but seek not to make them like you,

For life goes not backward nor tarries with yesterday.

You are the bows from which your children as living arrows are sent forth.

The archer sees the mark upon the path of the infinite, and He bends you with His might that His arrows may go swift and far.

Let your bending in the archer's hand be for gladness;

For even as He loves the arrow that flies, so He loves also the bow that is stable.

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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