Q: My youngest daughter is age 11 and still wets the bed. We have been to her regular doctor, and she has no physical abnormalities. I was a bed wetter and so was my father until our early teen years. She is a very sound sleeper, and she feels really bad about this. We NEVER ever make this an issue for punishment or insults. She can't help it. She does wear a clothing protector (Depends brand), because she is 5'6" and is developed as a young woman, and she would otherwise be soaked. She's at such a funny age, not yet a teenager but not a little girl either. We're worried about her self-esteem. Is there something else we could be doing?

A: I'm glad you've checked your daughter's problem with your regular doctor, and unfortunately, considering her genetics, it is likely that only time will eradicate her problem. I do think it's worth making an appointment with a urologist to determine if a specialty doctor has suggestions or can identify any more serious problems.

I would also recommend that you at least try a bedwetting alarm called the DRI- Sleeper. The developers claim that it is successful for 80 percent of those who try it. If your daughter's deep sleep permits her to waken to the rather loud alarm at the first drop of urine, the alarm could condition her to wake up to use the bathroom instead of wetting herself. I do know it's been successful for many children who we've worked with within two to three weeks. Also, although your daughter's problem is not intentional, it seems to help young people to stay dry by having them work toward earning something they'd really like. So if she really would like a cell phone or some other dream technology, perhaps she could earn it after 15 dry nights. Don't expect her to be dry 15 nights in a row, but she can earn her reward after a total of 15 dry nights. In combination with the bedwetting alarm, the reward could give her some hope and motivation.

As to her self-esteem issues, it should encourage her if you share with her that you and your dad also had the problem and obviously you both finally outgrew it. You can suggest remedies or coping strategies from your childhood memories that may have helped you. You can also point out that your problem never prevented you from having a happy life and so, even though it's unpleasant, she shouldn't let it mar her fun or her confidence. You are correct about this interesting stage of life she is in. For her too, she sometimes feels very grown up and at other times feels like a very little kid, and of course, you'll have to respond appropriately to both these extremes. It is important for both you and her to remind yourselves that ups and downs during this age are common and that most middle grade young people are only gradually developing confidence.

For free newsletters about growing up too fast in middle school, and/or raising girls with resilience and optimism, send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.