Q: I've heard you talk about being positive role models for our children with references to our work. I understand that we should not tell children that we had a bad day or we don't like our boss, but if we never share our bad days, aren't we shielding children from real life? When they grow up, will they not be able to cope with real life if their days are bad? Will they be disappointed if they believe that their parents never had bad days — thinking that if they have them, maybe they are not so smart as they should be? Shouldn't we share our bad days, too, so that our children don't have only a very rosy, unrealistic picture of life? Thank you!

A: Children watch and copy parental behaviors, for sure, so I ask parents to be thoughtful about what they say and how they act around their children with reference to their work. If parents can be reasonably upbeat when they come home from work at least 80 percent of the time, they're doing an excellent job and demonstrating a positive attitude. That leaves parents about 20 percent of the time to comment on their exhaustion or their problems. That way, children won't assume an unrealistic view of the work world. We do want to teach children that every day is not rosy and perfect, and we do want parents to be authentic and honest with their children to the extent that age and development allow.

There may be time periods in adult life when jobs become pretty negative for a long time. Those times may represent only a small percentage of an adult's life, but for children, it makes up a large percentage of their development and their view of adults. If parents are typically grumpy when they come in the door, it's likely that children will copy that model for use when they return from school, because it feels natural and like what they are accustomed to.

I recognize that adults can be frustrated and unhappy in jobs they're disappointed in. If they are, they can explain to their children that they are disappointed in their jobs but at least are responsible in their work, which allows them to enjoy their family when they come home. In some cases, parents may wish to point out that if they had worked harder in school and continued with their education, they might have found a more satisfying job. Realistically, not even a good education ensures absolute happiness in the workplace, but it does provide more opportunities.

Family dinner conversation that encourages family members to talk about the good things that happened that day and also allows some talk about problems when they present themselves helps kids develop some positive but realistic attitudes. I always enjoyed visiting our daughter's family and hearing each adult and child comment on what he or she was thankful for during the preceding day. Counting blessings daily goes a long way in helping children appreciate their families and their lives and can also prevent the child entitlement and negativity that no families appreciate.

Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.