Dear Family Coach: We just found out that our good friends are separating. My daughter is best friends with their 8-year-old daughter. Our families spend a lot of time together, celebrating holidays, taking vacations and helping care for each other's kids. Everyone is so upset. Now we aren't sure where our allegiance should be and how to help the girls stay friends throughout the adjustment. How do we move forward? — At a Loss

Dear At a Loss: This is a pretty sticky situation. It will be difficult to maintain the same closeness you had prior to the separation. In fact, it's impossible. But you can help forge positive relationships all around for the future.

Often, one half of the separating couple is excluded from the social group. Friends end up picking sides if the separation is anything less than perfectly amicable. Try to stay out of the "he said, she said" and just be a friend. The holidays and vacations might change. Talk to the couple to offer your support, and let them know that they are both still very welcome in your home.

Divorce can be messy and distressing to children. Be a safe haven for your daughter's friend. She may want to sleep over more or have more meals at your house. She may become a fixture on the weekends while her parents get their lives in order. Welcome her with open arms, so she has a safe place to just be a kid.

As for your family, allow every member to process the news in their own way. Foster discussion about feelings, and address any fears that may arise. Reassure your daughter as needed about the potential for divorce in your own household.

Dear Family Coach: At church our 2-year-old daughter is referred to as an alto soprano, but we like to affectionately call her a pterodactyl. She's been loud for as long as we can remember. It's difficult for us at home, but we can manage. When we are out, the screaming can be disruptive and embarrassing. We've tried using inside voices and saying shh. But if she isn't getting enough immediate attention, she screams. What else can we try? — Deafened Parents

Dear Parents: As a reformed loud talker, I can tell you that the constant shushing is demoralizing. Clearly, she uses her voice to get attention. But it also might not be something she can easily moderate. Calling her an extinct flying dinosaur might be kind of cute, but it doesn't help motivate her to learn to speak in an appropriate tone. It might also be reinforcing her noisy nature — since you already call her an alto soprano, she might as well live up to the name. See what I mean?

Start by ridding the family of any moniker to describe your daughter's tone. I'm not a huge fan of labels anyway. Instead, only focus your remarks on her good behavior. Call her a good listener, a patient waiter, a thoughtful child or an excellent cleaner-upper. Just lay off mentioning the use of her voice.

It might also be helpful to speak with a speech therapist to have your daughter evaluated. I'd get her hearing checked as well, to make sure there isn't another factor to consider in eradicating the behavior. Continue to model an inside voice, and ignore her when she screams as an attempt for attention. As soon as she stops shrieking, re-engage her quickly. Eventually, she will learn that screaming isn't an appropriate way to obtain your attention.

Dr. Catherine Pearlman, the founder of The Family Coach, LLC, advises parents on all matters of child rearing. To write to Dr. Pearlman, send her an email at [email protected]. To find out more about Dr. Catherine Pearlman and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.