Q: What should I do when my daughter's teacher is saying she should be removed from the gifted program because it is too hard for her? She is nonresponsive, distracted in class and earns poor grades. It's difficult forcing her to focus on school instead of chatting and being distracted. At home, she does well and doesn't seem to show these problems.

A: Your daughter may be deliberately trying to avoid being in the gifted program, or the program may be the wrong program for her. If she's new to the program, she may be struggling with adjusting to it.

You probably know her test scores and have been told about her capabilities that allowed her to be placed in the program. You may want to speak with the teacher about the curriculum. If it seems to match her identified skills, she is probably in the right place. There are some gifted students who have uneven skills and even have learning disabilities. They may be gifted in mathematics but have a reading disability, or gifted in verbal areas but only have average abilities in math. The first, a reading disability, could become most problematic and could appear to be an attention or distraction problem.

If you've noticed no problems at home, that usually rules out major attention problems, which should be observable in all environments.

Your daughter's behavior problems could be related to feeling like she's not smart enough to be in the program. Sometimes gifted students have become accustomed to being "the smartest" in the class, and they can feel seriously inadequate when they're only performing in an average way, because all the other students are also very capable. Her distraction and chattering could just be escapes, because she isn't accustomed to finding the work so challenging. If you explain to her that the work is supposed to be more challenging, and that she'll have to work harder in the class, you may be able to convince her that, in the long run, she'll be better off continuing in the program. You can even tell her that a B in that class is like an A in other classes. This can prevent her from feeling stressed by the threat of earning less-than-A grades.

If she feels worried that she might be found not to be smart enough, avoiding work protects her self-concept. She can blame her poor grades on her disinterest and lack of effort. She'll probably use the magic word "boring" to describe her problem. It's important for parents and teachers to recognize that the word "boring" can mean too hard, too easy, not enough action, or I'd rather be watching TV or playing video games.

Talk to your daughter's teacher some more, consider the alternative possibilities and, if necessary, request further evaluation before you and the teacher carefully make the next decision.

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Dr. Sylvia B. Rimm is the director of the Family Achievement Clinic in Cleveland, Ohio, a clinical professor of psychiatry and pediatrics at the Case Western Reserve University School of Medicine, and the author of many books on parenting. More information on raising kids is available at www.sylviarimm.com. Please send questions to: Sylvia B. Rimm on Raising Kids, P.O. Box 32, Watertown, WI 53094 or [email protected]. To read features by other Creators Syndicate writers and cartoonists, visit the Creators Syndicate website at www.creators.com.