Q: My son is 11 and doesn't believe he is gifted, even though the school has identified him for gifted programming. How do I convince him without overdoing it?

A: "Gifted" is an unfortunate use of terminology that confuses parents and children alike. It is not the only educational term that can be confusing to the world. The other end of the educational continuum has also been confusing and misinterpreted. Over time, it has moved from "idiot" to "retarded" to "special" to "exceptional" — extremely difficult for all of us to interpret.

The official definition of gifted and talented children follows:

Children and youth with outstanding talent perform or show the potential for performing at remarkably high levels of accomplishment when compared with others of their age, experience, or environment. These children and youth exhibit high performance capability in intellectual, creative, and/or artistic areas, possess an unusual leadership capacity, or excel in specific academic fields. They require services of activities not ordinarily provided by the schools. Outstanding talents are present in children and youth from all cultural groups, across all economic strata, and in all areas of human endeavor (Davis, Rimm, and Siegle, 2011).

You can see that the educational definition involves a variety of talents and specifies that children be identified for special programming that the school does not normally provide in the regular classroom. That part of the definition will help you explain to your son why he was identified as gifted and why he should accept the challenge of more in-depth curriculum than what he would get in his regular classroom.

If he was chosen for the program based on his academic testing, you can explain how a cutoff score on academic testing is typically used in order to assure parents that each child is treated fairly. Apparently his score is at or above that cutoff point, and while his gifted education classwork may seem challenging, if he works hard at it, he should be able to do it. Former classwork might have felt easier, and it's always tempting to prefer easier work. In the long run, the more difficult work will prepare him better for further advanced courses as well as for university attendance. He's fortunate to have the opportunity to be able to have the challenging curriculum, although he obviously does not feel so fortunate.

It's possible that his closest friends may not be with him, or that the gifted kids are considered geeky, or that he feels inadequate in the gifted class. Uncovering the reasons for his telling you he isn't gifted can help you convince him that he qualifies for and should be in the program. Please also help him understand that being gifted doesn't mean that he's brilliant, extraordinary or something strange but only that he would benefit from the challenging curriculum he is being provided.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.