Q: We only have a 16-year-old granddaughter and love her very much. However, we are becoming concerned about her relationship with her parents. We spoil her, which is causing her to come to us instead of her parents for decisions. At home, she is obstinate, uncooperative and comes running to us for what she considers her freedom. What are we to do?

A: Remember teenagers? It is time to lessen your influence. Tell her how much both you and her parents love her, but that she needs to look to her parents for advice and dealing with her peers and parents is the way life is. At her age, she takes the easy out and needs time to understand what parents are for.

Remind her that her parents brought her into this world and are her major caretaker. Tell her someday she will probably have her own children and become responsible for them and their well-being.

This process takes time but teaches children that parents are human and do make mistakes while raising their families. Explain to her that her parents are providing room and board, along with an education and clothing. Your backing off from making decisions for her will be helpful. Assure her that in growing up, all of us have experienced making decisions. Sometimes the path we choose is the wrong one, but the best way to learn is to actually experience life.

Discuss your granddaughters' issue with her parents. Agree on an approach that will create a more positive attitude for her unhappiness at home. Your granddaughter may be feeling her parent's expectations too high.

There are cases in which children become angry because of abandonment, abuse or medical reasons, and they find life difficult. Hopefully, over time, she will mature and get the message how much they love her and the time and energy they put into her life in order to make her happy.

Q: Our son is in college and studying business. However, he does not like it, and he has told us he wants to become a writer. We understand his point of view, but we do not believe that he can support himself doing so. As you are a writer, do you recommend he change his major?

A: Writing is hard work that requires discipline. It is lonely profession and is extremely competitive. Readers often let you know you are wrong, and facing criticism becomes a challenge and can be discouraging. Critics let you know you are wrong.

A common practice is for writers to isolate themselves in order to concentrate and do research. They are not necessarily sociable. Unfortunately, writing does not pay well until you reach the big leagues and compete with the websites for attention. Publishers are looking for well-known and successful writers to make more money. Younger individuals look to the websites for socializing and gratification.

Discuss the realities with your son, and encourage him to pursue a practical degree to support himself and possibly his family. Suggest that his passion for writing is possible as an avocation. Creating a blog could work well as a backup and learning opportunity for him.

Subscribing to writing trade magazines offer information and experiences that that would prove helpful. Successful writers are usually willing share their advice and experiences.

Doug Mayberry makes the most of life in a Southern California retirement community. Contact him at [email protected]. To find out more about Doug Mayberry and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.