Dear Family Coach: I don't believe in lying to my children about anything. We take an active role in showing our kids that Cinderella is a fictional character, as is Mickey Mouse. This year, my oldest lost his first tooth. Unbeknownst to us, he was excited for the tooth fairy to come. The next morning, he cried heartily when nothing was under his pillow. I was planning on telling him that there is no tooth fairy, but my friends said I was horrible to not let him enjoy the fantasy. What do you think? — Honest Mom

Dear Mom: You say you don't believe in lying about anything. Let's put that to the test. Imagine your son works for weeks at school on a Mother's Day necklace for you, but since he's just a tyke, it's awful. When he looks up at you with pride and asks, "Do you like it?" what will you tell him? If your answer is that you would honestly tell him that you appreciate his effort but you actually don't love it, then yes, you are a horrible person.

Honesty is certainly a worthwhile value. In situations where there isn't a competing value, being truthful is the way to go. But when there are two important values in conflict in a given situation, we must weigh the options. Sometimes that means telling a lie.

Fostering a love for make-believe and encouraging your son's imagination isn't such a bad idea. Kids learn a lot of lessons about right and wrong from fictional characters. And they develop emotional intelligence and creative thinking skills from imaginative play. There is no rule that says you have to believe in the tooth fairy or Santa Claus to develop those skills. But I don't think there is a great harm in doing so. Eventually, children learn that Cinderella doesn't live in the castle at Disneyland. Don't rush it.

Dear Family Coach: We like to spend time together as a family. As the kids are getting older, they complain more about game night and doing family activities together. How can I get them to join in the fun without the incessant whining? — Family Time Dad

Dear Dad: Just because kids complain doesn't mean they don't enjoy the family time. It just means they would rather do something else. They probably feel that if they complain enough, you might decide bowling as a family doesn't feel that fun, and then they will be off the hook.

Hang tough regarding family time. So much of parenting is shuttling kids here and there, and nagging and disciplining and rushing. It's important to find ways to connect to the kids to maintain relationships. Arrange for a meeting including every member to discuss family time. Ask everyone to make some suggestions for activities, movies and games. Then, create a schedule so it is clear when those activities are going to occur.

Some of the complaining might happen because they were already making some plans when you decided to schedule game night. Once it's on the calendar, there should be less argument. Also, make attendance at these events nonnegotiable. Everyone in the family is required to attend and put electronics down. You can't force kids to participate or have fun. Sulking is allowed. Just ignore it. Focus your energy on the activity and the willing participants. Most children who don't get any attention for their antics eventually decide it is more fun to join in, and then slowly begin to partake.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.