Dear Family Coach: I have a teen daughter who has struggled to make good friends. Now she has a best friend with whom she wants to spend much of her time. However, this family operates very differently from ours. They have televisions in every room that are on all day and night. They have no bedtime and eat whatever they want whenever they want. I don't wish to discourage this friendship but I am uncomfortable with my daughter spending time in this environment. What should I do? — Out-of-My-Element Mom

Dear Mom: If you want your daughter to have any friendships at all you are going to have to be a little flexible with what goes on at the homes of others. I know it's not easy. But with so many varying parenting styles, it would be near impossible to find one that matches your exact ideals.

You might be a helicopter mom who supervises play dates through high school. Your daughter's friend's parents might be more free-range. You think they are without safe limits, and they think you are obsessed. The tiger mom thinks your daughter isn't a good enough role model because she doesn't practice piano every single day. The attachment parents don't want play dates at all because they want to nurture and love their children every moment.

Barring unsafe or harmful conditions, I would let her continue to visit the home, maybe in limited doses. However, you can teach your daughter logical limits so she knows what you would like her to do — for example, one sweet per visit and bedtime by midnight.

Unfortunately, our children don't always follow our leads. The best we can do is to teach our rules and hope they continue to make what we would consider good choices. In a few short years she will be in college without a bedtime and supervision. Now is a good time to practice for that kind of freedom.

Dear Family Coach: My son struggles when he is in social settings for extended periods of time. I often find him reading on a play date or under the table when extended family joins us for Sunday dinner. How can I help him feel more comfortable so he doesn't need to escape? —Escape Artist's Dad

Dear Dad: It's certainly possible your son is simply trying to avoid a boring dinner. But the more likely scenario is that he lacks tools to deal with the situation and therefore retreats to a comfortable space.

A bookworm is happiest when his nose is in a good book. When life gets complicated many bibliophiles retreat to this happy place. It serves as a reset button — much like yoga or meditation for others. A problem arises when your son repeatedly uses reading as an escape at inappropriate times or instead of pushing through a difficult situation. It can be an easy out.

Set up a few rules for when it is not all right to read. For example, when a friend is there to play or Grandma Norma visits for dinner. You might also practice some social skills where you play the role of your son in a variety of scenarios. If you see your son reaching for a book, don't just see it as a love of reading. No, view that as a sign he could use some help engaging.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.