Years ago, in another life (or so it seems), when yours truly was a widowed single mom, fear was a huge part of my emotional baggage. In the middle of the night — almost every night — the what-ifs would intrude into my half-sleep and start their litany of possibilities — all negative. What if my son never again has a father? What if I fall deathly ill and can't care for him? What if I finally meet my knight but he doesn't like the way I've set up my life? Those questions terrorized me, but the very worst was the unanswerable one: What if I don't marry again?! What then?

For years, I was frozen by those questions about the future. But as self-confidence grew, my world became more manageable. Those fright sessions lost their power to induce cold fear and eventually ceased altogether when I confronted my worst fear and wrestled it to the mat. Yes, indeed, lifelong singleness was a possibility, but worrying about it hourly didn't reduce that possibility in any way; all it did was make every day unbearable. One day during widowhood, I suddenly realized that the only way to enjoy my life in the present was to accept reality — to live life as it is and go on from there. That naked truth was radical in its simplicity, but to me, it simply felt right. That epiphany jump-started my life, unshackling the unafraid me to start building a new life for my little family. Yes, one fine morning, I fought through my fear and decided to live as if I would always be single.

That decision, which I am hoping you make also, need not consign you to lifelong singleness unless you decide to take that path. Right now, in your unmarried life, it simply gives you more options, more times up at life's smorgasbord. And when love does enter the picture, as is increasingly likelier, it will have a better survival rate because of the life you will have made comfortable before its arrival.

In my own widowhood, social life was a non-starter, practically nonexistent. But I had good friends, a caring family and realistic hopes for the future. I didn't know it at the time, but I was putting into place the cornerstones of the "as if" life, using my instincts and increasingly good judgment. And — fingers crossed — I put it to you that you can do the same. Naturally, you will build your life your way, in your own style, making choices that feel right to you.

You will come to your own conclusions as you shape life your way. Some choices will need changing and rearranging, but even that process will make you more confident. (People in your orbit will notice the difference.) Decisions will be easier to make because each one will be approached with greater confidence. You'll recognize — and conquer — the fearful what-ifs that threaten to waylay even the strongest among us. You'll see your life become immediate and real; your decisions will be based on what is rather than what could or might be. Best of all, you will discover what it feels like to be liberated in the most awesome sense, freed from shadowy fears. As pilot of your destiny, you are taking full responsibility — and credit — for your life. Now. Today. While you are single.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].