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Tips for Changing Schools
DR. WALLACE: I am in the ninth grade, and our family will soon be moving to a suburb of Detroit because my dad has been transferred there. I have lived in Rockford all my life. I have a lot of friends here, so I'm a little bit nervous about moving to another state and especially living in a large metropolitan area. At the same time, I'm happy for my dad, and the thought of being in the Detroit area is sort of exciting. Any tips you might provide to help my move be successful will be appreciated. —Lynn, Rockford, Ill.
LYNN: It's never easy changing schools, especially when the new school is more than 400 miles from old friends. But as you say, it can be an exciting adventure.
Dr. Judith Meyers-Walls, a professor of child development at Purdue University, offers the following tips to help teens get started on the right foot:
—Take the time to find what the norm is at your school. Girls, before you wear that vinyl miniskirt, or guys, those torn blue jeans, look around. Is everyone else dressed conservatively? Pay close attention to the way things are run and the things people wear and say. Then when you make your fashion decisions, you'll have an idea whether you're likely to fit in or stand out.
—Don't hesitate to let people know you're new. Say something like, "Excuse me, but I'm new here. Could you please show me where the cafeteria is?" The other students will probably enjoy the chance to show you around and fill you in on things. And you're sure to learn more if you admit you don't know everything.
—Join an extracurricular club. You won't feel like a stranger for long if you belong to a school club. "If you worked for the newspaper at your old school, join the staff of the paper at your new one. It helps to keep some consistency in your life when everything around you is changing," Myers-Walls advises. Don't miss the first meeting. The longer you wait, the harder it will be to join.
—Be outgoing. As the new teen, you'll have to make an extra effort to talk to others. Strike up a conversation with someone as you leave class. Discuss the homework assignment or something the teacher said.
—Don't pretend to be something you're not. Boasting, lying about your experiences or putting on airs in order to get along with a new group of kids won't get you very far. Even if it does help you break into a group, you'll feel uncomfortable if you have adopted behavior that is in conflict with your real beliefs and values.
PINK AND BLUE HAIR IS NOT ACCEPTABLE
DR. WALLACE: I'm mad as can be, and I don't know what to do about it. I read our student handbook and didn't see anything about a student's hair color. I was planning to attend a fraternity party with my boyfriend (he's in college; I'm in high school), and all the girls were to have wild-colored hair. My friend and I spent over three hours coming up with a pink base with blue streaks. It really looked cool.
Well, when I went to school on Monday, the vice principal sent me home and told me not to return until I came back with "normal" hair color, even if it wasn't the same color (dishwasher blond) that it once was. I was furious. Since the party was on the following Friday, I didn't attend. Can the school really dictate my hair color? —Nameless, Madison, Wis.
NAMELESS: Had you been a student attending classes where I was principal, you also would have been sent home. Pink and blue hair simply causes too much distraction in a learning facility.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
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Comments
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12 Comments | Post Comment
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Really, pink and blue hair causes too much of a distraction? Have you not been in a school in years? All the kids have wild colours. My daughter does and she is a straight A student. Seriously? I sometimes think you are still in the fifties with some of your answers. If coloured hair is a distraction then I guess most everyone is distracted.
Comment: #1
Posted by: aberly
Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:25 AM
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LW2: Wasn't there a way to wash the hair coloring out of your hair BEFORE Monday rolled around? (I'm presuming this party was on the weekend.) Plenty of time to wash that gray – or in this case, pink and blue – right out of your hair. Or to color the hair after school on Friday but before the party? (Assuming that school dismisses at 3 p.m. and the party begins at 7 p.m.)
As for schools dictating hair color – yes they can. Apparently, yours does, so if there are any questions, just ask the vice principal and he can clarify.
Comment: #2
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:48 AM
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Hair is hair. It grows, gets colored or perm, and then gets cut off. I would be more concerned with something permanent as piercings or tattoos. Would the school make a bald student (due to illness or preference) wear a wig? Bald is not the norm. Would a student with a birthmark be required to cover it up? I think Dr. Wallace needs to re-evaluate his response.
