DEAR SUSAN: As you know, I love your column. But I have to (respectfully) disagree with your advice to the man who is wondering whether he should attempt friendship with someone he's just met who already has a new man in her life. Susan, you assume that he's fragile and that friendship with someone who attracts him would be torture. Though that is one possibility, he only just met her, so he cannot possibly know whether his feelings are real. Only time will tell. But in the meantime, her new relationship may not work out, and if he's got the guts to develop friendship with her — knowing there's no guarantee it will ever be more — there are still multiple possible outcomes. She may find her current relationship wrong for her and, as she looks around, may see this man in a different light. If that happens, they'll have the very best kind of relationship — romance with a best friend. Regardless (as someone who has experienced the same situation from both sides), I think he should go for it. The friendship, that is. There are never too many friends in our lives, and he may need practice relating to a woman non-sexually. As long as he doesn't have unrealistic expectations and keeps seeing other people, of course, there are lots of possibilities for personal development. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: That's a mighty big "if" you're throwing on this poor befuddled man! In fact, there are quite a few of them lurking, in your (highly respected) opinion. If this woman accepts him as a friend, if her current beau proves a dud, if she moves on and notices her former friend-only as potential romance — far too iffy for my taste. But he may be in a sporting mood and put all his chips on this unknown femme. And then there's the not-so-little matter of expectations — his, of course. He may not be able to stay platonic with the woman he's just met and mess up the whole thing with inappropriate actions or daydreams. Hey, when you're hungry, it's not easy to act nonchalant. The final possibility is that he finds platonic relationship with the other sex next to impossible. (Ever tried that with someone who moves you?) The "if" in the middle of life is far too iffy for my taste.

DEAR SUSAN: How can you have failed me so? You suggested everything to a recent reader except "ask a man out"! — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: It seemed (to me) that the poor woman you're referring to was wailing for no one to love and that deep down, in the very soul of her being, she was in love with that image of herself and didn't want to disturb it in any way. When someone is in that frame of mind, it's almost a sinful act to offer suggestions and point out escape hatches for her to try.

But, old friend (I know who you are, a most valuable voice in the wilderness), please, for the sake of "Single File," don't ever put down your pen. You and I have been exchanging barbs and compliments for a while now, and I, for one, look forward eagerly to your next epistle. If it's a flight of fancy or a grounded take on the gender warfare this column is dedicated to ending, your contribution is always very thoughtful — and worth musing on.

My take on the woman's mental state? Too rigid to suggest a maneuver still regarded as "bold" and "unladylike." For me, boldness succeeds because it is a victory in itself. What it achieves is pure gold.

Have a question for Susan? You can reach her directly at [email protected].