The recent forcible sodomy of young boys by a trusted member of Pennsylvania State's athletic department (I can't write his name) indicates not that collegiate sport is evil, but rather that it is meaningless, unnecessary and stupid. Pro sport can be excused as commercialized amusement, like television sitcoms, but college sports are crap.

I don't know about the rest of America, but I'm sick of living in the frat house, forever waiting for "the big game," bellowing "Hook 'em Horns" or engaging in some other sort of ignorant-ass gibble-gabble that does nothing to further the education of young men that couldn't be done with scholarships based on need and academic ability.

The sports talk show hosts, as piously stupid a group of hacks as have ever existed, bay, "What is Joe Paterno's legacy?"

Paterno's record is his win/loss record. That's it. Done. You're a coach, you live for the win/loss. If it's bad, you'll commit numberless recruiting violations to get back in the "win column." If it's good, you don't care if your assistants anally rape kids.

They don't pay college coaches to "save kids from the ghetto." They don't pay college coaches to "instill character." They pay college coaches to win games that most people watch while drunk.

College athletics "saves" more bookies from a life of honest work than it saves kids from a life of crime. The players are disposable. The betting line is sacred.

I find it sickeningly hilarious that suspending a school from playing for at least a year is called the "death penalty."

That's what we think is analogous to death, a year with homecoming? No bonfire? No getting good and drunk, and stumbling down to "Perpetual Adolescence Stadium" to watch "our guys" whip the boys from Saltpeter State?

The tennis team at MacMurray College (never heard of it) got the "death penalty" for two years because it paid over $162,000 in cash to 10 foreign-born players.

So, if you get the death penalty for that, what do you get if one of your assistant football coaches forcibly butt-rapes a couple dozen little kids? The "double death penalty"? The "death penalty with loss of cheerleaders"?

Yeah. One of your coaches anally violates a buncha boys who should be home playing Mario Kart, and you cover it up, and you can't play ball for what, two years? Three years? Five?

And when it's over, the pep squad comes back, you round up another bunch of speedy, fatherless ghetto black guys, everyone gets rich, and the platitudes about "character building" start spewing out like beer vomit out of a drunked-up fan.

If it were up to me, and damn near nothing is, I'd ban every college and high school in America from engaging in athletic contests with other schools.

Period.

You wanna get high school kids in shape?

Make 'em do push-ups. No football team ever got the rest of the student body in shape.

America is getting it's football-throwing, basketball-dribbling butt kicked academically by every nation in the world. How good do you think the football team is in a high school in China? You remember China? It's where America goes to buy everything it needs.

Screw whipping Saltpeter State in "the big game." Focus high schools and colleges on academics and away from athletics, and let's whip the world.

To find out more about Marc Munroe Dion and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com