Boyfriend's Laziness in Academics Is Bothersome Dear John: It bothers me that my boyfriend, "Austin," is having trouble finishing up his undergraduate degree. I don't care as much about the diploma as I do his lack of energy in finishing what he has already started. I know Austin is highly …Read more. Marriage at a Dead End Dear John: My wife "Linda" and I are approaching our 19th anniversary. We are at a dead end in our relationship. We are both in our mid-40s, with high-pressure professional careers: Linda is a director of human resources, and I am a professor of …Read more. Ex-Husband Paying More Attention to New Family Dear John: My ex-husband "Ruben" got married one year after we divorced. We have two boys ages 16 and 20. The older son doesn't have much to do with his father. Our younger son sees him about once every month. After dating this woman for two months, …Read more. Great Guy Pal Needs to Come Out of His Cave Dear John: Recently I reconnected with a great guy pal. Our relationship goes back about 20 years, and we are both recently divorced. We were emailing and talking for about six months. He is introverted and definitely goes into his cave periodically.…Read more.more articles
Divorce and the Kids
Dear John, After three years of marriage, my husband informed me that he has never truly loved me. I come from a very stable family, and I've never been exposed to this sort of behavior. He comes from a family background of divorce. My immediate concern is the well being of our 2-year-old son. As an adult, I can accept the relationship ending, but I don't know how this will impact the life of my son. I am worried that I won't know how to acknowledge his feelings or even know if he comprehends what is happening. I realize my son may need counseling for this in the future. How do I help him through this transition? —Feeling Numb in Dayton, Ohio
Dear Feeling Numb, At this moment, you are devastated about your situation and for good reason you're feeling hurt and angry.
The issues a parent may have about relationships don't have to be repeated in our children as they grow into adulthood. To nurture your son having a positive outlook on relationships, please always remember that children have very strong emotional "radar." They pick up on your anger, fear, hurt and disappointment.
The message you want your child to receive in the coming years is that both you and your husband love him, and that neither of you is leaving him.
Dear John, I just met a man online, and he sounds and looks like my type. However, he has accomplished a lot in life. That intimidates me because I just lost my job, and I am living with my mother. Actually, I haven't been able to move out of her home since my divorce five years ago. How can I overcome my feelings of inadequacy? —Hoping for Better Days in Springfield, Mass.
Dear Hoping, I'm sure that you have many accomplishments and that, in the past, you've made lots of contributions to your professional life, your community or to causes that are important to you. Do you have any hobbies or special talents? Do you have any long-term personal or professional goals? Self-assurance is what keeps others interested in us. Don't be afraid to be yourself. In the final analysis, you will find that the only thing holding you back is you.
2013 John Gray's Mars Venus Advice. Distributed by Creators Syndicate. John Gray is the author of "Men Are from Mars, Women Are from Venus." If you have a question, write John in care of this newspaper, or by email at: www.marsvenus.com. All questions are kept anonymous, and will be paraphrased.
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