Q: Could you tell me what affects what a child considers to be a bad grade and how she reacts to it? I also wonder why my daughter sometimes says she "blanks" on tests, even if she's studied. Do you think she has test anxiety, and is that an actual condition or just a feeling? What can I do to help my daughter with test anxiety, and do girls have it more than boys?

A: Some children are disappointed with anything less than an A, while others are satisfied with C's. Children's responses to grades can vary depending on their own personal expectations as well as parent expectations. For some students, C's feel good enough, but most students in the middle grades, according to my research for my book "Growing Up Too Fast," want to feel above average, which usually means getting at least B's. D's and F's usually feel like bad grades to most students.

A child's persona (or how he or she thinks about themself) dramatically affects how they will react to an occasional bad grade. If your daughter has earned only all A's for years and if she has a reputation among students, teachers and parents for being an all A student, a B may feel shattering and a D or F may drive her to tears, hysteria or temporary depression. She may recover quickly or it could be the beginning of extreme anxiety and the avoidance of study and homework.

If parents and teachers explain that "even smart kids make and can learn from their mistakes" your daughter is likely to recover fairly easily. If either parents or teachers respond in "horror" or overreact with punishments or disappointment, it could be the beginning of defensiveness and anxiety. If other students react with shock or make fun of her, that could also cause more serious problems for her.

Your daughter may blank on tests because she feels anxious about the test. It's also possible if she studied late into the night that she may feel too tired to concentrate well, but anxiety is the more typical problem.

Test anxiety begins as just a feeling. Some anxiety about testing is natural and helps to keep a student paying attention and motivated. However, too much anxiety causes difficulty in concentration. If children have many bad experiences with tests, test anxiety can become a condition, but calling it a condition doesn't mean it can't be changed.

Test anxiety is best treated by a combination of learning good study habits and good self-talk. Learning how to study will help children to do well on tests and build confidence, thus decreasing anxiety. The self-talk that helps a student dispel test anxiety is something like this: "I studied for the test and understand the material, and thus, I have a good chance of getting an excellent grade. It's always possible I might miss one or two things, but I don't have to get a perfect score as long as I've done my best." The habits and self-talk that cause problems follow: "There's not much sense in studying. It just gets me nervous and then I do worse on the test" or "I studied, but I'm still afraid I'm going to bomb this test because I get so nervous" or "If I mess up on this test, my parents will be angry" or "I used to think I was smart, but I guess I'm just not smart anymore." There could be many more scenarios, but those are just a few.

Both boys and girls can have test anxiety, but research shows that most boys are more likely to attribute their problems to luck, a bad test, the teachers fault, etc., which minimizes their personal anxiety, while most girls are more likely to blame themselves, think they're not that smart, don't know how to study, or didn't work hard enough. The self-blame or thinking they're not smart enough increases their anxiety.

For free newsletters about "Why Bright Kids Get Poor Grades And What You Can Do About It" (Great Potential Press, 2008) and/or "Growing Up Too Fast" (Rodale, 2005), send a self-addressed, stamped envelope for each newsletter to the address below. Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.