DR. WALLACE: I'm outraged that you are against drinking alcohol until a person reaches the "magic" age of 21, and you even included those in the military. I happen to be a Desert Storm veteran. If an 18-year-old G.I. can vote, be charged as an adult for a crime and die for his country, he should be able to have a cold beer when he's thirsty.
I'm tired of "goody-goody" guys like you preaching about the "evils of drinking alcohol." I know you are not a military veteran or you wouldn't think the way you do. We vets have got to stick together. —Veteran, Galesburg, Ill.
VETERAN: It's not important if I am or am not a military veteran when I say the world would be a much better and safer place if all the alcohol suddenly vanished forever. Alcohol has triggered more tragedy and pain than it has brought joy and comfort. But, for your information, I served my country in the Korean War. I only mention this to show that all vets don't think alike. Thank goodness!
It would be great if an 18-year-old could enjoy a single cold beer when he was really thirsty. But alcohol is an addictive drug, and eventually, the one drink leads to another and another. I'm firmly convinced that alcohol use has brought more pain and destruction to families than it has brought joy and healing.
TAKE GRANDMA'S ADVICE
DR. WALLACE: My parents are divorced, and I live with my mom and my grandmother.
I'm 15 years old. My problem is that ever since the divorce, my mother has been very grouchy. She constantly blames me for every little thing, and she is rude and unkind to Grandma and to me.
Last night I was talking to my boyfriend, and my mother walked by and pulled the telephone from my hand and hung it up. I was so embarrassed I broke into tears. When my boyfriend called back to find out what happened my mother wouldn't let me answer the phone. All she did was swear a lot.
My father is living in a beautiful new apartment, and he told me I could come live with him and his new wife. I would have my own bedroom and live in a nicer neighborhood. My mother said I could go if I want to; she didn't care. I talked to my grandmother (my mother's mother), and she said I should live with my father until my mother "gets her act together." I would also be in my same school.
I know you really care for teens, so I'm wondering what you would advise me to do? I hate to leave my mother, but somehow I feel I am annoying her right now. —Sheila, Tyler, Tex.
SHEILA: Take your grandmother's advice. If mother needs and wants you to come back when she "gets her act together," you still have the option to return to live with her if you want to.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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7 Comments | Post Comment
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LW2: Divorce can mess with people's heads pretty badly, particularly if the other partner was the one who wanted the divorce. Sometimes, it's all they can do to take care of themselves, and parenting is just beyond them, at least for a while.
It sounds like that's the case with your mom, and that your dad is in the better position to take care of you for now. Your mom would probably benefit from some counseling, but until she decides she needs it, the best thing you can do is to remove yourself from her household.
Of course you won't abandon her; assure her you still want to see her regularly. Make time in your schedule for lunch or dinner with her and your grandma, as well as other visits, as you're all able.
What not to do: bad-mouth either of them to each other, or try to play them off against each other ("Well, MOM would let me do that"_ or rave about how wonderful your dad's place is to your mom. Also: don't feel guilty about choosing to live with your dad. Divorce is a huge blow to kids, too -- you owe it to yourself to reduce the stress by picking the better environment for you; your mom is an adult. A child's choice to change households can be a wake-up call to the first parent to check on her emotional state, and to get help if needed. Best wishes.
Comment: #1
Posted by: hedgehog
Mon Mar 11, 2013 10:52 AM
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No doubt, alcohol can destroy lives. But it is still legal. I'm with LW1. If an 18 year old is in the military and has all the responsibilities of an adult, then he or she should have the same privileges as an adult. Perhaps our drinking age needs to be modified to age 18 IF the legal adult has a high school diploma, a GED, or is in the military. (Actually, you now have to have a diploma or GED to get into the military). Or maybe just the opposite should happen; maybe the age of majority should be 21. Anything allowed currently at age 18 would be moved to age 21. I'd love to hear what BTLer's think on this subject.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Siege
Mon Mar 11, 2013 5:31 PM
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Well, Siege, just remember, you asked. :)
You said: Perhaps our drinking age needs to be modified to age 18 IF the legal adult has a high school diploma, a GED, or is in the military. (Actually, you now have to have a diploma or GED to get into the military). Or maybe just the opposite should happen; maybe the age of majority should be 21. *******
I'm going to disagree. Being in the military doesn't preclude them from driving, and the drinking + driving + teenage assurance of their invulnerability = disaster, not just for the drinker, but for anyone unfortunate enough to encounter them on leave.
Physiologically, the brain is not completely developed until about age 20, and alcohol affects the developing brain differently than it does an adult brain; it unfortunately makes no distinction between "Has GED/doesn't have GED" or "military/civilian".
I think it's extremely unlikely that someone age 18 who is discharged before age 21 (dishonorably? because of injury? whatever) is likely to decide he will no longer drink now that he's a civilian again, even though the law says he must. It's too easy for those rules to be circumvented and "I can handle it".
Lastly, ask the drill instructors/officers whether they would like to deal with personnel who are learning to deal with alcohol and hangovers, on top of their daily duties and training. My guess is no.
Age of majority going up to 21? Unlikely. For one thing, the military needs recruits -- and they often draw from those who don't know what else to do with their life. That's generally not a college graduate, who often is now eligible for a job that pays more than an 18 YO. The military also would prefer "focused" recruits, i.e, those not distracted by wives and/or other dependents. It's simple fact that a greater proportion of 21 YOs are married than 18 YOs.
The voting age was lowered BECAUSE 18 YOs were being asked to die in a politically unpopular war, and they had no say in electing the politicians who authorized it. That's a completely different philosophical argument than "I may die for country, but you won't let me have a potentially addicting substance than will render me unfit for driving or operating heavy machinery?"
Comment: #3
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Mar 12, 2013 10:51 AM
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Thank you hedgehog. My only response, for the sake of argument, is that if "the brain is not completely developed until about age 20," which would mean 18 is too young for a person to handle alcohol, then perhaps under 20 is too young for a person to handle war or other life and death situations in the military. But, as you said, the military needs young recruits.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Siege
Tue Mar 12, 2013 2:17 PM
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Alcohol is an addictive drug? LMAO Oh, Wallace, you so stupid. How you fit that big head up your a** is a mystery for the ages.
LW1: I agree with you. They should lower the age to 18.
LW2: Get out. Run, don't walk to your fathers. You are not responsible for your mother and her behavior. She chose to bring you into this world so she owes you - not the other way around. Hopefully one day your mother will become a better person but until that day comes you need to limit your contact with her.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Diana
Wed Mar 13, 2013 7:48 PM
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which would mean 18 is too young for a person to handle alcohol, then perhaps under 20 is too young for a person to handle war or other life and death situations in the military.
********
I don't entirely disagree with you, but I think there's a difference between psychologically/emotionally mature and physiologically mature,
There are some remarkably perceptive, psychologically mature 15 YOs -- some even who have shown themselves to be fine parents of their own kids or younger siblings. But despite that, I think alcohol would still affect their brain, physiologically speaking, with more adverse results at age 15 than 20.
Comment: #6
Posted by: hedgehog
Thu Mar 14, 2013 2:03 PM
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Diana, again I disagree with you. You obviously never seen effects of alcohol. If you have then YOU would get your head out of your a** about it. Alcohol impairs judgement and in bad way. And others have to deal with them. I don't believe in giving anyone alcohol before 21 cause folks are still figuring out how to behave especially when there is alcohol in their system that really messes them up.
Hedgehog you made some excellent points about drinking and military.
Comment: #7
Posted by: Kath
Fri Mar 15, 2013 8:12 AM
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