Sometimes Parents Should Have Veto Power by Dr. Robert Wallace on Creators.com

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Sometimes Parents Should Have Veto Power

DR. WALLACE: I'm 16 and started dating about four months ago. So far, I have dated two guys. The first guy is a friend of my cousin. He was nice, and I enjoyed going out with him. My mother didn't like him because he didn't speak correctly. He used the word "ain't" and made numerous other grammatical mistakes.

She begged me to stop seeing the guy, and I took her advice. But the reason wasn't because of his poor grammar; it was because I knew I could never have a long-term relationship with him.

Now I'm dating a guy who happens to be our high school principal's son. He is cute, but he has a reputation for being sexually aggressive. My mom, who is a teacher at the same school, is well aware of his reputation and is forcing me to stop seeing him. I think this is ridiculous because I can handle his aggression.

Now I'm to the point I'm going to ask my mother to pick out the guys she wants me to date. Why are parents so picky? I sometimes wonder if my mother's mother handpicked my father! —Courtney, Indianapolis, Ind.

COURTNEY: Parents should not pick out dates for their teens, but they should wield veto power and be able to say no if they disapprove of someone who is not morally acceptable. This is a nervous time for Mom and Dad, as well as for the teen who is entering the world of dating. The key to everyone's peace of mind is trust and open communication.

YOUR EX-FRIEND WAS A LOUSY FRIEND

DR.

WALLACE: My best friend has been dating Nick for over a year. Nick's older brother called and asked me out. I said yes, and we had a good time. Mike is 18, and I'm 16, so our age difference is no big deal, but it is to my friend. She is furious that I went out with Mike and asked me not to go out with him again.

When I asked her why, she said that he was too old and too "street wise" for me. She also said that she didn't like me going out with Nick's brother. She also said that if I went out with him again, our friendship would end permanently. Well, Mike and I went out again and we had a good time together.

The next day at school, my ex-best friend announced that she never will talk to me again, and she called me a name that girls don't like to hear. I was flabbergasted. Why in the world would my best friend be upset that I'm going out with her boyfriend's brother? —Nameless, Las Vegas, Nev.

NAMELESS: This is not rational behavior, so something odd must be behind it. Only your ex-friend knows. Maybe she has a crush on Mike herself and is jealous of you. Maybe she's afraid that you will learn more than you should about her involvement with Nick. All one can do is speculate.

The only thing that's clear is that your former friend was a lousy friend, and it's just as well that she's out of your life. Enjoy going out with Mike!

Dr. Robert Wallace welcomes questions from readers. Although he is unable to reply to all of them individually, he will answer as many as possible in this column. Email him at rwallace@galesburg.net. To find out more about Dr. Robert Wallace and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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LW1: "I sometimes wonder if my mother's mother handpicked my father!"

I think in life sometimes I've gotten those signals as people try to handpick who I choose to go out with. I mean, I'm 40 years old – quite honestly not really on the dating scene right now, although I'm single – and people do this to me. It's always someone I've no interest in, to say the least.

To be honest to you though, Courtney, unless it was part of your grandmother's culture, which I highly doubt, unless:

* They were Amish, in which case we'd probably not be even reading a letter from you,
* Various non-Christian religions where they have pre-arranged marriages,
* Your situation is ripped from one of Seth MacFarlane's smut fests because he couldn't get the girl he wanted when he was young, so he casts poor Meg Griffin or Cleveland Brown Jr. in the role of the suitor/suitress whom someone is forced to date,

.. then I think you're just saying that to blow off some frustration over the parental right to veto dates they disapprove of – in other words, I think your mother got to choose the man that became your father.

As far as whom they've vetoed so far, I do think they took things a bit far with the first one. I know I've not been a father yet, but if I had a teenager who brought home a kid who used poor grammar but was otherwise virtuous in every other way, I'd take him in a heartbeat.

I totally agree, however, that the principal's son should have been told to get lost; after all, you say you can handle his aggression ... now, but just wait until he turns it up a few notches. Trust me, this thug probably knows a lot of tricks to his sexual aggression you've never seen.

I know this line's been used before on here, but you're 16 now. In another year and a half, you'll be free to make your own decisions on which boy to take out. Just bide your time and things will be alright.

Comment: #1
Posted by: Bobaloo
Tue Apr 30, 2013 6:14 AM

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LW1--Obviously you're not ready to date if you're at the point of letting your mother pick out the guys who you date! I hate to break the news to your mother but the lexicon of most 16 year old boys is rife with the word "ain't" as well as a plethora of other slang and other expressions not deemed as "proper" to those versed in the art of grammar and vocabulary. As for sexual aggression, I'm sorry but I would prefer a guy adverse to proper English to a guy prone to slip GHB in my coke any day. Obviously you have some maturing to do and your parents have a reality check that bounced! Inform your mother that you're a mature young woman capable of handling a diverse itinerary of guys. Then, empower yourself to do just that! Otherwise, I suggest you put away your dance card for a couple of years until you have the emotional maturity to decide what's best for you and your personal relationships without kowtowing to what your parents dictate is best.

LW2--You're the reason why I always say that youth is wasted on the young. Honey, a two year age difference is NOT a lot! Your friend is acting irrationally because for whatever reason she feels threatened that you're seeing someone who is a blood relative of her boyfriend. What I see is a jealous controlling nitwit who can't handle adult, mature relationships. Given that you're both 16 years old, I'm not surprised. Obviously the person who you thought was your "best friend" is a controlling harpy who insists on dictating who her friends see romantically. While I'm fully confidant that your little relationship with your former friend's older brother will end in a breakup (no duh!) I'm also in favor of you dating whomever you choose! My advice is to tell your former friend to stick it where the sun doesn't shine and enjoy her boyfriend's older brother's company while it lasts. You'll both graduate and be off to college soon (assuming you don't end up on Maury's 'paternity tests' show) and the you'll be in a better position to make the choices you deem best for you. Please insist on condoms! Good luck!

Comment: #2
Posted by: Chris
Tue Apr 30, 2013 4:11 PM

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In short Bobaloo, I agree with you. I don't think anyone especially at that tender age is ready to really know how to handle one self especially with someone who is sexually aggressive. Also she is at age where she may be in the heat of the moment and he may take advantage of that. Who knows? But not situation one wants to be in either way.

Comment: #3
Posted by: Kath
Thu May 2, 2013 4:37 PM

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LW1: While you live in your mom's house she has veto rights to who she allows in her home but reality dictates she can't stop you from seeing anyone you want outside her line of sight. Your mother isn't doing you any favors by not allowing you to make your own mistakes. You need to learn to grow.

LW2: This is one of the rare occasions I actually agree with Wallace. Good riddance.

Comment: #4
Posted by: Diana
Fri May 3, 2013 3:57 PM

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Sometimes Parents Should Have Veto Power

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