Comment: #3
Posted by: SUNRISE
Tue Apr 23, 2013 6:59 AM
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SUNRISE (#3)
I'm sure that schools – including the LW's and the one Dr. Wallace worked at – have policies in place for piercings, tattoos and the like. Same with students who are undergoing chemotherapy and have lost their hair, or students who wear hats/hair coverings, tattoos, etc. for religious reasons, and so forth.
You might be comparing apples to oranges here – this is a student who has colored her hair a wild shade for a party, not, say, dyeing her brunette hair to blonde. If it were the latter and the principal spoke up, then there might be a reason to be upset. That hasn't happened here – the LW colored her hair a shade that the vice principal thought was distracting and justly made her remove it.
What the student's hair color is on the weekends (or other off-school time) is another matter.
Comment: #4
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Apr 23, 2013 8:34 AM
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Re: Bobaloo
Many schools DO have policies in place about hair color. However, this school did not, at least it wasn't in the school handbook. If there had been a policy in place, then school administration would have perfectly within their rights to ask her to go home. But to make up policy on the spot is silly and unfair.
I work as a therapist in several schools. One boy came to school with his hair colored lime green. It was a distraction for a day like anything new or different would be. Then it became the norm and no one thought anything about it. I'd really like to see schools focus on more important things, like learning.
Comment: #5
Posted by: Siege
Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:25 PM
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Re: Siege (#5)
There is something to be stated about unstated rules, which is what the hair coloring thing is about.
OK, maybe something needs to be stated directly ... but then the policy book be needlessly long, detaining every possible scenario that comes up.
I'd say a fairer statement would be, "Anything at the administration's discretion that is deemed to be distracting to others." That the handbook may or may not have had, I don't know. But if it did, the vice principal used his judgement and thought that the pink and blue hair -- even if it is short-term -- was a distraction.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Apr 23, 2013 4:45 PM
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LW1--I'm sorry to hear that you're moving to Detroit my dear. As a Michigan native and someone who has grown up near (Flint) and lived in Detroit all I can offer you as advice is to not wear the wrong color or travel by car without a crowbar or other large, heavy blunt object with which to beat off potential attackers! Detroit is a dangerous city sweetie and you might be interested to know that it has recently been taken over by the State because it is nearly bankrupt and is what can only be described as a hot mess financially! Superficially, you're about to move to a State that also is known for horrifically cold winters and hot humid summers. Let's face it hon, Michigan has only two seasons: winter and construction. (Why is your father moving there again?) If you wish to make the most of it, I advise you to not make eye contact with anyone and to keep to yourself lest you end up a prostitute or a drug addict. Good luck!
LW2--Honey if you want to color your hair a hot pink with blue streaks because you think it's cool than fine, but don't expect normal, down to earth society to agree with you. It's called survival of the fittest, look into it. I think you might find that very few if any organisms survived with bright pink or blue hair! Duh!
Comment: #7
Posted by: Chris
Tue Apr 23, 2013 5:12 PM
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Oh, Chris....that's very cute, but you really shouldn't mess with the kids like that. Did you not read that LW is not moving to Detroit proper, but to a suburb? Presumably that suburb, like many others, has finances and services separate from those of its financially troubled neighbor. Also, my dear, as someone who's pretty well acquainted with Rockford, I can assure you she's well acquainted with "horrifically cold winters and hot, humid summers" and has grown up learning to lock her car and her door and to avoid certain neighborhoods. Honestly!
LW1, I did two of those kinds of long-distance moves during my school years. Look at them as opportunities rather than tragedies and you will be fine.
LW2: I'm guessing this is an older letter, or else LW attends a private school. My son ran cross-country andnow runs varsity track; most of the meets offer boys' and girls' teams events. So I've seen THOUSANDS of students' heads in the last 4 years, and there have been multiple "non-natural" colors.
Regardless, Bobaloo, hair-coloring depends on the type of product she chose. It sounds to me like she did a semi-permanent or permanent color, which won't come out over the weekend even if you shampoo it all weekend long. And for that kind of product, you don't want to apply the day of the party, much less just a few hours before. Too risky. Plus,she needed those hours to style her hair, get dressed, do her makeup. Just a bit of a peek into the world of beauty. :)
She COULD have applied temporary hair color, but in my experience (Halloween, etc), those tend to flake or rub off -- on upholstery, walls, your coat -- anything she leans her head against. Since they spray on and dry, it can also come out as you brush your hair. It's a very unpredictable and often unflattering effect best saved for times when you want to look like a ghoul or a clown.
