Classic Ann Landers

Editor's Note: Hundreds of Ann Landers' loyal readers have requested that newspapers continue to publish her columns. These letters originally appeared in 1999.

Dear Ann Landers: Have you noticed the way some people habitually steer every conversation back to themselves? It sounds something like this:

Comeback Kid: "How was your birthday celebration?"

Victim (she has seven seconds but doesn't know it): "Oh, I had a great day. Joe gave me an adorable puppy. He's just 6 weeks old. ... "

Comeback Kid: "Fred did the same thing for me two years ago. And that puppy grew into the best and biggest dog we've ever had. We named him Brutus. He's so strong. And smart? You wouldn't believe what I've taught him. Just this morning, I was out looking for the paper ... "

And on and on while Victim stands there, her unfinished sentence in shreds, along with her self-esteem. My suggested solution? Suddenly, look at your watch, mutter, "Ohmigosh, I'm late!" and run for the nearest exit.

I'm sure those "Comeback Kids" are unaware of how rude they are. Maybe if you tell them, Ann, they will listen. Everyone who reads this knows someone who fits the description. — Claremont, Calif.

Dear Claremont: I can think of more than a few people who fit the description, but of course, they don't have a clue, and if they were told, they would not believe it. Your letter, however, just might do the trick.

Listen to yourselves, readers. The next time someone tells you about an incident that you can relate to because you have experienced something similar, do you jump in with YOUR story? Or do you listen patiently and save your story for another time? If so, you've shown real class.

Dear Ann Landers: The letter from "Totally Baffled in Spokane" really struck a chord with me.

"Baffled" wondered why her father would wait until she was pregnant before suddenly declaring that he wasn't her real dad.

I am living that same nightmarish scenario. I have struggled my entire life to keep the dark secret that our son is a product of my wife's affair. I feel sorry for "Baffled," since she did nothing to deserve this pain, but I also understand her father. I have spent years pretending to be happily married to a woman who ruined my life.

I am continually plagued by the thought that my son should know who his biological father really is, especially when the time comes for him to become a father himself. I would tell him, but I can't bear the thought of his suffering. I plan to carry this secret to my grave. — Anonymous in California

Dear California: I assume you have some kind of proof of this and that the boy's biological father is still living. Does he know about this son? I suggest you discuss this dilemma with a wise physician, lawyer or clergyperson and ask for guidance. I am reluctant to advise you on a matter of such grave importance, knowing so little about the cast of characters. Good luck. You're going to need it.

An alcohol problem? How can you help yourself or someone you love? "Alcoholism: How To Recognize It, How To Deal With It, How To Conquer It" will give you the answers. Send a self-addressed, long, business-sized envelope and a check or money order for $3.75 (this includes postage and handling) to: Alcohol, c/o Ann Landers, c/o Creators Syndicate, 737 3rd Street, Hermosa Beach, CA 90254. To find out more about Ann Landers and read her past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.

ANN LANDERS (R)

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