Dear Family Coach: I know my 17-year-old sometimes drinks beer when he goes out on the weekends. He is usually with a few friends in a less-than-ideal locale. I worry he will get in trouble with the police or in a drunk driving accident. I've been thinking of allowing him to drink with a few friends at our house instead. What do you think of the idea? — Worried

Dear Worried: I can hear that you are worried, but your worry stops short of making sensible decisions. Let's review your plan.

Say you buy alcohol for the minors and provide a place for them to drink. Then one of those kids accidentally overdoses and dies in your basement, or gets in the car and kills someone else. Guess whose door the police will come knocking on? That's right. Yours.

Before setting up a drinkfest, I'd check the laws in your state. Many states make it illegal to serve minors, and some have social-host liability laws. How will a lengthy expensive trial and a stint in jail work for you? Not well, I'm guessing. Besides the legal issues, there are moral ones. Imagine if your son were given alcohol by another parent. Even if he didn't get sick or hurt, wouldn't this upset you? Well, it would upset me.

There is no benefit to you providing a safe space for your son and his friends to drink. Instead, discuss the problems of underage drinking with your son. Also, create a safety plan if he does choose to drink. Have a no-questions-asked policy for him to call you for a pick-up or if he is in trouble. Remember that two wrongs don't make a right. Find another way to keep him protected.

Dear Family Coach: My 16-year-old daughter's friend appears depressed to me. She used to be so bubbly and active. Now she is sullen most of the time. She also quit the dance team, which she loved. I don't know this girl's parents, but I was considering contacting them. I'm worried for this girl. Would it be appropriate to make that call? — Concerned

Dear Concerned: While there are potential negative consequences to making that call, I always prefer to side with caution rather than have regret later. What if you don't tell the parents and the girl falls further into a dangerous depression? If the tables were turned, I'm certain you would want this girl's parents to contact you.

Since you don't know these parents, you don't know whether they have the same concerns. You don't know whether they are working with a therapist already. And you don't have any idea whether they are even cognizant of her potential depression. So I'd proceed with caution. If there is a way for you to chat with one of the parents face to face, that is preferable. If not, a phone call would be better than an email. Introduce yourself, and ask whether you could have a moment. Then say, "This might not be my place, but I am worried about your daughter." Don't fish around to find out whether the child has depression or whether they are aware of the issue. Simply state your concern and take it from there.

You will know right away whether the parents are receptive to your thoughts. If so, feel free to go into detail about your concerns. If they don't sound interested in continuing the conversation, just say it was nice speaking with them. Also, let the parents know they can contact you any time if they wish.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.