I have to agree with Siege that this was more about the principal wanting to exert control than fear that the students would be "distracted". I've seen principals suspend kids for similar -- and they lose my respect.
So, yes, LW, I think you were treated unfairly. It happens... life isn't fair and teachers/admins aren't infallible (sorry, Dr. Wallace). Big picture, though: this isn't worth making a stink over. One more test of maturity is knowing how and when to pick your battles.
[P.S. -- ignore Chris. He's unaware that Lady Gaga, Nicki Minaj and a host of entertainers have made an entire career off of outrageous hair color. So much for "survival of the fittest." ]
Comment: #8
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Apr 23, 2013 7:06 PM
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Re: hedgehog (#8)
Will agree with you on Lady Gaga and Nicki Minaj and their outrageous appearance (not just hair color) ... not my favorites by any means, but still, they've gotten noticed.
At least I learned something about the hair coloring thing. I guess then her best option would have been to put ribbons or something in the hair. It would have accomplished the same thing and she still has fun at the party. (I'll hold off on the party itself ... yeah, I know it's outrageous and kids having fun, but to be honest, I shrugged at this.)
The advice on "ask the administration" if you have a question about a policy still holds. I know if I were in her shoes and I read the book and didn't see a specific reference to "no outrageous hair coloring" – qualified because blondes sometimes color their hair brunette, redheads sometimes go brown, etc. – I might be afraid of missing something. I have missed things before. I'd rather be right than wrong, personally speaking.
Comment: #9
Posted by: Bobaloo
Wed Apr 24, 2013 6:21 AM
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Sure... the administration has the final word. That's pretty much what school is -- they make the rules, as they see fit, and students live by them or get sent home.
I don't think, though, that this administrator was particularly honest with LW. Novelty hair, whether due to chemo, coloring, a perm or style, is only "distracting" for the first day the wearer has it, as Siege said. After that, it becomes the new normal for that person, whether it's auburn or pink with blue or Mohawk. Heck, sometimes a person's natural color and styling are "distracting" -- just because the hair is SO shiny and curly/bouncy and pretty.
(Revealing clothing, on the other hand, remains constantly distracting to a hormonal group of students viewing it, at least until such time that this is evident everywhere: offices, churches, supermarkets, day care, schools. Pants for girls made this kind of transition in the 1960s; I can remember my elementary school not allowing girls to wear pants or pantsuits even on subzero days.)
Make no mistake; this is about an administrator not wanting to answer to the parents of OTHER students, or to the school board, or frighten off other prospective students and their families. It's not about "better environment" -- it's about the image the administrator wants to project.
I think he's a weasel. A weasel she has to obey for now on these matters, but a weasel all the same.
Comment: #10
Posted by: hedgehog
Wed Apr 24, 2013 9:44 AM
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@ hedgehog
Honey while I agree with your post regarding LW1 (mine obviously was tongue in cheek - I clearly don't miss the Detroit metro area a bit) I have to disagree with your assessment of LW2. As for Nicki Minaj, all I will say are two words: American Idol to illustrate how "well" her career is going. As for Lady Gaga, please! While her first album, 'The Fame' / 'The Fame Monster' were awesome, her next album clearly fizzled. Then she gained a bunch of weight and her last tour was canceled due to health issues. Let's face it, Lady Gaga's next album will decide the fate of her career and I'm not holding my breath. I think I rest my case about the wild hair colors.
Comment: #11
Posted by: Chris
Wed Apr 24, 2013 4:08 PM
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hedgehog (#10):
"I think he's a weasel. A weasel she has to obey for now on these matters, but a weasel all the same."
I've never met this administrator, but that's a little strong, don't you think? He might well be the most down-to-earth guy I know, who knows?
Comment: #12
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu Apr 25, 2013 12:49 PM
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