Dear Margo: I've been dating my boyfriend for three years, but we were friends for 10 years before that. We were crazy in love at the beginning and jumped into buying a house together.

He said we would be engaged and get married very soon. Well, two years have passed since then. He's in his early 30s, and I'm in my late 20s. I'm afraid of wasting any more time since I would like to be married and have a family.

Whenever I ask him about marriage, he says "soon" and that he wants only me, plus a ton of kids, blah blah blah. I trust him and believe he would never cheat on me, but at what point should I stop believing him about marriage? He has been saying "soon" for a very long time.

He owns his own business and I am successful in my own right, so money is not an issue. I feel that maybe he's become too comfortable in the beautiful house we live in, and with the fact that I am always there and fun to hang out with. Of course I cook and clean. We both come from traditional Catholic families, and both sides are starting to wonder what the problem is.

At this point I'm guessing he thinks why buy the cow when he's getting the milk for free? For the past few months we've been fighting about this, as well as financial matters. There's been a lot of sleeping on the couch. I know that ultimatums are no use, so what should I do? — Really Concerned

Dear Real: I agree that ultimatums, as such, are not the way to go. Stating your case, however, and your plans, will more than likely make him get off the dime . . . one way or the other.

I would simply tell him that you've known each other for 13 years, been a couple for three and that he is the one whose refrain has been "soon." Tell him your idea of "soon" and his must be different, therefore you would like to put the house on the market, share the proceeds and go your separate ways.

If he should interpret this as an ultimatum . . . well, that's up to him. You must mean what you say, however, and you will be dealing from strength. Let me know how this turns out. — Margo, resolutely

Dear Margo: I am 39 years old and horribly single. I've had a lot of bad luck meeting the wrong guys. They are either married or have a girlfriend or just looking to get laid.

I admit to being in a rut just going to work and coming home, with an occasional family visit or an errand. I also don't have any friends. I am not a freak or an unpleasant person to be around. I just don't know how to make friends or get close to anyone. I have been hurt both by friends and guys.

To make matters worse, I need to lose weight. I'm not an orca or anything like that, but I'm a little overweight. I have researched different ways to meet people, and I am in tune with the fact that I am deficient in the confidence area.

Plus, I just had to put my 18-year-old cat down recently. It is like something is holding me back. I feel lost and can't seem to pull out. Please help. — Deb

Dear Deb: There's an old gambler's saying: When the dice are cold, they're all cold. Nothing is working right in your life now, down to losing your dear cat. When you mention a lack of confidence, many "wrong guys" and feeling lost, that suggests some sessions with a good therapist might let you discover and resolve the things that are holding you back.

I do not know to what degree your weight is a problem — to you, but dealing with that would be a good, proactive start. I do think exploring your difficulties with a trained professional would provide useful answers. Good luck. — Margo, searchingly

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Dear Margo is written by Margo Howard, Ann Landers' daughter. All letters must be sent via e-mail to [email protected]. Due to a high volume of e-mail, not all letters will be answered.