It's tough to make a resolution for the year ahead when there are still unresolved issues from the year just ending.

Dear Mr. Moyers: When we last spoke I really wanted to change my life, I swear! On New Year's Eve (2007) I got high and drank all night — I swore to myself and to my girlfriend it was the last time. I warned her it better be her last time too, or else it was over between us after five years living together. Well, I am back in the same bad spot this time. I stopped for a couple of months. She didn't. So I started smoking weed and now I am all messed up. I love her but I hate what's happening. What can I do? I'm almost 30-years-old. I just got to get myself together this year. — Phillip S., Fresno, Calif.

Dear Phillip: I don't doubt you were committed to sobriety in 2008. But to get clean you've got to follow through — not just by quitting. It means changing the way you live, and that's hard if you're in love and hanging around somebody who doesn't have the same goal or won't honor your needs. She's not your excuse. Only you can stay clean. But improve your chances. People who want to stop drinking shouldn't visit bars. In your case, your girlfriend is your temptation. So stop hanging around her. Tell her you can't be together if she keeps drinking and partying. She might think you're selfish. That's OK, because you are. It is time to take care of your self first.

People often discover that their whole lives change when the drinking and drugging ends. And that includes their relationships, no matter what their commitment.

Dear Mr. Moyers: My husband and I were “practicing” drunks from the time of our first date to the day we were married (we both remember the reception but not our wedding night) onward through the decade that followed. Strangely, we seemed to be OK as long as both of us were under the influence, maybe because we didn't fight much even though we had our differences for sure and knew we needed counseling of some kind. Then he just quit one day a few years ago. Eventually he cajoled me to do the same last spring. Here's the problem: We don't get along anymore. I think I want out. He's begging me to stay to give us a chance. What do I owe him? — Caryn L., Mankato, Minn.

Dear Caryn: I am neither an addiction counselor nor a marriage therapist. But from my own experiences I know that alcohol or other drugs often mask underlying or long-festering issues. Take away those substances and suddenly there are problems, especially when both partners begin to discover themselves or experience the world differently. A lot of relationships are mortally wounded by alcohol, but the damage doesn't always become apparent until afterward. It could be too late. Perhaps not, though. With couples therapy and individual counseling, you and your husband can stay together. It will require resolve on his part and yours. I urge you to give at least a year. You drank together for a long time. Don't expect things to get patched up overnight. Healing takes time and commitment before there can be resolution, for better or worse. You owe that much to him and to yourself in the year ahead.

William C. Moyers is the vice president of external affairs for the Hazelden Foundation and the author of "Broken," his best-selling memoirs. The paperback edition was released in August 2007. Please send your questions to William Moyers at [email protected]. To find out more about William Moyers and read his past columns, visit the Creators Syndicate Web page at www.creators.com.