Medical Resident Has Little Time for Family by Dr. Sylvia Rimm on Creators.com

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Medical Resident Has Little Time for Family

Q: My husband is a medical resident and works more than 10 hours a day and often on weekends. We have a 3-year-old and a 1-year-old, and I often feel like a single parent. My children (especially the 3-year-old) are old enough to notice. Do you have any advice for me?

A: I often speak on the importance of balance in life, and I am certain that at this time, neither you nor your husband feels you have a well-balanced life. Balancing life is not easy. Your husband's huge work and school responsibilities are sacrifices he must make in order to enter a profession that makes major contributions to our society and also provides financial rewards to families who make the commitments to enter it. Though balance in life is an important goal, we can't assume that we will maintain equilibrium every day or every year, even in an ideal lifetime. There will be times of his overextended work and more family responsibility on your part. Let's hope you also will have times of rest, fun vacations and much more family togetherness.

You can explain to your children that although he is very busy, their father loves them very much and will have more time with them in the future when his schooling is complete. In the meantime, perhaps your husband could make time to write fun notes to your kids that you could read to them during the day. He might call home for a few brief moments during his lunch. He could record a bedtime story you share with them in the evening. I'm sure that when your husband does have a little time to spare, he eagerly looks forward to a few playful moments with the family.

Choosing some careers simply requires a belief in the contribution of what you are doing and the ability to defer gratification until later in life.

That is truly a good lesson for your children to learn from their father's frequent absence, but the quality of what they learn will depend on how you interpret his busyness to your children. Let them know they are fortunate to have a mom and dad who love them enough to make a commitment to them and to the health of others, and remind them that their dad will help many people in his lifetime.

This also can be a very lonely time for you. You should try to find some friendships with other families and other women to help you through this time so that you can have adult company and develop your interests. Sometimes church, synagogue or other community groups are helpful. If your siblings or parents are nearby, they can be supportive, and you can do fun family things together. Of course, your investment of time enriching your children's lives during the important preschool years, when brain growth is rapid, may be your most important reward.

For a free newsletter about how parents can be important role models, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.