Sylvia Rimm on Raising Kids by Dr. Sylvia Rimm

Q: Our teenage son has always said he can't learn from his teachers, and he claims the classes are boring and useless. He's not getting good grades. We've always told him that he should respect his teachers, but he replies that his teachers aren't worth respecting. The older he gets, the more disrespectful he has become, and we are concerned he may actually drop out of school. How do we respond to this?

A: The story your son is telling you is a sad one. I am quite sure he has many teachers worthy of respect, but something has gone very wrong in his life, and it's important to figure out what that is. When parents are united and supportive of teachers, children usually value education as well as respect most of their teachers. That doesn't mean there wouldn't be a few that they don't care for, but your son really seems to have turned off learning.

It is possible that your son has a learning disability and has lost confidence in himself. You could arrange for a school or private psychologist to conduct an evaluation if your son is willing. Sometimes angry teens aren't happy to cooperate, but you might be able to persuade him. If he isn't a willing participant, it could invalidate the results of the evaluation.

It's also possible that one of his teachers who shares an interest with him could get him engaged in an extracurricular activity that might help him feel better about school. If you, and he are very lucky he might meet a girlfriend who is an excellent student and encourages him to believe in himself.

Try very hard to keep him in school until graduation even though he has poor grades.

It's most important not to give up on your son and encourage him to search for areas that interest him so that he will do something fulfilling for the rest of his life. I typically explain to teens that there are tradeoffs. If they are not willing to do the boring hard study in high school and they drop out of school, they are more likely to do boring work for the rest of their lives. For the most part, interesting and creative careers require a higher education. If you can convince your son to complete high school, taking a job after graduation could be a good interlude before going to college. Either he will find an interesting job, or he will recognize he has to get further education.

For a free newsletter about how education pays off for the rest of your life, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter with a note of topic choice to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or srimm@sylviarimm.com. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.

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