Mars and Venus by John Gray

Dear John, My husband Jack is of the "old school." He thinks that husbands should be cared for and waited on, and I've done this for 37 years. Well, I can't do it all anymore. I have fibromyalgia, which causes acute muscle pain and getting through each day is hard enough for me. Meanwhile, I have to keep working, since it's the only income we've got, despite the fact that my job is extremely demanding.

My doctor says I have a 19th-century husband and, we are living in the 21st century, and that I should insist he care for himself now. When I've tried, he's just let things go: If he doesn't cook, he doesn't eat. If he doesn't wash his clothes, he can wear dirty clothes. If he won't wash dishes, let him eat off paper plates. It goes on and on. I can preach to him, beg him, threaten him, whatever, but he doesn't change. I watched his 92-year-old father do the same thing to this mother all their married life. I'm resentful, but I'm really disappointed and really tired. —Advice Needed in Altoona, Pa.

Dear Advice Needed, You have enough on your plate. I know it's hard to let things slide, but that is what you'll have to do if he is ever going to learn to take care of himself.

Start immediately. Stay at your daughter's or a friend's house for a few days — or consider a trial separation. Compromise is something that everyone needs to learn — no matter what age. It's never too late for an old dog to learn a new trick or two. I assure you that if he is left on his own, he will not starve, but he will learn to start being responsible for himself.

Dear John, My husband, Don, had a relationship with a woman many years ago. About eight months ago, her 14-year-old daughter contacted him, asking to initiate a father-daughter relationship.

The results came back negative. Now the mother says she's not sure it was the girl's hair, and if she had known how serious we were about our concerns, she would have been more careful. She also claims that we somehow "rigged" this test, and that Don has to be the father because, at that time, she had slept with the other possible father only once. At this point, we would not pay for another test unless she splits the cost. Are we right to want her mother to pay for part of the new test? —Patience Ending in Charleston, W. Va.

Dear Patience, While you have the first test as proof, the woman has made it clear that, should it go to court, she would claim that it may not have been the girl's hair. Since her end-game is financial support for the child, a second test is a relatively minor expense.

If you want to resolve the issue once and for all, I suggest that the hair be taken from the girl when it can be witnessed and noted in writing by a notary, and then turned over for a second test. My guess is that she'll say no. If so, should she decide to file a lawsuit, evidence that your request was denied will go a long way in having it thrown out of court.

There are also other types of DNA tests, from cells scraped from inside the cheek to the drawing of blood. Both of these tests are taken in the lab and eliminate any claim on her part that the DNA sample provided was not actually the child in question. While there is an additional cost to you for all for this, following through will give you both the peace of mind you both deserve.

2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.

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