DR. WALLACE: A group of my friends are planning to join a huge pro-choice rally at a shopping center parking lot. I've never discussed my feelings on this debate with my friends, but I'm pro-life. They are asking me to join the rally, but I said I would let them know a little later. I am not going to be in the pro-choice rally, but I don't know how to tell them I won't be there. I could lie and tell them that I had to visit my ill grandmother with my parents, or make up some other lie. Please tell me what you think would be the best solution to this "sticky" problem. I could show up for an hour and then become "ill" and go home. —Nameless, Boston, Mass.
kNAMELESS: Tell your friends that you won't join the rally because you are pro-life. Don't get into a debate, and ask them to please honor your opinion. Good friends have much in common, but they also have opinions that are personal and differ with the majority.
SCHOOL NURSE HAS THE ANSWER
DR. WALLACE: My boyfriend and I are contemplating starting a loving sexual relationship. It's highly important that I don't become pregnant. Can you please tell me how effective it is for the female to be on "the pill"? How about the effectiveness of a condom used by my boyfriend? We are both 16 years old. —Nameless, Gary, Ind.
NAMELESS: Some time ago a certified school nurse in Rio, Ill., provided the following information for me to inform a young Ohio lady who had very similar questions:
"The pill is not a 100 percent guarantee that the taker will not become pregnant. Recent figures suggest it has a 3 percent to 7 percent failure rate, meaning that if 100 women use the pill correctly, between three and seven who are sexually active will become pregnant.
Even more importantly, the pill is absolutely no protection against sexually transmitted diseases such as gonorrhea, syphilis, herpes, chlamydia, cytomegalovirus, venereal warts and HIV/AIDS.
The pill also will not protect your emotions if, after a while, your boyfriend finds someone new and exciting he'd like to be involved with instead of you.
If you were thinking of using condoms, you should know that they have about a 13 percent to 18 percent failure rate for preventing pregnancy. And condoms are even less effective for preventing the spread of STDs. Condoms sometimes break, and they must be used correctly. It has also been discovered that there are natural channels existing in latex (studied in latex gloves, though, not condoms) that are from five times to 25 times as large as the HIV virus — so condoms can fail in several ways.
The best protection against unwed pregnancy and venereal diseases, as well as the best way to protect one's emotions and good self-concept, is to abstain from having sexual relations until marriage and remain mutually faithful for life. In our "anything goes" society, this has not been a popular concept, but any young person would do well to make a considered decision based on this evidence." —Certified School Nurse, Rio, Ill.
SCHOOL NURSE: Thanks for taking time to share your thoughts with our young readers. Being a former high school administrator, I place great faith in the wisdom of school nurses.
Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.
COPYRIGHT 2013 CREATORS.COM
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7 Comments | Post Comment
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LW1: I'd say simply that I can't make it. You need NOT explain yourself.
Because abortion is such a sensitive topic ... I would highly recommend NOT explaining yourself, even if pressed – you'll just get into a debate and lose your friends. I'm sure you don't want that.
LW2: While the nurse is correct, I'd say stop contemplating your "loving, sexual relationship." How long will it be before your "loving, sexual relationship" fades into nothing but controlling and hate? Or anything but what you had anticipated?
NO SEX! And that's Bobaloo's order!
Comment: #1
Posted by: Bobaloo
Thu May 9, 2013 6:21 AM
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LW1: Well, you've come to that part of a friendship where much depends on your maturity and that of your friends. If you don't tell them the real reason, will you be able to look at yourself in the mirror and know that you took the easy way out, to let them continue to think that you agree with them, when in fact you don't?
Or are your friends able to accept that good, rational people may indeed come to different conclusions about the very same issue, and respect your choice to believe other than they do? Do they tend to bulldoze others, or ostracize them for different opinions?
If it were me, I'd say, "Thank you for inviting me; I need to decline because I'm on the other side of the issue." If they persist or try to browbeat you: "You know, we've been good friends for a long time, but we don't agree on absolutely everything. I wouldn't dream of trying to convince you to change your stance on something so personal, and I hope you'll show me the same respect and courtesy."
