DEAR SUSAN: Thanks for writing back so soon. After mailing my letter to you, I felt very silly for being so emotional and figured you wouldn't think it was worth printing. (I wrote it feeling heartbroken about a man who didn't return my feelings.) I thought that being grown should make me immune from those feelings, unless there came a major breakup of a longtime relationship. I will certainly take your advice to move more slowly in the future, but at my age — mid-20s — men kind of expect sex. If not, you're just "friends." I haven't yet figured out just how this works, except that I have several male friends and I'm certainly not friends with men I've dated in the past. Anyhow, thanks for the advice. I hope I'm able to control myself in the future. The thing that still resonates is that the man is my friend's brother. I wish I had thought about the consequences this would have on our friendship. I'm reluctant to spend time with her family members now, though I'm really fond of them. But now I'm just another woman in love with their heartbreaker son. Your advice was right on, and I should remember it in the future. I knew it would've been wiser to go more slowly, and he would be pursuing me today if I hadn't slept with him. But that ship has sailed. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: Yes, he'd be so hot to trot after you, but — and this is huge — only because you were leading him on a not-so-merry chase! Which translates into a lack of interest after you do succumb to his charms. Is that what you want as the basis for a relationship? Somehow, I think not. If I'm reading you right, you want more — a lot more — in the way of emotional maturity. Yes, to him, you are no more than another conquest. But to his family members, including your good friend, you are still the good person you were before this episode. I see no reason for you to distance yourself, every reason to nurture the friendship you had with them. As for your feelings about yourself, well, the last I looked, you weren't emblazoned with a scarlet letter on your forehead. You were swept off your feet by an accomplished lady killer, and you learned your lesson. A hard one, yes, but not fatal. Your task now is to figure out where you go from here, how you will change your ways with the next charming fellow who raises your libido. From where I sit, you're ripe and ready for a period of non-dating. I'm looking forward to your next letter, telling me all about it. Fingers crossed.

DEAR SUSAN: I do enjoy your column more than I do most, precisely because I am single by choice and you are one of very few tuned in to that kind of philosophy. In a recent column, you posed a very interesting question, stating that there's always a "lover" and a "beloved" in a love relationship and then asking your readers which they'd rather be. I would go so far as to say this is true not only of sexual liaisons but of any relationship involving two people. That said, I'd say that if the relationship is enduring, the tables tend to turn — and turn again. The "beloved" develops a dependency on the "lover" and turns into the active, loving pursuer. And then it goes back the other way after some time. I know this on an intimate level because I am a twin. My identical sister and I have traded on this level time and time again. I have experienced this in love relationships, as well as in friendships. Whoever begins as the "pursuer" is often, in the end, the pursued. As Byron (or one of those Romantics) put it, in every relationship one is strengthened as the other is diminished. But given time, this will change. (I wrote that, not Byron.) I enjoy your column. — From the "Single File" blog

DEAR BLOGGER: And I enjoy the way you think! The concept of a dynamic, moving relationship is wonderfully thoughtful — and so very true. Given enough time, roles shift and bend; change places with the other, and then — over time — come back to the original role, usually bettered by the exchange. The most interesting people change over time, in and out of relationship with another; as they live, they see more and experience more and think more. As they learn more about themselves, they change their priorities, their needs, their wants and their must-haves. It's predictable that as they change and grow, so do their important relationships — and their roles within them. Not only does the globe shift but we mere mortals do the same. And all that movement is healthy — shifting dependency into interdependency. Lots to ponder, no?

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