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English and I -- or Maybe Me Apr. 18, 2025
I have no facility with languages. I'm incoherent in Latin, French, Spanish and, far too often, in E... Read More
The Stress Mess Apr. 17, 2025
Feeling stressed at work? I don't blame you. The economy is looking rocky. The entire concept of jo... Read More
Tugging at the Same Roots Apr. 13, 2025
I waited to return her call until I had all the information I could get. Unfortunately, the ultimate... Read More
How to Meditate -- for the Chronically Anxious Apr. 12, 2025
Mindfulness meditation: It's all the rage. If you've been anywhere, talked to anyone or visited any ... Read More
I Am Your New Dishwasher and I Will Destroy You Apr. 12, 2025
Hi, and welcome to your new dishwasher! We hope you enjoy the experience of not quite getting your d... Read More
History Calls -- Wants Money Apr. 11, 2025
I couldn't be more proud. Official word from the Republican Party might be delayed, but for the sake... Read More
Dump the Slump Apr. 10, 2025
It happens every workday morning. You wake up full of energy and optimism. You leap out of bed and r... Read More
The Kids Are Not All Right ... but They Might Be Right Apr. 06, 2025
You know that line from "The Avengers," where Bruce Banner turns to Captain America and says, "That'... Read More
Penguin Prime Minister Responds to Trump Tariffs Apr. 05, 2025
Hi, my name is Jeffrey the Macaroni Penguin. I am the prime minister of the penguin contingent on He... Read More
Best and Worst Recession Indicators Apr. 05, 2025
How did you spend Liberation Day? I celebrated President Donald Trump announcing confounding recipro... Read More
Customer Disservice: No One Can Hear You Scream Apr. 04, 2025
The bill was for two unspecified injections weeks earlier. I remembered getting a free flu shot and ... Read More
The Tables and Traditions That Form Our Lives Mar. 30, 2025
The victims of the shooting could have been at the table next to us at Olive Garden. Or, it could ha... Read More
The Signalgate Text Thread Continues Mar. 29, 2025
SMALL GROUP RE: TEXT THREAD CONCERNING STRIKE ON HOUTHI REBELS IN YEMEN Waltz: Hi, team. Creating a... Read More
Kids, Pull Yourselves Up by the Bootstraps! Mar. 29, 2025
Eyes up, children. It's 2025, and you can say goodbye to Takis and Mountain Dew Code Red by the pool... Read More
We All Join the Inner Circle Mar. 28, 2025
Two days ago, I went out to get trash bags because I needed trash bags, a prescription because I nee... Read More
All Human Thought: Pre-AI Addition Mar. 28, 2025
In college, before becoming an English major — and therefore borderline unemployable —I ... Read More
You Have a Job, But Do You Have a Chair? Mar. 27, 2025
CEOs are pounding their desktops. "Back to the office!" they cry. "Back to the office, say I!" You ... Read More
How I Drove Meghan Markle and Prince Harry out of Montecito Mar. 25, 2025
Recently, I did something despicable. Apparently. Prince Harry and Meghan Markle were reportedly mov... Read More
Turns Out Scraping By Is Not the Goal Mar. 23, 2025
For millennials and Gen Z, life is mediocre. Whatever we label the drive for overachievement —... Read More
Go Home -- We're Drunk Mar. 21, 2025
An attorney I used to know told me how he figured out when to go home. "When I can't pronounce 'judi... Read More
