Dear Cheryl: Seven years ago, I met a beautiful Arabic girl and fell madly in love. We dated for two and a half years. Our relationship was a secret. No one could know because her family was very traditional.

Then she went to Jordan on vacation. She met someone, got engaged and eventually got married. She now has a son.

I keep telling myself that she's a married woman, a mother and living the life she was supposed to live. When we dated, she was a girl. Now she's a grown woman with different beliefs and a different life. I'm probably a part of her life that she now regrets.

But she's still the best thing that ever happened to me, and I wonder if she made the right choice and if she's really happy. I know her family and culture are very traditional and the women have to marry someone who's Arabic and Muslim, but that doesn't mean that she's happy.

Our relationship ended very abruptly. We never broke up. She just left. After she got engaged, she briefly returned to the states. We made love twice. Maybe that was her way of saying goodbye.

I've Googled her. I know where she lives, and I can get her email address. I know that I shouldn't contact her, but I want to see if she responds. I know the trouble and the problems I could cause her by doing this, but I just have to tell her how much she still means to me, and how much I still care for her and love her. I feel I need the closure in order to move on with my life. To this day, she's the best thing that ever happened to me. I still think of her, love her, care for her and miss her. I still want to be with her.

I've been single since she left. I've met other women, but none of them compare. She was everything I could ever ask for.

I know what I should do, and I'm ashamed that a grown man feels this way. — Heartsick

Dear Heartsick: You Googled her. If she had any interest, she would have Googled you and contacted you. She didn't. She's living her life with her husband and her child. Whether she's happy, whether she's made the right decision — these are not your concerns.

It's your obsession with this woman — not the way the affair ended — that's keeping you from moving on. You have all the closure you need. She made a choic, and it wasn't you.

It's selfish of you to keep harping on the fact that she's the best thing that ever happened to you. That may be, but you weren't the best thing that ever happened to her. And if you contact her now, you may ruin her life.

For your sake and hers, you must accept the fact that she can never be anything more than a memory to you.

I promise you, once you give up the fantasy of living happily ever after with her, you'll be able to accept women for who they are and stop comparing them to her. And then you'll find a real woman to enjoy your life with.

Got a problem? Send it along with your questions and rants to [email protected]. And check out my e-books, "Dear Cheryl: Advice from Tales from the Front" and "I'll Call You. Not."

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