The Stupidity of the Father Could Be to Blame by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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The Stupidity of the Father Could Be to Blame

DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are both 17 and have been dating for more than a year. He's a great guy, and we have wonderful times together.

About a week ago, his older brother, while driving his van, got into an accident where several people were injured. The newspaper said he was arrested for driving under the influence of alcohol. He was at a party and had too much to drink.

Now my parents are putting pressure on me to unload my boyfriend. They assume that since his brother (who is 19) drinks and drives, so will my boyfriend. I will admit that my boyfriend does have the occasional beer, but he has never consumed alcohol and then driven a car. The father of these guys has allowed his two sons to drink beer in their house since they turned 15. He wanted them to drink at home so he could keep an eye on them rather than have them drink away from home.

I think my boyfriend should be judged on what he does, not for the sins of his sibling. Do you agree? —Nameless, Ft. Walton Beach, Fla.

NAMELESS: I do agree that the sins of his brother should not reflect on your boyfriend's character.

It's the stupidity of his father that could eventually cause problems for your boyfriend. Allowing underage children to consume alcohol at home so they won't drink away from home is a very unwise practice. The problem of the brother can be directly linked to being allowed to consume alcohol at home. The father's theory was obviously a big flop.

Never, ever ride with your boyfriend if he has been drinking.

Call your parents for a ride.

I WANT TO GET A TATTOO

DR. WALLACE: I'm 17 and will graduate from high school in a few months. I will be attending the University of California at Riverside next September. For the past two years, I have wanted to get a tattoo of a butterfly on the back of my left shoulder. My parents didn't want me to be tattooed, so I followed their wishes. But I told them that when I turned 18, I was going to have that butterfly. They are not happy with this decision, and this bothers me.

What can I do to impress upon them that, in 2013, it's no big deal for a girl to have a tattoo? I know it would be expensive to get a tattoo removed, but it could be removed if I wanted the butterfly to fly away. —Enid, San Bernardino, Calif.

ENID: I realize that tattoos are in vogue for older female teens and that many parents are not thrilled with the trend. Since you are going to get that butterfly regardless of what your parents think, assure them that it will be a single tattoo and that it will not often be seen unless you are in leisure clothes.

The cost of removing a tattoo runs in the neighborhood of 10 times more than having the tattoo put on in the first place.

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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I would discourage the tattoo in a visual place, where it could affect future employment. What may be vogue now, may be considered hideous in the future. Many employers have dress codes that prohibit visual tattoos and piercings. You would hate to be thrown out on a first interview on your appearance. As an employer your employees represent you, and unless you are working for a tattoo parlor, a tattoo will most likely not be accepted. What you make like when you are eighteen, may be unappealing at forty.

Comment: #1
Posted by: SUNRISE
Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:16 AM

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Comment: #2
Posted by: SUNRISE
Tue Mar 26, 2013 7:17 AM

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LW1: While I agree that the sins of the older brother should not reflect on the sins of the younger one, I wonder if the LW's parents have gotten to know his family a little bit better since the accident and have learned some things they don't really agree with. (Such as a father allowing his underage sons to drink at home.)

I don't know beyond that, but I will say this much: Your boyfriend's brother is damned lucky he didn't cause a regional tragedy – that is, multiple teenagers (both boys and girls) dead in the accident and several days of funerals with no more tears to cry.

LW2: If you can put it in a place where it is covered up, great, get one. But some employers are conservative (admittedly, some too much so) and fear customers who are from the fire-and-brimstone/"passing grandma's test of acceptability" school of thought ... and sometimes, rightly so. So if they see the tattoo (whether a butterfly one like you're considering getting or a huge skull with fire coming out of both sides on the biceps of both arms), you might not engage in drugs, alcohol, motorcycle riding, uncouth ... but what's the customer to think? OK, maybe he might not think exactly that, but his/her thoughts are certainly not going to be, "Oh gee, what a great upstanding young, clean-cut guy/gal. I want him/her representing me or to wait on me."

As for the back of the shoulder with the butterfly tattoo ... as long as you're able to cover it up wearing normal work attire – I presume business – you should be OK. But tread carefully – it is like Sunrise said in that some companies expressly prohibit tattoos (except those that can be covered up) or piercings (aside from normal earrings).

Comment: #3
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Mar 26, 2013 2:39 PM

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LW2: What can I do to impress upon them that, in 2013, it's no big deal for a girl to have a tattoo?
**********
Nothing. Understand that they grew up in a different time, when tattoos were far less common than they are today. They may or may not change their mind about it when they see yours, or as they see tattoos on other young women. Understand, too, that just as it's your right to like tattoos and want one, it's THEIR right to dislike them on principle, and so prefer that their beloved daughter not have one, for whatever reason. And so, to them, it WILL be "a big deal".

Still, once you get it, the tattoo is a fait accompli, and so there will be little point in them continuing to harp on it.

You've obviously put a lot of thought into the design and location, which indicates to me that you're well aware that employers, for instance, might be not hire someone with visible tattoos, and that you don't really need the lecturing about the prejudice that you may face if it's visible to an employer. You may also want to research NOW about removal, so that you know which colors are removed most easily, should you change your mind later, and also the cost. Those could affect the design you select; as Dr. Wallace noted, removal is far more expensive (and painful, I understand) than getting the ink in the first place.

Comment: #4
Posted by: hedgehog
Tue Mar 26, 2013 3:15 PM

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Re: hedgehog (#4)

I think, too, with the tattoos – that some of the employers and/or customers (the latter which are the most important part of a business), just like what you say with the LW's parents, grew up in a different time and may have very deep-seated, sacred beliefs about tattoos being a form not of individuality. To them, a tattoo represents the wearer is rebellious, defiant and disrespectful of elders and/or authority, as well as delinquent. (And I don't mean by the stereotypical motorcycle gang-type, but the Woodstock Festival-goers and anti-Vietnam War-protesters type.)

I agree with you and Dr. Wallace: Research the costs of removal if you one day desire to have it removed. Otherwise, pick a tattoo that -- in addition to what I've recommended in keeping it covered -- you're going to be happy with for the rest of your life.

Comment: #5
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Mar 26, 2013 8:37 PM

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The Stupidity of the Father Could Be to Blame

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