DEAR SUSAN: Your questions about dating manners had me stumped at first, but I put on my thinking cap and came up with some answers that even surprised me. And my friends had a ball with them!

Q: How late in the week can a man call you for a date? My answer: There's no time limit. Either I'm still available or I'm not.

Q: Do you think he respects you more if you have a deadline for asking? My answer: Seeing as I'm not a guy, I'll have to take a guess and say that anyone I'd want to date wouldn't be interested in someone who has such strong requirements even before the first date.

Q: Does your deadline change if you really want to see him? My answer: Yes. But if I'm not interested, I won't make time and would encourage him not to waste his time on me.

Q: Do you respect yourself more if you have a set deadline? My answer: No. Perhaps I should, but I'm busy and not necessarily available for a Friday date the prior Monday. (I'm in my 40s, and dating isn't my whole life.) The more I think about it, I don't happen to believe that rigidity is attractive in possible relationships for either gender. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Thinking cap and all, it's a good thing these queries jog your mind. Whatever conclusions you come to, dating/meeting people is a big part of single life — and you might as well know what is (and what isn't) good manners in your personal world. Too many of us (yes, I, too, have my weak moments) throw our deepest convictions out the window when someone appeals to us, only to wake up the next morning severely disabled by conflict and guilt. Call it rigid or self-preservation, but do think about these issues (and others, more personal to you) before you step into a "possible" relationship. Knowing your limits is a matter that goes far beyond dating, touching on issues only you know. Raising them to the surface is my role; pinning them down to your innermost needs is — gasp — yours. This has nothing to do with rigidity and everything to do with the clear thinking that sets you up for a fulfilling life. Do I hear a question?

DEAR SUSAN: I am a single professional woman who has recently gotten out of a 2 1/2-year relationship, but all my girlfriends are either married or with a boyfriend. Do you have suggestions on how to make new friends? And do you know groups that cater to singles who want to meet other singles? — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: At first reading, your questions focus entirely on your singleness — which is, as I see it, starting the drawing of a horse bass-ackwards. But you tell me nothing about you as a person, your interests, your goals, your profession, the you-ness that you bring with you to the last day. This may be harsh, but is there nothing in life that you want other than a man? Why don't you see this period as a huge opportunity to dig into your interests and grow into more of yourself? Could it be that something in you is frightened to step into the world — alone?! Could it be that you can't see the fun of being mobile, unattached and free to stride down any old path your whims dictate? Could it be that being without a man is (in your mind) sheer scary aloneness?

Lovely lady, you've got to check out my Declaration of Undependence, the doctrine of an unmarried person with enough ego strength to focus on the rest of life and make her/his marital status incidental. This is wake-up time, my pet. Before you is a period of total mobility — freedom to travel, host parties, dig into your interests. This next period of time can be the most wonderful yet. Please don't fritter away the time on an all-out scavenger hunt for Mr. Right. The more interesting you are the more interested he'll be. Think about it.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].