Experts abound when it comes to good advice for maintaining recovery during this tricky time — chock-full of celebration, family and memories — that is this holiday season. Notably, most of the expertise is offered by health care professionals — counselors, therapists, doctors and recovery coaches who make a living helping people. There's nothing wrong with their approach, but what about the real experts, as in you?

This year, I solicited tips within the framework of a simply stated request from Carl R. "I need to know what to do to stay safe." Carl's been free from substance use for the first time this past year, which means this season is like none other since he was a lot younger. Says Carl: "In all honesty, I never considered myself a 'bad' drunk. Yet in the last few years, I never failed to turn the vow of a good holiday into broken promises and more bad memories, embarrassing to the wife and kids, in-laws, my parents (and) me, too." Now, after outpatient treatment over the summer, he's ready to "stay safe." I never had heard it put that way before. And that's how I posed it to some friends I know. Here you go, Carl.

—Plan ahead. This is Janet B.'s fifth year in recovery, but she still takes a hard look at what's ahead before the holidays start. "I'm realistic; I can't avoid parties or the drunk people or the emotions of old times, good and bad. Those are all triggers I don't get any other time of the year. For me, it's a matter of laying everything out on a piece of paper. On one side of the page (are) the triggers, the things to watch out for. Opposite (that is) what I'll do about them when they come. It's my personal itinerary between Thanksgiving and New Year's. I've gotten real good at seeing stuff before it gets here; I know what to do. I see the progress I'm making, momentum, manageability, accomplishment. Suddenly, it's January; everything is crossed off; I'm done for another year."

—Stock up. "Whatever I do the rest of the year to stay clean I do twice that much in November and December," says Dianne A., who hasn't been drunk or stoned since 2001. "I'm vulnerable if I don't get enough sleep, exercise, eat the right foods, take time to play with the dogs, get outdoors, read a good book or watch my favorite movies. Especially now, I double up. It's funny. The holidays used to burn me out. Now I hit the first of the year feeling pretty darn good most of the time, almost like I've been to a health spa!"

—Stay connected. Not everybody attends 12-step meetings to recover. But a lot do, and for them, now is prime time to "hang in the 'hood," as Jay R. describes the meetings he attends. "Almost every day (this) season, I go because that's where I find people like me with issues like mine. A lot of us aren't comfortable or feel vulnerable with all the boozing, the excesses, the boorish behavior, typical stuff I used to do, too. Just the same, we recall the 'good old days,' too. There were good times, but we're changed now; there's nothing wrong with that, either. In the group, that mutual feeling of knowing we've all changed, being able to share it, that's powerful stuff that helps me." For others, such as Kate D., church is her meeting. "Yep, Mass every day starting on Black Friday to New Year's Day. Being there keeps me connected to God, and God keeps me clean. (It's been) almost eight years now."

—Be tolerant. Don't impose your expectations on others, especially around their use of alcohol in this season. "Expectations are preplanned resentments," says John M., and resentments are as imposing to recovery as a cramp is to a long-distance runner. For many revelers, alcohol is part of the celebration, and there's nothing wrong with it — even if they overdo it once or twice at the office party or around the dining room table. "They're not your problem, and you're not their problem anymore," says Teal F. Although many of her friends and colleagues and all of her family know she's an alcoholic in recovery, she doesn't want them to change the way they drink. "They respect my ability to stay sober like I respect their ability to handle their booze." It's funny, she notes, that she's "more tolerant" the longer she stays sober. She's been that way for 20-plus years.

—Just say no, thanks. Many sober people know that even the strongest chain has a weak link. There are moments when best-laid plans, a full stock of resources, connections and virtue aren't the bulwark necessary to stay safe. It may come in the form of an invitation to a party or a host's offer of a glass of wine. Maybe it is on the eve of a gift-giving memory with a lover now lost or a grandparent no longer alive. If that happens — and it does to all of us at some point in this season — gratitude is the antidote to addiction's beck and call. Just say no, Carl. Be grateful that you can this season.

William Moyers is the vice president of public affairs and community relations for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs. His book "Now What? An Insider's Guide to Addiction and Recovery" was published last year. Please send your questions to William Moyers at [email protected]. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.