DEAR SUSAN: I'm 36, single and happy with my career. But I've been told I'm too critical. I don't want someone to be a drag, but I find fault with every man in my life. For example, I'm seeing someone who's nice, but he annoys me. He'll say he enjoyed being with me but won't set a date for the next time. He says he likes spontaneity! He doesn't work much, but I have little free time anyway. — Carole H., Long Island, N.Y.

DEAR CAROLE: It's time for a timeout. For me, anyway. You've got so many crosscurrents in your life, I for one have a migraine. You'll have one too, if you don't say ta-ta to the current loser in your so-called social life. He's hung up on spontaneity, so next time he phones be ready with a rip-roaring excuse for turning him down. (Make it so ludicrous that he can‘t help but get the point.) And for Pete's sake, stop going wherever it is you're meeting these creeps! Far better to use the time to find out why you're drawn to them. Yes, I'm pointing you in a different direction — toward your hidden agenda for the male sex. Something's going on here, some inner need that's keeping you away from the really healthy men in your world. (Maybe this has to do with your feelings for your father; am I getting warm?) It could be fear, low self-image, or … who knows? That's for you to discover, and when you do you'll be unloading some really heavy baggage! In the next life, you're on your own. But in this one, you'd best formulate an exit strategy. Immediately. Extricate yourself from this ridiculous fellow and start learning about the psyche that's making bad choices in companions. Yours. It's the only one like it, and it's worth examining. I rest my case.

NEW AND WONDERFUL RESOURCE. Warren Farrell is no stranger to this column. He's written some exciting and strong books about men and the male mind. And because his stance is fair to both sides, he's become an arbiter to listen to, offering positions worth mulling over in the quiet of one's mind. His Web site is worth your time: www.warrenfarrell.com.

MARRIAGE AGE. USA Today recently reported that experts don't expect the upward trend in the marriage age to reverse anytime soon; in fact, an analysis of the data on the age group 20-24 shows that the percentage of change between the never-marrieds (always single?) and the now-marrieds was relatively consistent. "This suggests it's not just the phenomenon of the college-educated (who tend to marry later) or the high school-educated, who tend to marry earlier," according to Andrew Cherlin, a sociologist at Johns Hopkins University. "It's an across-the-board shift."

DEAR SUSAN: I've noticed over time that some of your responses assume that part of being a man is liking professional sports. Actually, of all my male friends, only one likes and follows baseball. I've also noticed the stack of unread sports sections at the bottom of the pile in the local coffeehouse. Some guys read them, but they're usually the ones who don't read the rest of the newspaper.

I have friends who sail, surf, run, bicycle, motorcycle, ride horses and some who do nothing. But go to a football game that's not their kids' game? Couldn't pay them to go! As for me, living in the woods and making firewood and growing trees is the sporting life.

It distorts our view, the way something can be so huge on television and draw such large crowds that we forget how really, really big this society is. If 1 or 2 percent of the population is into something, it's huge. If it's 5 or 10 percent, it appears "everybody" is into it. Just a thought. — Calvin G., Santa Rosa, Calif.

DEAR CALVIN: A good one. It's another harpoon in the stereotypical message around us, aimed at being THE ideal man — and by association, the ideal girlfriend/mate. It's the old Marlboro Man image pierced into our psyche, a tattoo to be worn with pride — and quite a bit of confusion if for a second we don't live up to it. Men on Super Bowl Sunday sit on the sofa, gathered in front of the chips and salsa for an event they can call their own — at last, a corner of the world just for them. A place where they can be what everyone tells them they should be. Football is the ultimate metaphor for manhood. Thank you, Calvin, for bringing this issue to the forefront. Now what do we do?

Write to Susan Deitz c/o this newspaper. She will answer all letters that come with a self-addressed, stamped envelope. Or you may e-mail her at info@creators.com.

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