Dear Cheryl

I've been happily married for 14 years with two wonderful children. I thought my husband and I had a great relationship, until I found a pair of ladies' panties in his suitcase when he returned from a work conference. We have a healthy relationship, so I was stunned. I questioned him immediately, and he came clean.

My husband has a fetish over women's panties. I guess he enjoys wearing them, on top of other things. My main issue with this problem is that he has a collection of them. He has over 50 pairs of panties from people we know. He some how took them without their knowing.

On some levels, I think this is worse than an affair. I'm having a difficult time understanding everything and do not know if I can handle this fetish. A few of the panties in his collection were from my sister and my best friend.

What should I do? — Now My Panties Are in an Uproar

Dear NMPAIAU,

A panty fetish is one thing. Stealing panties from your friends and relatives is quite another.

You and your husband need to get into therapy. He needs to first understand his fetish and second discover if it can be, if not eliminated, at least controlled to the point that he's not stealing panties. He must be made to understand what a terrible betrayal of friendship and violation of personal integrity that is.

After working with a therapist who specializes in sexual fetishes, you should have a better understanding of what's going on and whether the situation can improve. Then you can decide if you can continue living with him.

Dear Cheryl,

You recently had a letter from Born Again Virgin, who was afraid that men would want sex as repayment for a date. All I can say is thank God there are still other people with morals in the world. I was beginning to feel alone.

I'm a 60-year-old male. I've begun to date after 20 years of marriage. I've encountered women who give me the impression that I've offended them if, after taking them on a nice date, I decline their invitation to sleep with them. Like your writer, I cannot just jump into bed with someone without really knowing them and forming a relationship.

I find that having a good job, owning my own home and driving a nice car is like hanging a sign on my back: CATCH. I've become a target for desperate women who are looking for someone to take care of them. I'm almost to the point where I don't care if I date again or not.

I'd love to meet someone like Born Again Virgin. I'm tired of being alone, but I'm not desperate by any means. No woman is going to trap me by having sex with me. I'm looking for a kind, loving and respectful woman who wants an old-fashioned relationship. — The Way to My Heart Is Not Through My Groin

Dear TWTMHINTMG,

I've often wished I could put readers together, but it's not possible.

I told Born Again Virgin not to underestimate men or stereotype them. Not all men expect sex in exchange for dinner. You're proof. And you have to remember that not all women use sex as a way to trap a man.

The keys are to keep looking, stay hopeful and maintain a sense of humor.

Got a problem? Send it to [email protected]. And check out my blog www.talesfromthefront.com. To find out more about Cheryl Lavin, and read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit www.creators.com.