My own dear friend of 35 years holds a viewpoint that's the polar opposite of mine on this issue. It's not one we discuss; we choose to focus on what we have in common rather than what we do not.
LW2: Rio, Illinois! There's a name I haven't heard in years. Used to drive through on my way home from work.
What the good nurse failed to note was that birth control pill AND condom used together, correctly, every single time, will lower the chances of conception to almost nil (less than 1 percent if used perfectly; less than 2 percent if used "typically.")
I do not agree with 16 YOs -- or anyone else who's not in a position to support themselves, let alone a baby -- having sex; teens are under enough pressure as it is without adding the risk of pregnancy, STDs, and more into the mix.
However, I DO believe in giving honest answers to questions teens ask, and that means all the info, even the questions llike "what about both Pill and condom together?" that they don't think to ask.
The LW knows darn well that the authority figures in her life do not want her having sex (or she'd be asking THEM this question.) If the school nurse, Dr. Wallace and anyone else would prefer that this young lady not become pregnant, it is critical to give her accurate information, rather than trying to scare her. Because my guess is that she's not going to listen to all the naysayers -- she is going to take her chances with either one of those methods. And end up pregnant.
Comment: #2
Posted by: hedgehog
Thu May 9, 2013 10:50 AM
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LW1: She should NOT have to hide her feelings on this issue. If they are real friends, they will respect that she shares a different viewpoint than theirs. Unfortunately, these days, people who CHOOSE to be pro-life are often stigmatized for that CHOICE. People who are pro-life are no more likely to be anti-women misogynists than pro-choice people are anti-babies.
These friends should respect each others differing opinions on this topic and probably not talk about it.
Personally, I don't understand pro-life or pro-abortion rallies. To me, it isn't a black or white issue and most people I know are not totally for abortion under any circumstances or totally against it in any circumstances. THere are too many gray areas with this issue.
Comment: #3
Posted by: jjmg
Thu May 9, 2013 7:27 PM
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LW1: She should NOT have to hide her feelings on this issue. If they are real friends, they will respect that she shares a different viewpoint than theirs. Unfortunately, these days, people who CHOOSE to be pro-life are often stigmatized for that CHOICE. People who are pro-life are no more likely to be anti-women misogynists than pro-choice people are anti-babies.
These friends should respect each others differing opinions on this topic and probably not talk about it.
Personally, I don't understand pro-life or pro-abortion rallies. To me, it isn't a black or white issue and most people I know are not totally for abortion under any circumstances or totally against it in any circumstances. THere are too many gray areas with this issue.
Comment: #4
Posted by: jjmg
Thu May 9, 2013 7:28 PM
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Unfortunately, these days, people who CHOOSE to be pro-life are often stigmatized for that CHOICE.
*************
Oh,jjmg, I'd say that works both ways. It just depends on which camp you're talking with.
Because in the "pro-life" crowd, those who support a woman's right to choose are often stigmatized as self-indulgent fornicators with no morals who see a baby as nothing more than an inconvenience to their party lifestyle.
I do agree that the issue has far too many nuances and gray areas for most people to be either totally for or totally against. Which is one reason that I think LW has to assess her own level of comfort with telling her friends.
Comment: #5
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri May 10, 2013 4:47 AM
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Re: hedgehog
"LW2: Rio, Illinois! There's a name I haven't heard in years. Used to drive through on my way home from work."
That's near Galesburg, Ill. isn't it?
Incidentally, do you know Dr. Wallace (or at least have some more familiarity with him since you may have worked in Galesburg or other close by town with a daily paper)? I ask since I think he's based in Galesburg and a lot of letters seem to come from the Quad-Cities.
Comment: #6
Posted by: Bobaloo
Fri May 10, 2013 9:35 AM
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Yes, it's just north of Galesburg. I worked at the Galesburg paper for a few years; although I believe I may have seen Dr. Wallace a few times in the newsroom, I never actually met him.
Comment: #7
Posted by: hedgehog
Fri May 10, 2013 3:56 PM
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